You know that saying “behind every great man is a great woman?” – or something like that. I’m honestly terrible with quotes and sayings so I could have it wrong. But I do know the general sentiment is that a successful man can’t do it on his own and he needs a strong woman behind him. Obviously this quote is dated. You don’t need me to tell you that. Behind every great woman is a strong man too! It’s teamwork right?! The reason I’m bringing up this quote up is because I think it should be changed entirely. I think behind every strong and successful woman or man is a VILLAGE! That’s right! It takes a village! I know I got that quote right! The reason I bring this up is that I want to tell you about my village. I want to tell you about the people in my life that make my life and work possible. These are the amazing people in my life that help me “do it all” (If you read my blog last week but you know I don’t believe it’s actually possible to do it all. So I say that quote sarcastically.)
For starters…the picture below is a lie. I don’t run this website, work on a tv show, be a good wife, and take care of my two young children all by myself. I have help.
1. MY TOP | 2. LEARNING TOWER | 3. HIGHCHAIR | 4. CRAYON/MARKER SET
I Have a Nanny
We have a Nanny – GASP! That’s right, I have a nanny. I’ve kind of talked about this here and there over the last year ever since Riley was born. I think I first might’ve mentioned it back when he was about three months old and we hired an agency to help us try to find a nanny. I remember when I first brought it up I was terrified. I was so sure that many of you would think I was just a terrible mother for having help. Why can’t I do it on my own? Why do I need someone to help raise my children? These are toxic things to think and worse to say. Let me tell you why.
Some of you may know this and some of you may not but running this website is a full-time job. It’s more than a full-time job! I literally find myself dreaming about what content I’m going to post next or what photos I want to take for my Instagram feed. And on top of running it, I work part time on a TV show. And in July I’m actually going to be working full-time on that show while managing my blog and being a mom to 2 kiddos two and under.
And I’m a stay-at-home mom. Yes, I work part time outside of the house but I’m also stay at home (working) mom most of the time (EDIT: I AM NOT A STAY AT HOME MOM. I WAS JUST TRYING TO CONVEY THAT I AM LUCKY THAT I GET TO WORK FROM HOME MOST DAYS AND BE WITH MY KIDS. BUT IT”S ALSO HARD TO GET WORK DONE). And while I’m a home most days, I work from home. Am I talking in circles? I most likely am and that’s because I wear a lot of freaking hats!
So while running my website, going to work part time on the TV show, and being a mom to two kids two and under, how am I expected to do all of that without any help? Why would anyone even think that is possible? It’s not. But I’m not supposed to tell you I have a nanny. I’m supposed to just work full-time, be a full-time mom, get dinner on the table by five, have sex with my husband, and keep a model-esque figure and do it all with a smile on my face. Right? Wrong! Also, I’m not supposed to tell you that my blog is very successful. I’ve turned a little hobby of mine into a full on business that supports my family. And I’m super proud of that! I’ve been able to turn my passion into my career. And that something that I truly hope any and every mom out there can work towards! I should be proud to share that.
When you really sit down and think about it, it’s absolute insanity that any woman or man or even mythical demigod would be expected to do all of that without any help. I guess the term nanny is looked down upon because if you have the luxury of hiring a nanny that means you make enough money to pay somebody’s salary. Or part time salary. But why is it looked down upon to have a nanny but not to bring your kid to daycare? Isn’t that essentially the same thing? Someone else is taking care of your child so you can work? And to be clear, our nanny is only with us from 7 AM until noon – 4 days a week, so I’m still full-time mom (and Kevin is full-time dad) from noon until bedtime.
When our nanny is here, I am still with her and the kids for half the time she is here because I want to be involved (that’s parent/mom guilt for ya). It’s legit a constant internal struggle. Or she’ll be with Riley while I have Molly. If you have one kid and you are reading this, you know that taking care of the one child ISN’T a break. It’s still hard. So I will tend one kiddo while she has the other. Sometimes locking myself in my office is my only option so I actually get work done. I know I NEED to work but I don’t want to miss anything with my kiddos. Other times I have to force myself to leave the house to get work done because it’s so hard to work when at home. Both because I want to be involved and because the kiddos always find their way into my office if they know I’m in there. So if you see me on Instagram in the morning talking about how crazy my morning is with the kids, it really it crazy. Just because I have some help doesn’t make it a walk in the park.
I don’t know if I’m making any real concrete points here. But I guess what I’m trying to say is that no mother should ever feel ashamed for having help. I just happen to be a working mother who needs someone to help me with the kids so I can create an income for my family. But maybe you’re a stay at home mom who needs help with the kids so you can feel like an adult and have some kid-free time outside of your home. Honestly, I think stay-at-home moms need a nanny/babysitter at least one day a week so they can get out of the house. Even if it’s to get out of the house to run errands like picking up the dry cleaning or going grocery shopping. I like to call my job at Home & Family (the tv show I work on) my “vacation” because I truly find that spending an entire day out of the house sans kids feels like a break. So stay-at-home moms need the “break” (even though I know not all have the luxury of getting it).
A few months back, maybe more, I was scrolling through Instagram and saw a headline from a celebrity who said she didn’t have a nanny. This celebrity has multiple children and a successful career. When I read what she said about not having a nanny it truly bothered me. I bet you anything, that’s a lie. Maybe she has three different babysitters that her and her husband use on a rotating basis. Maybe she has one babysitter and a father who is retired who comes by five days a week to watch the kids. And if that’s the case, well technically she does have a nanny. But it’s still a lie that she doesn’t have help. And by boldly stating “I don’t have a nanny. I raise my kids.” (Pretty sure that’s what the headline said) you are basically insinuating that there something wrong with women who do have one. But that’s not OK. I know that wasn’t this person’s intention, but that’s what she did. I know for a fact but the level of success this woman has had in her career, that she has lots of help! She certainly has a glam team, probably a stylist that dresses her for events, a housekeeper for sure, and a team of agents and likely a publicist working for her. And that’s awesome! Good for her for building her career and business to a point where she’s able to thrive by getting all that help! The problem with what she did is that she suggested that she was able to have this insanely successful career all on her own. And the truth is none of us do it on our own. And as I write this I’m thinking back to all the interviews I’ve given and wonder if I have ever said anything as foolish as this. I may have and if I did, I’m sorry. There was a point in my career where I didn’t have one and didn’t feel like I needed one, but that time was one kid ago and is long gone.
I guess the reason I want to talk about this is that I feel like it’s so taboo to talk about having a nanny. And it shouldn’t be! I’ve also been nervous to talk about it at length like this because I feel like some people will think that my struggles as a mom aren’t warranted just because I have help. Which is bullshit by the way (sorry for the strong language). When you wear as many hats as I do you’re constantly run thin. I have fully earned all the future breakdowns that I will have about motherhood. Ha! And for some reason only the mother is considered a bad or lazy parent if her family has a nanny. We never look at the father that way or even question a father who says he has a nanny. Instead many would think “Why isn’t the mom watching the kids?” I’d strongly argue that if a working mom told someone she has a nanny they wouldn’t ask why the dad wasn’t watching the kids.
And last but not least, having our nanny means more love for my children! My mom lives in Massachusetts, my dad is 2 hours away, and Kevin’s parents live in Indiana. It makes me sad that they don’t have the “in-person” love of their grandparents as often as they would if we lived in the same town as them. Or even 30 mins away. But by bringing a nanny into our home, she has become family! The reason I don’t post about her on Instagram story is not because I’m trying to hide her. But it’s because I’m protecting her privacy. I’ve never asked her if she’s OK with being on my Instagram or blog. But I don’t want to put her in a position where she feels like she needs to say it’s OK if she’s not actually comfortable with it. All I’ll say is that her name is Jessica. She is one of the most caring and loving people I know. I am eternally grateful that she has become a part of our family. She loves my children like they’re her own and for that I will be forever grateful. My family grew when she came into our lives.
I Hired Someone for Ali Luvs
That’s right. My website has its first employee! A part-time employee (like my nanny) but I’m hoping my blog becomes more successful and I’m able to hire her full-time. That’s the goal anyhow! Her name is Madi and she’s an incredible friend of mine that helps me with my blog for 12 hours a week. She helps me do lots of things like come up with content ideas, sends out emails, adds some links to items I talk about in my blog, adds photos to my blog post, and most importantly edits all of my blog posts. Thank you, Madi, because I know how difficult editing my posts can be. I write all of my blogs via talk to text so sometimes when I send them to her it’s complete gibberish. But she somehow decodes them. The below pic is Madi!
To be honest with you guys I avoided hiring someone for a very long time. Not because I didn’t want to spend the money, but because I was so prideful on the fact that I did my blog all of myself! I remember telling you guys how my site was all me and no one else. I honestly think it was a way of trying to get cut some slack for my blog not being as polished or professional as some other people I follow. And here’s the truth about successful blogger – the vast majority of them have help! I can say with almost complete certainty that any blogger with over 1 million followers not only has a photographer, a hair and make-up team, an agent, and if they are a mother, then a nanny. This doesn’t just apply to bloggers. This applies to any woman or man who has a successful business. I’ve said it a bunch and I’ll say it again. You can’t do it all. You have to have help.
My Husband is a Unicorn
A while back when I was at work one of my co-workers called my husband Kevin a unicorn.
I honestly didn’t know what she meant at first. But then quickly realized that she meant guys like him just don’t exist. And while I completely agree with her that Kevin is one of a kind, I truly hope and pray that there are many other guys like him out there. I know there are! Kevin does it all. He is the best dad I know. I’ll tell you right now, he’s changed more diapers than I have, by maybe double. He does all the laundry, all the dishes, all the grocery shopping, and he does it all while making our kids belly laugh till it hurts. I truly would not be able to do what I do without him.
It’s funny because I post a lot of beautiful photos to Instagram showing my house super clean. Some of you thinks it’s BS and there’s no way our house could be that tidy with two small children. But it honestly usually is pretty clean. Not necessarily completely clutter free like some of my photos. But pretty damn close. And that’s not because of me! Take one step into my office and it looks like a tornado tore it apart. But that’s because it’s my space and Kevin doesn’t go in there. Ha! Same with my closet. But the rest of the house – Kevin cleans up all the time. Sure there’s clutter and kids toys around while the kids are playing. But the minute they go down for their nap or bed at the end of the day, he’s on it. Keeping a clean house is important to him.
Well I hope what you’re getting from this is is that the reason I am able to run my website, work on my TV show, and be a pretty present mother is because I have a husband who does the laundry, does all the dishes, does all the grocery shopping, keep the house super clean, and is an awesome dad! So I’m not doing it all – he’s doing most of it. Ha!
I know there are some women out there who are single moms that don’t have the luxury of a partner who can pick up the slack. Or carry the team in my case. So I know how lucky I am. I know I couldn’t do it without him.
Our Family Flies Out to Help
As you guys know I have a really hard time leaving my kids. If I have to go to New York for a work trip I will literally fly in, spend a few hours in the city doing what I have to do, and then fly back home to California. And while it’s very hard for me to be away from my kids, I think the main reason I go on these super quick trips is because I feel terrible leaving all the parenting on Kevin shoulders. Yes, he has the help of our Nanny Jessica from 7 AM until noon because he’s at work on his morning radio show. But as soon as he gets home from work, it’s all on him if I’m not here. And I feel guilty about that! He’s never done that to me! He’s never left town for a work trip or even a guys trip and left me to take care of the kids. I mean it wouldn’t be bad if he did do that but he just hasn’t.
So when I have to leave for a work trip it completely stresses me out! It’s stresses me out to leave my kids, it stresses me out to leave it all on Kevin shoulders, and it really stresses me out being over 3000 miles away from my family. But sometimes I have to do it. And we have family that knows how hard this is on us. And while we don’t have the luxury of having our family nearby to watch the kids…Oh, what I wouldn’t give to just call my mom on a Tuesday night and ask her to come over so Kevin and I can go get drinks. That would be the most amazing thing ever! But what I can do is call my mom or Kevin’s mom and asked them to fly in to help. And they’ve done it! Last time I went on a trip to New York, Kevin’s mom flew all the way to LA from Indiana to help with the kids for two days. That’s right, only two nights and then she flew right back home. She has her own life and plenty of things going on so she needed to get back but she was willing to come all the way out to help us. This was back before we had Jessica and because Kevin leaves the house at 4 AM to go to work we couldn’t really just hire any old sitter to come over to watch the kids while Kevin went to work. Now that we have Jessica, she’ll come over early in the morning to watch the kids if I have to leave town. But for a while we didn’t have this. But we have family. And we certainly don’t take that for granted.
I Pay for my Pretty Pictures
I have a professional photographer that I pay to take beautiful photos of me and my family.
I know you guys know that I have a photographer take many of the photos for my blog, but I absolutely had to add her to this list because she’s a huge part of why am able to make this website work! If I had to take all my photos myself, meaning set up a tripod and timer, I would never get all of my content for my blog! It would be impossible! Or I could have Kevin do it which I actually have in the past and it is resulted in more fights than I care to admit! Ha! When I finally started working with Ashley, I’ve never seen Kevin so relieved in his life! He was officially relieved as my full-time Instagram husband. Now I have an Instagram wife! And I say he’s relieved, but really only of full-time duty because he definitely takes a lot of my photos obviously out and about in daily life. But I no longer ask him to come outside to take fashion photos for my blog. Ha! And I know he’s super grateful for that.
To be completely honest with you guys, and Ashley knows this too, there came a point in time where I almost stopped taking the professional photos. I was worried and still sometimes worry, that my life is going to come across as too perfect on Instagram. And I don’t want that! That’s the furthest thing from what I want. The truth is, when I take all these photos with Ashley where I look all put together it’s because I’m normally so disheveled and not put together. I have to bang them all out in one day or I’ll never get any of it done. If I actually had to take photos for all the content I create on my blog on a daily basis I would NEVER have any time for my kids or myself or my husband. It would be exhausting!
Quick side note, the top I’m wearing below in the pretty picture Ashley took is only $20. Breastfeeding friendly and so easy to throw on! Had to quickly share.
1. SIMILAR BANDANA | 2. $20 TOP | 3. JEANS | 4. PILLOW | 5. COUCH/SECTIONAL
When you see these beautiful photos in my feed, they’re beautiful because I have a kick ass professional photographer that is insanely talented! Sometimes she will come in my house and it will be super dark and an absolute mess and she’ll literally find the perfect angle to take a photo where it looks light, bright, and clean. Like in the photo above. I think that was the ONE corner in the house that day that wasn’t a complete mess! Sometimes I swear she has magic powers or something.
I want you guys all to know this because I want you to know when you look at my Instagram feed or anybody’s Instagram feed with all the beautiful photos, know there is a super talented photographer behind it. Whether it’s an Instagram husband, or someone amazing like Ashley. They’re out there.
Oh Hey Glam Team!
And speaking of those photoshoot days, a lot of times I have a make-up artist come over and do my make-up. There are some women out there that know how to do their own make-up and it looks amazing. I am not one of them! I literally just bought my very first eyeshadow palette the other day and tried to use it (tried being the key word) because I’ve NEVER been able to put eyeshadow on myself. I somehow look like I got punched in the face instead of anything that resembles a smoky eye. So when I know I need to take a bunch of photos for a campaign or when I’m doing outfit posts, I sometimes get my make-up done.
And when you see me looking all dolled up at work, it’s because I get my hair and make-up done at work EVERY single time. So if you see me with a face of make-up it’s because I want to look nice for one of my blog shoots, an event I’m going to or I was at work that say – know it’s not me. Meaning I’M not the reason I look like this. I have somebody who is professionally trained and paid doing my make-up.
Again, I don’t do it alone. I have help.
One Last Thing…
Before I go I have to say this, I know this blog is definitely geared towards working moms, but I want to give a shout out to all the stay-at-home moms out there. What you guys do is the work of saints! And I know some of you DON’T have help. To be honest with you, I don’t have it in me to be a stay-at-home mom. It is the hardest job on the planet and I am in absolute awe of every single woman that is able to do it. No, not everyone has a choice on whether or not they wanna be a working mom or stay at home mom. But in my mind, it doesn’t matter if you do it because you want to or because you have to, you’re a complete badass either way! And I’ll note that I still think any and every stay at home mom deserves help. Not any woman or person should be expected to do it all.
Well there you have it, I wanted to pull back the curtain to any of you out there that ever looked at my Instagram or read my Blog and thought “she does it all”. And I juggle a lot – dang, it’s a hell of a lot!- some days I find myself worked so thin that I don’t know how I’ll possibly get up the next morning and do it all over again. But I do. And the reason I do and I keep moving forward is because of all the incredible people that support me. I have help. And I feel empowered to tell you all that today knowing that it’s important for all of you to know.
And I leave the floor to you guys. Who’s helped you in your life get to where you are? Who keeps you keep sane as a parent? What help do you wish you could have that you don’t? Is there a way to get the help you need? Can you trade time with a friend, a coworker, your spouse? Let’s discuss and help each other out.
Wow, congratulations on your first employer! I guess it means your blog is growing! 🙂 And having a nanny is totally normal. A lot of people where I live have one, even if they don’t have kids! ❤️✨
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Thank you, Charmaine!!!
Just watched your story and have to say Great blog! It is absolutely ok to have help and a career! We all can only do our best and what feels right for us. I hope women can one day get to a place where we stop judging and making each other feel guilty for everything. I am proud of my mom friends who are staying home and proud of my mom friends who are out there working! Love to you and all the best in living your life the way you want!
Great post!! I am a aupair and i love my baby as my own!! I would do amything for him !!
My husband is a firefighter who works 48 on, 48 off. We also own a car repair shop business and some real estate that we rent out. Needless to say, he’s never home, but somehow we managed to have 3 beautiful boys in 5 years! I’m a stay at home mom and it’s just me by myself with our boys most of the time. I have my parents to help out, but they’re getting older and my dad has cancer so I don’t want to ask them to help too much. But trust me, it’s hard! My oldest is adhd, my middle child is special needs, and our last child is in the terrible twos! Needless to say, it’s crazy in my house and I’m by myself at least 80% of the time taking care of them. But I consider myself lucky because my husband makes enough that I can stay home to take care of them and take them to all their activities and my middle child to his speech therapy and occupational therapy.
Wow your lucky you can afford a nanny some women work 2 jobs with babies and can’t afford childcare you make me sick and guess what I can afford a nanny but I chose to actually be there for my babies 👏🏻👏🏻
Why do you comment on someone’s blog if that’s how you feel about someone! Move along. Does not make you a better mom because your always home and no break!! Stop judging
Terrible comment! Did it make you feel better about yourself to tear someone down? Real Queens build each other. Sad that your heart is in that state…
Agreed!! Leave Ali alone
That comment is uncalled for. Unless you walk in Ali’s shoes do not judge.
If a woman is working two jobs she must have some kind of childcare because last I checked most jobs don’t let you bring your kids to work 🙄 also newsflash some women enjoying working and it doesn’t make them bad mothers
Don’t follow her if that’s how you feel!!
so rude! jealous much?
You are PATHETIC. Get off of her page and never come back! Who are you to say anything to her? If you have nothing kind to say, GET LOST. She just came on here and was REAL and RAW with everyone. If you don’t like it or appreciate it, GTFO!
you’re lucky…
Sweetie, I am so sorry some people think it’s ok to judge on social media and pretend that they are perfect. You should have no shame in how you raise your family and live your life. You do what works for you. The bullies on here can go get glad in the same pants they got mad in. You’re fabulous and have built a career and life that I want you to enjoy. Just smile at the good comments and ignore the negative! Ain’t nobody got time for that! 😊
Thank you for just being real. I’m a stay at home mamma of two boys and I have followed you since your debut on a The Bachelor, you’ve been my absolutely favorite since! And seeing you grow into a wife and a mother has been so neat. Yes, we are two different people . Yes , we have two different lives, we have different beliefs, but at the end of the day we share the same bond – being a mother and a wife. And all that matters is the love you have and give to your family and you do it so well. Thanks for sharing your life with others and shedding light on the hardships and realness. Everyone’s life looks different but it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. You’re an amazing person, Ali! Keep your head up and keep doing what you’re doing ♥️
-Dani
Ali, Just saw your stories and came to the blog. Don’t feel bad for having help. You work your butt of for that and really it’s not much different than daycare!! Don’t let the hate get to you! Keep doing you and what works for your family and situation!
You should NOT feel bad or weird or whatever for one second for having a nanny! And I love your honesty! Every family does what they need to do to make it work and what’s right for them and their families. Never feel like you need to justify having a nanny or a career or taking time for yourself or whatever!
Thanks for the optimism, Jess! We all are just trying to do our best!!
I moved home to my parents (I’m 30 btw) for 5 months when I had my son because my husband was deployed. Having two extra people helping me was a godsend. My parents live thousands of miles away and I don’t have their constant help anymore, but I do put my son in Montessori 3 days a week so I can exercise and work my freelance accounting business.
Wow… mean people are the worst! I’m a SAHM to 3 kids. We have a housekeeper clean once a week, my older two are in school full time, I use grocery delivery services, and have help when needed from grandparents who live in town. I still use babysitters (which really is the same thing as a nanny to everyone saying they don’t have a nanny but use babysitters 🙄) to fill in when I need to be somewhere (usually a school function, volunteer job, or game for my older kids) and don’t want to drag my baby along. My husband works super hard to make these things possible for our family, and he’s still a huge help when he is at home because its HIS home and HIS children, too! We’ve decided having the extra help is a priority for our family to make life a little easier for us all. I feel like I should apologize, too, after reading some of these comments, but I’m not going to. Don’t let these people bring you down! Congratulations on the happy, healthy family and the thriving career!
