To baby or not to baby? That is the questions. Ha! Kevin and I have known we wanted our kids to be close in age. But the question is how close do we want them? I’ve been pretty vocal about the fact that we want to have another baby soon. But now that we are trying and the reality that it could happen soon is settling in and I’m starting to question things/overthink things. If we were to get pregnant right now Molly and our second child would be 2 years apart (25 moths to be exact). Is that too close? Are we going to be losing our minds for that first year? Is 2 1/2 years better? Three years?
1.OLIVE JACKET | 2. WHITE TEE | 3. CHUCKS | 4. MOLLY’S JACKET | 5. MOLLY’S PANTS | 6. MOLLY’S SHOES
It’s funny because ever since I started having concerns, I found myself asking other mothers and fathers what they think. I’ll ask them what they think is the best age gap between kids. And I would say 99% of the time the people I ask say the age gap that is best is the exact age gap between their own kids. So if I ask a mom what she thinks is best, and she has kids that are four years apart – she’ll say 4 years is perfect and explain why. I guess I keep hoping someone will answer my question by saying “I wish we waited.” Or “I wish mine were closer in age” I dunno. I just want someone to have the RIGHT answer!
Obviously there is no right answer. Maybe whatever age difference you get is exactly what you’re meant to have and that’s why it feels like the “right” age difference.
I would love to hear from all of you! One of my absolute favorite things about my blog is the incredible group of supportive women that comment on here. So let’s discuss! When did you know you were ready for baby #2 and what age difference worked for you. Do you wish you had waited or had kids closer in age! Let’s discuss!
1.OLIVE JACKET | 2. WHITE TEE | 3. CHUCKS | 4. MOLLY’S JACKET | 5. MOLLY’S PANTS | 6. MOLLY’S SHOES
I have a 25 month old and am currently 3 months pregnant so they will be a little over 2.5 years apart. Obviously, I don’t and won’t know until the baby is here, but I planned it this way for a reason (that makes sense in my head haha!). 1. I don’t want 2 kids in diapers and I feel like 2-2.5 is typically when you potty train so my GOAL is to have baby #1 potty trained first. 2. I *hear* threes are actually harder than 2’s. And I’ve heard that from many people. Most people I know say it should be “terrible threes” and not “terrible twos.” Either way, I know I don’t want to wait as long as 4 years apart, so I figure I’ll knock the first several months out with baby #2 (the first few hard months of no sleep etc.) before we hit the “terrible threes” (I’m sure this varies depending on the kid I just am preparing myself b/c I have heard it so much). 3. I just think 2 grades apart is perfect for siblings. So I didn’t want to wait as long as 3 years apart. I had friends growing up that had siblings 2 years (grades) apart from them and it’s like they always had someone to have their back until middle/high school when there can be hard times for kids (bullying, relationships, etc.) that would always lean on their siblings. My brother & I were 5 years apart and never even went to the same school so I was always envious of that. So I guess those are my 3 main reasons aside from just feeling like a toddler develops A LOT between 1.5.2-5 years and becomes SO much more independent and wants to help mommy. Good luck!!!
I like the idea of two grades apart too! Easier for the logistic of driving kids to school too. They are in the same school longer!
I too am trying to convince hubby it is time to start trying for baby #2! I want our babies to be 2 2 1/2 yrs different. My sibling and I were three years apart and had one year in high school together (9&12th grade) and I fell it was too far. We weren’t close or friends until we became adults. I feel that if we had two years in the same school and were 2 years a part age wise that would have been different.
Same here! My brother and I are three years apart and I always felt like I was looked at as the little kid until we became adults.
That’s how me and my sister are! A little too far apart
Me and my
Brother are two years apart but only one grade apart and it’s fun but when we were younger we fought all the time so it was almost like we were too close in age. I think the idea of 2 grades apart seems perfect 🙂
I’d love to chime in to say that my brother and I are almost 3 years apart (2.75 😉 – and I wish it was a little more. We always had a lot in common as kids, and by the time we got to high school, we even had friends in common – so we fought all the time. We have brothers that are 8 years younger than me (they are twins) – and that has always been such a special relationship – nothing in common, nothing to fight about!! Dont get me wrong, I am not suggesting you wait until Molly is 8 – but I would say there might be a reason to wait a little longer…??? I think that kids with more space become more independent, less competitive, and learn to love each other’s differences more. Just my two cents 🙂
My sister and I are 2 years apart and it was great growing up with my sister being my best friend. The older we got the more I think we appreciated each other and our relationship. It’s one of the parts of my life that I think is the most special.
that’s so sweet of you to say.
I second this! My sister and I are 2.5 years apart but 2 grades apart and we have a very special relationship and always have. We are best friends, were each others maid of honours last year and so much more. I am the younger one and absolutely adored my sister growing up. We learned from each other and were a dynamic duo – two years/two grades is the best <3
I have 7 kids. My first 2 and last 2 are a year apart. The other are all a little over 2 years apart. I had an easier time with them being 2 years apart instead of a year.
I’m not a mother–but I am a middle child. Older brother, younger sister, and we are each two years apart. I am so grateful it happened that way. Something that’s hard to think about now is the stuff down the road; I’m 45 and our parents are alive and well but my brother and sister and I have always been glad we are close in age so that if we do need to do things for our parents as they get older it’s a group effort and not automatically falling on the oldest. Also, my sister and I are so close. I don’t know that that would have happened if we were farther apart. We are best friends. I have other “best friends” too but for me, a sister best friend is in a class by itself. Just a few thoughts. Also…in life…for me…the best stuff happened when I wasn’t “ready”; because I didn’t have a lot of expectations that way and instead just loved the moments as they organically unfolded. Good luck Ali!
My boys are two yrs apart (26 months) They’re 6 and 8 and they’re best buds .. most of the time. My brother and I are 4yrs apart and I think closer is better. Sure, it’s harder at first but way worth it and you get through it. You adapt to whatever the situation is.
Two years in school is perfect! My son and daughter are 25 months apart – now a senior and sophomore. I found that they had one another in elementary for a good amount of time, then as she entered middle school he was an 8th grader. He was able to show her the ropes and lookout for her, then give her time to spread her wings. As she entered her freshman year in high school he was a junior – again I knew he was there to keep an eye on her. 😉
I also have a little, 4th grade, and I hate that she doesn’t have siblings in school with her.
My vote is sooner rather than later. You won’t regret it 😉
I have 4 kids, 7,5,2 and 7 weeks (today :)).
My first child was 26 months when we brought our second home and I remember thinking, “what have we done?!” I was emotional (thanks, hormones) and it was tiring, but after we made it past the newborn phase it was wonderful. We waited a little longer to have a third and looking back I wish we would have had them spaced like the first two. When we decided we wanted a fourth we spaced it to be exactly 2 years apart (they’re 25 months between them). Yes, it’s hard when they’re small, but when they get older they’ll be the best of friends!
Agree with this! I have 3 kids…..the first two are 2 weeks shy of 2 years apart and the second two are 2 months shy of 2 years (3, 1 and 3 weeks). I love it bc the older two are best buds. They run around together and have the best time. After about the first year was when they started to get close (when the younger could play more). I have other friends who had their first at the same time as me and will be having their second shortly and I feel like they won’t hang out. The oldest will be 5 when the younger is 1 and that’s just a huge gap in interests. I want them to be friends for their benefit and mine 🙂
Hey Ali!! I love that you are opening a discussion about this!! Our first will have his first birthday this weekend and we have been eager for baby #2 for about 6 months, haha! Right around the time he was 6 months, I remember my husband and I both looking at each other and saying… “He doesnt feel so tiny anymore!! Let’s have another newborn!” Lol. Granted, we want a BIG family [we talk about 8 being our “perfect” number, but obviously we will be grateful if God gives us more or even less!]. Anyway… We haven’t been able to conceive yet because I am still nursing our first and haven’t gotten my period back yet! But I’m hoping to start weaning him soon and then we’re praying we’ll get pregnant ASAP. So… I guess all of that is to say, I don’t know about spacing from experience, but just sharing what we are hoping for! Molly is beautiful and I am so happy to see photos/ read stories of such a sweet family through this blog! You are a wonderful mommy!
I like you have a 14 month old and am ready for baby two. My thoughts are my sister and I are 2 years apart and are very close, I would love that for my child. I have an older brother (4 years older) and I remember how we never were to close growing up because of the large gap. We did get close as adults though. I am so nervous that the first 2 years with 2 kids would be a lot but i want nothing more then for my baby to have a sibling close in age to her. Good luck 🍀
My kids are 9,5,3. The two oldest are girls and I wish they were closer in age, but things don’t always work out like planned. Even though one is a girl and one is a boy the two year age gap is great they love playing together! Wishing you the best and a happy healthy pregnancy whenever it does come!
I had my kids 5 years apart and everyone told me when I was pregnant that my kids were way to far apart and would never have a close relationship. The 2nd pregnancy happened to be twins (boy/girl). Actually my kids are VERY close and rarely fight. In my opinion I think if I would of had them closer in age they would have fought a lot more. I’m glad my kids beat the odds of not being as close relationship wise and proved everyone wrong. My children are ages 20 and almost 15. I think you do what feel is best every one is different.
Hi Ali I think having kids a few yrs apart…is ok. I have a 6 yr old boy…who is self sufficient, he does everything on his own. But of course mommy and daddy are always here to guide him and educate him the best way we know how. We also have twin boys 15months old…Huge surprise..I didn’t even know twins ran on my mom’s side. We are truly blessed…and Adrian loves them to death..mine you he was our only child for 6 yrs. He never once felt jealous..course he have never used that word. We just embrace our children with love and guidance. So with that being said…I dont think children have to be close in age..siblings will always have that special bond..with each other. ☺💙
#boymom
I know many people who are two years apart from their siblings – the majority of my friends, in fact. I’m not a mother but I think it’s a great age! 🙂
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Thanks girl!
My kids are 3 years apart and I love it. I enjoyed my one with my daughter so much that I wanted them spaced out so I could enjoy all those firsts with her. Now that they are older, it’s still enjoyable with the age gap. I’ll still have one home for a couple years when my daughter goes to college.
I meant to say I enjoyed my one on one time with my daughter.
My two are 4 years and 1 month apart. I love it and love that we waited. I had a pretty traumatic first couple of years with my girl (she HATED sleep; which meant I got next to none for the first 18 months of her life) and then just felt like I needed to emotionally prepare for a 2nd round of that. When I found out I was pregnant, my daughter was just over 3 years old and I still had a panic attack but as pregnancy went on, I made peace with it. She was old enough to be excited and to help. Then my boy came along 1 month after her 4th birthday and we didn’t deal with jealousy like so many with a younger sibling have experienced but she was ANGRY (probably couldn’t express the jealousy? I’m not sure) and she would have multiple explosive tantrums a day every day. I think it more had to do with leaving her school b/c once she was back with her friends, she calmed down. Now nearly 4 months into this, she is so loving and kind to her brother and not as angry anymore – and able to tell me when she just needs some time with me. And we did some things that others may not approve of (but oh well!) like she sleeps with me now because she needed that extra attention. So I’m happy we waited. I wasn’t in an emotional place to have a 2nd kid too soon after my daughter and I love all the time she got to herself, as well as how she is a big helper and so kind and loving to her brother now.
That is how far my sister’s girls are in age. She loves it too! I totally get the help thing. It would be so nice to have a helper.
My first little will be 3 at the end of January! Time has flown and I know I want another but still not yet. I don’t feel like I am back to myself yet and I want to be the best version of myself before I bring another human into the world. I think whatever age difference there ends up being will be perfect because that is all they will ever know. I want my second to have the same mom my first did.. patient, not ragged and mentally ready. ❤️
My sister and I are 4 years apart and have always been super close. We were taught at an early age that friends and boys are going to come and go, but you will always have your sister. That made a big difference I think. I have faith that you can make any age difference work :). Just do what’s best for you and your family! (Incidentally, my husband and I both are the oldest in our families and only have one other sibling, a sister who’s 4 years younger!)
I actually laughed out loud reading your post today. Why? Because my daughter will be 16 in April and I’m due with her little brother or sister in June. I’m freaking out. My first born can drive me to the hospital to have my 2nd. You’ll be fine whenever it happens, unless it happens in 16 years then you will cry for 4 days while your husband stares wide eyed at the wall. LOL
Oh my gosh! I bet that was a surprise!!! Well your 16 year old will be a GREAT big sister 😉
Tough question! My boys are about 2.5 years apart (they are six & three and a half now) and we always thought we wanted them closer to two years apart. The hardest, and most unexpected part, was that we never really had that, “Now is the right time to start trying again” moment. We eventually just got to a point where we knew we didn’t want them to be more than three years apart, if we could help it, and so that gave us a little pressure to start trying for our second child. No matter the age gap, there is going to be a time of transition when you go from one child to two children and just like with welcoming home Molly, you’ll eventually sort it all out and establish a new normal. You’re a great mom and it has been so wonderful to follow your journey!
That’s the thing. I DON’T feel ready right now. But will I in 10 months? A baby takes a little while to cook 😉 I dunno.
Yes! For me I kept waiting for that “ready” feeling. My son is 2 1/2 and I’m currently 4 months pregnant so they will be one month shy of 3 years apart. It does just click one day and you’re like ok yea I’m ready! People told me to look at my son and his needs…is he ready for sibling. I kept focusing on what I wanted and forgot to think “Is he ready to share his parents?” I thought that was kind of a good thought. But I think when it’s the right time you will know!
I never had that “feeling” either. I actually got a little terrified of thinking we could have another little one on the way. I talked and talked it through with my husband and he just tries to be nice and understanding but he wants kids ALWAYS! When my little one arrives, her older sister will be 21 months old. I remember thinking, our LO is so full of energy and busy. It’s exhausting. How could we bring another one into the picture. Then I got to thinking but I may be ready later and I feel like it is too far apart (I am very analytical and indecisive!) but when I found I was pregnant (we were trying!) I was still nervous. Now I am so excited about the timing. My siblings and I were all spread out. My next older sibling is 6 years older with my oldest being 12 years older. I really wanted that special sibling bond and closer in age. I am excited about having kiddos close in age, having all the school activities and then having each other. I guess I just know it will always be tough having kiddos close in age but the overall picture and future outlook is what makes it all worth it. I say go for it!!
I only have one child, but I never felt ready when I was pregnant with him.
Once I had him in my arms that’s when everything changed for me. I was way less afraid.
Maybe you just jump and the net will appear.
Hi Ali! I think if your gut instinct is that you may not be “ready” quite yet, that’s your answer. Maybe you’ll feel differently in a month and then you’ll know! My son was just over 13 months when I got pregnant with my daughter (they’re 22 months apart). I thought it would take a little longer than it did! I won’t lie, it was TOUGH in the beginning. I can’t say I wish I would have waited though, because they are collectively at the most fun ages right now! 3 years, and almost 15 months. They are cute as can be together! Something at that 13 month mark with my first told me we were ready. Follow your instincts!
Ali. I totally didn’t feel ready, and then eventually did. We always said we were going to wait until our first was 2 and see how we were feeling. When his 2nd birthday came around we both just knew, we still weren’t ready.
Before he turned 3 I had my IUD taken out…so we weren’t actively trying but we weren’t preventing anymore. And we knew we were ready. My son turned 3 on April 13 and April 24th we got a positive pregnancy test. My boys are 3.5 years apart and i LOVE it.
I was definitely not ready until then. My mental health would have suffered if I had to look after, essentially, two babies.
That being said. There’s no right answer out there. I do think you’ll know when you’re ready though.
I had to go back and read all the comments and this post again knowing you are preggo! Congrats. Also mine two are 19 months apart and I wish I had a little more age gap…love them, but it feels like twins sometimes (would never say that to a mom with twins-FYI LOL). anyways, interesting to read this one over!
We originally wanted our kids to be 2.5 to 3 years apart. Thinking I can have more of a break between babies, and my first would be more indepdent. I got pregnant much earlier (surprise!) so my girls are exactly 2 years apart (bdays 2 weeks apart). It is true; now I think this is the best gap. Yes, the beginning was hard. But my oldest really blossomed in terms of independence and language skills around 2.5. I think we are done, so it’s nice to just kind of hustle and get the baby stuff out of the way instead of waiting too long to start all over. I know they will grow up close and be each other’s best friend and play mate. I love our life & our little family! Whatever happens will truly be the best for your family!
That’s how I think of it. A “boot camp” of sorts for a few years and then it will get easier. I hope 😉
My sister and I are 15 months apart, that was hard but good too. I think you’re at the perfect age difference.
WOW! That’s really back to back for you mom! Good for her! I couldn’t have done it!
I’m a middle child and have two years between my older sister and younger sister and I love that! I also have friends who wanted them VERY close in age so that you’re still “in the groove” and everything is still fresh in their mind in terms of handling their first and second born. Imagine having to sleep train again after 4 years? My husband is the oldest of 4 kids, and surprisingly enough he is the closest with the youngest sibling (six years apart!). So I think you got it right when you said there is no right age gap, especially when no parent has told you yet “I wish….” good luck!!
I was 3.5 years form my sister and I think it was too much of a difference. So now that I think about it, I’m with you. Maybe 2 years is perfect.