Side note – just writing this comment has taken me forever so I can understand how your blog is a huge job! 😂
I love how real you are!
Awww thanks Kerrie! Us mamas have to stick together!
Ali – I totally understand why you wrote this post – I am also a full-time working/part-time stay-at-home mom of 2 and a business owner, and I feel all the things you write about. I just wish women didn’t feel the need to justify why they have help… It makes me think about how working men and women often brag about how many hours they work per week as if to prove that they’re working the hardest (“Oh man, you only worked 40 hours last week? I must’ve put in 55…”). I’ve always thought that the people getting their job done in 40 and able to leave the office to go home and enjoy the rest of their lives had bragging rights. Shouldn’t moms who are fortunate/smart enough to have or hire help be the ones who get to brag a little? I wish we could say, “Of COURSE I hired a nanny/housekeeper/whoever to help! We’re lucky enough to be able to and it’s what worst best for our family! Why wouldn’t I?” So, thanks for trying to put a more positive spin on this – I think it’s something that really does need to change…
*what “works” best… not worst… mama needs her morning coffee…
I agree with you Carrie!!!
Agree- by even posting this the way you did and rationalizing it in this way, you are perpetuating the problem. You think
You are “helping” other women but this is just another example of how out oc touch with reality you are.
This was so inspiring to read! I work full-time and occasionally have to travel for work. While I don’t have a nanny, we do send our little girl to daycare and I struggle with MAJOR mom guilt. To the point where I had to sit down with my doctor to talk about my anxiety. I try so hard to “seem,” put together, but for what? I don’t think my two year old cares whether or not the dishes are done or her toys are picked up each night lol I have always loved following you because you are SO DANG REAL. So thank you! Thank you for laying it all out there and making me feel so validated! It’s okay to not be perfect!
We are all doing the best we can. I really appreciate your comment, society puts so much pressure on us. But it is okay to ask for help, and it’s okay to not be perfect!!!!
I’m a stay at home mom of 3 without any help so maybe I don’t understand the “shame” behind telling people you have a nanny but here’s how I see it: if you have a job on top of caring for your family and home, I do not understand how you could NOT have help. There is absolutely no way I could do any work (either from home or outside the home) without help. Raising kids is time consuming and takes all your attention and I honestly think you are a better mom for having a nanny than trying to work from home and be an engaged parent at the same time. Your kids need someone who is engaged with them and you have given them that with a nanny during times you know you have to focus on your work. I feel sad that you feel that you have to explain yourself so much about having a nanny. To me, it’s like “oh, you work and you have kids? Duh! You have a nanny!” And for the record, I have friends who are teachers and who have a nanny. So it doesn’t mean you are rolling in the dough to have nanny. Those people, for whatever reason, just feel more comfortable with their kids at home and hire someone to take care of them from home (and sometimes you can find college students who are cheaper to pay than professional nannies! That was my job through grad school!) Anyway, keep on keeping on and check that guilt at the door. I think it’s healthier for your family for you to have help with you having many jobs than to try to do it all yourself.
Thank you so much, Katie! And I have SOO much respect for you! Stay-at-home mom of 3! You are a rockstar!
I am not your target audience. I don’t meet any of the demographics. I am middle- aged and divorced, have no children, and work more than full-time. I love reading your blog and following you because of your authentic self. I live a bit vicariously through you too. 🙂 Maybe call it dreaming of what could have been. You are so uplifting because you are a real, authentic mom, wife, daughter, friend… you are the best you. I love you for it.
That is so sweet of you Carla. Thanks so much for following along on my life’s journey!!
Ali, I hope comments like this counteract the negative Nancy comments. You are a brave person to put your life out there publicly like you do, and sadly as you are all too familiar some women are going to have some not so nice things to say. Keep being you and doing whatever works for your family! And most importantly remember there is no way to be a perfect mom, only a million ways to be a great one ❤️
I totally agree with Carla. I am not your target audience (turning 57 in a few weeks (a day after Molly’s bday)) but I have to say you make me feel young again. I love your blog, your style, your clothes, your life, your celebrations, and watching your kids grow up and excited about their little accomplishments (feeling like a proud “Auntie”). I love starting my day with your stories … you are my cup of coffee … my little perk to start my day! So just know that you make an impact on women of ALL ages …with kids or without. I met you at Wine and Wishes and told you I knew Erin (FB) and I also know who Stef is. (tell her I’m the Marcy from AGC… our company works with MAW. )
So keep being YOU and know that your little blog makes a big difference in women’s lives! You deserve everything you have in your life so don’t ever feel guilty.. you are good at what you do, beautiful inside and out, and so genuine and real, and truly interested in people.
I can see you having your own talk show one day and being our new “Oprah!”
anyway .. I had to write because it gets me so mad when people say anything negative about any content you put out there… you are just pulling back the curtain of a life that may look perfect, but expressing your struggles as we all have!
Happy early Bday to Molly!
-Marcy in San Diego
I was a single mom of three littles with a full time job and I did not have a nanny, or any family close by. I had my kids either at babysitters (and I was lucky enough to have great ones!) or all day preschools during the day. That being said, I always feel when it comes to your own family, you do what works for YOU! And no one should tell you otherwise! I knew people with nannies, a few live in, but I just wasn’t comfortable with it. I do know I got done everything I needed to, so it IS possible to work full time and raise 3 kids by yourself, for those out there who can’t afford a nanny. But we all do what works best for us! And that how it should be!
Exactly!! We all are just doing the best we can to ensure that our families are happy and healthy!
I’m a stay-at-home mom with no help. Because of my husbands work schedule I don’t get much of a break & feel guilty about struggling at times with just 1 kid. My husband works 50-60 hours a week most weeks, but still does what he can to help me out. I do wish I had family close by.
You shouldn’t feel guilty about having help. None of us should feel guilty for raising our children in the best way we possibly can.
Hi Mary! I completely understand why you would struggle sometimes. We all need a break every once in awhile! Do you have any friends nearby that you could “trade” with? For example, they watch your kiddo for an hour while you run to the gym or just to get some me-time, and then vice versa? That might help! xo
Hi Ali
‘It takes a VILLAGE’ is so true!
You, your children & Kevin are happy…that’s what is most important & it shows.
Thanks for sharing your extended ‘Family’ with us.
Unicorn Kevin…that’s cute. 🦄
Have a great day.
ps. Love your blue top!
Thank you, Dixie!!! Hope you had a lovely day
Ali. No related to this blog but do you have a coupon code for the monthly box that teaches Molly new things? Kiwi box I think it’s called. Thanks
Hi Angelika! I think this link might still work!! https://www.kiwico.com/alifedotowsky
Thank you! It works!! You are awesome!
Oh Ali, this was an authentic, enjoyable read about the details of your work and home life. I’m a stay-at-home mom of soon to be 3 kids, and I think you should be leaving as soon as your nanny gets there! Those 5 hours are critical for getting stuff done!
Thank you Thank you Thank you…
For all your honesty and openness, there isnt enough of it in this world.
There is something that just does not come off natural or sincere when I read this. I get the point of course – it takes a villiage. Everyone’s villiage looks different and yours consists of a stay at home dad, nanny, photographer, and so on. Which is fine obviously. Good on ya for being able to afford these things. I think my issue when reading is that it seemed like your point of writing this was so people understand that even though you have all this help you still struggle the way other Moms do. So like when you read that headline about that celebrity Mom not using a nanny and raising her kids (Mila Kunis I am guessing) you said that you know for a FACT she has help in other ways. Well I think it’s safe to say that the average Mom knows for a fact that you do not struggle in the same way. The average Mom does not have anywhere close to the help you have. You said it yourself your husband takes care or most of the household duties himself. That alone is insanely helpful and so different then the average Mom. I don’t know. Now I’m just rambling. Something just rubbed me the wrong way about this read. I just know that the average Mom would kill to have the amount of help you have.
I think we need to be careful throwing around the word “average”… what does that even mean? I don’t think there is an “average” mom – I think we’re all just doing our best. To me, it didn’t sound like Ali was trying to say that she is like every other mom out there. In fact, I think she recognizes that she wears a million hats, including running a very successful business, and that’s why she needs help. Yes, she’s lucky enough to be able to afford a nanny and some families aren’t, but nothing about her post screams entitled. Also, side note, but a part-time stay-at-home dad (he also works) isn’t something one “affords”… a supportive partner is something we all deserve. And, Ali’s photographer is not a luxury purchase that she makes just to take pretty pictures because she feels like it… it’s an investment in her business, which she is obviously managing wonderfully and growing. Long story short, I think it’s easy to look at people like Ali and assume that because they’re successful and have nice things that life is easy. But, some people simply get there because they’ve worked hard and we should be cheering them for that, not judging.
Ughhh Kevin is not a stay at home dad, he works on a radio show. And pretty sure part of her job is having a make up artist/photographer… She makes her income off a successful and tastefully run blog… in order to make money she has to spend money on those things… Just like teachers have to buy school supplies, and nurses have to buy scrubs…. What a silly thing to post on HER blog that you are choosing to read for free. And to assume because she had those things she doesn’t struggle, please. Ali sorry you have to read these things. Let’s all just left eachother up!
Lena, I get what you are saying especially about Kevin. From what I’ve read he’s home by noon and a nanny is there the whole time he is gone but when Ali is at work, he is alone with the kids. Kevin really does seem like a unicorn with his cleaning and going to gym during sleeping hours. Ali is lucky to have a husband to who is good at helping but is also home by noon each day. I assume that is rare for most families. I get that Ali works hard on the blog and tv show but this post did seem very defensive. Everyone should do what works for them but I definitely think a lot of people are not this fortunate. I could be very wrong. Just a my opinion.
Btw Ali, love you and your blog. Just had to say how I feel.
Ali, my husband works full-time and I stay at home with two children. He and I share so many household duties. He, too gets to at 4am to go to the gym so that he can be home with our family in the evenings. People always tell me how lucky I am….and I am, don’t get me wrong. But I get so frustrated when people only highlight that or make it seem like Kevin is the ONLY superhero when in fact you are both superheroes just like my husband and I both are. It’s a partnership! And I am so happy that you have a great partner. That makes for a good team with HAPPY kids! Love reading your posts!
I love love love Ali but I kinda have to agree with this comment. I totally get the point she was trying to make but i found myself shaking my head.
Totally agree- it came off as very inauthentic and defensive.
Also a bit put off after reading this post. It comes off as complaining alot. You seem to be placing this guilt on yourself but say people assume or expect you do it all. Why would you assume that? Realistically, no sane person would expect you to do everything you do on your own. It’s clear you use a photographer and Make up artist. Just not sure why you posted all of this. I don’t know.. this post seems almost boastful. I liked you for your humility.
Lena, did your parents not teach you that if you have nothing nice to say then don’t say it.
I never comment on anything like this, but I’m seriously bothered by the people that think this is disingenuous.
Women need to have each other’s backs more in this day & age. We are ALL trying to do our best and put our best foot forward, right? Nannies, Stay At home Moms, unicorn husbands, and anything else that we need to do what is best for our families. Shame on the haters.
Ali
Thanks for this post! I love your blog and find you so relatable. You have referred me to many great products end clothing and also make me feel more sane with your real and honest posts!
My family also has a nanny. I work 3 days a week and we actually found that it was more cost-effective to have a nanny for our three kids. I get so frustrated when people make comments like “are you rich” or “does she live with you.” So silly. my husband and I work opposite hours so that we can be with the kids as much as possible. it’s no different than sending your kids to daycare- except that bonus they help clean the house and when my husband and I work from home we can still see our kiddos.
I’m not sure why people always feel the need to give their two cents whether you’re in the public eye or not.
Thanks for all of your posts and for always being so honest. You and Kevin are doing a great job 😁
Hi Amy!! SO glad that some of the pieces I have recommended have worked out for you! I LOVE hearing that!!
It sounds like and your husband are doing what’s best for your family, and that’s perfect in my book!
I love how real you are! I have followed you from the beginning. Even with a team – you are alway genuine! Good for you!
Thank you, Julia!! And thank you for following along all this time! xo
I love how transparent you are! It is so refreshing to see and hear from someone who doesn’t try to hide the help they have. I always love seeing your Instagram stories where your house isn’t perfect, your hair/makeup aren’t done, and you are living the Mom life. I also want to say that despite having help, you do SO much! You should feel so accomplished in what you have done with your platform and how successful you are, on top of raising two kiddos!
Great post Ali!! It certainly does take a village for sure!! I have 2 kids 3 year old daughter and 2 month old son. I’m on maternity leave (in Canada so I’m off
For a year) I decided to keep my 3 year old in daycare while I am off. She’s going 3 days a week now instead of 5. I not only kept her in for my sanity but because she absolutely LOVES going. She goes to a home daycare so there are only 5 kids there. I truly believe it benefits the kids to have someone else in their lives to take care of them as well. Plus it also prepares them for school! This was my problem, if I took her out this year she would be staying home for a year and then starting school and I feel like it would make that transition hard for her! Do I have Mom guilt dropping her off everyday and then coming home again to spend time with my son? Absolutely! It kills me some days but I know I’m doing what is best for her and for me too.
I also have a kick ass unicorn husband. He does the dishes, laundry (not all the time we do share these chores) changes diapers, bath time, groceries, etc. I feel so blessed to have him! But he also works long hours out of town so he leaves the house at 630am and gets home around 7pm so those days are very long. He is starting to work from home a few days a week now and that has been amazing. It has actually made me fall in love with him even more to see how hard he works at his job and then jumps right into the family chaos!
Don’t ever feel guilty to admit you have help! You are a great Mom and have the sweetest little family!
I understand the message was genuinely meant to be helpful. However, as a stay at mom of 3 little kids (with no help) it’s simply not realistic for the vast majority of moms to afford the help you say we must have. Additionally, my husband works 8-6/7, so while he helps as best he can, he simply doesn’t have the time Kevin does to provide all of that additional support. I think it’s 100% fantastic you have all the household tasks eliminated for you, a dream come true, but it’s simply not possible for most of us and so your message of you need help or deserve it etc. just doesn’t resonate with me. I really like your blog and your openness and good for you for having a nanny, nothing to be ashamed of at all!! I would love a sitter once a week for some time to get things done. Although, now that my oldest is 9, I can say it does go quickly and we will all reach the season of more flexibility eventually—summer is just definitely not that “season”. 😂
Agree 100% with you! Her post did not come off well to me either! She has many privileges most don’t have! Sadly I am close to unfollowing as I have enjoyed her blog and multiple post daily; lately they do not sit well with me! I also notice she only replies to those that agree with her 😢
I unfollowed her on IG awhile back as I was tired of her stories and tired of all the bach alum in general pushing products on everyone- gag! but I do like her so I pop in once & awhile on her blog. This post also rubbed me the wrong way. I am a SAHM with zero help. Is it hard? Duh! But kids are only little once. I have the rest of my life to work once they are grown. I will never regret the time I’ve gotten to spend raising my kids!
If you have a good paying job you could afford a nanny…. or any help you wanted. Ali works… so she needs child care! Hmmm funny how that happen 🙄
Ali, I just want to say I love how real you are. I loved you from your Bachelor days with Jake than your Bachelorette days. You never stop being real with your audience and I love you so much for that. I have to say that being a parent is the hardest job I ever had. That is literally a 24/7 job and you never get a break. I wouldn’t trade it in for anything in the world but it is hard and I am not afraid to admit it. My husband and I always share on the work but it is still hard so I totally understand about your nanny. You wear alot of hats so please don’t feel ashame for having a nanny; instead, I think that you should feel proud that you have an additional family member who loves your kids just as much as you do. You need the help in order to help take care of your family and working many jobs. I wish I can be like you. I want a job where I can work from home in order to be with my kids. I have two kids (5 year old girl and 3 year old boy). I feel like I’m missing out on their growing up due to me having to actually leaving the house and working at an 8-5 job that I’m miserable at. I love you so much and your family so please continue to be real and show us all of your life; the perfect, the chaos, the beautiful, the ugly, everything.
Ali, this was an INSPIRING blog. I work as a freelancer. Thank goodness for daycare – I tried to work at home with my son here for a few months and could not handle it!!! Thank you for posting this – I have help from my in laws and they are wonderful to my son. I’m so glad you have and use help, and are willing to admit it publicly! I often feel like I should be able to do it all. Thank goodness we can admit that we cant do it all!
Hands down, the most realistic, down-to-earth blog post I have ever read.
You’re amazing, relatable, & genuine. Thank you for being so real. Absolutely love reading your blog! Xo
You are not a stay at home mom. That implies that your job is to take care of the kids and the household chores, both of which you outsource (in fact, that was the point of this blog). I am all for hiring a village, and have one myself as a full time working mom with a husband who travels for work, but please don’t take undo credit. I was fully on board with this blog post until that part.
Agreed… if you have a job (which you have multiple) you aren’t a stay at home Mom. You are a Mom, which should be considered a full time job on top of your other jobs, but not a stay at home mom….
Not trying to be negative, just pointing out for the sake of stay at home moms.
I agree!. I was a STAY AT HOME mom to two boys for well over 20 years. My husband had a job in the entertainment industry so he pretty much left the house before the kids got up and got home most nights after they were asleep. He felt that if I went to work it was a vicious cycle because all the money I made would just go to childcare and it was cheaper for me to stay home and I wanted to. He made enough money that I could stay home and I felt blessed. Except for his help on weekends, I did EVERYTHING. Laundry, housecleaning, grocery shopping, cooking etc. When I needed to go do things without the kids I had a great neighbor who would come watch them for an hour or so or a friend and my mom when she was available. It worked for me and I never had to pay someone. My kids are farther apart then yours so it made it a little easier when the oldest started school then I just had my youngest. When I sent my older one to preschool my younger one was home and then eventually my younger one went to preschool and I had a little time to myself, so I know how crazy and hectic it can get. People used to ask my mom (who had 4 kids and worked as a teacher with minimal help) how she did it and her answer was, “You just do.” and now I get it. I didnt have alot of balance (who does) but somehow I did it and am proud of myself. I do look back now and wonder how I did it all at the time because it was alot of work, but I wouldnt change a thing. I like that you admitted you dont think you could be a stay at home mom and alot of moms cant. I was one who loved it. Thanks for acknowledging us, because most of us dont have the husband you do or the resources. You have adorable kids and I know that you are a good mom.
I think I was just trying to convey that I am a work from home mom – so I am working and being a mom from home. I didn’t want people to be upset thinking I was trying to make it seem like I have to leave the house to go to a job. It hard writing these sometimes. I truly try to think of all the ways I will be criticized or offend someone in advance. But it’s hard!!!! I said that trying to NOT upset anyone. If that makes sense.
I am pretty sure I say multiple times in the blog that I am in awe of SAHM’s because they have the hardest job ever and I could never do it. Didn’t I? Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind with everything I am trying to keep up with every so I apologize if it didn’t come across that way!
Yes you did and I thanked you for acknowledging us SAHM! I did not have a career type job when I was one so my full time job was being a SAHM and I would do it again! You even admitted you couldn’t do that and I know many can’t. It worked for me. No worries, everyone does what works for them and you are so lucky to have Kevin and that he has a job that allows him to also be hand on. 🙂
Hi Ali! You just said it perfectly…you’re a work from home mom. And in my experience that brings on its own challenges. Working in your home with your kids removed balance. You’re in a “work” mindset but your child is in the same room. Sometimes you feel it’s not fair to them, and other times you feel you’re distracted from what needs to get done (work-wise). Having help is probably the only way to keep your head on straight.
Wow! What a rant. I think it is sad that you feel the need to explain yourself and your need for help to anybody. It’s your life and your business. You don’t need a 8 paragraph blog post to justify getting help. You have a busy life. You can afford to get to get help so go for it. It almost seems like you need approval so much that you feel guilty when you show any weakness. I also think that having a husband like Kevin who seems to do everything well and without complaining must be a little challenging at times.
She doesn’t NEED to explain herself or get anyone’s approval. It’s not like she is just sharing this part of her life – she runs a very successful blog and the reason why she has so many followers is because she shares so much of her life with us. The good and the bad. She is always so open about everything. Your comment about Kevin doing everything without complaining and it being challenging at times is a jab at her. I have a husband that absolutely helps out with everything from cleaning and cooking to caring for the kids – that doesnt mean life is easy and we dont have challenges or feel overwhelmed.
Her blog goes into detail about many different topics. While i believe having a nanny and any other help shouldnt be frowned upon – reality is that it is frowned upon sometimes especially with celebs. She is just saying we all have our own challenges in different ways and its ok to get help. Thats it. Nothing negative should come out of this post.
Ali, im glad you hired someone to help with your “business”. Hopefully she will take over your blog full time and can put a stop to these ridiculous blog posts. They are so poorly written and
they don’t make sense. These aren’t interesting topics. I’m a mom and all moms know that raising children whether you work or not isn’t easy. Why state the obvious? I can go on pretty much any other blog out there and it will be better written.
Life seems really hard for you. Everything is a complaint. Maybe being a mom wasn’t your calling.
I’m sorry but comments like this are just rude. You may not like the content of her blog and feel they are not interesting topics, however there are many of us who LOVE her blog. As you can see from many of the comments above – many of us can relate. Obviously being a mom is tough. Many other mom blogs state the obvious about motherhood, it is just nice to hear about other moms experiences and how they cope with the difficulties of motherhood. Honestly people just enjoy bringing others down. If she was always super happy and never complained people would say she is fake and she isnt being real. I have read many other mom blogs, some i love (this one is my favourite because although she can vent about her struggles, she is honest) some i dont enjoy and i just scroll past them. Im sure some moms do enjoy the ones i dont like. I dont feel the need to bash a mom and bring her down just because i dont like her post. Have a great day – and remember – you are on here reading her posts because you want to. Feel free to go read the ones you enjoy, im sure she will still be extremely successful.