Our boys are 2 years 3 months apart. It’s perfect. Wishing they were a little closer in age. Naps flow better the closer they are in age. They have one nap together. The further they are apart one may not nap but you’re still stuck inside while the other naps.
I’m also a middle child with two years difference with each sister. I don’t know how my mom did it. It was tough in the beginning, then it worked itself out. Then in high school, I always had a sister in school with me. It was nice, but we also fought over the dumbest things. We are all very close and talk daily now! I have a 2 year old daughter and I’m dragging my feet in the next. Ugh!
I also have 2 sisters, I’m the oldest with 22 months between myself and the middle and then 24 months between the middle and the youngest. I know it was really really hard on my mom (and my dad) when we were little but I know they wouldn’t change it for the world. We are all super close now both with each other and our mom. My parents said having a younger sibling helped me learn independence, how to be a helper and gave me socialization from a super early age which I personally think has been beneficial to me growing up even into adulthood. We also always had a friend at home even when school life was dramatic which I am thankful for! My husband and I are now just starting our family the thought of having more than one is daunting so I agree I don’t think there is a “right” age gap – but I know you and Kevin will be fabulous parents to #2 whenever it happens and Mollie will be an awesome big sister!! Thank you for sharing your lives with us! All your tips are wonderful!
I would say go ahead and start trying now because it may take longer to get pregnant than you think! Hopefully everything will be super easy for you but for me I have been trying to get pregnant for almost a year now and still no success. We have both been tested for abnormalities and everything has come back completely fine but still no baby 🙁 So if you can get pregnant now then that itself is a blessing and everything will fall into place as it always does! Good luck! 🙂
That’s a REALLY good point. You never know how long it will take! Or if it will happen at all!
Hang in there Brittany! My husband and I were in a similar situation – tried for 18 months with no success (one chemical pregnancy) and all tests showed nothing was wrong (“unexplained infertility” – how frustrating!) We met with a reproductive endocrinologist and decided to try IUI in January of 2016, and we were lucky enough that it worked on the first try. Now I’m a proud mom to 13-month-old twins!
To answer Ali’s question, I never planned for twins. I always thought 2-3 years was a perfect gap. But, when we found out we were having twins, the plans changed! Now I can’t picture life any other way – and if you ask me the perfect gap between kids I’ll tell you 54 minutes 😉 (my son is 54 minutes older than my daughter).
Same for us Brittany, we have one son who is 3 and we have been trying for 18 months with a miscarriage in January, both had tests with unexplained infertility.
The crazy thing is, my son was conceived on birth control!
Hoping it all works out for you soon 💕
I have a different perspective because I don’t have kids yet. My husband and I always talked about having them back to back (2 years or less). After watching my nieces, we have totally changed our minds. The girls are all 2 years apart and it has been a challenge for their mom. We are now planning on 4 or 5 years apart. Between the sleep and diapers and needed supervision, I think we will need the adjustment time and I would like the older child to be in full time school.
I wanted 4-5 years apart. We went through rounds of fertility treatments with our first and I am now pregnant with our 2nd. Totally unplanned and unexpected. My kiddos will now be right at 3.5 years apart. I guess God looks at our plans and laughs! I’m sure it will be great! Whatever you decide will work out!
whatever the age gap is between yours and Kevin’s children….. will be is the perfect age gap. Everyone is different and it will be what it will be….perfect for you and your family.
I agree with Lori 🙂
When & if the blessed event happens will be the perfect time for everyone.
(I love your honesty, Ali)
I concur. ❤️
Great answer, and accurate.
Mine are 1.5 yrs apart and while I love it, there is a lack of reasoning they makes it hard (a 2 yr old doesn’t understand WHY he can’t pick up the baby. However we didn’t want too much of an age gap because we didn’t want a toddler who is potty training, learning to sleep in big bed etc., to regress when baby comes. Also being close in age makes everything so much easier- everything is fresh in our minds, clothes and toys haven’t been put away etc. Also all of my friends who are really close on she to their siblings say they love it and are super close. Ultimately it doesn’t matter. You guys are great parents and will love and enjoy your kids no matter what. Good luck!
I have 2 boys that are exactly 3 years and 5 days apart. For us, the big deciding factor in when we wanted to have a second was potty training. I did not want two in diapers! I am glad that we waited for the 3 year age gap and think if they were closer in age I would be overwhelmed. My oldest is a little more independent now and can get himself dressed and is helpful with small chores like unloading the dishwasher and putting clothes away. Working moms know small things like this are lifesavers! Also, I love how my oldest is always looking out for his little brother- he enjoys teaching him new things, “reading” to him, and making sure he is not left out. These characteristics and other things like understanding you can’t pick up the baby is something that only comes with maturity and age.I think no matter the age gap there is between kids, adding a new baby to a family is going to be an adjustment. It’s all about finding your new “normal” and a routine that works well for you. Best wishes and no matter when you are blessed with another child it will all work out.
You got this momma!
In my opinion, the perfect time is God’s perfect timing. We became pregnant immediately with our first so I expected our 2nd to be of same results. However, it took us 18 months to get pregnant! I was freaking out because of the age difference as each month passed, but God knew better than us because I couldn’t imagine the difference in age being more perfect for us and our family. Mine are a little over 4 1/2 years apart. I have a boy (oldest) & girl. They have always beeen extremely close too. God’s timing is perfect timing!
I have two boys and a girl, my boys are three years apart and then my little girl is 4 years younger than her brother (she was our sweet surprise). When I got pregnant the second time I was sure I was going to have a girl. I will say in hind sight had I known I would have two boys first I would have had them closer in age. Only because when they are the same sex I think it’s nice to have them close in age. They like to do the same thing and have the same interests. I know this doesn’t help you at all, but whatever happens is meant to be and will be perfect for you.
My boys are 2 1/2 years apart which ended up making them 2 years apart in school. Now that they are 11 and 13, they are both in the same middle school and can hang out with each other’s friends. They fight like all kids do, but are also very close friends. We had always wanted that age gap for our kids so luckily it worked out. My sister and I are 3 years apart and my husband and his younger brother are almost 3 years apart, although they also have older sisters. If you feel ready now, go for it – because there are pros and cons to each decision. Plus, you are still in baby/little kid mode now. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to start thinking about diapers and lack of sleep again! Good luck!
Shelley
My son is 3 days younger than Molly and I am feeling exactly like you! We are trying now (2nd month of trying) and it’s so scary! But I want to just get it all done and out of the way! It will be really hard right away, but hopefully they will be good play mates down the road!
Hi! I just had my second baby in August. My daughter and son are about 26 months apart. I’m not going to lie it’s frickin hard! Ha! I don’t know if my daughter is a little more needy then most but this age gap is hard. I also would say I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I can’t imagine it any other way. Although the first two months I cried most days and still to this day our house is total chaos, but the good moments outweigh the hard ones. I love how my daughter is with her brother. she is so sweet, and loves him so much! There’s no better thing in the world for me then watching them together. So I think what ever happens, there will be tough moments, but it’s going to be great whatever age gap that happens 🙂
My two boys are 23 months apart and I love it. It’s only hard because my second child is a wild child and my first son was so easy comparatively. Apparently if your first one is hard, then your second one is easier and vice versa :). My second son is actually 1 week older than Molly. I’m happy they’re so close in age because we get out of the tough stages sooner and they have so much fun together. I also think ahead to when they’ll be in high school and I’m glad we didn’t wait too long because it would be sad for them to not spend those years together. Deciding on baby #3 right now!
I originally was not planning on having children close together, but opps haha My son will be 23 months when baby #2 arrives. I was very nervous initially, but as the pregnancy progresses I think the age gap will be great. Yes we will have two in diapers, but the car seat is not expired and all the baby stuff is still almost new. Also my son is now 20-21 months and coping quite the attitude. I think the new baby will be a good come to jesus moment for him and it will be a good teaching tool for him. He’s not old enough to understand jealousy or anger yet so I don’t have to worry about any of those emotions. I have friends who have children 3+ years apart and had to deal with a lot of jealousy and anger issues. My son doesn’t exactly know what’s going to happen haha That being said, pray for me lol
Agreed. Pregnant now and they’ll be 22-months apart. We were planning for 2 years apart, so 2-months earlier than planned. Our nieces are 3 years apart and the jealousy is insane. I’m glad my LO (17-months now) will still be a bit too young to understand this! Yea, two in diapers, yadda yadda. These beginning years will fly. College was 4 years- soon this four years and getting them to 4 and 2 will fly, too. I can’t imagine spreading the hell parts too far apart. I’m still fresh off my first one to know what’s coming. My morning sickness was just as bad but easier in a way because I knew it would come to an end. Same with the early phases- we know there’s an end point now. Anyway. I think 2 years is good 🙂
My boys are 20 months apart, I love it! They are BEST FRIENDS and I love seeing them grow together and the special relationship they have 💙
I have an 8 year old and a 5 year old. After my first I didn’t want another one because it was finally at a point where things were so easy for us when she was about 2! But my husband did so I said we would try once – and here we are 🙂 they are just under 3 years and the best of friends.