Dee -I wish you well. Truly.
Jennifer – Thank you for reading. And thank you for being a mom who supports other moms 🙂
Ali, You ARE an amazing momma! Keep doing what you’re doing! DO NOT waste your energy on the negativity. Thanks for being so real. I love watching your sweet family grow up! XO
Ali I absolutely love following you and reading your blog. I honestly haven’t commented before because that’s not what I come here for. I come to read your blog and get inspired! But this has to be said. When I read this persons comment my mouth DROPPED.
How dare she as a mother say that to another mother.
Ali I know your strong enough to dismiss that comment but I’m sure it hurt. People will always say rude things to make themselves feel better.
Your an amazing mom I can already tell them.
Keep going!
Yes! Yes! Yes! I’m not one to comment either, but my mouth dropped too. I can’t believe the nerve of people and the judgment. Well said!
Ali I just wanted to send you a hug! You are amazing and your blog is the best – it’s authentic, with interesting perspective and topics etc. Please don’t take to heart people who’s purpose to bring you down. It only shows their nature and their needs.
Oh and regarding the motherhood comment, it is just ridiculous and not worth mentioning. Such hurtful comments are just aggressive, completely baseless and untrue!
Just hoped on here to read the comments Ali was talking about on her Instagram stories and I found this one. If you don’t find her topics interesting, why are you spending your time reading AND COMMENTING negative things on her post? Maybe it’s time to find a blog that appeals to you more 🙂 Have a good day! P.S. Ali I am not a mom but hope someday to be one and you are an inspiration for me!
It’s time for a vacation from this blog and instagram .
Dee, Wow, I hope you do t talk to your kids like that, but I’m guessing you do…
Dee – If you are a mother, imagine someone saying to you, “maybe being a mom isn’t your calling”. How hurtful and heartbreaking. I’m a mother and I often share struggles similar to Ali’s and I love her transparency. It makes me feel not so alone. Just because being a mom doesn’t come easily to someone doesn’t mean they don’t love their children with their entire heart and it doesn’t mean there’s any better place in life for that person than being a mom. I really hope you rethink the way you talk to other women/mothers.
Ali – please don’t stop being real. Like I said above, I have hard days sometimes and seeing that I’m not the only one makes me stronger and happier. Anyone who follows you knows your heart and intention.
Then why are you reading her posts?
Dee, you’re being a troll who obviously wrote that comment to light a fire on here. That is a cruel cruel thing to say to any mom, to any woman. Time to look in the mirror and see what’s making you so angry.
Ali – you’re killing it. Period.
Completely rude and unnecessary. Just unfollow her and go on about your day or be kind. They world needs less of that negativity.
That is so completely uncalled for- if you don’t like her blog, then don’t friggin read it and go somewhere else.
This is VERY VERY RUDE and not necessary. If you don’t like her blog posts…don’t read or follow. I am a woman who supports other women even if I don’t always agree with their view point. Hang in there Ali- I think you are doing a great job with or without help. #BEKIND
Holy S*%^*. I literally never comment on anything and am not a regular reader of this blog but for someone to say “maybe being a mom is not your calling,” I couldn’t not say something. That is the meanest thing you can say to mom and it is completely undeserved in this case. You clearly have some serious personal issues that you are taking out on others and it is completely uncalled for. Please reflect on your terrible words and get a life.
What a b**** WOW
Allie thank you for your honesty and all of your posts – I love to read them and thousands of other moms do too! You can never not have haters when you’re famous – ppl like this are just part of it and you just need to not let them get to you. Keep posting – everyone enjoys it!! (Even these mean people bc obviously they keep reading if they’re commenting 😂)
Probably all the wine she drinks!
@ dee Whoa. You are so bitter & mean. Who are you to tell her “”maybe being a mom is not your calling “ that’s just such a judgement call . She’s doing the best she can to provide and care for her family Yes she has help that doesn’t make her any less of a mother. The shame game is just horrible. Also why attack her on her own blog ? And about her writing skills ?Don’t read it. And please go away . Too negative.
Dee’s comment makes my heart hurt so much. Everyone always pretends like moms are all in the battle together, but the majority of you just cut each other down any chance you can (I see this from the outside looking in & realize not all do it). I’m not a mom and won’t even pretend to understand how hard it is, but everyone is fighting one battle or another, and speaking to people in this manner is not ok. I hope everyone that made a nasty comment does some soul searching this weekend and thinks about what brought them to the point where they felt something so cruel needed to be said. We have lost our way and need some serious redirection if this is the kind of stuff that is deemed ok nowadays. Keep your head up Ali, you’re allowed to speak from your heart, regardless if others agree.
Run along, Dee. I’m so sorry for what might be going on in your life that you feel the need to say things like this. It makes me sad for you.
Ali- this is a post I’ve been interested in hearing from you about, so thank you for writing it! Please try to remember that sometimes people have something else going on in their lives, not even related to you that makes them act horribly. Maybe Dee’s dog died today. Maybe her dad is sick. That’s how I rationalize the grossness. 🤗 to you!
Dee, do you truly not have a heart to say “maybe being a mom wasn’t your calling” to someone? That is such a disgusting thing to say, you should truly be ashamed of yourself.
Wow, that was harsh and totally uncalled for. Whether she has help or not, who cares???!! Stay at home or working …..We are all just trying to do our best and raise our children to be good human beings.
I wish women would stop being so judge mental. Ali, you do you….you don’t need to explain yourself. Keep working hard! ❤️
It is women such as you who post crude comments and purposefully tear someone down for being honest about their life that fills this world with so much hate! Not to mention how incredibly disrespectful your statement of “maybe being a mother wasn’t your calling”. If you don’t like her posts or her life then don’t follow, it isn’t necessary to troll her just to make yourself feel better. I truly hope you are kinder and show more respect to your children and those in your life than you did in this post.
Dee, you must be a very sad person, really. How on earth you feel it’s okay to leave such non-sense on someone’s blog post that YOU chose to read is beyond me and obviously these other women that support Ali. You have every right to disagree if you like but to take it as far as “maybe you shouldn’t have had children”?
Shame on you… you need some help.
Exactly. Ali- you clearly struggle with your situation and the guilt over what other people will think (found this to be the case with your posts about breastfeeding too). You seem to just miss the mark a bit on these things and it seems like it’s your own guilt and doubt that’s causing you to post vs. anything else.
This is amazing. I’m a working mom to 2 kids under two and I really needed this today. For so long I wondered too why everyone seemed to be able to do it all but I couldn’t. Just like you, when we had our second child is when I was very accepting of help. Love this blog, definitely topics people need to address more, especially with this day in age of picture perfect social media.
Ali, you are a great mom. Don’t ever feel the need to justify your life or how you live it. We all work with what we have and the resources we use and are available to us.
Don’t pay attention to negative things, everyone is different and so are their perceptions and thoughts, so you will never be able to please everyone, nor you shouldn’t feel like you have to! Parenthood is very hard, and it’s all about balance, and that balance is different for everyone as well. To finish, you are correct, it does take a village! And yours is great! Keep up the good work!
I’m a stay at home mom to three little boys, 6, 4, and 1, just finishing up college while my husband is away with the military (he’s been gone a year out of the last 18 months and will be gone for the rest of the summer). It’s sooo hard being away from family, away from your husband, and keeping your sanity honestly. Not enough people talk about how much women put on themselves to do it all. It’s exhausting, not healthy, and honestly detrimental to our mental health. We’ve made the decision as a family for my husband to get out of the military after almost 11 years active duty (he will get out Nov 2020) and so now I have the pressure to get a good paying job fresh out of college to support us through his transition out. Life is hard sometimes, but if more women were willing to come together to be a village, it’d be a whole lot easier, and if not easier, at least you’d enjoy the company through some of the hard parts. 🧡🧡
Can I just say that working moms are superheroes to me! I mostly stay at home (work only 5 hours out of the house) and honestly I can’t imagine working more. I am drowning in laundry and housework and toys everyday and if I worked more, I am pretty sure my house would explode with dishes and laundry! Good for you for getting the help you need and for being honest! You are a wonderful mama and it truly is nice to see how real you are!!
I really appreciate you saying this. Of course SAHM are rockstars… but I don’t think people realize how hard it is to be a working mom. After work it is full mom mode and dinner and chores, etc. It’s tough!
I’ve been following you from your Bachelorette days Ali and I honestly love how open you are! The realness is what keeps me going to your stories, reading your blog and this post has made me love you even more! You’re awesome!
I love how honest this post is! I’m not a mom, but struggle with the idea of kids because I do travel for my job. But I know my husband would be supportive as well as our family. This gives me so much hope that it can be done! Just have to believe in the idea that I shouldn’t have to do it all!
So refreshing!!! Thank you for opening up and being real and honest about how juggling being a mom (with anything!) is hard work. Kudos to you for getting help- it’s worth it! People make fun if me for getting my groceries delivered- how is that bad!! How does that make me less of a mother, lol?!
Thank you for keeping it real for us. Sometimes I find myself lost in Instagram stories and pics about moms with perfectly house settings and I get upset. So reading your “this is not real” post, it was refreshing. I applaud you! Xoxo
My mom is a nanny! Love your transparency in this post. I was wondering if you have any advice for people who don’t have a platform (like you did from The Bachelorette) to begin a successful blog. How does one begin to grow a following and who actually pays you? I’m so sick of my dead end job and I would love to travel the states and eventually the world and blog!
Yep, having a nanny is exactly like kids going to daycare-no different!! No reason to ever feel guilty about that!
Wow. I just watched your Instagram stories and then had to come read the comments. While most were supportive, the few that weren’t were downright rude. I’m so sorry that they upset you. You have a beautiful family and are doing what’s best for you and them! Thank you for allowing us to follow along on your journey. I’ve been a huge fan of yours since the Bachelor and your posts/stories about your kids make me smile! I’m a SAHM to 3 kids- 8,5, and 2, and my husband travels for work. A village is absolutely necessary! I love that you found yours.
We all have to figure out what works best for our family/sanity. Being a stay at home mom to two has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life. I have very energetic kids and am lucky if they sleep 11 hours a day (usually it’s 10 and entertaining, taking care of, and chasing kids for 14 hours a day is really hard both mentally and physically). In the fall I will have 12 hours a week off (my littlest starts preschool!) for the first time and I cannot wait. I think/pray/hope it’ll be life changing. There was one year as a mom of one when I worked part time and I found it 100000x easier than being home full time. Half the time I think to myself, “I don’t know how working moms do it! They are super heroes!” And the other half of the time I am very jealous of them! I think having a break from every single person in your life is healthy. I exclusively nursed by second for 18 months and thought I would lose my mind. I’m sure some people could have made that work, but I felt like my job was 24/7. Even when asleep I was on call. I strongly believe that the mom’s mental health is extremely important. I know we all try to balance (which is impossible) and we all have mom guilt no matter what choices we make. I absolutely loved on the bachelorette special when Emily talked about everything you all do and she was like, “I don’t even know what I’m feeding my kids for lunch tomorrow.”
This was my favorite post of yours and I’ve been following you for years. My husband and I are both physicians and our nanny works 55 hours a week. Do I feel guilty? No. I love my son and I love my job and I love my patients. My nanny makes this possible. Our nanny is part of our family – my son calls her Nana. I couldn’t live without her help. I think what I took from this is that we all need to lift each other up and support whatever life/home/work balance each of us has. Thank you for a nice post.
I really love how real you are! I have an 18 month old son and am a full time teacher. We aren’t fortunate to have a nanny but my husband has a job that allows him to have a lot of time off so he spends many days with my son ❤️
You are a fantastic mom! Don’t ever let anyone take that away from you! I think it’s absolutely AMAZEBALLS you are able to do it all! And the fact you have the ability to hire help, more power to you, girl!
You, your family.. your unicorn hubby(I have one of those too.. love that)..are adorable and I really enjoy following u!!!
Ali, you rock. Enough said. I am so happy to have had the opportunity to have met you a few months ago. Thank you for always being so real in your blogs and life. You give great advice in life and mom-life. I have learned so much from you, tried new things, etc. You are my Mom hero. From one mama to another, its takes a VILLAGE! Keep on keeping on! 🙂
This is probably my favorite blog post you’ve ever done. Love the realness and honesty! Just here to say I appreciated it so much. 💗
Gosh I love how real you are. I am a single mom, and I AM a nanny. I leave home everyday to grow up and love on other people’s kids then come home to my own every night. It’s exhausting but I’m so grateful for my job, because it provides for my family. No one should ever feel bad being able to provide work for others. It’s a blessing to be in a position to be able to hire nanny’s, housekeepers, gardner’s whatever! We all need each other
That’s so funny that you use talk to text for your blog—I’ve always thought it reads like you’re just having a genuine conversation with us! It’s so clear that you’re really just sharing your thoughts as they come to you (like when there’s a random side note because clearly whatever you were talking about made you think of something else you wanted to say… haha) so nothing about it sounds forced or like you’re trying to come across a certain way. You’re just being you! One of the many reasons why I love your blog… Everything about it is so real!
I do feel like I am just chatting with you guys when I “write” them 🙂
Love how real you are! Great post!
Ali you have issues. Big issues. I think you need professional help. Stop explaining everything you do and just do it.
Oh wait. You don’t do it. You have a nanny and a husband who lets you nap regularly (even on father’s day) POOR GUY.
And when you do do it, all you do is complain on your insta “mom life” “that’s motherhood” “keeping it real”
You should not have to tell us you’re keeping it real. Gross.
Your poor children and your poor, poor husband. When does he get his break????
It makes me sad when women tear down other women, especially publicly. The world needs more kindness and compassion and less judgement. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on any topic, but as I tell my children, all feelings are ok, not all behaviors are ok. Feeling frustrated by a blog post is ok (I don’t agree, but is ok). Posting a negative comment telling another woman there is something wrong with her is not. It’s not true, positive or necessary. I hope this comment gets deleted, as I enjoy reading the comments and don’t like to see the negativity. If someone has negative feedback, Ali seems like the kind of person who would be open to listening if the feedback is shared privately and with respect. Ali clearly loves her kids and her husband and is working her butt off. Her life may look different from someone else’s, but her struggles are not less. Her views are not invalid. And there is certainly nothing inherently wrong with her.
This comment is NOT ok. Good lord. I hope when Ali reads this that she can see you are just projecting your own need for professional help and your misery on her. Reading this made me so mad.
Jemma – YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. Gosh, i hope you are not raising kids to be as mean as you just were. Are you a perfect mom that never complains? Imagine what your comment just made her feel? Does that make you feel better about yourself? Do you think you made her feel good in any way. If you know it all maybe you should have offered some helpful tips instead of bashing her. I hope you dont teach your kids this rude behaviour. This is why part of being a mom is so difficult – because of the judgmental and mean individuals like you!
Is this post for real? I sincerely hope not because if it is you should be ashamed of yourself. This is a real person with real feelings. The internet is an easy place to hide out and say things you’d never say in real life because you can hide behind a screen. Let’s be women our daughters are proud of. Let’s speak kindness to eachother, let’s build eachother up because guess what, being a women? Being a mom?? It’s hard enough without troll bullies. I”m happy there are other women condemning this hate comment. Hugs and high fives ladies, hugs and high fives.
Ali, keep on keepin on.
People who find the need to publicly attack others are really only displaying their deep seeded insecurities. How easy it to is say things behind a screen that you’d never say to someones face. This is the beast of social media that is so terrifying to bring children up around. I am so thankful there was no social media when I was in middle school!
If it isn’t enough to think about others before you type, you should think about what your children would think reading your comments. Are you teaching them to be respectful? Kind? Understanding of others opinions? Or will they learn to bottle up and never express their opinions for fear of being criticized, especially by their own mom. Sad this is the world today.
OMG hate much? Why are you even reading her blog. SMH
I agree- you clearly do have issues Ali and you’re so very obviously battling your own guilt and internal conflict trying to make it seem like you are “helping” other women and moms. We get it- you wear a lot of hats and are juggling a lot- what mom isn’t? And so you have help- who cares? If you’re so worried about people thinking you have a “perfect life” because of your posts, then maybe should stop posting those types of pictures. Did you ever stop to consider that?
Oh, Maura. Did you ever stop to consider that your comments were obnoxiously rude and uncalled for? Didn’t your parents, stay-at-home or not, ever teach you that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all? As a woman, you should set higher standards for yourself, and bringing other women down shouldn’t be a category on your self-created rubric. I genuinely hope you find peace within yourself and stop attempting to bring another person down perhaps based on your own insecurities. Ali, I’m a first time commenter. Keep doing you, sister. You rock.
I am very supportive of other women and am a working mom myself. However, Ali isn’t posting to help other women- she’s posting to deal with her own insecurities and it’s quite obvious. I can see that other women agree with me, based on some of the other comments here, and clearly her post had the opposite impact of what was intended for some. But if you can’t see how transparently self- serving these types of posts are, then go ahead and continue on in your blissful ignorance- I wish the best to you,
Holy crap! Somebody woke up being nasty today. Ali is nothing but genuine and sweet. NO NEED for such judgment. Must be nice to be perfect
Wow just wow. So much bitterness in these comments. What is with all the mom shaming. To all the people tearing her down I’m really hoping you are not passing that kind of attitude down to your children. Shame on you. I have so many more choice words to say to certain people but unlike them my mother raised me better.
Love this post! I have been struggling back and forth about getting a nanny even just part time and mostly because of me feeling like I SHOULD be able to do it all. But reality of it is that having help and us keeping our sanity will make us become better mom, wife, coworker, friend etc. We have a 10 month old and are newly pregnant with #2 so I’ll be joining in on the craziness of two under two right there with you!
NO shame is asking for help! You got this!! We can’t do it all. We just have to try our best and that is all that matters.
Thanks so much for keeping it real! I have 4 kiddos; 9, 4 & 2year old twins. I teach 1st grade full time.
I say it alllll the time, I could not survive without my village. It truly is a team effort. I have a nanny for the twins and a cleaning lady who comes every other week. I used to be embarrassed but I’ve noticed, once you are honest about the help, you find out there are lots of others living the same way!
My children’s friends have parents who help me too with drop off/pick up from sports or camp so I don’t have to wake the twins from a nap. I truly couldn’t survive without my village so it’s nice to read your honesty. ❤️
This is my favorite blog post to date. And just what I needed today. Thanks for keeping it real!
Thanks for sharing this blog post with us. I was wondering if you have any other help that you didn’t mention like pool service, lawn service or a cleaning service. It would probably make me feel even better knowing you have that help also. Your so blessed to have Kevin.
Ali, you are absolutely fabulous and a breath of fresh air. I enjoy your blog, IG, Instastories, etc. I love the pretty photos/fashion/home decor, etc. I love how you keep it real so other women don’t get the impression that you do it all and life is perfect and possibly set unrealistic/unhealthy expectations for themselves based on what they see on the internet. I would love to see a post here or on IG with your favorite positive/uplifting blogs/IG accounts to follow. A few of my favorite recent follows are Zachary Levi & Jameela Jamil (have you heard of IWeigh?) Zachary Levi talks very candidly about mental health, loving yourself and loving others. IWeigh talks about many things – one being getting away from this toxic idea of perfection when it comes to women’s bodies. I think you’re exactly right that a working man would never be questioned as to why he isn’t home caring for his children. I was able to stay home with my kids until my oldest was 7 and my youngest was 5 and loved every minute. Now I work from home, so it’s definitely more of a juggling act, but I’m grateful to put them on the bus for school in the morning and to be there when they get home. My sister works full time and her husband does most of the childcare. My sister in law works full time and her kids go to daycare. It’s all good! If you’re into reading parenting books, I would love to see a post on which books you like. I knew I didn’t want to just parent the way my parents did. I wanted to take the positive and change the negative, so reading books, following other moms on social media, etc has been a great way to learn about all the different options and find what is a good fit for me and my kids. Currently I’m reading a great book called The Awakened Family. Thanks for putting the time and effort you do into this blog and your social media. It’s encouraging and fun. What happened with changing the name from Ali Luvs to Ali Manno? Is this still in the works?
I would just like to add that I too am married to a unicorn of man. He’s kind, loving, nurturing, hands on, puts the needs of his family first. He’s a gem.
I’m also raising one for some future lucky lady out there, but currently he’s only 8, so…
I also come from a family where the men, my dad & two older brothers, have the same characteristics as my husband.
Jones I wish it wasn’t such a shock that men like this exist. These men are out there, you just have to know how to spot them. 🙂
I didn’t read this post as defensive. Ali acknowledged that not everyone can afford resources she has access to. I think it’s important not to minimize that even though Ali’s juggling act (husband, kids work) and village (amazing husband, nanny, etc), may look different than mine (divorced, kids, work, no paid child care help, etc) this doesn’t minimize Ali’s experience and struggles which seem to be universal to so many mothers/women. If anyone feels like this post (or any other) is not genuine, maybe send her an email or contact her privately. She has always seemed very open to feedback. Posting a negative comment on the blog is not helpful. Women should be supporting other women. It was brave to share so candidly, I think.
Ok, thank you for that blog post! I feel much better about my own decisions now! I am a mom of 2, my oldest starts kindergarten in September and my 2.5 year old is at home with me. I’ve been a stay at home mom since my first-born. This past February, my mom passed away. She lived 2 doors down from me and was my biggest support. My husband is a farmer and is rarely home. I am now completely alone – closest family member is one hour away. So, I decided to put my 2.5 year old in full time daycare. Doesn’t mean I’ll actually have him go everyday, but right now, on the really hard day (grief comes in waves), I have the option of having that help at least.