Bottom line is absolutely whatever you decide will be perfect and I know you know this! 🙂
Hey Ali! Your mind will know when the right time comes. I think the younger you are the better the birthing process will be!
I have a 2 year old and a 7 month old. My baby boy was born when my little lady was 20 months old. I’ll admit, the transition to two felt incredibly challenging, but in all honesty, it really was the emotional part that was so crippling for me! I had such Mom guilt over bringing another baby into the picture and also feeling so sad the days of just my baby girl and I were behind us. But now, 7 months into two babes, as challenging as it can be, I love seeing them interact and the joy they both experience having the other around. Long story short, there is no perfect time! There will be an adjustment to two no matter what time frame you choose. And it will feel really challenging in the beginning, and for those first several weeks, but it WILL get better! And Molly will have the greatest gift of all.
I have two who are 3&1/2 year apart and two who are 25 months apart. I like both for different reasons. My first two are 3&1/2 years apart and it was definitely easier because big sister was more independent. She could dress herself, she was potty trained, and she understood a little better what it meant to have a baby around. When I had my third there was only a two year gap. It was a little more difficult in the sense that my second child still needed a lot of mommy attention and she wasn’t quite potty trained yet but those two are now 4 and 2 and they are so close. They play so well together. They actually all three play great together. I think that no matter how far apart they are going from one kid to two is definitely a shock. Going from 2-3 was definitely easier. I think God knows what works best for each family and gives us our babies at just the right time.
My first two are 18 months apart. 😬 We didn’t plan on that but I wouldn’t change it. It’s hard at times but now I see their bond and I absolutely love it. God knew exactly that this would work for our sweet kiddos. Now I’m expecting our third and my youngest and this next baby will be 25 months apart and my oldest will be 3 1/2 when I have the baby. I’m curious to see how it will be with my daughter being a bit older than when her brother was at the age of 18 months when we had her. Seeing the bonds shared close in age are amazing! Also, you get the tired over with when close in age, rather than starting all over if that makes sense. Haha. A friend has a child in school and an almost 3 year old and now a newborn and she wishes she had them close in age. Either way, you’ll do great I’m sure!
There will never feel like a perfect time… Molly will continue to grow and you will always be thinking, “it can’t get better than this, or how could I love another this much?”… but it does get better and love continues to grow… and it’s awesome!
I have a 21 month old and we are planning on a 3ish year age gap so that my oldest can be a little more self sufficinet and not having two in diapers. I have friends who have two under two and said it’s super hard at first but I think it depends on the kid! I also had a traumatic delivery so the thought of doing that again is so scary. Whatever happens will be right for you and Kevin and Molly will be a great big sis! There are pros and cons to everything. Good luck! Love your blog and sweet Molly pics.
My son and daughter are exactly 2 years and 2 days apart. And I’m currently expecting my third, which means this baby and my daughter will be 21 months apart. I’ll have 3 kids under the age of 4 and I’m slightly freaking out lol! However I love having my kids close in age. Sure, it’s challenging, but I know they will have forever friends in their siblings. My sister and I are 4 years apart, and we weren’t incredibly close growing up, though we’re closer as adults. I hear all the time that when you have kids close in age, you “pay for it” in the early years but reap the benefits later. I’m looking forward to seeing if that rings true! Whenever Molly is meant to have a sibling is when it will happen. Don’t stress too much. She’ll be a great big sister. Good luck!
Molly and my son Oliver have the same birthday. I go back and forth sooooo much about when to start trying for baby #2 as well. I overthink everything as well haha. I’ve been told “it’ll happen when it happens” – which is what makes it right and perfect. Every kid is different. My son Oliver has been a handful, so I’m leaning more towards trying next spring/summer so he is closer to 3yrs old. Our next one could be super easy, or could be just as challenging. I wanna make sure O’s more independent when baby #2 comes. I also had TERRIBLE morning sickness so I’m nervous to maybe go thru that again ): pray about it, mama. You’ll get your answers and whenever it happens, it’ll be perfect. (: xoxo
You’re so right – everyone will think their age gap is the best! I always had it in my head that I wanted my kids 2.5 years apart – and we were so lucky that it worked out that way! I have a one month old and a 2.5 year old, both boys. It’s still a bit early so I don’t have much experience yet. But I liked the idea of my oldest being potty trained (we did it at 2), but still napping. I need the break, as the newborn isn’t exactly participating on sleep these days haha. And my oldest isn’t too old where I’ve forgotten everything I learned with him!
My boys are 3.5 years apart and it’s perfect. The older one was potty trained, talking well, and able to communicate his needs to me when the baby came. He could understand if I needed to feed or rock the baby to sleep. It was also easier to run errands because I didn’t have to try and fit 2 little ones in a grocery cart, the older one could climb up in the car by himself, put his shoes on, etc. Just the fact my older one was more independent really helped out a lot. They’ve always gotten along well because they are into different things. Not too much fighting over toys!
I’m feeling the SAME EXACT way as you! My son is 14 months and I go back and forth every day about when we should start trying. You never know how long it’s going to take to get pregnant but then again what if it happens right away…..OMG!
I don’t have my own kids yet so coming at this from a different perspective, but I definitely think 2 years in school is the best. I have 1 sibling who is 2 years older, and another that is just over 3 years younger, but because of the timing, my younger sister and I were actually 4 years apart in school. We’re really close regardless, but we were never in high school at the same time, and were definitely in very different stages of our lives for about 10 years between 12-22. It’s not the only factor, but my mom always says she wishes we were even a few months closer so that we were truly 3 years apart. On the flip side, I have always felt like the 2 years between myself and my brother is a great distance!
I love this question. It’s nerve wracking!!! My husband and I have 5 children ages 12, 10, 8, 5, and 1. Our two oldest are 25 months apart and that is my favorite gap. The next gap is 19 months and that was chaos when they were little! 😫 The 3 year gap is nice but they aren’t at the same stage of life, I just felt like it was a little too big of a gap for them to be best buds. Our 5th baby was a surprise and that 4 year age gap has him as the definite baby. He won’t have a playmate in his same stage of life…which is fine, you just rely on friends as playmates instead of siblings.
I say just relax and let it happen when it happens. The most amusing thing to me is that we think we have control over the timing of it all! Haha! When you’ve been trying for a couple months without success you start to realize otherwise. 😉
Good luck!
My kids are 5 years apart. There are LOTS of things I love about the age difference, but if I were to do it all over again, I’d have them closer together. If I decide to have anymore, I’d like them to be 2 years apart. 😊
My two boys are 2.5 and 1 year. They are 17 months apart! It’s definitly been crazy, and parts are hard, but really you just don’t know any different so you adjust and it’s fine! It seems like your husband is a good helper, and I think that’s key to having them close together. My husband and I tag team everything. I couldn’t do it by myself! We chose to have ours close so that they will be around each other and go through similar stages at the same time. My husband and his sister are 7 years apart. She missed all our proms, his football games, and other fun things we did in high school because she was off in another state at college doing her own thing! We wanted ours to experience each other’s childhoods. (Hope that makes sense!). Although it’s hard with two in diapers, I wouldn’t change it! Have good help, keep them in their routines, and embrace that every day something crazy will happen and you’ll be just fine!
I have 3 kids. My 1st and my 2nd are 3 years apart and my 2nd and my 3rd are 2 years apart. With a newborn, the 3 year difference is so much better. They are able to help you out so much more with baby (fetching diapers/pacifiers, entertaining baby) than a 2 year old would. Plus if you have the 3 yr old potty trained that’s a big bonus! With that being said…now that my kids are older (11, 8, 6) my younger 2 are much closer and better buddies because they are sort of into the same things so like picking a movie or a game to play is easier than a 3 year age gap and they spend more time together since they are in school together now. Best of luck to you and your beautiful family!!!
One last thing 😉 Coming from someone who’s had 2 miscarriages this year, I would keep trying and let it happen naturally. You never know what can happen.
I always thought I wanted 4 kids and wanted them 2 years apart…. until I had my first and it wasn’t as “easy” as expected. I was so not ready when she was 1 to try again. I struggled with this as well since it took is 1 1/2 years and 2 miscarriages to get pregnant with our first. Do we get earlier than I felt ready if it took that long, or wait and not have issues and have one sooner. I finally just felt like I could handle another one. It took us 6 months to get pregnant with our 2nd and they are 3 years apart. I wouldn’t change it and love the difference. Now my youngest is 3 and I have no desire for more. 😉
Hi Ali!
For us, we had started talking about baby #2 around the same time you guys are! We too, weren’t sure when to start and what age was perfect. To our surprise while we had been talking about starting we found out we were pregnant! We had our daughter in July 2012, and our son in Oct 2014. So, they are 2 years and 3 months apart. I love the gap!
Its funny because we want to try for baby #3, but now baby would be almost 4 years apart from my son, and 6 years from my daughter! So, I’ll get the best of both worlds. With two different gaps! I think you just manage the situation. Nobody’s timing is going to be the same timing for you. Some love when kids are close, some hate it. You won’t really know till you do it! So, just do it!
– Kristin
My husband and I were always on the 2.5 – 3 yr. plan, as I’ve always been a planner and thought that’d be the perfect gap. We started trying, got pregnant and our kids were going to be exactly 2.5 yrs apart, but then we miscarried and it took us a while to get pregnant again. We are expecting our 2nd in April, so now they will be almost 3.5 yrs apart. It’s not what we planned, but we’ve learned it’s all in God’s timing! No matter how far apart your kids end up being, it’ll all work out for the best! Good luck!
Ours will be about 2 weeks shy of being 2 years apart. Ask me in February if it’s a good idea or not. Ha! Our age definitely played a part in our decision to start trying for baby 2. We’re both in our early 30s. But we’re scared it could take a year or more to get pregnant. It only took a few months and I’m somewhat terrified. But then I think about how my son is right now. And how fun it’ll be to have one at this age and an almost 4 year old. Good luck Mama!
If I could have “planned life” I would have wanted my children two years apart. But since you can’t plan life exactly the way you want, I ended up pregnant pretty soon after having my son and my son and daughter are exactly one year apart (to the day!!) of course it’s hard but it’s all worth it. You just do it and figure it out, because you have to! Goodluck to your family xo
I don’t think there’s a “too close in age!” And I say that because I have an almost 18 month old and an almost 6 month old! Yes, the math on that is 12 months difference, insane I know! It’s also kind of beautiful that they are that close! Jemma and Josie will never know a day in their memories where they didn’t have each other! I pray they’ll be besties, but of course there’s no guarantee on that! However even as young as they are now, I can already see how much they absolutely adore each other and it just melts this mamas heart!
Now from a Mommy perspective, there can also be chaotic moments of course! But also in the beginning of my pregnancy I was still able to nap and rest a lot cause I didn’t have a toddler or big kid to run after; I had an infant napping right there with me! Also when Josie was born, Jemma was still on a two nap a day schedule, so I was able to rest after my sleepless night!
My whole story just to say, whether it’s 12 months, 25 months or 6 years… the timing will be spot on for you and your sweet family!!
And yea, 12 months was not planned 🙂 just for those wondering! 🤣 Jemma was our miracle rainbow baby after 3 years and Josie was our “wow, ok then” surprise baby! And I wouldn’t have it any other way!! Just proof that the timing isn’t up to you Mama.. it will happen when it’s supposed too! ❤️
I had our second baby 9 months ago, when our first was 5.5 years old. It was a larger gap that I had planned by I ended up with some health issues that needed dealing with so we decided to wait. I thought it would be easy the second time around because we had such a large gap. It’s not easy lol! My 5.5 year old (now 6) was jealous and went through all the same stuff toddlers do. That being said, they LOVE each other even with the gap. My 9 month old is so obsessed with her big brother and he’s just as obsessed with her. It’s the cutest thing ever. I had those second thoughts when we started trying for number 2 as well. I think it’s normal. It’s a big life change to decide to get pregnant and go through all that and have a newborn again. No matter when you do it, the transition will be a challenge, but you’ll find your groove and it will be great. I think, if you know you want to have another you just need to jump in head first and do it. There is no possible way to plan it all out. Wishing you the best!
Just to add – the down side of having a 5.5 year age gap, we got the first one out the door to school and sleeping through the night and kind of got an bit of our life back then to add a newborn was literally to start all over again. Like I had to buy all new baby stuff and figure out how to survive on no sleep etc. I sort of wish I had just gotten it all over with at once.
My kids are 26 months apart and it was great for us! My son was sleeping 13 hours at night still in his crib so he was literally contained for those hours and we could just focus our attention on the newborn. He also didn’t really understand what was happening so we didn’t face any jealousy or anything like that. As long as my son was entertained by a toy, another family member or a show he was happy and allowed us to switch attention between the two kids. They are now 4 and 2 and they definitely are starting to have sibling squabbles but they do love each other and are best of friends! Good luck!
I am in the same boat as you… our daughter is 14 months old and I am constantly thinking about when it is the right time to start trying for baby number 2. Ideally, they would be 2-2.5 years apart, but it seems so soon to start trying! I wonder how easy it would be to decide if I didn’t overthink everything haha!
First off, I am one of eight and we are all pretty close (like my mom had the first three before my oldest brothers 2nd birthday) and I always thought she was crazy but I LOVED growing up so close to all my siblings. Second, I have a 22 month old and a 3 month old (so they are 19 months apart) and I was terrified it felt so close but now that the baby is here and she’s sleeping better and my toddler kind of gets what’s going on I’m so glad they will are close in age! Really it’s whatever you feel is right but logistically speaking, things will work out and you will figure out a routine that works sometimes you just need a little faith and to just go for it and the scary parts won’t be as scary as you thought (does that make sense?) I know that’s not a clear answer but sometimes you just have to dive in headfirst and all the craziness will work out I promise!!
Relax, and start trying. You never know how long it will take to get pregnant, be grateful you have a child.
My kids are 15 months apart (didn’t plan that)! In the beginning it was tough, my little girl was still a “baby” and then she got the title as “big sister” it all seemed to happen so quick! I was overwhelmed for a while, but now I love how close in age they are! The are super close, love to play with each other, and honestly I wouldn’t trade it for the world!! My daughter is 2 years and 7 months and my mom is 1 year and 4 months! My hands are full but my heart is so happy and filled with so much love!!! Molly will make an awesome big sister whenever the time comes!!
Mine are 25 months apart. Do it! It’s crazy town, but what fun would it be if it wasn’t! You’re giving her a best friend forever, you want them close 👍
My first two are 21 months apart and for awhile it was pretty crazy. But now they’re best friends, do everything together, and I’m glad they will be in school together for longer. My youngest is 3 years younger than the middle and it’s been nice that the older boys are more able to take care of themselves, but I wish they were closer together! And if it had been up to me, they would have been. Just took longer to have him than we were expecting. I never felt 100% ready to add to our family but each time once they were born and got into the swing of things it just sort of clicked and felt right, if that makes sense, despite it being hard and crazy.
I have two boys almost exactly 2 years apart to the day that we planned. If was younger, I would’ve given another year because I think it would’ve been easier . I was 33 when I had my second. We started trying for last one and I’m 34 1/2 . Everything goes well our last one will be even closer in age . Choosing this route because of my age . We get the more risks there are and I’d rather be done before I hit 36. My own opinion is 2 1/2 to 3 years apart is perfect 😊
Hey Ali! I love following you on this motherhood journey. I’ve always loved following along and I even met you at the sprinkles grand opening in La Jolla many years ago but anyways being here for your motherhood journey is so fun cause I feel like I can relate so much more. So I’ve got 3 kiddos. First 2 are 2.5 years apart and the other two are a few months more than that. I miscarried when trying with my 3rd and so he got spaced out a little further. But I loved the age gap between the first two. And was ready. Honestly what my deciding factor is breastfeeding. I don’t get my period during that journey till about 22 months. So at that point my body lets me know it’s ready and it’s just perfect timing I guess. That seems confusing but it always seemed meant to be. Good luck.
My oldest Stella was 22 months when I had my youngest. Stella had a tough, tough time with the transition. Between the baby having colic/reflux and the challenge of Stella adjusting- it was hard! They are now 3 years and 17 months and I love here dynamic. But, the first year was pretty hellish. Given that, I would do it over in a second. 🙂 if I was to do it again, I would probably try and make my 2nd and 3rd child- 3 years apart. Good luck!
My kids are 14 months apart, and I didn’t find it to be difficult but actually easier with how close they are. My oldest will be 2.5 next month and my daughter is 14 months, they both are on the same routine (which makes everything easier.) They take their afternoon nap at the same time, and go to bed at the same time. We don’t plan on trying for #3 until my daughter is 2, that way when the baby comes, they’ll both be out of diapers. I’ve nannied for years, and I always found bigger age gaps to be more difficult. The only reason for that being is once the older child starts school and activities, the baby is strapped to the nap. It’s much more difficult to leave the house in my opinion.