Anyway, no guilt no more. I never judge another mom – do whatcha gotta do!
Thank you! – When I met you the other day at the farmers market – I really wanted you to know how much I admire you for your honesty, hard work and generosity of sharing your life with us. Thanks for this post – makes me feel better about life – and thanks for keeping it reel.
It was so nice to meet you Tracey!!!! Truly. It makes me day when I get to connect with you guys in real life!!!
It breaks my heart to see all of the negative comments from other women. We all have our own struggles and bad days, and that should never minimize how another person feels. I think you are an incredibly genuine and kind hearted person. I hope that you know, I’m only one person, but I’m grateful for this post! I’m currently a stay at home momma and struggling more than I can admit to my friends and family. Reading this gives me hope, and the courage to reach out to my village.
I hope the negativity you read here never dims your light!
It hurts. But I am trying to focus on the positive comments 🙂
What people say is a reflection of them, not you. Focus on the positive and search for empathy in the negative. Can you imagine having to be a person who goes out of their way to tear others down? Keep being your sweet, awesome self!
Thank you!!! I needed to hear this today. I am at home for my baby’s first year (she’s 9.5 months old) and want SO badly to hire a nanny for a few hours per week. My hubby is totally on board, but our baby girl has such terrible separation anxiety that sometimes it just feels easier to stay home and do it myself rather than put us all through that. And yes, everyone says it’s a phase, but it started at 5 months and is still VERY strong. Babysitters have either let her scream until bedtime or called us after an hour or so to come home and it’s so hard on all of us 😭. So now I just feel trapped!
Sally- just wanted to respond because my second was the same way and it is not only physically exhausting, but mentally and emotionally (bc the whole time you’re away, you just think about your baby crying for you.) I unfortunately don’t have any advice (mine is 2 now and does so much better) but wanted you to know you are seen/ heard. It’s such a tough season and I hope it gets better soon!!
Hi Ali!
I work full time outside of the home and my husband works full time too- we have a 4 year old girl and twin boys were are about to turn 1. Our hands are very full as both my husband and I have manger/GM positions. I remember trying to be a stay at home mom when I had my daughter and learned that it wasn’t for me- when we found out we were expecting twins that up’d the ante! For the past 9 months we have had a live in AuPair and it has saved my sanity!! She has been wonderful!! I will day that I still hesitate to tell people we have an aupair because I feel like there is A LOT of judgement there! We also have family close by both sets of grandparents but they are older and can’t always help as much as we need but they do help whenever they can, and for that I am so grateful! We have a housekeeper that comes once a week as well to help with a lot of the cleaning- so my house looks great for at least one day a week! No but seriously it’s so nice to have because we work such long hours it affords me the time with my kids instead of cleaning when I get home. I hesitate to tell people that as well- then they get a different idea or think we are so wealthy but the truth is we are middle class and live in the suburbs. Don’t get me wrong we have a nice life but we definitely still talk about our money and budget! I think help is so so needed and we can have it all but we definitely need help!! Thanks for writing this post, helps me feel like I might be doing something’s right 😉
Why is this even a post? Any parent that has to work has help with childcare whether it be a nanny, daycare or family member babysit. Most families have two working parents that work 9-5 type jobs. So of course you have help. Why do you feel the need to explain every aspect of your life? Who cares. I think you need to work on your self confidence and be comfortable with the way you life your life. I follow plenty of other former bachelorettes like Jillian Harris and she is in the same boat as you and lives a pretty nice lifestyle with plenty of help but she doesn’t spend majority of her day explaining her life choices to her followers. She is confident in her abilities and her decisions.
I don’t think one person out there thinks you “do it all” so why would you even make a blog post like this??It’s axtually the opposite. It seems that you are on social media all day long posting insta stories while your husband and nanny do all the parenting.
And you said you feel bad that your husband takes care of the two kids by himself and that he has never and would never leave you to take care of the kids by yourself. Are you kidding!? That’s what parents do. Regardless if you have help, you still should be capable of taking care of your two kids by yourself!!!! I have 3 kid under 4 and my kids go to daycare while we work but I’m still fully capable of taking care of my kids by myself after I pick them up from daycare and during all my non-working hours!!!
So much yes to this!!! Wow you hit the nail on the head!
I was trying to explain that the women people see on social looking like they are “doing it all” have help. And that society try’s to make women feel like they should do it themselves. Sorry if I failed to explain that.
Ali, that was clearly and beautifully communicated in the blog. The fact that it went over all of these horrible women’s heads is no fault of your own. There is CLEARLY something lacking within them that they feel like they need to tear you down. You are real, you are transparent, and you try to lift others up instead of tearing them down like these trolls. You keep up the good work!
Totally agree with Jenna- think you should focus on your own self-confidence and just be okay with the decisions you make instead of constantly justifying everything. There’s clearly some self esteem issues here so take care of yourself and don’t feel the need to write these posts.
I’m thankful Ali chose to write this blog. My daughter stays with her grandparents during the day while my husband and I work. They also will occasionally take her for a few hours on a Saturday or even overnight so we can work on house chores or have some quiet time together. Even with all that help, I still feel like I am always a few steps behind. Something always suffers. I also follow former bachelorettes and other celebrity moms and while one or two may occasionally mention they have a nany, I have yet to find anyone as transparent Ali. People tend to post the prettiest, most perfect pictures and avoid talking about the struggles. Nothing is wrong with that but it’s not real life and it is refreshing to follow someone like Ali. They have a different family dynamic than alot of the readers on here but that doesnt make her any less of a mom and doesnt discredit anything she has to say about motherhood. When moms are honest with each other about our struggles, our village gets a little bigger. Our physical help may not increase but it’s good for the soul and mind to be around/follow moms who are in the same season as you. We should be lifting each other up and not tearing each other down.
Love all of this! I don’t know why as moms we convince ourselves to do it all. As a full time working mama to a 3.5 and 1 yr old boys, I know I need to ask for help more. Thank you for your transparency today and always!!!
I loved reading this post! I always feel guilty for “needing help”! I’m a full time young mom and a college student and have a baby girl a few days older than your son. My husband is a lot like your husband and I could not do this parenting thing without him. I feel like he does everything most of the time and I feel so guilty but we make a great team in the way that we tackle tasks that we are best at and pick up the slack that the other can’t do. But we also need help from my parent on occasion and that makes me feel guilty that I as a mom can’t do it all myself but you are absolutely right when you say it takes a village and I need to remember that more! I love your posts because you keep it real! Us moms need support even if that’s from a celebrity that we’ve never met but feel so close to because you tell us everything you go through so me feel it’s not just us!
Thank you!
You shoudl never feel guilty for needing help! We all need it in one way or another!!!
Ali, I love the honesty in this post. I got teary-eyed reading the part about your unicorn husband because your husband is my husband and I can 1,000% relate! Even down to the keeping up with the clutter and the fact that our own personal spaces are like tornadoes. It’s the best feeling knowing you couldn’t have asked for a better partner in life, and what gets me even more, is that like my husband, I’m certain Kevin NEVER complains. We also have two youngsters – the same ages as yours (a girl then boy too).
I also can relate to going on work trips and feeling guilty and that even though I wouldn’t care if my husband had to leave me with the kids, he doesn’t do the trips like I need (and sometimes want to).
Lastly, like you, we also don’t live near parents. They are a four hour drive away but they come in when I take these trips to help out because my husband is a firefighter and works 24 hour shifts.
I am thankful every day for my unicorn husband. I am also so happy to have found you on social media because I feel like we can relate to each other on an infinite number of levels.
Stay humble,
Susan
I am so glad you read this post and commented! Honestly, I am finding myself a bit teary eyed over hear from some of these negative comments. I meant for this post help women and some people are taking it the opposite way. It just breaks my heart. So thank you for this my friend 🙂
Hi Ali! I’m 27 and I’ve been a full-time nanny for the past 4 years (just made a career change, and it’s so sad!) I want to thank you so much for talking openly about your nanny experiences. I see a lot of moms feel shame for having a nanny and I rarely see them praise or love on their nannies publicly on social media. But that shame transfers onto the nannies. I worked really hard at my job. I followed mom blogs like yours, I cleaned; gave discipline, potty training, and sleep training advice; I worked hard at empowering the little girls and teaching little boys about consent. Daily positive affirmations, countless lunches, tons of snuggles and dance parties and love went into my daily job. I miss it so much. And I really feel like nannies like me, nannies that work hard, do the research, and make nannying a true career, are a silent work force. So thank you for shedding light on your experience. And I’m willing to bet that your nanny would love even more positive, public praise!
I love love love reading your stuff! You are real and show real life not made up stuff to look “better”. Having help only makes you a better person because no one can do it all. Thanks for keeping it real. Such a role model for other moms!
Ali, you do you! Whatever works best for you! You have a beautiful life and family! Lots of LOVE, that’s all that matters! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
So let me get this straight. You have a nanny every morning while your husband is at work, and when he gets home he pretty much takes over and you nap all afternoon and “work on your blog”.
Sorry, but if you have to keep telling us how “real” and “just like everyone else” you are, you’re probably a phony.
“Ali Fedotowsky seemed lovable…at first. After appearing on Jake Pavelka’s season and proving her dedication to her career, she seemed like the obvious choice to be the bachelorette. Unfortunately, her season was lacklustre and Ali only proved that she was a whiny drama queen. She’s gone onto become one of the most successful Bachelorette contestants of all-time with a career in show biz, but her all-American girl image is no longer and we all know she’s moody and annoying!”
direct quote from an article online…could not agree more.
This is rude and unnecessary. Unfollow and go on or be kind. The world needs less of this kind of negativity.
You came here to write this… why? How insanely rude. Ali is trying to be authentic and you came to HER BLOG to demean her? Go project your own insecurities somewhere else.
Why are you here??? Simply unfollow. I doubt she’d miss you 👋🏻
Ali,
I would just like to say that I have been watching you from DAY 1 when you got out of the limo on Jake’s season. Your season of the Bachelorette seriously got me through chemotherapy while I battled cancer. It was the one thing I looked forward to every single week. I love and admire you SO SO much! I’ve loved you from the beginning and still do. Because of my cancer and other things that happened afterwards that have affected my health, I’m not married with kids yet. But gosh I pray I marry someone similar to your husband he seems so amazing!! But you are amazing too! I was a nanny for a stay-at-home mom and you don’t need to feel guilty about it AT ALL! Who cares what other mom’s or people think you do what is best for YOUR FAMILY! It was such hard work taking care of 2 kiddos under 2 years old which is why since the dad had to go to work during the week the mom had me there to help! We teamed up and helped each other! Just keep being you, and stay strong, and know that people like me have admired you and still admire you! I hope in many ways my life becomes as wonderful as yours seems to be with a loving husband, career, and wonderful kiddos! I LOVE watching Molly. Great name, BTW! 😉 She definitely has a Molly personality!!! 😀 Love you girl! Keep up the great work and the amazing blog!
I do appreciate your honesty & openness here—it seems pretty normal to have hired help when you’re also working and running your own business. I think it’s great, but some of us don’t have villages and that’s ok too! I stay home with my girls, 2.5 & 1. I have no family help & I don’t have a nanny or babysitters. My kids don’t go to school yet either. My husband works from home but I don’t ask for his help since he’s….working. I do all of the household chores, bath time, bed time, grocery shopping, cooking and cater to everything my family needs. I get a one hour “break” by going to the gym and dropping my kids off at daycare. I’m not sure where I’m going but just sharing a different perspective, as we all have different circumstances and positions as we raise our kids.
I stayed home with my kids and raised them. I quit my “career,” after my second son was born with special needs and many are naysayers about that but I really don’t care. I have no regrets. I did the right thing for our family. And what Ali and Kevin are doing must be right for them! ❤
😞 Glad I am not in the public eye. People can be cruel!
Ali, none of us are perfect not even the ones judging you. It’s your life and family and you and Kevin have to decide what is best for you both and your children. ❤
For some, it’s so easy to leave a cruel comment and sit behind a screen, I can’t imagine their world, and must admit, there must be some personal baggage/damage there, as some of these comments are hurtful and cruel. I love watching influencers, and find this article helpful as someone that struggles to “keep it all together”. I want to know what’s real, and that’s the reason I follow this blog, I feel you are very down to earth. Keep focused on the 90 percent positive. You are helping people more than you know!
What I love best? So silly, but I love when you have your red wine lips and chat after you have a glass. I just find that funny and relatable. Keep being you.
Hi Ali, how does one become a blogger? As a first time mom I’m also a stay at home mom too
Thanks
I was going to get on here and say THANK YOU for being honest and real and that I FEEL you sister as I too work full time and have a nanny for my two small children. But after reading some of these terrible comments, I now feel the need to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we live in a society where people feel the need to say mean things and hurt other women. And it’s just CRAZY to me that people leave these comments, when they have every right to stop reading your blog, stop following you on Instagram, etc.
Anyway – we are all sisters in motherhood and I appreciate you preaching on! XO!
S. P. O. I. L. E. D. B. R. A. T.
you seem like a B U L L Y to me
R.U.D.E
Call me crazy, but I took this post as Ali saying “hey moms don’t scroll through social media and feel bad about what you didn’t accomplish today the people who you think outshone you had help to make that shit work!”
And then being honest about the help that she has to be able to run a blog and work on a tv show and spend time with her family. I didn’t see it as a rant or a complaint of any kind.
And why is it so outrageous that her husband would help with the house and the kids? They are his home and his kids too! No man has EVER been told to feel less than because his wife runs the household and all he does is tool around on a computer all day. Give me a break!
Ali so supportive of you and hope that the bitter folks don’t keep you from continuing to do you and run this blog!
Thank you so much for this. It made me burst into tears! In a good way! I needed this.
Hi Ali,
I just wanted to say that you should ignore all of these negative comments. What’s that saying? Hurt people, hurt people. That’s all it is. I have two special needs boys 5 and 3. I have a connective tissue disorder that leaves me incapacitated at times. If I didn’t have my parents, sister, friends and best husband than I don’t even know what I would do! It’s funny no one comments when it’s not paid for help. This post was very thoughtful and sincere. People just get threatened when they see someone living their life out loud. You are a great mom. Anyway just my 2 cents.
Yess!! This!!! I normally don’t comment about the negative comments but I wanted to come back and say exactly this! I don’t understand the negative comments and why people think it’s ok to say horrible things like that to people. Especially to someone who is being honest and vulnerable about her life!
Keep doing you Ali. And just look back and see how many positive comments there are compared to the negative ones ❤️
THIS!!! Ali, you do you. Ignore the rest. ♡
Thank you!! I totally appreciate your candor. We have a nanny, both work full time, own a business AND have family near by that make up our village. We are incredibly grateful for their support! And PS – I’m one of the lucky ones…my husband is a unicorn, too.😊
I LOVED THIS POST so thank you Ali. I know many others really enjoyed it and could really relate. I can’t believe all the negative and rude comments. Of course you share a lot of your life on instagram and here – you have so many followers who look forward to all of your posts and we love how honest and real you are. For the people who hate her blog and posts so much – why are you on here or following her? She will still be extremely successful without you so take your negativity elsewhere. You dont like her post- keep moving. Stop being so rude and bringing moms down. This is exactly why this post is so amazing. As moms, working or stay at home – the world is constantly judging us for everything we do. We work too much, were home too much, we have to much help, we complain too much…. stop judging. She is just trying to be real and say being a mom is hard – no matter what. Stop pointing fingers. Imagine you were a celebrity and everyone had a comment about all your parenting choices. None of us are perfect – do what works for your family and just support one another.
Ali, thank you for always being so real. Your kids and husband are so lucky to have such a loving and hard working person like you in their lives. Your kids seem so happy and loved – thats all that matters. Thank you for letting us know that you need help too and struggle just like we all do. It may be in different way, but we all have struggles. THANK YOU!!!
Ali, I have followed and read your blog for years!!! I enjoy it because you give me hope and inspire me. Your real and far from fake and talk about daily struggles all while being the rock for your family and I admire that.
I just had my 2nd little girl and sometimes I feel so down like I can’t get a handle on things and then I read your blog or a post and it makes me feel so relaxed. I want to thank you for making your daily video posts and blogs, because they have helped me be the women I am today and inspire me to be the best mom I can be.
Molly and Riley are the happiest babies and that is thanks to your happy environment that you instill in them. Everyone needs help, and you have a nanny. I think that’s great, most people have a parent or sibling near by for help, but considering you don’t why wouldn’t you get a nanny.
Not too sure why some moms are harping on this. Everyone needs help once in a while, and to be honest if any mom says I do it all, work, all the house chores, and kid activities alone: I highly doubt without help.
Ali, you are an amazing women, mom and wife. Don’t let anyone ever make you feel anything short of amazing. You have a large amount of women who admire and follow you like myself.
You got this!
Ali,
I’ve recently started to follow your blog. It’s really nice to know someone who relates to her audience on normal terms. You will face criticism but take them
Positively. You do not have to explain yourself and your actions. You’re an individual with options and opinions. You’re audience should not judge you in any manner. It’s up-to them to follow you or not.. do not let emotions take over the best of you! Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re the best at it! Love ya!
Ali,
This post resonates with me so much. I’m an anesthesiologist in training- residency is incredibly difficult and some weeks I end up working over 80 hours a week which includes 24 hour call shifts. My husband recently made the decision to be a stay-at-home dad! We used daycare before for my 2 year old. We got negative comments then about our kiddo not being at home. And now that he’s at home with daddy… more negative comments. You just can’t win with some people. The negative comments on this blog make me sorry for the people posting them. I can’t fathom someone who has children posting such hateful comments- I truly pray they don’t teach their kids the same behaviors. I hate that you have to explain yourself- you are OBVIOUSLY doing a fantastic job. Your kiddos are always full of joy on your IG stories. As evidence by the influx of positive comments, your posts resonate with plenty of us. You are by far my favorite blogger. Thank you for everything you post!
You just said you’re the bread winner of your family.. sorry, WHAT?! What about Kevin waking up at 3 or 4 am, getting to WORK and then doing most of the parenting? Is that just pocket money for him? You should be ashamed of yourself, Ali! All your privilege and you still constantly complain. Ugh….
Omg why do you follow her or read her blog then?! Just to be negative? Breadwinner implies she makes more money which is very likely true. Nothing wrong with her stating the facts. Settle down lol
You should never have to apologize or have to explain yourself. We follow you as choice. Motherhood is hard! We all do the best we can and we should support each other. Mommy guilt is so REAL!
Yes, take care of yourself. I love your honesty.
I have a 18 month old and 2 month old.
I have a really hard time asking for help. I always end up feeling guilty. Like I decided to have babies, so it’s up to me to take care of them. That’s me though and I’m working on myself to be more open and ask for help. I think it’s great you have that support system and can ask for help.
We all need to be reminded that we were once women that had time to do things for ourselves. It’s tough but if we don’t take care of ourselves how are we supposed to take care of our family.
Thank you for being honest and open. It’s great to hear to that we are not alone.
YOU ARE AMAZING! And I have you to thank for inspiring me to try a spin class and I LOVE IT! Just finished class number 3!
I had a nanny before we recently moved and I plan on getting one again! Thanks for always being so real you’re totally #momgoals I love seeing your IG stories. Don’t ever change you make me feel good about the decisions I make! Thank you, loved you since the bachelorette. Also some people SUCK.
Some people seem to think Ali is being defensive here which maybe is true but based on some of these comments, she was right to be! Lol. I work full time and have a nanny as well, I often find myself explaining that because I have twins daycare would be almost as expensive as a nanny. Like I need to justify why I have a nanny. we all have different circumstances and lifestyles but best case is when moms support moms REGARDLESS.
Ali! I hate that you are getting so much crap for having help. It really does take a village. I’m a stay at home mom of 3 boys and my husband is out of town Monday through Friday. It’s not easy. There’s literally no break for me. Unless I’m sleeping! But I wouldn’t survive if I wasn’t able to drop the kids with my mother in law or get away for an hour or two by myself on the weekends. The saying about if we don’t take care of ourselves, how can we take care of everyone else. You have to do what’s best for your family!
I think it’s great! I’ve been the breadwinner with young babies. I live somewhere without family around to call for help for an hour…. I get it! And if you can have a nanny…. have one! There are so many studies about the benefits of children having other adults in their life who they love and trust. It’s good for them too!
I think the negativity comes from those who badly need help and can’t get it. But that should not allow them to unleash on you! Your kids are happy and heathy. You win. That’s all you can do!
Oh, dear. I think the moms posting the negative comments need to maybe consider a nanny just for even one day! I think it’ll help with their anger…
Raising kids is one of the toughest jobs ever. Doing it while working (multiple) jobs is so hard. I work full-time, and my son is in daycare, and then after work it’s nonstop until bed. When you work and are a mom, you’re doing the job of two people – because your mind is always on both things. It’s so tough, but I’m so glad you’ve found a system that works for this season of your life!
It takes a village for sure – let’s just exile these negative peeps outta your village, for now. <3
100% agree. Being a working mom is so hard!
I totally understand where you were trying to go with this post. It’s hard to be a mom, it’s hard to be a working mom, and lets be honest, the majority of the load falls on mom despite having an awesome, helpful husband (I have one too). However, I think what’s difficult, at least for me, is that your world is SO different from mine. I couldn’t even imagine having a glam team or a photographer, etc. I do understand that your line of work and where you live may require that. Most of us middle class, suburban moms may not really “get” that. I have an issue with the entire social media/influencer society that is now so popular. You are very right, it comes across as “perfect” or even fake. It’s just not real life.
I also think if we totally focus on the double standard of men vs women, we’ll never get anywhere. I prefer to focus on the fact that God created me to be a woman and all that I get to do because of that. A man doesn’t know what it’s like to carry, deliver and feed a child. Just one example among others of what makes women and moms so special. No judgement here, there’s enough of that in the world, just my very humble opinion!
YES @ERYN you said it perfectly. I am so sick of social media influencers and the fake world they live in.
Hi Ali – I am not one to comment online, but I felt compelled to after seeing your Insta story this morning. I loved reading your blog post and thought it was a great reminder that just because you see something on social media doesn’t mean you are getting the full picture. Someone can be an open book without sharing every aspect of your life. Your struggles are no less meaningful than another woman’s, whether you have help or not. Everyone has struggles in their life. Don’t let the negative comments get you down. You do what you and your husband think is right for your family and what works for YOU. Your kids are happy and healthy and that’s what matters! No one is forcing the people who want to be negative to read your blog. You don’t need to defend yourself to them.
I don’t understand the negative comments either. I’ve said it before….we all have our different opinions and we all do what is best for and what works for OUR OWN families. It might be different ways, we all have different circumstances. We might not agree with what Ali does….but it’s HER family, not ours! Honestly, I’m disgusted with some of the nasty, hateful comments and to those women….don’t read the blog if you don’t like things she says or does. There are blogs I simply do not read for that very reason, I happen to love this one and how very real Ali is. But if you don’t like that….no one is forcing you to read it. So sign off, and keep your nasty comments to yourself. And live YOUR life and take care of YOUR family how you chose to. Just as Ali is, and has bravely shared with us.
Ali – Thank you for always writing what you are feeling. It is truly wonderful to read your blog posts. I am a working mom with one child (a 9 month old baby girl) and I take my baby to work with me! I am lucky my job allows me to do that, but it is getting to the point where I know that I need some help. Now she is on the move and needs a lot more attention than she did when she was an infant – and I am thinking of a babysitter/nanny or a part-time day care. I feel guilty about it sometimes because I am choosing to leave my baby girl for a few hours each day – but I know it will make my whole family happier. Being stressed all the time and having no time to myself is NOT healthy for me or my family. You should never be ashamed of the decisions you make for your family. You are a hard working, kick-a** mom! It’s a nice reminder that we are not all perfect, and we are just doing our best! And HELP is something no one should be afraid to ask for! You work hard and deserve to have some YOU time and some help! Thank you for being you! xoxox sending LUV!
I’m a teacher but have a week off before summer work starts. I’ve been watching Home and Family just to see you! I’ve been telling my mom how much I love you! I’m not a mom, but I love seeing your Instagram posts and reading your blog. I feel so bad that people can be so negative. I know it’s hard to focus on the positive ones sometimes! Most of my friends have families, and I have learned that every family is doing what is best for them, regardless of what that looks like! Please know how amazing you are and how loved you are by perfect strangers!
Hello Ali! I’ve never messaged you before but I’ve followed you since bachelor days and have loved watching your journey! I just want you to know you are a strong caring woman and a fantastic mother! All of your Instagram stories I see make me smile because your kids have so much happiness and love in their eyes! And you should be taking time out for you! Mental, emotional and physical health are all extremely important!!! Kudos to you beautiful mama for being able to provide for your family, be an amazing mother and an all around kick ass human! ❤️❤️
Ali, this post was so important to me. I’m a pediatrics resident in the middle of my training and a new mommy to a 7 month old boy. It’s been the greatest privilege to be a mommy and there are definitely at times at work when I feel like so proud of myself for choosing and handling this life. My husband is very hands-on as well and so we’ve been really fortunate to figure out a good rhythm between our respective work schedules. But I also have those days when I feel like I’m totally over my head and that every other mommy (especially the ones I follow on social media) has a better handle at this than I do. Your post is an important reminder for all of us — it’s not about what things look like on the outside, because at the end of the day we can only give our best. Some of us make lifestyle choices take us out of our home and that’s okay. Some of us are able to integrate work into our home lives and that’s also okay. Mommyhood is a journey that looks so different for everyone and I’m so thankful you were able to be so transparent about yours so we can all support each other through it.
Wow I’m really shocked that anyone would take this negatively. Ali is just simply sharing what works for her family, since her blog is mostly about her family. Literally every family is different and what works for them. I feel like this was one of my favorite blogs and I’m so sad to see moms bringing other moms down. One of the hardest things about motherhood is feeling like you’re not doing enough, how can people sleep at night saying things like this to someone????
Hey Ali! I’m so saddened by the hurtful comments on this post. It’s pretty obvious how much your family LOVES you and how HAPPY your children are! To me, that means you are going a great job and don’t need to worry about the opinions of others 🙂
I’m not a mom yet, but I love following you and living vicariously through you! You’ve always been a role model to me & I hope I can be a great working mom like you someday!
Try to ignore the hateful comments (I know that’s easier said than done). Bullies are often just insecure about themselves or have nothing better to do!
i have to say – thank you for being so honest all of the time! it’s very refreshing knowing that you go through what a lot of us are going through. I really appreciate it and love reading your blogs!
Ali I already commented above about how much I LOVE your realness. Now that I see all of the negativity on here I can’t help but comment again.
First off, is there a way to block all of the rude haters? Clearly they don’t appreciate how transparent you are and the intention behind this blog post.
Secondly, it breaks my heart that so many people didn’t see the purpose behind what you had to say here, and went as far as to try and tear you down. We as women and mothers should be supporting each other. Maybe they are jealous that you chose a life partner who is supportive of your mental health, physical health, and career. Who knows.
Lastly, PLEASE continue to share your life with us!!! Posts like this and what you share on Instagram are what make you so real! I don’t follow any celebrities as closely as I follow you simply because I feel like I know you. I truly believe we could go out for coffee or wine and it would be like sitting down with a friend. I hope the people who are being so negative don’t discourage you from continuing to create posts like this.
I would choose a nanny any day over daycare. ❤️ If you can hire help, always do it!
If
You can hire help for your blog, that means it’s even more successful than most know.
I’m blessed enough to be a stay at home, but the days can be so hard. It’s doesnt mean you’re not a good mom when days are hard.
It takes a village.
My husband is a unicorn too, lol, and I still need the help of my parents to get a break from it all. Keep
Going girl,
You’ve got this.
Hey Ali,
I just saw your stories in response to the comments you are receiving on this blog post. You have NOTHING to apologize for. EVERYONE needs help and this a huge and important point you made in this post. Thank you for doing your work for de-stigmatizing nannies and moms who work full time.
I also want to push the point a little further. Kevin sounds like an amazing guy, and I understand that he is breaking with gender norms to be the primary home maker/care taker for your kids. And I believe he does an excellent job. I wonder if heaping excessive amounts of praise at what a unicorn he is makes it seem like we shouldn’t expect men to share house hold duties with their partners. This isn’t a criticism on your blog, maybe more a comment or society as a whole. We need to start EXPECTING this of our male partners.
Finally, I want to tell you that I think you are setting an important example for your children. Both my parents worked full time when I was a child and I had a nanny. I had three people who loved and cared for me. This example empowered me to understand that I can have a full career if that is what is right for my family. You are showing your daughter AND your son that mothers can be primary bread winners and fathers can take on house hold duties. You are also showing them that they can be loved, supported, and appreciated by both of their parents while they both continue to maintain fulfilling lives outside of the home including making time for career and self care.
You are killing it. Don’t let haters bring you down.
-S
Hi Ali,
I’m not sure why people come to social media to put others down. As my mom always taught me, when others try to get you down, it’s because they feel insecure or bad about themselves. I’m not a mom, but I am a pediatric nurse so I see a lot of parents and kiddos and it’s really clear that you love your family and are a great mom! I love following you and I feel like you do a great job of making sure people realize that Instagram is not reality. Never apologize for finding success and providing for your family! Keep doing you, you’re amazing!
– Laura
Hi Ali, I just want you to know..ignore those awful comments. You are soooooo transparent and real on Instagram and it is so refreshing. It is obvious that you dont have it all together and you just take baby steps every day to try to get it all done. You work really hard at ALL your jobs…wife, mom, home and family TV, blogger..I am sure I have missed some. Be encouraged and know you are supported. Blessings to you,
I get that some of the comments are harsh. But having a blog puts you in the line of fire to be criticized. There’s no way everyone is going to like or agree with what you say. It’s great that you got a nanny- you’re busy, you need one. I have a part time job, my youngest (oldest are in school) goes to a day home. And yes I use that day home when I want my hair done or to go for lunch with friends. Because, why not? I deserve it. I don’t understand why anyone even has to explain themselves.
But, you are most certainly not a stay at home mom. It’s offensive to those who are for you to say you are. A SAHM does no work in or out of their home and spends all their time solely raising their children and keeping their home. It’s no diff then a mom whose husband works away a lot saying they are a single mom- not the same as someone who literally raises their kids alone.
I dont think you should have to explain yourself or defend your decisions for your family. But I think the SAHM comment is where you struck a cord with people. 🤷🏼♀️
You can’t honestly say that you and Kevin are 50/50. C’mon. You are the breadwinner- cool. To me I see him as the “mom” in the traditional sense. Dad goes to work…. mom takes care of the housework (laundry, cleaning, groceries). Dad comes home— plays with kids (while attached to a phone in this case constantly posting on instagram). Dad takes a nap, goes back to work, indulges in hobbies while mom continues to take care of the kids. Then dad “blogs” to assure himself he is doing everything right in self doubt. Sound familiar?
Plus add in a photographer (has society really come to this?), a makeup team and a nanny. You are not relatable- which I guess is the point of your blog post.
Maybe your issue with the blog post is that your view points are outdated. Open your eyes to the modern world and look beyond the old, sexist gender roles and maybe you can see the point of her post? What about 2 dads or 2 moms? Do they have to fall into your traditional roles in order to justify an equal partnership in parenting?
Yes couldn’t agree more! Perfectly said- Ali is certainly out of touch with reality in that regard.
I just want to say that I love your blogs and your IG posts. Our little men are about 3 weeks apart so you have helped me by answering SO many of my “what the heck am I doing?!” questions. My husband and I both work full time while our little man goes to daycare during the day and he loves it! I would honestly feel guilty if I kept him home because he’s not getting the experience of being around others besides our family. You should NEVER feel guilty or ashamed about asking for help, or even sharing that you have it. If I was in your shoes, why wouldn’t I want help?! Work is hard, but parenting is harder. It really does take a tribe to raise children and I always try to bring people into my son’s life that will impact it positively and he can learn from because he can get so much from others that I cannot provide. I applaud you for sharing and staying true to yourself through social media.
Stop. Just stop right there. No one can do it all 100% on their own and I have a hard time believing that anyone in their right mind thinks it’s possible. Like you said, it takes a village. So whether ‘help’ comes in the form of a nanny, sitter, family member, sending kids to friends’ homes for an afternoon play date, school, cleaning companies, cooks/grabbing takeout, dropping kids off at camps/practices/etc, and everything else under the sun. Being kid free for any length of time allows for ‘help.’ I use the term help so loosely because it can mean completely different things for everyone. If people choose to use that time to workout, clean, breathe, do laundry, get their nails done, meal plan, catch up with a friend, or whatever else, that’s their personal decision. I guess what I’m rambling on about is that it’s all semantics and interpretation. You put it all out there and no matter the positive intention and the light you were hoping to shed about everyone needing help or a village, you’re naturally going to get critiques because that’s what people do. Don’t put it out there if you don’t want judgement. You basically judged the celebrity’s semantics for saying she didn’t have a nanny and for ‘raising’ her kids. And yes, I agree with you, I’m sure she has some form of help. My point is, you choose to put your life out there and you can’t make everyone happy because opinions vary. I’m glad you’re voicing the importance of how it takes a village but that’s the truth regardless of how many hats any one person wears. No reason to justify anything for haters, I’m sure they just misunderstood what you were trying to convey just like you and so many others could have misunderstood the celebrity for saying she raises her kids. It’s all semantics!! So dry your eyes and move on.
Hi Ali! Growing up my parents made the decision to hire a nanny to help out with my twin brother and I. Both my parents owned their own businesses and we were BUSY! Today, my whole family is still super close with my nanny and she lives 5 minutes away from us. Sometimes I even get the chance to babysit her kids which is so fun! I thank my parents that they made the decision to get help because it made things easier on them and my brother and I. Also, just because we had a nanny did not mean my parents were not around, they still were! I love that you have all the help you need and are open about it all, thanks for sharing!
Your blog is trult inspiring and tou make everything seem so easy (not trying to be rude of course). I am 30 single mom and working full time from hkme which is good, my daughter is 2 1/2 and she is full of energy, luckily I have my mkm who takes care of her while I work and when I can I let her be with me, main reason she doesnt stay with me while I work is because I take calls so she is usually screaming or singing lol. I totally get what toy mean about going to your tv shkw and you relax.. working is when I get my ME time, but I know I need to make some time for myself but I feel really bad to ask my parents to take care of her so I can go out and have ‘fun’ because of being a single mom unfortunately I cannot nap whenever I dont feel well or have my husband take care of her so I can go out with my friends.. there are sifferent types of situations out there and just reading your blog I hope one day I can find someone like Kevin to help me out haha.
Sending much love! Your kids are just wonderful!
This sounds like another famous person trying to convince people she is like “everyone else.” You aren’t. Having help from people and friends and family is totally normal. Hiring a nanny isn’t. The majority can barely afford decent daycare with 20 other kids. We need normalize all parenting but seeing posts like this is discouraging.
I think you totally missed the point of this post. She is stating that she doesn’t have it all together. She is not comparing herself to other people or people who are less fortunate. A lot of people scroll through social media and feel bad about themselves when they see people who seem like they “have it all” and she is just saying that she doesn’t. Obviously she has probably felt like a “failure” because she has a Nanny and society has probably made her feel that way. She is NO WAY saying that she is like “everybody else”.
Also not sure what the difference is between having a Nanny and sending your kids to daycare. If both parents are working then of course you need to find child care. Both my husband and I work and he works from home 3 days a week and we still send our daughter to daycare because there is no way to actually work with your kids home.
Also I’m sure you just watched her IG stories of her CRYING because of the negative comments so you decided to come read her blog and then comment something negative? I really don’t understand.
You seriously don’t see the difference between daycare and a nanny. A nanny is only for your kids. They can focus entirely on one family. Daycare is totally different.
I also don’t need you to understand why I commented. My comment wasn’t for you. Move on.
I’m a second grade teacher and I think you need to go back to elementary school and learn how to treat others the way you want to be treated. Ash, rude! Sorry I can’t stand by and watch women do this to others. It’s annoyingly awful!
That’s actually not true. I can afford a nanny but I CHOOSE to put my child in daycare because I want my child to be around another children and be socialized. I don’t want my child stuck in the house with a nanny all day and be unstimilulated.. They need to be around other kids and learn that they don’t always need constant one on one attention. That also creates more behaviors because a child always expects that one on one attention when it’s not developmentally appropriate or necessary. People need to educate themselves.
Ali,
Someone is ALWAYS going to try to tear you down or make you feel bad for having help because they probably want to make themselves feel better. Don’t let that get you down! You’re so right that having a nanny is like daycare so you can work and that’s the method of child care you choose for your family and I can’t see why anyone would have a problem with that, but with social media you can’t please everyone. I think you’re an amazing Mom and you can see how much you love your children in your content. I love your blog and look forward to all your posts! I work full time outside the home and am very fortunate to have my Mom retired and care for my kids or I don’t even know what I would do! Sending you love, xo
Ali,
thank you thank you thank you for breaking down the stigma around having a nanny!! There is absolutely nothing wrong with adding someone else to your family to love your kids and help everything run smoothly!! I am a nanny and I often get down about how there is such a taboo feeling around saying you have a nanny. My family I work for is WONDERFUL and treats me so so well and I’m so thankful for them!! You go girl!!! I’m sure you are a wonderful person to work for and I bet your nanny loves you and your kids!! Nannies and Moms and Dads for the win!! Let’s all work together!
I, too, felt this came off a little strangely. I think about other ‘bachelorette’ ladies, one in particular, who has a successful business. I see her insta stories about bringing her baby to work, and while I know that may not be possible for you or every working mom, she seems to genuinely LOVE it. She may or may not have help, but she doesn’t make a big deal out of it or complain. Just seems happy, positive and humble about what she does. You seem like a great person, Ali, I just feel this ‘woe is me’ vibe from some of your blog posts.
I love that you shared about having a nanny! Honestly I think people without kids or maybe with just one kid don’t always get the need for help. I was a nanny for an amazing family before I had my own kids and when I started the mom I worked for was a stay at home mom but they had just moved to the area and had no family to help and could afford to hire a nanny so they did! I remember thinking it was a little silly that she hired me when she stayed home with her kids (she used the time I was there to go work out etc). And then I had my own kids and I totally got why she needed help!! As a stay at home mom to 3 if I could afford a nanny I’d hire one too!
Just like how we need to teach our kids, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” Many people need to remind themselves of this young or old! Be kind to others!
🍷😘 love your blog Ali & I’m glad you went back to blogging about the Bach (you mentioned one time you were going to stop). Thank you!
Negative people always look for ways to tear people down. You could have posted a pic of a beautiful garden and they would have see the weeds.
You are refreshingly honest, and we love how you share. Isn’t it sad how you can have 150 positive comments and 3 negative ones and how mean words can cut like a knife and outweigh the positive. Why is that?? (I am the same way!)
I will never understand why people feel the need to be do negative. I have a baby and I will be working almost full time once my maternity leave is over. I will be working nights a lot so my husband can care for her and my mom will help out sometimes. Yeah it’s hard, and yeah I can’t afford a nanny, but what’s the point of being jealous of someone who can? I say, good for you!! Me time is needed, and it’s hard to be a mom, which is a full time job, plus work and take care of yourself. Don’t apologize for being you and for being honest with everyone! Its great to see how real you are, and how relatable you are!
Hi Ali
I am a full time working mom of two teenage boys from Massachusetts (Agawam – where Riverside Park was now Six Flags). I’m sure you are familiar. I have been following you on social media since before you got married, and even though you don’t know me, I’m happy to have gotten to know you and your family (including Owen). You have earned the right to have help! Don’t feel guilty about it or feel the need to explain yourself. You don’t flaunt your success because you worked hard for it. My husband hears my phone in the background with Molly telling her cute stories or Riley whining (real life stuff) and asks me who the kids are. I tell him, a former bachelorette who made a great life for herself and is inspiring to others. Over the years, I have felt guilty going on business trips, being away, leaving the kids at the after school program longer so I could run kid free to the grocery store, etc. I try and find time to walk, exercise, cook healthy meals, or whatever. Everyone finds there way in life to make it work for their family, and although its hard, just scroll past the negativity, and focus on the 90% positive. Keep on doing what you are doing. Love ya girl!
I’m so sorry for some of the negativity on here! I can say from the perspective of the part-time nanny, I remember thinking… I don’t know how these parents do this because I’m getting PAID to do it and it’s a struggle sometimes! And also, from the perspective of a [wanna-be] full-time blogger, who still has a 9-5 AND a secondary part-time job, with NO kids, I absolutely understand how much work it takes to grow a blog and a community. People think it’s “easy” and “glamorous” when it is actually so time consuming!! I just have to say, “Content does not create itself.” and keep it moving. I often feel like I don’t have enough time or energy to devote to it because I currently am working to pay the bills. So I get your struggles even though I don’t have kids and so sorry that some can’t see this post for what it was… a vulnerable display of admission that nobody can do it all AND a beautiful tribute to those in your life who make it possible.
You’re a terrific mom! Keep doing what you’re doing. I’m sorry some are so cruel and rude! You’re very inspiring and I love reading your blog and on Instagram
I just saw your Instagram story of you upset about people’s comments in this blog and I had read the blog and comments…
You are a badass mombabe! I have my first little one who will be 6 months old next week and am already stressing about balancing work/mom/home life when I return back to work and I’ve been following you for a while now. You’ve helped me realize that it’s okay to not be able to do it all, it’s okay to step back and say “I need help” and it’s okay to take time for yourself and to have that extra glass of wine at night because damn it we’ve earned it!
People have their own opinions and LOVE to twist words around and get offended, it’s the century we live in where everyone is offended by everything. Forget the haters! You are rocking it and as long as you and your family are happy and you have found something that works for you then that’s all that matters!
You wear you’re heart on your sleeve and I appreciate you for being so real! You have helped me so much on some of my hard days as a new mom.
XXOO
Ali, you are not cut out to be a blog writer. You are too sensitive to criticism (or perceived) criticism. You write a blog post. You get 90% positive comments and 10% negative. The 10% negative causes you to have an emotional breakdown. This has happened so many times it’s ridiculous. Your over sharing is going to elicit many different reactions. Why do you feel the need to explain yourself 15 times? Just say what you have to say and move on. Be happy for all the good things you have in life and stop expecting everybody to love you. It’s not going to happen.
YES! So much yes.
The girl has issues.
Maybe because she is human and because she feels what so many of us feel – mom guilt. Maybe because society tells her she should be able to do it all… but that she also needs to confirm to gender standards and carry the entire load of “keeping a house”, raising children and looking cute while doing it, too? Maybe because she’s tired of people feeling entitled to telling her what she can say or do, or even (as you’ve done) what she’s allowed to feel and how she’s allowed to respond. Maybe because she is just like the rest of us, and by sharing this vulnerability, she knows she will show others that they are not alone and that even those who seem to “have it all” struggle with finding balance and dealing with outside pressures that want her to conform to THEIR demands.
It’s ironic to me that YOU took the time to share your opinion on her blog, about her life, telling her that SHE should just move on and not have a reaction or response.