My husband and I have a 4 year old and we are still talking about when the best time would be to add to our family. To be honest, we have felt maxed out and at capacity ever since our son was born. We always said we wanted our kids to be close together, but the timing just hasn’t felt right. Our first wasn’t entirely planned so it took us a while to settle into parenthood. Now that we have waiting this long, I am so excited to watch Isaiah become a big brother and really grasp what is happening. He’ll be such a big help when #2 comes along! I’m also really thankful that I’ve had these 4 years with JUST my son-we’ve bonded a ton!! That said, you have to do what’s best for you!! Whenever your #2 comes along, I’m sure it will feel like the best blessing ever!!
My son, Stone, is a few weeks older than Molly, and we always said we wanted our kids close in age, too. The day after Stone’s first birthday, I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with #2 & I was instantly flooded with such a range of emotions! Excitement, of course…but also a little bit of panic when it started to sink in that we were going to have two under 2.
Now that I’ve had several months for it all to settle in, I’ve begun thinking about all the wonderful things about having two kids so close in age…I love that they’ll be just a grade apart in school—even if it was two or three grades apart, just knowing that they’ll have each other when times get hard is so reassuring to me. My sister & I are only 14 months apart, and it was SO nice having a built-in best friend. Selfishly, I also love that we’ll pretty much be going through similar phases all at once…meaning things like diapers, the kinds of toys they’ll enjoy, the kinds of activities they’ll find fun, etc. It also means I won’t have to hang onto all our baby stuff for years waiting for the next one.
There are obviously things that will be hard (like getting any sleep & preserving my sanity 😂), but I’m mostly just so eager to watch my oldest become a big sibling, so I wouldn’t have it any other way!
I would mostly just say that above all, do what feels right for your family & don’t let the [sometimes overwhelming] anxiety of expanding your family convince you that it’s the wrong decision. Those apprehensive feelings & tendencies to over-think are so normal, it’d honestly be strange if you weren’t experiencing them! No matter what ends up happening, it’ll be perfect for your family & then you’ll become one of the moms who’s convinced the age gap between her babies is the perfect way to go 😉
I am not a mother, however, my brother and I are 25 months apart and I love it! We didn’t get along growing up, but once we were both in college, we became very close and still are.
Hey Ali! Baby #2 is already in the making for us! So if all goes well, my two will be 22 months apart😳… we had trouble conceiving with our first, and had to go on some fertility meds, so we thought the same may be true for the second. Well, it wasn’t! We didn’t even had to “try” this time! We knew we wanted them about 2 years apart, but we are still in shock that it happened this soon… I think I’ll be in shock until baby is born and we get into a routine. So, my opinion on this is.. I think the right time to start trying / age difference is whatever you feel ready for. Yes, there will be moments of insanity, and being very overwhelmed, but I think the amount of love that comes with adding a second (or more) is insurmountable!
Good luck, and just go with your gut😊
Exactly what happened to us! Mine are 21 mos apart & is it hard at times? Of course! But I would rather get this diaper & no sleep stuff over now, instead of getting into this excellent smooth routine with an older child and then boom having a newborn again LOL! Plus none of your car seats will have expired so you can reuse everything! I’m not sure what gender your kiddos are/ will be, but I have two boys and they play so well together ( they fight too :)) but my hope is maybe they can even be on the same sports teams being so close in age! Best of luck with your pregnancy! ( my kiddos are 15 months and three right now)
Our daughter is 17 months and this cycle will be the first time we actually try for baby #2. I knew I was ready because I took a pregnancy test last cycle and was disappointed when it was negative! Lol. If I were to get pregnant now, they would be just over 2 years apart. I know it will be hard trying to keep a toddler entertained while I have a nursing baby on me 24/7 (hoping to nurse #2) as well. But I know my daughter will love having someone to play with and take care of. She has a baby doll and is so stinkin sweet to it, I can’t wait to see her with a real baby!
I can only tell you from nanny prospective. I prefer to take care of kids closer the age. To me 24 months is perfect. 36 I found it to be more difficult.
I’ve done both.
I feel like 24 months it’s basically taking care of 2 babies (not YET opinionated,specific 🤣). 3 years olds are harderto me than 2 years olds 😩.
I love the relationship 2 years apart kids have. It goes by so quickly when they are 2y and 4y they are best buddies 😊. Second ones I find it more independent and easier in my experience bc unfortunately they don’t get the same attention that only child does.
This is ONLY my work experience 😉.
P.S Molly is adorable and I love her name.
My son is 6 and my daughter is 9 months. It is the perfect age difference and I’m so glad I waited! My son is in school during the day, which allows me some alone time with the baby. He’s also at an age where the transition for him was super smooth and jealousy was minimal and he is a huge helper. He loves his sister! Another advantage is if I’m feeding/bathing/putting the baby down for a nap he can occupy himself for a bit. You’ll never feel completely ready and there never will be a perfect time, but for me the larger age difference has worked out perfectly!
My kids are exactly 24 months apart, my daughter is now 4 and my son is 2. I always wanted my kids to be close in age as my sister and me have over 5 years between us and didn’t become close till we were older. However much like you are doing I started questioning the age gap when I had my daughter; I had a very difficult delivery, struggles with breast feeding etc. So I wasn’t sure how soon I would want to go through it all again.
But because you can never really prepare yourself for these transitions 0-1 or a second or third child we stopped over thinking it and just went for it.
The first three months of my sons life were difficult and at times I felt guilty that my daughter had to share attention with a new baby.
We were concerned how our daughter would react to a new baby so we tried to make her feel extra special as a big sister and let her know how important that title is. We bought her big sister books and a baby doll of her own that she could take care of while we took care of the baby. She came to love being a big sister, wanted to help out as much as possible and now is very protective of her brother.
The transition was difficult but so worth the relationship my kids now have. And it definitely helps that my daughter helps keep her little brother engaged in play rather than getting into trouble! 😉
Hey Ali! I am currently pregnant with #2, and my babies are going to be 17 months apart 😳. I honestly wished I had waited longer (the second one was a surprise). I have a feeling life is about to get really hard! Two babies in diapers, two babies in cribs, etc. I think the best time would be when your older one is in a toddler bed, and on the way to being potty trained- maybe 2 1/2 years? Also, don’t put too much pressure on yourself- that’ll take the fun out of trying! It’ll happen exactly when it’s supposed to!
I have a 14 month old and am currently almost 13 weeks pregnant with my second. So they will be almost exactly 20 months apart. We decided that we wanted between 20-24 months so that they would grow up together and have a playmate- and me and my two sisters are each spaced 21 months apart from each other and I always had a friend in them growing up. I realize it could potentially be a little crazy in the beginning, but it’s all just a season and will be over way too soon. When they get a little older, it will be so nice for them to be able to play (or fight haha) with each other. We just went ahead with the plan to get pregnant/start trying when she turned one without trying to overthink it and talk ourselves out of it. 🙂 I’m excited for two, and I think, no matter how crazy it gets, you’ll love it.
Personally, I never felt 100% ready to have baby #2 (or #3). I just knew I wanted more kids and that I didn’t want my kids super far apart so we started trying. I was waiting for “baby fever” but I never got it. It was a much more logical choice than I expected it to be. My first two kids are 2.5 years apart and that was a great space for us. My 2nd & 3rd are just about 3 years apart, which I’m glad for because we needed the time but I do think I like the 2.5 year spacing better than 3 years. Even though it’s only 6 months difference, I like them being a little closer (but not TOO close). Everyone is going to have differnt opinios of what they like best but personally, I liked being able to communicate well with my older child when I had a baby, it made life a lot easier when they are talking in sentences and can help in small ways. But really, it’s ok if the timing doesn’t seem totally perfect or right, because you might be like me and have to just make a logical decision if “I want more kids, this seems like a fairly good time, let’s do it.”
It’s funny our babies were born days apart in July 2016 and up until a month ago when friends and family would ask “are you ready for another one?” I would respond with a hard “no” I just didn’t feel ready I still wanted to spend every ounce of my time with my little one, but about a month ago I started feeling ready for another baby. I think you just “know” , if you feel ready for another one then go for it. If your not quite sure maybe wait until you know for sure! When I told my husband I was ready for another he said “ok” after what I thought would take some convincing. It all works out in the end! We are ready for another too!
I only have one son BUT I am the youngest of 5 kids and my mom had us all in less than 6 years. I was born in December and my oldest sibling turned 6 the following March! I can’t say what it was like for my incredible parents, but I can speak from the kid’s perspective and I absolutely LOVED it! I always had someone in the same stage of life with me! We were all even living at the same college at one point, so we all got to go away to school together. And now we’re all having kids of our own at the same time! So I wouldn’t worry about your kids being too close because they will have built in best friends for the rest of their lives. I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers and they’re my best friends! We hang out all the time and it’s just the best! So the tough toddler years my parents went through were more than worth it in my opinion! Good luck with your decisions on baby #2!