You totally missed my point, but that’s ok. My point was, why choose a life that causes you so much stress. She will never please everybody so why set herself up for failure. People that are overly emotional like she is don’t do well in jobs where they are constantly scrutinized by the public. It’s a sad comment but true. I have followed Ali off and on for a long time. I’ve seen the good, the bad and the ugly. I don’t think this is a good forum for her because it affects her too much emotionally. Just my opinion, which, by the way I’m allowed to have.
Ali, thank you so much for sharing this! I have 2 littles around Molly and Riley’s ages, work from home, live away from family and my husband is gone a lot for work. I struggled so much with the thought of sending them to daycare and fought the idea for so long. I honestly didn’t want anyone to know they were going or for how much time. I didn’t want people to judge me or think I was weak that I couldn’t do it all. But now they are both in daycare, they LOVE their time there and I’m able to have my time too! And instead of being almost embarrassed by it, I sing daycare’s praises whenever I can because they are so awesome with my girls and gives us all what we need!
Anyways, what is so frustrating about it all, is why do we feel like we need to do it all and can’t have help?! So thank you! It’s okay to have help and as much as you can get, because parenting is touch stuff!
Lastly, watching your stories this morning made ME want to cry! I seriously cannot comprehend how people can be so rude! I keep a post-it note on my desk that reads, “stop giving power to other peoples opinions!”. I’m so guilty of this, especially with unwanted parenting opinions. Although I’m sure it bothers you, I hope you can see that you are a great mom and we are all just trying our best!
Ali, I just read your instastory and I did not realize you were the breadwinner! That right there should change peoples perspectives. TBH, I for one and I think many of us thought Kevin made really good money being a radio personality and that your work was just extra for the family! I would have thought Kevin was the breadwinner! I think now that puts a whole new dynamic on this post, at least for me and I hope for others as well. Kudos to you. Keep up the good work and no need to apologize!
I’m so sorry some of these women are keyboard warriors, Ali. Like someone above mentioned, I can’t stand when women tear each other down. Why not support and encourage each other?! Drives me insane.
Also, for anyone who says Kevin is a “poor guy” for doing the household chores, did you ever think he CHOOSES to do them because not only does it help Ali, but because he enjoys it? AND he let Ali take a nap on Father’s Day because he went to the Dodger game later that day and she was going to be home with the kids while he went.
Sorry, I’m a loooong time listener of Valentine in the Morning and have followed you since your Bachelor days, so you both feel like family to me and it hurts me when people hurt my family – or anyone in general.
Love you and your little family!
You’re rocking it and doing a great job! Knowing that you need help and seeking that help is a form of success in its own right. I’m in a similar situation– work from home 50 hours per week, but only have a nanny from 8am-1:30pm (when the kids {same ages as yours} go down for a nap). I love it (I get to see my kids so much considering I am working as much as I am), but it’s hard work! I wake up before the kids, work for a few hours, get them up and ready, work a full-day, then take care of them until they go to bed. My husband is also very helpful, but his job has him out of the house for 12 hours a day, so a lot of the housework falls on me. It’s exhausting and I often find myself reciting “It will get better. It won’t always be this much work,” but I know I will look back on this time fondly and be proud of managing it all. Thanks for sharing your story! Have a great day!
Full disclosure, I am an older (64 years old), privileged person. – It seems that everyone has some combination of luck, hard work, and struggle in their life. It is not our position to judge another person’s life. I find it a privilege and so fun and interesting to be ‘let in’ on someone else’s journey, and I find Ali to be very brave to share hers with us.
Eeew, I sound like I’m lecturing – Sorry about that!!
It seems to me that the point of this post was to show that any mom/dad juggling a busy household needs help at times. Stress sees no color, economic level or age. Some people are able to afford nannies, sitters etc. if not get creative! School is out, grab those high school kids who need service hours to be a mother’s helper. National Honor students need hours too. Join a coop. There are ways to get help. Create your own neighborhood coop where parents take turns watching each others kids. You can do it!! Everyone comes from different walks of like here and we must help eachother. We all have choices in life and need to be happy in the end. That’s the most important.
Just saw your insta post & now read the blog – Not a mom but LOVE you for this! I work at a Fortune 500 company and I am apart of women’s groups and many sr female leaders talk about this, hiring help, because YOU CANT DO IT ALL!!!!! Live your life and keep CRUSHING it!!!!! I’m obsessed with you & your fam and am 100% a supporter of you! ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I think that this blog was my favorite. I don’t think you should ever be criticized for telling the truth and being you. I love that you are honest about your day to day life and how you don’t have it all. It’s ok to not have it all and to have help. It really does take a village and thank you for showing us that your life is not always so glamours. And thank you for being so damn honest. I love your blog and watching your IG and FB stories. Keep being you girl because your fantastic!!!
Hi, I just saw your insta story and it made me so sad that people were making rude comments about you having a nanny. Gosh what is wrong with people, uhh! To be honest I didn’t read the blog post (Im a stay at home mom of 2 with another on the way and dont always have time) … but I got the jist with your other posts…you work A LOT and your husband works, you have 2 small kids that need constant attention and you would like some time to yourself (which is completely normal and justified)! There is no way you can do it all without help and you shouldn’t feel bad for that! I hope your day gets better and realize you are doing a great job as a mom!
Hey Ali,
I don’t really have a strong opinion about your blog, it’s awesome you’re so out there and honest! And good for you for having help, hell if I could have more I’d jump at it! Thanks for being vulnerable.
But my real opinion is these
Comments, and the constant mom shame. If I read or hear one more thing like “I’m a SAHM so I had to do xyz” or “I work full time and still all of that” I’m going to lose my mind. How about it’s hard. Period. Not it’s hard because I do this or this. Let’s be honest and say mom guilt probably is the root of our bashing other moms. If we defend what we do and bash what we don’t, people will just support us right? WRONG. You sound petty and mean. Momming is hard, so hard! What makes it harder is this lack of support from the fellow mom. I’m a SAHM and it’s hard, so hard! But I wonder how much harder it would be if I worked too. Maybe harder, maybe easier. Who knows, but what I know is that we need to stop this constant battle! Let’s support each other and stop knocking people down.
I am a mom to a 23 month old and 3 month old boys. I also work as therapist for folks with chronic and sever mental health diagnosis. Being a mom is by fair the hardest job and makes my job some days feel like a breeze (even though no job is). I appreciate your honesty and am sadden for the negative criticism you have got. It’s unfair. That’s great that you are able to get a nanny (which makes sense when you don’t have help from family near by). I’m currently on maternity leave but fully plan to go back to work. I choose to be a working mom because it is important and adds value to me as a person, allows me to provide a lifestyle and opportunities to my family, and because I’m a far better mom when I get to do me and have a break from my kids. While on maternity leave I continue to have my oldest in daycare full time because a) he loves it and it’s been great for his learning and development and b) my husband is out of the house for work from 5/6 am- 7/8 on and c)gives me a break and chance to bond and experience with my youngest. In addition I have hired help to clean my home, I often go to my moms for help and my mom makes meals for my family most days. I often feel shame or guilt for being fortunate enough to afford this (however me and my husband have worked very hard to create this option). It works for my family. My kids are happy and healthy. We live so isolated these days whereas previous generations moms, aunts, cousins, etc- the full family and community helped care for the child. Now we have this idea of doing it all on our own a job that we have zero preparation for, is 24/7 and is hard! It’s unrealistic and unfair. It’s clear your kids are happy and adore you so looks like your doing a great job and have found what works for your family at the moment. Enjoy it and thank you for your honesty and knowing other moms don’t have it all under control on their own is validating and helpful.
Literally the most inspiring mom on the internet!!! I LOVE getting on Instagram and seeing that you have a new blog post, I get so excited. You are beautiful inside & out and you have an amazing family that you take such good care of. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re killing it. 🙌🏼
PS I’m a stay at home mom and I have a part time nanny because sometimes I just need a break. It happens.
Have the best day. <3
Hi Ali! First off Molly and Riley are so cute! I am a part time nanny for a few families! Their situations for needing help are all different but all valid! I help working moms and stay at home moms! I watch the kids so the moms can go to the gym and go to the hair salon or even just Walmart! Even though I am not a mom, my job shows me how hard taking care of children are, I know it is hard being the actual mom! I think this is a hreat article! I think having time away from kids to focus on your passions and health is essential!
Ali-
I read your blog but have never left a comment until now. I’m so mad that people are so mean and terrible. Like honestly- the things that some people have said about this post is soooooo messed up and those people are not the majority. I read your post and loved it and although I’m not famous, I could absolutely relate. And might I add, the bigger your responsibilities, the bigger the help, the bigger the needs. So ya, she needs a hair stylist and a photographer and nanny to run the business. To go to work. I run a small business and if mine expanded or got bigger, I could afford help, and I’d need it to keep up with demand… like duh. I’m so annoyed and saddened that there are people like this out there mom shaming.
You are awesome. I watch all your stuff because you are real and more people like you are what we need.
And also- it is so hard to ask for help. It took me so long with my first to realize I needed some time to myself. And once I did, it was a game changer. Now I take my daughter to a babysitter one morning a week so I can just be a person. Lol.
I hope I’m not sounding mean to the haters but I’m just disappointed in our society and the human race in general. We need to do better. And the fact that this stuff is coming from other moms is the most appalling part. Like cmon. Do better.
-Kristi
I can’t comment on this from a mom’s perspective as I am not one, however I have been a nanny for a family with two beautiful little girls- 4 and 7 when I was working for them, and I have to say I don’t think the help I provided in any way diminished the parenting they received from their mom and dad. Some days at could be with them all day responsible from everything from wake up to bed time and other days it could be as simple as only helping pick them up from school and shuttle them to their various activities. But the parents were still very hardworking people and me being there allowed them to get their work done, go get groceries, spend time with a friend, experience some self care, etc. All of those things are important! And it really does take a village, they had me as a nanny but the children’s grandmother still helped out and sometimes so did the neighbors! I could send the girls next door to take care of the dishes or I could take the neighbor kids in with me while that mom ran an errand. Whether it’s someone actually hired to help, or help from family or a neighbor, help is so important! Trying to do it all and spreading yourself so thin that you turn into a stressed out mess isn’t fair to the kiddos, it should not be shameful in any way shape or form to ask for or accept help. Someday when I have kids I’ll want the help that I experienced with that family. At one point they had a spring break vacation that the husband had to work through so I went with the mom and girls and I seriously don’t know how it could have worked with only one person. And as far as being their nanny, I absolutely love those children and felt like part of the family and seriously loved being around all of them. If you can find someone that helps out and loves your kids, what’s not to love!? An extra person loving on a kid should always be a welcomed blessing.
❤️
Ali,
You are doing great! We all have our own story and you should be proud of yours! You don’t need to explain to anyone why your life is the way it is or feel guilt for needing help. All us moms need help!! It’s hard to be a mommy!
People are mean, don’t spend another minute on them and let them bring you down! I needed this post, as a work from home mom with a nanny, I struggle with getting it all done, making time for myself, and the perception of everything. Sometimes it is just nice to hear that it’s ok to be you and that everyone needs help (and really there isn’t a single person out there that doesn’t need help with something!)
Are there people out there that still believe that the curated life on IG is real?
You don’t need to apologize for your wealth or even the smallest of luxuries… like having part time help.. when people say ‘it must be nice’ . It IS nice! And earned, not stolen from anyone.
Thank you for being so real! This hits home for me because I am a nanny to 4 kids in Indiana! The mom doesn’t work because her husband works full time. I get criticized all the time for being a nanny but I love what I get to do, be with kids all day plus their mom gets to have her time whenever she wants! I feel apart of their family, I even travel with them to different places. Thank you for being you and so real. ❤️
I’m not even a mom yet and there is nothing I believe more than it takes a VILLAGE! I grew up with my single mom and sister, we lived with my grandparents and another aunt lived with us. My other aunt and uncle lived down the street and my mom worked all the time. Your kids are going to learn so much about teamwork and hardwork, you’re doing it for them. Looks like you’re building a beautiful village and what could be more warm and welcoming than that!
Ali I have been following you since you were on the bachelor and I was in high school! Now I’m a new mom and I just want to thank you for your candidness. I don’t follow celebrities on social media because it’s usually not uplifting or I get into a trap of comparison but I follow you because you are uplifting! Your blog posts sometimes are like getting advice from an older sister for me. You have helped me get through a hard pregnancy and now navigating momhood. Thank you for being honest and real on your blog and know if nothing else you have helped a young mother in a rural town of 600 people not feel so alone.
I just saw your IG Story about being shamed for having a nanny (or for being honest about it) and I just had to say that you are doing a SERVICE to your readers by being real, honest and transparent. You’ve built a multimedia brand and it didn’t just fall in your lap. You’ve hustled, sacrificed and worked damn hard to be where you are now. Heck, you were the woman who left a reality-show-sponsored trip around the world to GO BACK TO WORK. 🙂
I think the problem is that people say they want the “real world” stuff –which you share so vulnerably– so they can relate, but they also want to keep the illusion that ANYONE can magically become a social media maven. They want all the perfectly-lit pictures so they can imagine that they, too, can have that life if only they finally get on a reality show. If only a celebrity would retweet their meme. If only their blog could get some traction. Your reality — that your life and brand are a BUSINESS — interferes with their dreams that they could have your life with little to no work, and of course… no help.
You should make NO APOLOGIES for the life you’ve built. You should be celebrated for sharing that women can hustle for the life they want. You’ve shown what it looks like to dive fully into parenting, while also balancing a career and, more recently, also making sure that you’re taking care of yourself, too. The ONLY way to do that is to delegate tasks that can be delegated to unlock more time for the tasks (and people) you love. You are showing your readers that you are balancing motherhood, marriage, health and growth; and that all four are important to you. THAT should be celebrated, not shamed.
You are bold and brave to want your viewers to have a realistic impression what it takes to be “you.” I’m so tired of celebrities posting location-scouted, lighting-enhanced, makeup-and-hair-artist-perfected, professionally-shot images as if they just happened to snap a photo on their trip to the grocery store. It’s fake. Most of us know it’s fake and appreciate the aesthetic, the artistry and the inspiration. But some people don’t, and they should. They should know that it’s impossible to look like that without help. They should know that the wardrobe was likely sponsored. They should know that the hair and makeup took time and talent. They should know that it took a team of people to brainstorm the idea, create the image, craft the blog, and implement the social media strategy. They should know that someone is taking care of the children to allow for this process so that the kids can be… kids! They should know that it’s possible for them, too, but it takes hard work and a team of people.
My father became disabled around the time I was born, so my mom, out of necessity, became a bad a$$ working professional, who also managed to cheer me on at my swim meets, volunteer for fundraising, take care of my dad and her own health AND make the perfect banana bread on weekends. From the time I was born until 4th grade (when my dad took early retirement due to his disability), I spent my days with a nanny. She was a sweet British grandma who I lovingly referred to as Snowy. Mrs. Snow became part of our family. I have millions of memories with my parents, but I also have so many sweet memories of Snowy making toast with marmalade and tea, of taking me to the park every day after school, of teaching me about birds as they splashed in her birdbath, about sitting out on the curb as I watched our milk carton sailboats race to the drain. I feel SO fortunate to have a mom who showed me that women can do ANYTHING they want (or need) to do; that they can be a loving mom AND a glass ceiling-breaking businesswoman. I am so grateful that she hustled hard enough to allow the opportunity to have Snowy in my life. Know that your children will appreciate that too!
If you haven’t read Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis, she speaks to the mom-guilt and the lies some celebrities tell. She shares how she was so angry that a celebrity chef/media mogul/wife to an A-list athlete went on a national TV program and claimed that her empire was due to a lot of prayer and hard work. She failed to share that it took a team of helpers, babysitters, parents and in-laws who were constantly around to watch the babies so she could grow her brand. I have a feeling you’ve probably already read her book… but if you haven’t, I highly recommend it!
Make no apologies. You are building an incredible life for your children. You are showing them that they can do anything they want if they’re willing to work for it. You are setting the example that Mom and Dad are a team and that you are making decisions with their best interests in mind. You are setting the example that it’s always okay (and healthy) to ask for help, and that it’s important to take care of your own needs, too. Don’t worry about people who criticize you. Maybe your success is intimidating to them. Maybe your choices make them question their own. But just maybe, you’ll help them to see that it’s okay for them to ask for help too.
Thanks for being so transparent. It’s easy to subconsciously let the perfections of instagram accounts skew my expectations of reality! It’s important to see behind the scenes sometimes.
Sorry you have to read some negative comments here. That sucks. Hopefully you can absorb and internalize the positive ones instead! And hey, on the bright side, the more people who come to scroll through the controversy of these comments, the more blog traffic you get, haha. 😉 Take that, haters!
Thanks for being real. Thanks for being you. Thanks for sharing your cute kids with the world. The video clips of them always make me smile. 🙂
I’m not sure why people feel the need to leave a negative comment. There is no reason for it. If you dont have something nice to say, dont say anything at all. I am hoping these mommas who are so negative and hateful are raising their babies to be kinder humans than this. You disagree with her or you think she is being too sensitive? Okay, then move along. No one is forcing you to read her blog or comment. I’m personally grateful for the honest and humble blog but even if I disagreed, I wouldnt be on here shaming her. Who even has time for that? Mommas dont need to be attacking mommas. Be an example to your kids and be kind.
Like Oprah said in a commencement speech once, “All of you leaving here have the potential for enormous success, there’s a price that comes with that; people don’t always like you and they are not always happy for you. People who want the best for you, want you to be your best. So my greatest advice to you, is to surround yourself with people who are going to fill your cup until your cup runneth over. Once your cup runneth over, you cannot spend your life with your gallon-size offerings, offering them to pint-size people. You have got to surround yourself with gallon-size people who can hang in the same company with you —so that you’re not offering your gallons to those little pints out there who can’t hold it anyway.”
The sad thing about social media is there are sometimes sad pint-size people hanging out. And just remember this:
Whoever they are, they must, deep down not be very happy. Which is very sad. Because to say those things, they are ONLY hurting themselves (whether they realize it yet or not. ). Their comments are on them. Not you.
Whoever misunderstood your post for complaining, or anything near that, obviously, needs to re-read it. I read it – that you wanted to show people that all these celebs aren’t doing it all, and some Mom’s on social media who seem to be doing it all, same. And it’s sad that they misrepresent that, as it makes many that are struggling, feel inadequate. And you were just trying to explain that to us all by being real. Ali, I can tell you are a sweet soul. You are so authentic and real in comparison to many doing the same job —the reason I keep following you. Your family is beautiful, and a great example of how we all should be living, in a happy and healthy home. Your husband Kevin is amazing doing all that he does and SO ARE YOU!
And you’re right, when you mentioned on your stories, it’s sad that we even question women as breadwinners and asking for help. If it was man, there wouldn’t even be this conversation.
Don’t even address those who can’t handle it, because for one – they don’t deserve the attention. The majority know, you meant well and wanted to lift other women up. Keep surrounding yourself with people who are going to fill your cup. You deserve it! We all do!
This is a wonderful post; not only is it well thought-out, but it also hits many different audiences, regardless of if they are going through the same situations or not. I’m sure you have helped so many people by writing this, and for that I thank you. Keep up the great work!
I LOVE this post!!!!! Coming a from a nanny this made me love you even more!!! I used to nanny for a woman who has a blog
(a parenting blog) and she would post about her daughters daily activities, crafts and her hair and outfits. Little did anyone know that I was the one doing it ALL. She would go above and beyond to try and hide the fact that she had a nanny. I feel like having a nanny now a days is looked down on which it shouldn’t be!!!! We should be embracing it and congratulating families for getting help! On top of families who employ nannies are amazing! I’m a college student and being a nanny is the only flexible schedule I could find. It’s families like yours that make me love being a nanny. People need to be nicer to nannies and embrace having them!!! I love that you are doing this for yours!!! I’m sure your nanny appreciates that!
Anyways, showing us that it isn’t all you is amazing and just a huge step towards getting away from “the perfect instagram family” phase. Parents can’t do it all!!!
I love you and your little ones!!! You guys seem like such a real and amazing family! (Don’t get down on yourself. All of your “true” fans took this blog post the way you intended it to be. Just to inform everyone that it isn’t all you! You’re amazing.)
You are so lucky to have help however you can get it and you should never be ashamed of that. Your parents and Kevin’s parents don’t live close by so it’s natural to have to get help elsewhere. Do not feel guilty. Moms need to know that help is okay and a natural thing to need and get. It takes a village. I have 3 boys ages 9, 6, and 3 and take help ANYWHERE I can get it. If not for my mom I would be lost! And my husband of course too! But we all need help! You’re doing great! Thanks for sharing!
So I didn’t read many comments, but I wanted to reach out because I *am* a nanny. I’m so sorry there were people giving you grief for having a nanny, I’ve been given lots of grief for being one as well.
But I wanted to talk about the gift you are giving your children by including another adult in their lives to give them love and care. I’ve been working with my current nanny family for 7 years, since the youngest girls were born, and they mean the world to me. Yes it is a job, but it’s a job that I’ve invested my heart in, and that’s what you give to your children when you include a nanny in your family. I do my best to work in partnership with the parents, I’m a shoulder if they need it, and someone to vent to. I’m there if they’re unexpectedly sick. I’m so grateful that I’ve allowed them to continue their careers in a meaningful way while proving their children similar one on one care as a parent would provide. And I hope that when I eventually leave the family when they no longer require care that I can continue to be in their lives, see their dance recitals and soccer games, and cheer them on as another person who loves them.
So I guess in short, no, not many families can afford a nanny. But if you can, then you certainly shouldn’t be made to feel bad about that because you truly are giving your children another person in their circle of people who love them, and that’s never a bad thing. ❤️
Ali,
People are the worst aren’t they!? 😜 They love to have an opinion when it is to put someone down! If everyone sat back an evaluated their own mothering, they’d see they all have help! It could be from the father (although, they aren’t “help” they’re a parent… but that’s a whole other story!). It could be family, friend, neighbor, even the tv can help you get a few minutes of solitude 😜 I may not have a nanny, I may not even have a job, but by golly, I’m not in this parenting thing alone!! If I didn’t have help, I’d be in a padded room somehere!
We (us out here in the ig world who follow you like you’re a friend) may not lead a life in the limelight like you, but we all do things in our own way that require help so we can be someone other than Mommy! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
You do awesome! You are honest with who you are and how you feel! You have a gorgeous family! You do you friend! Those trolls out there are just unhappy & looking to complain, probably out of jealousy… which is probably cliche to say, but it’s probably 100% truth!
I see that many have come to support you after watching your Insta-stories this morning, but what can 1 more positive comment hurt? 😊
It WAS nice/great/wonderful to hear that you’re not alone in your journey… and, to many, it read that the positivity you wanted to spread was about lifting the esteem of your followers… not about bragging that you can afford it or complaining that you’re too tired. Your heart, I can assume and see, was to encourage those who watch you and think “Why can’t I do all of that?!”… and keep it up! We stay tuned to your day to day for many reasons and a big one is how REAL you ARE. I guess this is just a thanks (though in a round-about, rambling, not making sense kind of way) – Thanks for being real, thanks for showing off your wonderful family, thanks for the tips and the fashion and helping ladies (and gents) be inspired to live a life that is happy and real and overall pushing ourselves to be the best versions of us.
You’re better than those haters… and since you worked out you for sure deserve a glass of wine to celebrate the fact that LIFE IS GREAT.
Hi Ali,
Strange how other’s say such rude things. Isn’t it tiring to explain yourself? We all have different ways of living, according to whatever means we have. Even though we may all be stay at home moms, or working moms, or work from home moms, etc., life still happens and you need help plus your sanity sometimes. I’m a working mom and school helps with “babysitting.” Plus my mom or my in-laws help with my little one by babysitting 2-3 hours each day after school in between my shift and my husband’s shift. Also, in the summer, when elementary school is closed, they help. I don’t see any difference between family helping and a nanny. If you don’t have family around, what else are you to do but get a nanny. I know I would have to, or make a decision not to work. Whatever fits your family’s needs is best and it’s only your business what you do. Also, now people will say, “well you share your business with the internet.” Who cares what they say about that too. I appreciate it so much, its fun and entertaining to watch, and gives a sigh of relief to see “celebrities” are normal too. Don’t ever feel bad, you do you. 🙂
Ali- I’ve followed you for a long time and have never felt compelled to post before. This blog post was your BEST by far. The transparency is something the rest of us NEVER gets to see! I follow a lot of mommy bloggers that don’t also have a “third” job like you (as in the TV job) and they always make it seem like they are travelling the world, organizing their cupboards with labels, and always have everyone in cute outfits with NO help.
I’m definitely going to be following you even closer with a LIGHTER heart knowing that I’m not behind because my life doesn’t look like yours or any other blogger.
PS- I took my first spin class today because of you! I was so nervous but I was like- if she did it, I can too! 🙂 You’re awesome.
Ali,
First off, you are the best! For real. I was sad to see how sad you were in your video because you seem like a genuinely good person that doesn’t have a mean bone in your body.
I was not at all “offended” by anything you said as a stay at home mom of 3 kids(5, 3, and 1 year old) with no help besides my mom swinging by on occasion and am extremely supportive husband…which I feel so grateful to have. I think that we live in a society that gets offended too easily and we all need to just relax a bit. Moms need to stick together! I completely understand what you were trying to convey. Regardless of what anyone does or has, raising kids is the toughest job on the planet and we all need to respect that we all do it differently! You were just explaining your situation as truthfully as you could. Sorry if I’m talking in circles. Starting to sound like Hannah!
Take care and God bless!
Katie
I loved this post and really appreciated it. Once upon a time, I was a local news anchor. I looked perfect every day when my husband met me. Now, I hardly recognize myself. I work from home, have an infant, and do everything alone most days (my husband is in the Air Force, so he is gone often and we are far from family). I usually look like hell during all of this too, haha. I try very hard to keep everything in perspective and feel grateful. However, it’s easy to look at all of the Instagram moms you talked about and think, “Wow. I really need to step it up. I’ve let myself go.” You are spot on! We are expected to do it all and look perfect while doing it. I have warned my husband that we’ll be paying for a little help once we settle down in our new town and can find someone we trust. There is no shame in that. If it keeps you sane, it makes you a better mom. Simple as that!
“no mother should ever feel ashamed for having help.” Yes! This! X1,000!
Hi Ali. I’m pretty new to your blog and I typically don’t comment, although I do love reading your posts and can relate to you in sooooo many ways. I too am a stay at home working mom too. My babies are in daycare though…mainly because I don’t think I could get my work done if they were in the house, lol. So I commend you for being able to do it, nanny or not…it’s impressive. My husband is a physician and has early hours too, and is like your husband in so many ways! We are truly 50/50 parents like you and your husband and I’m honestly so grateful for that- Every. Single. Day! You should in no way feel guilty or hesitant to speak your truth. I felt sad in reading some of the comments and the “mom shamers” out there. Everyone has their own formula to parenting and there is no exact guideline for success. Each and every family is different, and as long as our kids are loved and thriving(which it’s easy to see that yours are), then who really cares? It baffles my mind that you received so much negativity on a post that was meant to help and inspire other moms…working or not. Good for you for working hard and building a business that supports your family. And you shouldn’t have to apologize or justify that. Keep on being you, and forget the haters! 🙂
I grew up with a stay at home mom, and felt so much guilt for being a mom that needs to but WANTS to work. Because it is good for me and good for my family and I’m the bread winner as well! This resonated with me, as I feel i have a unicorn husband who is happy to spend a day home with our twin girls, but also come home early to relieve whoever is caring for the kids that day, a nanny or grandparents.
At the end of the day, the kids happiness and well being is the most important, and that will look different for so many people. Good on you for being who you are, and having great kids. The more you do you, the more you’re better for your kids and a better role model!
Wow! Your husband sounds amazing. Count your lucky stars for that man! I can’t even imagine having my husband be that helpful. He is a surgeon who works CRAAZY hours. He is gone from 5am until 9-10pm most nights. Sometime he is gone even 24+ hours when he is on call at the hospital. I quit my full time job last year when I gave birth because after doing the math, I would be working just to pay for childcare which was silly, but I do everything. Take care of our 1 year old (he’s a day older than Riley), dishes, laundry, all naps, baths, bedtime, all meals. I have no village, no help, and on most days not even a co-parent. I think I’ve maybe left him to do something for myself like 3x all year, ha! Kind-of pathetic but I really take advantage of his naps so don’t feel completely neglected. But enough about me…
Forget the haters! Everyone lives a different reality and they do what works for them. You live a very blessed life and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. And guess what? I think I live a blessed life too. Everyone’s life is soo different, no one should judge. I hate mom shaming.
Also, I just found out I’m pregnant and am terrified. No clue how I’m going to do what I do with 2 kids under the age of 2. Like I said, I have no village. This post made me realize that maybe I need one, come February!
I definitely appreciate your honesty in this post.
Being a mom is tough, working or not. For myself, being a working mom is so hard. I work outside of the home Monday-Friday, 8am-5pm. My daughter does go to daycare because that’s our only option at the moment. When I am off work, I am in full mom mode. I feel like the weekends are spent cleaning the house, running errands, etc. I never have time to do anything for myself. My husband works longer hours than I do, so he just isn’t home as much. Our family is local, but I am not going to always ask them to keep her. It’s just tough either way. I would love to do things for myself when I am not working but I do feel that guilt. I am due with a little boy in October and I know it is only going to get even harder.
Everyone’s situation is different, but we all struggle in some ways.
Sister, go get copies of Girl, Wash Your Face and Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis. They are such empowering books that will likely really resonate with you!!
YOU DO YOU UNAPOLGETICALLY ❤️❤️
(I’m gonna go buy you a “sorry not sorry” necklace or something. 😂)
Chin up, girlfriend.
Hi Ali! I don’t have kids of my own, however I’ve been a nanny myself. My personal view is that nannys are good for the kids. You want your kids to be comfortable around other people and not be too attached. This is how many kids can grow!! I think child care should be cheaper so that everyone can afford it because moms should be able to go out and have a career too! You still need to be Ali, not just mom. Secondly Kevin sounds like an angel and I think everyone should get themselves a Kevin 🙂
Ali – I support and have your back, mama! Anyone with an ounce of empathy and common sense understands that talking about how hard motherhood is doesn’t for one second take away from the immense love we have for our kids 🙂
I’m a sensitive person, so I know when people say “ignore the haters,” that’s easier said than done. You did the right thing – you got a good cry in, channeled it in a workout and then are spending time with your wonderful family. Good for you! Vulnerability is powerful, as Brene Brown would attest to.
Keep killin’ it in the mom game! Kevin is a gem, and your kids are fantastic. I know how much you love and appreciate your family. Continue enjoying them and living your best life. Many of us out here love you for that and are behind you 100%!
I used to be a nanny back when I was 21 for two boys and they were 2 years apart and I had the 4 days a week for about 8-10 hours a day and I was exhausted. Someday if I ever have children I’d definitely get a nanny too. I know how tiring can be without one.
Hi Ali. I rarely post comments on the blogs I read but I couldn’t let this one go. I think you are amazing. The fact that you shared something so personal so your readers could relate speaks volumes about your character. There are so many people out there (especially on Instagram) that appear to have it all together and I often find myself comparing myself to them and end up feeling really crappy about myself. To read your post was a breath of fresh air. There is nothing wrong with having help. (I have a lot of help) What’s MOST important is that your kids are happy (which they clearly are!!) are you are happy! The negative comments are ridiculous. What a sad world we live in where instead of lifting each other up some people feel the need to tear each other down. I love everything about your blog and Insta stories because you are a REAL person and so relatable. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling reading those comments but try to forget about them and know that majority of your followers appreciate you ❤️
Don’t let the haters get you down! You are an amazing mom! I aspire to be able to do things I still love when I have children. We all need to be able to give ourselves some me time. Just wanted to say how awesome you are 🙂
Wish I didn’t have to scroll past all these negative jerks to leave a love note to you Ali. Maybe move the comment section to the top. But, aside from that, your blog is perfect. And you are wonderful. I have no kids, single, work too damn much, but what gets me through the day is seeing little Molly and Riley and you and Kevin on IG. Is that weird? I promise it’s not weird. Have a great weekend and just ignore the haters!
Ali,
I can not believe some of the things I’m reading here on your comments. You are an INCREDIBLE woman and mother. You can tell you love your kids and husband with every bit of who you are. There is nothing wrong with having the help you need to make you a better wife, mother, working mother and human being. I’m a SAHM that gave up my career when my daughter was 5 months old and I’m about to send her off to kindergarten in August. While being home is wonderful, it is extremely challenging and my husband is incredible, but works 12-14 hour days. He does everything he can, but it’s me that handles the majority of our daily tasks. I feel judgement all the time when people find out I have two amazing housekeepers that come a few times a month to do the deep cleaning on my house or that I order my groceries online and have them delivered so I don’t have to take two younger kiddos (we now have a 3 year old too) to the store.
We don’t have family close, but do all we can for nights off as a couple and time alone to get things done for ourselves…and guess what?? That’s ok! I’ll do anything I can to make my life easier and help keep my sanity in check.
Just know you aren’t alone. We all do the best we can and we should hold each other up in support rather than tear each other down. Thank you so much for being so honest, so open and so real. I personally appreciate your transparency and it makes me adore you even more than I did before! ❤️
I think this is a great written piece, I have 4 kids, and some days find the idea of a nanny sooo darn appealing! (You do you!!!)
I think women need to support other woman…. I think my only
Comment would be I follow you on Insta and I genuinely like following you but you complain a lot… I’m so tired, im so tired, poor me…. oh we have no familynear by oh I have to work and got no sleep, I’m so tired, hey look I’m going to shill some clothing, show off my interior decorator and fancy home interior, oh look at my perfect marriage.. it makes people not sympathize with you. Ultimately I’m not here to judge, you do you…. but it’s hard to watch you sit and cry into Instagram when the image you portray comes off as entitled. There are lots of moms (nannies or not) (stay at home mom or not) that are bagged and exhausted and this post comes off as poor me… being a mom is so hard! News flash look around almost every mom is! I just think maybe think of your audience before you complain and then post about poor me I need a nanny cause life is hard.
It’s all about perspective! I hope life gets easier for you now you have “help” and you can see from different perspective on why maybe this has struck a nerve within yourself and with others.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Hey Ali,
I came to your website to read this specific blog after I saw that there was an US WEEKLY article about how this blog’s comments made you feel. I mean what could you have written to warrant an Us Weekly article to mention this!
Just wanted to say you do you. Your brand and business is all about simply you being you. That means you have to be vulnerable in a way that most other people (whose job is not to market themselves for monetary earnings) don’t have to. You will probably be subject to this for the rest of your career. And that alone is something that you will struggle with that most of the people who read your blog will NEVER understand. Everyone has their own opinion. You do you.
And anyone who tries to bring you down is just jealous. Heck, I’m jealous of your life! You have a beautiful home and what seems like a beautiful life. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to bash you because of it. Hope you have a good weekend, and stay healthy. There’s a nasty summer cold going around!!
First and foremost, you are doing AMAZING. Parenting is hard man. It’s probably harder for people with celebrity status because every little thing you do is scrutinized and judged. But it’s hard for everyone.
As a nanny, I wouldn’t have a career if people didn’t need help! I love my job more than anything I’ve ever done. No one should feel shamed for needing or just wanting help. If you can afford it, do what you need for your own sanity! I used to babysit for a mom who just needed an hour and a half to run twice a week. Another family would go on day dates because they had opposite schedules. HAPPY AND HEALTHY (mentally and physically) MAMA MEANS HAPPY BABIES!! Happy babies are less likely to turn into assholes later in life so that is important 😂😂
My current nanny babe loves watching your videos of Riley and Molly with me!
You are doing so great mama. Keep it up! Haters gonna hate.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Seriously thank you for this article.
Oh my goodness, some of these comments are just awful! It’s EXACTLY like the bullying that goes on in elementary schools! So sad! I liked Ali’s post a lot. She isn’t forcing anyone to read her blog…if you don’t like Ali and have nothing nice to write to her, why are you here? So many of my favorite bloggers stopped blogging because of all of the online bullying. It’s terrible. Every person who wrote something mean is either very jealous, or hurting a lot. But no matter what is going on in our lives, if you have nothing kind to say or write, stay silent! I hope you are able to focus on the positive comments Ali!
Ali,
I loved this blog! I think it was honest and something people really need to know. It broke my heart to see you crying after you posted it and I hope that was not because of some of the negative comments because by far I think the response was overwhelming positive and the people who were negative clearly didn’t get the point that you were speaking about how you handle your life and you do it with help. Your blog was spot on as usual and was very well received! Keep on keeping on!
Lisa
I loved this post Ali! I am a mom of 5 &7 year old boys. I work part time most of the year & full time 2 months of the year. My husband also works full time. We are very blessed to have a village of my parents, father in law, & school aftercare that helps us make it all work. My parents even take both kids overnight one day a week in the summer. I feel guilty sometimes that they help so much but then I think that they are creating meaningful memories with their grandparents. I say more piwer to you for recognizing what you need to do for your sanity & to grow your business. You should never feel guilty for that. I really love reading your blog & watching your Instastories since you keep it real & remind me I’m not alone in this crazy motherhood journey.
I had to get on here, first time btw, even though I follow you like crazy on IG to say one thing. Screw everyone who thinks they have the right to judge you. Regardless of your financial status, your life as a celebrity, or anything else, you are a mom. End of story. I am not famous. I am not rich. But guess what? I still deserve time to myself. I still deserve to be able to stay ‘mom, need a @*&#@( minute’. If that means, locking myself in the bathroom with a bottle of wine or calling their biological father and telling him to take them for a night or an hour, I get to do that. Why?! Because I said so! If anyone wants to judge me, go for it. You can also judge me, that I, the mother of two teenage children, one who leaves for an all inclusive trip to the Bahamas without me a week from today, only for me to realize her passport is about to expire, and had to practically sell my soul to pay for her passport to be renewed in record time, why? because I love my kids enough to make sure they have more than they can could dream of. Why? because my kids are not a$$holes. My kids are not going to grow up being online trolls who judge people they are jealous of. My kids are great humans. My kids are compassionate, caring and respectful and my kids are going to know, when the world is full of hateful jerks who judge them, in the end their mother taught them to love and enjoy life and there are times we all need help and that is ok, because it takes a village! And if you are complaining you don’t have a village, maybe that is something you should look in the mirror and not project your unhappiness on others who have it! Get out and grow your own village! That doesn’t take money or status to grow…it takes kindness. Ok stepping off my soapbox, but seriously Ali … no more tears or sadness! You are a hell of an inspiration to so many. Don’t let the unhappy trolls break you down!
A couple of thoughts from a seasoned, former stay at home mom of three (ages 8-15)
1. The LA lifestyle is much different from many other parts of the country. Where I live (east coast) nannies aren’t really a thing. And if you do have a nanny here, you are rich and spoiled. That’s just how it goes. So having a nanny in LA is probably no big deal.
2. It appears that you have a nanny for all of the hours that Kevin is at work? Are you ever alone with the two kids? Why not do your work when Kevin gets home from work?
3. And speaking of Kevin – since he does everything, what do you do? Your post was supposed to make it sound like it takes a village but I read it as something completely different. He does the cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping etc! What gives? And he is waking up at the crack of dawn every day. There doesn’t appear to be a balance with the two of you.
4. Two kids two and under – you say this multiple times. It’s not like the stork dropped Molly off and then however many months later dropped Riley off. You knew what you were doing and knew they would be close in age. So stop being so dramatic about it.
5. I mean this in all sincerity, the wine every night worries me. I know we all need to relax after long days but I have seen this happen to many of my friends. They start with one glass a night and it doesn’t end well. Maybe save your spin or cycle class for the evening instead of wine?
Yes. All very, very good observations. Especially #3. Kevin needs a break. I feel for him.
Amen to all of this!!
Yes, in fact lots of moms have to do it without help. I’m a stay at home mom with 3 under 3 1/2. My husband works, I cook dinner every night, I do the dishes, and my husband vacuums and picks up toys as well as helping with bedtime every night. He also does the grocery shopping on a Friday night when the kids go to bed so we don’t waste our weekends.
There are so many selfish statements in this blog post it makes me sick. What exactly do you do if you aren’t watching your kids full time, you don’t cook, you aren’t doing laundry and you aren’t grocery shopping? I’m not hating on you, I genuinely hope you can reflect on your life and the importance of life versus an Instagram post and content.
It’s like you aren’t able to handle the difficulties of being a mom. YES it’s hard. And NO not everyone has help despite what you think.
Considering this is her family’s livelihood, I think you may want to reevaluate your comment. ♡ running a blog and lifestyle business like this takes So. Much. More. Than many of us realize.
Some of these comments are awful!! I never usually comment but felt like after all the negativity, I would. You should never feel guilty or the need to justify what you do for your family- no one knows what goes on within the privacy of your home. I’m not a mother, but I am a nanny and it’s a job I love with all my heart and take just as seriously as any other job, despite how many people seem to think it’s unimportant and just for “rich people”. If families didn’t need help, then I wouldn’t have a job. I’ve worked for many different families, some that on the outside looking in didn’t “need” a nanny and others that desperately needed all the help they could get. It does take a village and we shouldn’t be shaming people who have help, whether it’s a nanny, family, a babysitter, daycare etc. Ignore all the stupid comments and keep doing what’s best for you & your family!
This blows my mind. All of these comments: “I’m so mad because your life isn’t exactly like mine! Totally unrelatable. *ugly insult*”
You wouldn’t be reading this blog if her life were exactly like yours! That’s why we love lifestyle blogs! They’re different than our norm – they inspire us and they make us think – and they’re PRETTY! They give us a breath of fresh air when we’re surrounded by laundry and dirty dishes.
And you know what? I hired a monthly cleaning service last year. And I felt SO GUILTY about it. But dang it, it was so nice. Can everyone afford that? Nope. Does that mean no one should ever use cleaning ladies or talk about it? Also nope.
Our lives being different are what allow us to inspire one another and stretch one another. They allow us to think and decide for ourselves what is right for US. And we can connect beautifully on the pieces of those diverse lives that are similar.
Let’s put the swords away, ladies. Find what’s inspiring to you and leave the rest. I’m grateful for the reminder that you don’t “do it all” Ali.
You’re a damn good mom. And a damn good woman.
Thanks for opening up your world to us.