Hey hey!! I have 3 boys and their all 2 1/2 years apart. I personally love it because my oldest helps out with everything and when they reach that age they start becoming their own little hunan. I’ve had friends who waited 4 years and they regret it because their kids end up not wanting to play with each other because of the big age gap. I hope this helps!! My youngest is 6 months and I’m debating on baby #4 haha.
I have a 2 yr 9 month old and a 6 week old. So far I like this age gap between the two because when my son was born my daughter was potty trained, in a big girl bed, and played independently for short periods of time. I think from 2 to 2.5 kids develop a lot of independence which is super helpful when you are taking care of an infant.
We JUST decided to try for baby #2, and I have also been asking for advice anywhere I can get it. My daughter will be 3 in February, and for the past year I would say, thoughts of another baby have been sneaking their way into our conversations. For me, logistics overwhelm me. Should we get a bigger place? We just started new jobs, is that going to be an issue? Should Shae be potty trained? Should she be in school first? Should she be old enough to enjoy the experience of getting a sibling, with me? AAAAHHH! It was after I received these two pieces of advice from a couple of my mom friends, that I decided to just bite the bullet and go for it. #1. You will never regret choosing to grow your family over a job, and everything else works it’s way out. and #2. ** and my favorite** If your heart feels open, jump in 🙂
I hope you decide to try soon so I can follow along throughout your pregnancy, and share the chaos of it all. You’re not alone in this. xo
I have 4 kids. My first two are 2 years apart. Then I have an almost 6 year gap and two more that are not quite 3 years apart. I loved having them close in age. When your baby gets to be about 1, they always have a built in playmate which is really nice. You also never know how long it will take to get pregnant though so sometimes it’s out of your hands. #1 and 2 were one shot wonders, #3 took 5 months and baby #4 took us over a year with a miscarriage along the way. Whatever your gap ends up being, it will be the right thing and work for your family. There’s no right answer. Good luck, I hope you are able to get pregnant quickly!!
My first two are 2 1/2 years apart. It’s not always easy, but I don’t think it would be at any age difference. We liked that gap, and wanted the third to be the same. I had it all planned out. We tried but it took longer then the first two. Then unfortunately we had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. We were devastated. Now we are pregnant once again. We are so excited and the difference this time will be 3 1/2 years. It isn’t what we planned or what we would have chosen. Yet I’ve found some good on it. I’ve been able to spend a lot more one on one time with my second child while my oldest as at school. We’ve developed such a good bond, when he was all about daddy before. So why I’m still decestated by the one we loss, I’m thankful for the extra time with my middle one.
I am in the same boat! I just can’t decide when I will be ready. My husband and I both agreed we wanted them close, less then 2 years apart- before we got pregnant the first time I always imagined I’d be pregnant again around her first birthday. She is almost 14 months now and I don’t feel I’ll be ready anytime soon- which shocks me! I really can’t imagine life with another baby right now at all, or being pregnant anytime soon- but I know if I wait too long I will regret a large age gap 🙂 It seems like it will be an adjustment either way, and I just keep telling myself “look at all the people that have 2 kids, 3 kids, 4 kids!” It will work out!
I am currently pregnant with #2 and the age gap will be 25 months! I have no idea if it will be easier than waiting until 2.5 or 3 years, but what I do know is my sister will have a 3 year age gap and her first son is SO against the idea of another baby. So maybe having a 2nd before my toddler gets TOO (much more) opinionated on the subject will work out for us……right?!
I am a working mom too so 95% of the time I am pre-panic attack about the idea of having a newborn and a toddler, but once I saw “pregnant” on the test, I was sooooooo thrilled and feeling so thankful for the chance to give my daughter a brother or sister. <3
So basically I don't have any advice. But you aren't in this alone!!! 🙂
Trying to start for baby #2 now is probably a good idea because you never know how long it will take to conceive or endure a healthy and viable pregnancy. Sometimes, we can take for granted the sheer miracle that is life! Also, as much as you CAN control when you get pregnant, it’s great to have them in increments of 12/24/36 months because not only can you recycle baby clothes, you can recycle maternity clothes too! Otherwise, you’ll have winter clothes that are too big/small for the little one and you might need to buy a whole new set of (expensive) maternity clothes!
I actually do not think it matters!! I have 3 girls, ages 11, 9, and 4.5. My 9 and 4 year old have a closer relationship simply because they have more common interests. They all love each other and are very protective over one another but just because you have 2 close in age doesn’t mean they will be BFFs throughout life! My oldest loves to read and play video games and sports where the other 2 like to dress-up, play in makeup, and play with dolls. But at the end of the day, they’re sisters and there is nothing but love. I didnt think the 2 year spread was that difficult. The most difficult addition to me was starting over with the last one. The age gap has slightly hindered our adventurous spirits. We like to be on the go and there have been many times that we have said “when (the 4 year old) is a little older, we will….”
Thanks for posting about this! I love how real your posts are-and this is totally something I have thought about already and I have an almost 5 month old baby at home. I am a compulsive planner and can’t help but to think about the next one! My brother and I are 2 years and 10 months apart and I enjoy the distance between us. My husband and his sister are 3 years and 4 months apart and I think that is too much of a difference. I think or plan is 2-2.5 years ish apart! I put the ish in because you never know how long it will take of course!
I wish I waited longer! Mine are 26 months apart and my second attempt produced a 2 for 1 twins!!! I think if I had waited just another year or two …everyone would be happier. I miss some of their special occasions (although my husband and I split up so everyone has a parent present) like pre-prom parties, or sports games etc. I’m jealous of friends who timed it better. Just my 2cents. I wish I could attend all 3 of my kids stuff. Do what’s best for you & Kevin. 😊
Hey Molly! I was so scared to have another after my first! My husband wanted them 2 yrs apart or less to “get the baby stage over with all at once” but I just wasn’t sure. Well..about the time my first turned one we accidentally got pregnant with #2 – surprise! I was terrified!!! Hubby was ecstatic! So they are 21 months apart and, like you said, I think it’s perfect haha. They are both boys and they definitely can be challenging at times but I can see how bonded they are already (they are 14 months and almost 3 now). We are excited to take them to Disney and different fun parks and such and have them both be able to participate rather than one being really ready and the other too little. Also, the second baby was way easier- bf’ing was easier, sleep training was easier, dealing with separation anxiety- everything! Going from 1-2 is WAY easier than 0-1. These first few years will be hectic but I’m now very very glad they are close in age! They are currently napping on the exact same nap schedule 😃
I think 2 years apart is perfect! Try not to stress or over think it! Whenever it happens, it will be perfect 💛
My daughter is 9 months now and I’m excited to try and give her a sibling in the near future 🙂
My son and Molly are a few days apart and I am now 19 weeks pregnant! It was much to our surprise and I was thinking I am not ready to do this all over again already! But I have come to terms with and keep thinking of things that will be great that they will be so close in age. They will be in school longer together which will make for drop off/pick up easier. Will make sleep schedules easier, my son needs to go to bed and get his sleep right now, when he is old enough to stay out with us a little longer I wouldn’t want another baby that needs to get home, they will hopefully be on the same schedule. We know we are only having two so it will be nice to be out of the baby stage sooner, although I love having a baby, it can be hard! So hopefully when my son is in a certain stage the 2nd won’t be too far behind. I don’t know if you will ever know exactly when you will be ready and by the time you know you may really want one! The 10 months are giving me time to realize I think I will really like it. I do think past 2 school years siblings aren’t as close when they are young, just my thought though.
My girls are 19 months apart and it was definitely a tough transition. It helped that my older daughter was an early talker and was able to communicate pretty well, but it definitely took a few (well, let’s face it, 12) months to get into a groove.
We are contemplating a third … my little one is 17 months and we are nowhere near ready, haha! Honestly, I think 2.5-3 years is great! The older one can be an awesome helper and understand more…you’d also be able to get more one on one time with the baby if the older one goes to preschool a few mornings a week for a few hours. I always felt guilty that my baby never got just mommy time.
Whatever you guys end up doing will be perfect for you and your little family!
PS. Molly is ADORABLE!
Well my first and second are 8 minutes apart, so I think that is perfect 😉 but really, we are hoping for a 3rd next year. By that time the oldest two will be 6. If I could have planned it, I would definitely have wanted the 3rd closer, but it is not always an option. Either way you choose, the moment you know you are pregnant, you will be ready!