What an amazing post!!!! I work full time in finance in a pretty hardcore position. While I get to be at home 3 days a week those days are pretty full of calls and projects that need my full attention. While I get a lot of flexibility mistakes are not an option… so I can duck out of my home office and hang with my kids and nanny several times a day I 100% cannot take care of them and work. We are lucky to be able to afford care in our home so that I can supervise and guide my kids development, however, if we could not afford it and had to do daycare we would! I just don’t understand how people think I can be in the office 10 hours twice a week without childcare 😂 You make that balance work for you hon and keep rocking it! You are such a breath of fresh air in this space! @chloecharliechicago
so I’m a stay at home mom I have two under two (18 month old & 5 months) I have a village my husband, parents, sister, in laws, are all very hands on when we need them. They all obviously have their own stuff going on so they can’t all be there 24/7 but I’m grateful for when they can. Even like that do I feel overwhelmed and like I can’t get everything done. I’ve been dealing with PPD and it’s been tough…so for all those moms that have part time jobs or full time jobs my hats off to them for doing so it’s incredibly hard as it is. For those moms that stay at home with or without a village same goes to them, parenting is hard no matter what the situation is but we all have to stop judging each other for our parenting and instead respect everyone for how they parent. Just wanted to say that seeing you be so open about your parenting is admiring! you’re doing amazing with or without your village! 💕
You are a rockstar.
I am a home Child Care provider and one my the mom’s said something to me that I’ll never forget. She said, “I need this break to invest in myself so I can be better for my son.” WOAH.
It’s so important to realize that no one person can do it all. And it takes a special person to realize that adding a member to your care team isn’t a bad thing. It creates lower ratios and fosters one on one time when you have a moment to play with them.
Go Momma! You are seen, heard and loved!
I think making a big deal about have a part time babysitter which is essentially what you have is odd both on the part and people responding and the long blog on it.
Love this post! Don’t feel bad for having a nanny! So many people I know have a nanny! I choose to send my child to daycare because there are so many benefits to sending your child to daycare(just as there are many different benefits to having a nanny). I could of had a nanny as well. I’m an early childhood teacher so I see how beneficial it is to socialize your child early and get them in an educational setting but that doesn’t make me a bad mom just like your decision doesn’t make you a bad mom.
I love your honesty. You are very fortunate. I read your insta story about how people were putting you down for that honesty. Why do they follow you if they are going to judge. Really it’s because they follow you that you can do what you do. I might be jealous of how perfect your life appears but then you post something about how imperfect it is and I do my own reality check. No one posts on social media their bad days. Keep doing what you’re doing. If I decide I don’t want to see that I will choose to unfollow but for now I love your posts.
I just saw your stories and wanted to say I hope you don’t feel like you ever have to explain yourself or apologize because you are doing what works for you and I really wish our culture, in the words of Amy Pohler would just say to themselves, “good for you, not for me.” It’s really that simple. They should not have bothered with coming on your blog to make you feel bad about anything you said just because it doesn’t work that way for them. I think you’re a great mom, not that it even matters what we think! I have been following you since your sleep training blog before I ever even had kids and things you have shared have stayed in my heart and mind so I hope that you continue doing what you do and I’m grateful that you are doing what makes you happy because sharing with us your experiences does make a difference. All of us Moms need all the help we can get and our kids are better off the more enrichment they get in their lives from all the people who may be in them along the way wether it’s family, nannies, teachers, coaches, whoever have our children in their hands. We cannot do it all and we select people in our children’s lives no matter the situation so it’s not just for childcare or eyes on our kids it’s for the overall quality of their lives. Keep spreading your words and I’ll definitely keep reading <3
I am 38, disabled, and married no kids. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this blog entry because it shows how genuine and transparent you aim to be. You are very relateable which makes it very easy to see your truths. I appreciate how candid you are in this regard! I’m a long time fan (since Bachelorette days!) and really just enjoy how refreshing you are on IG and here. Don’t let your spirit get quenched by people who can’t see your heart…. most of us see it and you are such a joy! Thank you for sharing snippets into your life!
In the words of Taylor Swift haters gonna hate! Shake it off girl! You’re an amazing mama please don’t listen to these trolls. Count how many positive comments you have you will lose count because it is WAY more than the negative. I always appreciate your honesty on your blog and you are such an amazing mom! Keep on going!
Just saw your story and wanted to offer my support, along with so many others on here. Never apologize, or feel bad, for speaking your truth. Comparison is a trap that never brings any light and don’t let it dim yours.
Don’t feel bad for being successful! You are helping feed so many other people by providing employment and opportunities! That is so awesome! Love your blog! Keep it up.
I live in LA and it is absolutely common, if not the norm, to have a nanny! Especially when you are a working woman / entrepreneur like yourself. I think it’s crazy to feel “bad” about having help. Do not listen to any of the haters. Live your life! Also, make that nanny full time already! Congrats on hiring your first employee. When you need marketing help, let me know! I can be your second employee 🙂
Wow, people are f-ing rude!! You do you! The photographer, makeup, nanny, etc…..it’s the cost of doing business. You’re a great mom and don’t let anyone tell you different!
Hi Ali I have followed you also since you were on the bachelor and agree you’re my absolute favourite! I run a retail store and have my two children with me after school and before school it’s challenging but we manage! If we had the agency’s in NZ to hire nanny’s I would absolutely do it! Your an inspiration to woman all over the world keep being you and doing your thing. No one should judge another woman for her choices or what she chooses to do to make her life better for herself we need to empower each other! Go Ali!
I just wanted to say that unicorn husbands are out there because I have one too!
I love and enjoy reading your blog posts- they’re real and honest and I’ve become such a fashion guru because of you. My husband even recognizes your voice when I watch your Instagram stories!
We currently have 3 under 2 (we were surprised with twins who also came at 32 weeks when our daughter was 20 months) and I struggled to do it couldnt shake the feeling of someone else “raising my kids”. I’m in Canada and am lucky enough to be on an 18 month maternity leave. After two months I finally broke down and got some help about 15 hours a week. This gives me the opportunity to have some me time, so stuff around the house I would never get to, run errands, and especially to spend time one on one with our daughter. We also have no family nearby, so having someone we can rely on to help support our young family has been a godsend. This is a tough season. All the power to you for recognizing that you couldn’t give your best to everyone if you were stretched too thin!
Ali,
I read this as if you are trying to convince YOURSELF that it’s okay that you need help. It is totally fine to need help! It seems like you feel so much self doubt and self criticism about needing help and being a bad mom (I’ve heard you say this countless times about yourself).
Your Instagram stories are hard to watch because I see a lot of sadness and self doubt paired with heavy wine drinking. People are quick to jump at you because this comes across as “woe is me” instead of a professional blogger we should all follow.
I hope one day you can be confident enough in yourself that you don’t need to write posts like this or share so much online. You don’t need strangers telling you that your decisions are okay, you need to know your decisions are okay and be confident in them!
I hope you don’t pay any attention to the negative comments on here. It’s no one’s business whether or not you have a nanny (but of course, it’s your right to share) and certainly no one’s place to judge. Obviously there are people who can’t afford that extra help, but that’s why it’s so good that you’re being transparent. I have way more respect for you, because you’re honest about the help you receive. Your honesty banishes a lot of the expectations women put on themselves to do it all! As someone new to the blogging world myself, it’s somewhat of a relief to know that getting established and managing all the behind the scenes details isn’t as simple as some bloggers make it out to be. You’ve really encouraged me, actually!
I always enjoy your segments on Home and Family, but now I’m even happier to be a follower on here too. I’m glad to support anyone who is willing to share the truth!
-Shanna
Crying on your instagram story was a smart way to get more people on the blog! 👏
I’m sorry but your post sounded like a spoiled, privileged person making a list of the people she can afford to help her out. Absolutely nothing wrong with having a nanny, or help of any kind. Nothing wrong with taking time for yourself. It’s extremely important! As a stay at home Mom I don’t judge any working Mom for how their children are cared for when Mom and Dad are working. Honestly it was the way this blog post was written. People saying it was “inspiring”.. umm how?? Majority of people do not and cannot live this way. Good thing you have loyal followers that will support anything you write.
Your comment about a double standard on your IG story. Easy dramatic. No one carea you are a working Mom. It’s that you talk like a spoiled and privledged brat.
I read many comments about you bullying Hannah in your last post as well. You put her down hard but defended an abusive individual like Luke P? You are crying for people being mean to you but made an entire post putting down Hannah. 🤔 and just sat there while all your followers put her down and called her names on your page!!! Well done, Ali! But you are here to help and support women right 👏👏.
Go to sleep.
Thank you so much for this post! It is so easy to get lost in what things look like online and I love how real you are! We all need help! You are amazing and one of my go to places when motherhood feels hard because you are so real! Thanks again
Hi Ali! I seen your Instagram story and had to comment- I’m not usually one to comment (on anything), but this struck a cord with me to see a mom genuinely so upset due to the criticism of others! I can’t not afford a nanny, but I will not judge you for the sacrifices you and your husband made to put yourself in a place where you can afford a nanny to help out! I think it’s great you have found a support system to allow you to have some self care. Self care is going to vary from person to person. It’ll obviously vary on whatever their situation is and what they make of it. But as moms that come from all different backgrounds, we can still share and support another. I wake up at 5am to workout before I wake up kids and spend hours meal prepping on the weekend, so I don’t have to rush home and cook/clean on the busy work nights- it works for us, but maybe not for someone else.. they might hate the microwave- who knows! But I feel much better about myself taking care of me! I think the thing to take from this is do what works for you 🙂 I work full time, because we need the income and I have great medical benefits that I feel my kids are privileged to have. It’s a small thing that they don’t see everyday, but I know they’ll be thankful later in life. I’m happy with my life and so glad to see you are in a great place with yours while raising toddlers. Honestly, my best friend is a nanny to 3 working sisters who allow to bring her baby to work! I think that’s great such a great situation for all them- You creating jobs is a positive thing! This post might be a little all over the place, but just had so much to say! And if you have not read Rachel Hollis “Girl Stop Apologizing” download now on audio and listen to it in the car.. she talks about this exact controversy much! Keep up the good work mommy- your babies look so happy!
Ignore the critical comments! You work full-time and have two kids under 3. It’s a blessing you can afford a nanny to come in part-time and give undivided attention to your children instead of sending them to daycare for 10 or 11 hours a day. I’m a SAHM and sometimes hire a sitter just to go out for coffee. Do not feel bad for providing the best care you can for your family, it’s not as though you have abdicated your role as mother. Also? I have a good 15 years on you and can say with confidence, thanks to life experience, the people being ugly are doing so because of their own issues, you’ve done not a single thing wrong in either providing care nor writing a truthful post about how to you manage your household. Hang in there and keep working hard, it’s definitely paying off and it’s clear your family is happy and close-knit. Good job!!
Ali –
I am a stay at home working mom and take on all of the household chores myself. I had been going back and fourth for months about hiring a nanny two days a week, but my fear and guilt continued to push it off. This past week was our first week with our new nanny. Needless to say, I was terrified. Your blog post couldn’t have come at a better time. It helped me to feel at peace with my decision and for that I truly thank you!
Hi Ali, I don’t have kids so I can’t comment on the mom aspect. However, as a woman who is all in right now on advancing my career, I am totally in support of your ambition to grow your business- you’re providing salaries for multiple people! Through your own hard work, creativity, networking, etc. That’s amazing! Think of it this way- not only are you providing for your family, you’re providing for others. Plus you’re super positive and joyful. Keep it up, take some breaks and stay true to yourself.
my daughter had 3 daughters in 3 years and 4 months,the oldest was born with a rare genetic disease and she works part-time and manage everything without a nanny..i’m applause her everyday for her courage..that’s it …have a nice day
I promise you deep down she wishes she had an extra set of hands to help her. She probably tries to be strong because older generations of mothers make having a nanny taboo. You know, like Ali’s post was about.
you don’t know my daughter at all….what you said about her is your own supposition…:)
Girl, my only wish for you is that you stop feeling like you have to please everyone! It’s ok to have opinions that people disagree with! This post should have said “I have a nanny. I’m created my own success and can afford pedicures. Imma entrepreneur till I die. I deserve this. Bye”. You’re a strong ass woman. Who cares if people don’t like it! Never apologize for who you are or try to rationalize what you EARNED. :mic drop:
I know you were trying to “help” people by writing this blog but I think many people are writing comments on here to try to “help” you as well. They may seem negative but I think some people are genuinely concerned for your mental health. You seem like a lovely person. This has nothing to do with you being a mom or having a nanny. So what if you have a nanny. I really don’t think that’s a privilege. I had my 2 kids go to daycare because I wanted them to be exposed to other children all day and be in an educational setting that prepares them for school. Having a child sit at home with a nanny all day isn’t very stimulating or is it a privilege to anyone!. Maybe you would feel like you are able to work on your business more and yourself if you had your kids at a daycare half day. That way you won’t be distrupted and you can fully present in what you are doing and your children would benefit from being around other children.
I’m rambling but my point really is that you seem like a sweet person but you aren’t confident if you are always going on instagram defending your life choices. Why do you feel you need to explain yourself to thousands of strangers? Please stick with whatever you are trying to sell and stop exposing your life choices and your children to the internet so much. Don’t you want to keep some of your life private? I think a therapist will help you with all these issues you have. You may deny that you have issues but it’s very evident that you do. Im not trying to be mean but from someone who sees your stories and your Instagram posts, your behavior is alarming
Haha! I think YOU need a therapist with this comment. You basically said, “I’m not judging you…but I really am.” Matthew 7:3
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
Maryli,
Really? Are you aware of your comment? No one really cares that your daughter took care of her 3 kids without a nanny… Good for her. What was the point of that comment? Seems like you were mom shaming Ali for needed help.
I’m not against Ali needing help, my point is that she shouldn’t care about anyone else opinion. All moms need help. And many moms go to therapists to talk it out. That’s nothing to be ashamed about and wasn’t meant as negative. As a mom, I have gone to tbepay and many moms I know do as well.
you seems to care if you reply…..i am proud of my daughter,that’s it…..she is courageous and i don’t mommy shame nobody….some can work it all and some can’t….what’s wrong with that….nothing…and you,you judge Ali by saying she needs a therapist…do you know her that well….i don’t think so…it is not up to you to decide if she needs one…..smile and be happy 🙂
Don’t let anybody “mom-shame” you because you have help, Ali. I’m an at-home mom of 2 kids who is fortunate enough to have family to help but it’s overwhelming every day. I appreciate your honesty; I would be one of those people who feels inadequate because my house is a mess, my kids are screaming, and I’m always in stained clothes, wondering how other people have it all together. Good luck to you and keep rising!
I watched your stories earlier and my heart broke for you. I have not had a chance to read this blog post or read the comments (I probably won’t because I’m not sure I will be able to stomach them), but I’ve followed along with you long enough to know that you are a loving, caring mom and a person who cares about others. I believe that you and Kevin make the choices that are best for YOUR family and are are going a darn good job at that… I mean your kids are incredible little humans already. I am currently a “stay at home” mom who works mostly inside the home, and that does come with its own set of challenges. I think you are taking the time and finding the right balance for your family and that is all that really matters. Keep up the good work Momma! On another note- moms…. we need to build each other up instead of tear each other down. Ali- you do this already by example so keep on doing that and do not let people discourage you. Xoxo
I just want to say the post was AMAZING! I work as a nanny and work from my own home which is awesome. But I also have watch my own two year old as the same time. My husband always says “ oh you work from home why don’t you get everything done”. Gets super frustrating because I have two kids all days and I don’t get a break to breath. I have such a hard time asking for help because I feel like I should be able to do it all. It’s kind of been making me sad 😞 because I don’t do everything. I lash out more because I am upset. I don’t even feel like going places or doing anything anymore. Half the time I just want to hide from everything m. I wish I could ask for help but it’s soooo hard. This post made me feel a little better about asking for help.
I have never commented on a blog before-i really don’t even read them but saw your insta when you were teary over criticism about having a nanny. My kids are now 21,22 and 23 (yes- I had 3 in 32 months!😂) but i clearly remember the feeling of failure when any criticism of how i was approaching this job-the job i wanted more than anything in the world-deflated me almost instantly. Looking back i can tell you with certainty that a happy child is a loved child- i see your kids on insta and clearly they have only known love their whole lives. Keep doing whatever it is you are doing- you are doing a lights out job. At the end you only have to please 4 people- your beautiful kids, your husband and yourself. Go off your gut- look how well it has served you so far. Don’t let someone who you don’t even know take your joy. No one in the world knows what’s best for your family except you!!
I enjoy reading your blog and following you on Instagram but it seems lately you’re struggling with self confidence and always trying to justify your choices. I know you’re trying to help other people but I’m genuinely concerned for you. I think it would be really beneficial if you took a step back and re-evaluated your content and maybe took some time to just be you. It just seems like lately your content is a front and not natural. I mean that in the best way possible but I just sense your pain and struggle. I think your followers just want to see the real you. We don’t care what kind of decisions you make, we all have different lives and schedules. Take some time and work on yourself. It’s okay not to be perfect 🙂
Ali, you’re awesome. I am not in your target demographic either…no kids but I do run my own company and enjoy getting my hair/makeup done just for date nights…at least you have a business purpose for yours!! 🙂 I work hard for the money I earn and am not ashamed of that! Be proud of what you have done with monetizing your blog and being an influencer. Part of me wishes I could figure it out! I also deal with negative peeps on a daily basis, and we all have to support each other to not get us down! Keep up your amazing work!
Ali,
I love how transparent you are. I was a sahm with 2 kids (same age as yours) until last week when I returned to work and swapped with my husband. People judge because we all know how hard it really is but a lot of people don’t know how or can’t find any balance. So they base their comments on all the things would it wouldn’t do but are usually not happy in themselves. People say “oh lucky fir you your husband is now a sahd for 6 weeks.” Actually no, he’s taking an entire years worth of annual leave and some and we are not having a vacation this year. No matter which way we do it there will be struggles so the people commenting about you complaining or ranting, actually I like to read the long version about how you have figured it all out to work for your family, it helps me understand you rather than you just writing a fact sheet. I often wonder about other mums and how they do it all. Just because Kevin doesn’t work 9-5 doesn’t make it easier. Actually my husband starts work at 6.30 and daycare doesn’t open until 7. Odd hours whether is 20 hours a week or 50 hours a week are much harder to manage childcare than a 9-5 job. Also I strongly agree that sahms need a break once a week. I know a couple of girls who don’t socialise, have no ambition, don’t aspire to travel, no hobbies and tell me they don’t need a break but for the rest of us who try to get some balance I don’t believe them one second when they say they don’t need a break. Staying at home with no help was not good for my mental health. Btw your blog is the only one I follow. Oh and as for the photo shoots. I did actually always wonder for so long how you pulled that off. I am a photographer and so I get it. A couple of times a month when we are all at home or a friend is coming over I’ll do my hair and makeup and pick out 3 casual outfits and take photos through the day and post at diff times. It’s the only way to have good photos each month. I take the crap selfies on my iPhone for the memories. I would love to read more about how you travel/pack with the kids. Keep up the great blog!
Ali, I appreciate your honesty. It truly does take a village! We’ve started trading babysitting a friend’s child once a month so my husband and I can have a monthly date night. Finding balance between home, work, family and friends… and self care too – it’s a constant juggle for me as a part time stay at home mom.
Ali you are a wonderful Mom and have such a huge heart! I love that you are taking care of yourself and your family by asking for help from your family, friends and hiring help too. I wish people wouldn’t give you a bad time for doing what you need to do. It is so hard being a parent and a parent with a baby. I remember how hard it was with our first baby and each baby. I wish our country could rally around all families especially families with young babies and children. I know some families don’t need help but most of us struggle with newborns and those first 2 years are so hard. (I wish everyone would just step up and ask your family and friends with with young families, do you need some help for a couple watching the baby/kids? or could I bring dinner over? Or giving a baby shower gift of a couple of hours of a Postpartum Doula or Newborn Care Specialist or Night Nanny. And parents please let your friends help when they offer.) Ali I am sorry some people gave you a hard time. Bear hugs and love !
I am a nanny and it’s so frustrating that so many people think that mothers who hire nannies do so because they’re trying not to raise their own children. The heat you got for this post was absolutely uncalled for. I am in complete awe of the women I have worked for who have worked both in an office and in the home. They are hands-on, full-time parents in every way. They never take off that hat. I have seen them drop really important clients in a heartbeat, or stay home for two weeks despite their projects being on critical deadlines, for the sake of their babies. I also know that they carefully interview nanny after nanny after nanny before trusting making that leap of trust. People who do not employ nannies and do not understand the work we do or the women we work for really need to hold their tongue. As a nanny, I really appreciate that you have acknowledged that yours is a part of your village. I think this post was brave and necessary.
We all wear many hats. Some need a nanny-fine. Some of us would like one, but are not privileged. That’s my problem here- people with help many times do not recognize their privilege or acknowledge it. I am a single mother (no other parent) who works more than full time as an attorney and am on 2 boards of director. My son has special needs and goes to a day care subsidized by the state due to his needs. When day care lets out, I drive an hour home to pick him up then take him to my office (we’re not allowed to work from home). He comes to board meetings with me. I have 1 family member in a 30 mile radius and no babysitters. So….do I look down at you for having help? No way! Please just recognize your privilege. I could never afford a sitter, nanny, etc. I am a non- profit attorney. But, I would LOVE the help. Hence, we are both busy in different ways and please watch how your words make others feel. -Cheers!
If I reword a news article I read online. Rewording it so it is totally different, is this copyright infringement? I want to send a few stories to local community papers. Thanks for your answers..
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Hi Ali,
Thanks for sharing. I work a lot of hours as a Real Estate Broker (I just won an award this week, actually) I share that because its the hours I put in and hard work that granted me the award. My husband is a firefighter for the FDNY. We’re going through IVF. Which is also hard in itself. My thoughts have been I will most likely need a nanny if I want to continue to work as I do. I just don’t know how to go about it and trust anyone. Did you go through many agencies? interviews? Recommendations from others? How do you know to choose? If you have time for advice that would be forever appreciated. Thank you for your blogs and sharing your life. Gratefully, Aurora SIngleton | Associate Real Estate Broker
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