I have been contemplating the same thing! My little girl and Molly are not that far apart in age. My daughter was born August 8 2016. 🙂 I definitely want another, but for me personally (and please don’t second guess what I’m about to say!!!) I just don’t feel ready to share my time with my first just yet. I feel like at 14 months old, she still needs my full attention. I think we plan on waiting until she is about 2 years old (which is crazy to think less than a year) so they can be closer to about 3 years apart. I feel like at the point H won’t need me AS much and I can devote more time to a newborn. Now I’m probably overthinking it! LoL
I am excited for you and love reading about your journey, especially since our girls are so close in age! Thank you for being so real! Best of Luck!
My two oldest are very close in age. They play together and are the best of friends. We waited a few years and had another child. I wish I had him closer or another one in between. So he could have someone like they do. Don’t get me wrong they all play together, but there seems to be a closer bond when they are closer in age.
I think as long as your kids are at LEAST 2 + years apart you won’t be sooo overwhelmed with 2 babies under 2. I think overall the “ideal” is 2 1/2 yrs because at 2 1/2 kids get a lot more independent. My kids are 2 yrs 9 months apart and I love it. That being said we are thinking about #3 and my daughter only 15 month old. Am I ready? Umm no. But I feel that as long as we wait another month the earliest I could get pregnant there would be a 2 year gap. You can do it. I was surprised how well my kids play together from such an early age. Good luck to you!
I don’t know the answer, but we have a 2.5 year old now and really wanted them to be 2 years apart, and were so excited when we found out we were pregnant with baby #2 who would have been born 3 months after my son’s second birthday. Unfortunately we lost that baby, and have been unable to conceive since (it’s been a year. ) my advice would be don’t wait, cause really you have no real control in the conceiving process… I feel lost and sad most days that my son doesn’t have a sibling and feel this “pressure” that they need to be closer in age. I think whatever the gap is the first few months will be a challenge until it becomes your new normal again. So yes, I think whenever it happens is the age difference they are supposed to be. Good luck to you. I love following you and your family.
I’m sorry for your loss. We lost our second as well, after trying for months and months. We were lucky to get pregnant shortly after the miscarriage. I agree with you… don’t wait too long because the process could take awhile. I hope your rainbow baby comes soon!
Laura- sorry for your loss. The same happened with us, exactly. Our second would have been 27 months after our first. Both pregnancies were within a month or two of trying. Now we have been trying for a few months and its not as easy this time around. Best of luck,
Jess
Laura, I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. xoxo
Soooo I have a 10mo old and I’m already 12 weeks pregnant… slightly terrifying but SO excited to see them never remember a time without each other. We have a little girl and I have to admit I would love love another girl for her to have a sister! I will say though… we sleep trained early and she’s been sleeping like a champ since 4 months….like 12 hrs straight. that being said we didn’t struggle too much this year which made us think we could totally do it again 😂 sleep helps EVERYTHING. But there’s a good chance we are totally going to lose our minds . Our plan is to have 2, wAit a few years and then have 2 more super close on age again. Whatever happens is meant to happen, and will feel perfect to you! But I’m my opinion, if you’re thinking about it this much, don’t wait. Go for it and there is like zero chance you’ll regret it!
My daughter and son are 22 months apart. I always wanted my kids to be super close in age too since I felt me and my sister were too far apart (4.5 years). It’s definitely not easy, being so close in age they fight over toys a lot! But I have friends with kids who are 7+ years apart and they say they fight as well so really there is no magic age gap. I love having my kids so close because they have a built in buddy and will always be at the same school. Good luck with your decision! Molly is a doll and will be a great big sis!
My boys are 23 months apart and we planned it exactly that way with no regrets. I think too much of a gap gives more room for possible jealousy…we had zero jealousy issues with big brother not even being quite 2 yet. Plus it’s nice to get all the diapers and sleepless nights out of the way at the same time.
First, I love your blog! Second, I just had my second in September. My older daughter will turn 4 in December. They are 3.75 years apart. We did not intend for such a large gap. It took awhile to get pregnant with our second, and then once we did, we lost our angel at 10 weeks. Then our rainbow baby was conceived 3 months later. It’s like you said – whatever the gap ends up as, it will be perfect just for you. As a working mom (busy lawyer), the bigger age gap has been a blessing. My older daughter is old enough to handle things on her own, but she still craves mommy time. It has been hard to go from 1 to 2.
My two little guys are 20 months apart. Landen is 2 turning 3 late in December and Drake turned 1 in September. I won’t lie, it’s crazy and hectic but I love everything about the chaos and wouldn’t have it any other way. Right before I had my second I was an emotional wreck thinking I didn’t give Landen enough time before introducing another child but now I see they are best friends and it was the best decision I ever made even with the constant fighting. The reasoning behind having my kids close in age is I grew up with 4 siblings. We were born in ‘83, ‘85, ‘87 & ‘89 so all very close in age. I absolutely love it and wouldn’t trade it for the world. My siblings are my best friends. You sound just like how I did when I was deciding on when to have a second. There’s never a right time. Just picture your future and what does that look like. Good luck!! You are a great mama! Onto having my 3rd!!!
I’m 32 and haven’t had kids yet. I think it really depends on your age and where you guys are in life. Most of my friends started having kids between 29 & 34 which these days sounds old but is actually normal. So there second either was planned or immediately followed no more than 2.5 yrs apart. But there is no right or wrong, it’s all what you’re really for! The universe is on your side, it’ll happen at the perfect time. Sendinging love & light! Good luck!!!! 💕🍼🎐🌿
Hi Ali! My first two daughters are 26 months apart and my second daughter and my son are 21 months apart. When he was born my oldest was a month shy of 4 years old. So it was a tad rough for the first six months or so. My son didn’t sleep through the night and was up a minimum of 3-4 times! I was one exhausted momma! But now that they are 20, 18, and 16 I am glad I had them close because it’s so fun to see them getting along and doing things together! No matter how far apart your kids are it will be an adjustment going from one to two, but you will get through it! 😀
It’s so so good you are thinking through this!
Let me say though – there is no answer to this.
I have three kids – 2 years apart each, and expecting one that will make the youngest and this one 3 years apart.
It will be such a fun dynamic 3 years apart, just as it is my ones that are 2 years apart.
I say if you want another now, just go with it! Every age gap has its blessings and hard parts.
My two are just over 2.5 years apart. I wish I had the second sooner. I think the younger the first one is the less they notice the big change of the second one coming along. I remember when I was reading up on age differences between siblings ( I read a lot of baby/ parenting book/blogs) and one thing that stood out was when someone said is, bringing a new baby home is like your husband bringing a new wife home. I remembered that every time I couldn’t understand why my calm, loving eldest turned into a wild child. All age differences have their pro’s and con’s. Having 2 is hard work at any age but when they eventually have their moments of being cute it’s all worth it.
My sister and I are 15 months apart and it was awesome growing up with someone so close! We were even roommates in college and after. My mom always says to think about driving kids to school, if they’re further apart in age, you’ll be driving to two different schools every day. If they’re closer, you’ll only have to drive to one! (Hahah) I’ve known ppl with multiple kids at all different schools and that has to be hard on a mom!
This same exact questions has been on my mind for the last couple months!! My daughter was born shortly after Molly (July 22, 2016). So I’ll be stalking the comments on this post while little miss naps 😁
Ali I could have written this myself almost 3 years ago!! I have a little boy that will be 4 in December and twin girls that just turned 2, so they’re 21 months apart! I would be lying if I said that first little bit isn’t hard, but in a way it’s nice having them all so close in age. I love that they can all play together now on basically the same level! But in the end I say go with your heart and do what you think is best for you and your family! I’m sure it’s also a little sad to be saying goodbye to the family of three that you now have, but all of that love just multiplies!!! Good luck on your venture (:
Hi Ali!
I’m not a mom but my brother and I are 19 months apart and we are very close. Growing up we did everything together and now as teenagers and adults we are still close. But then me and my other brother are five years apart and are close but not as close as me and my first brother were. I have another brother (there’s four of us all together) and we are nine years apart and are just as close. As much as you want to plan it out, sometimes it’s just easiest to see how it all plays out. Now I’m not a mom but a sister who loves and is very close to her brothers. Hope this helps!
Mine are 14.5 months apart…a little closer than planned. Ha! I’m convinced any age difference has its pros and cons. Close means you get out of the “baby” phase of diapers, washing bottles, and no sleep faster, but are currently dealing with terrible 2s and 3s at the same time. Far apart means you’re really changing up the routine again when the new baby comes. You’ll be trying to get the older one to activities while the baby “should” be napping. You’ll love whatever age difference you have because you’ll have two adorable kiddos 😀
I have a 5 year old daughter and a 10-month old son. It is super nice to have her be a helper but honestly I think we waited a little too long for the second. I wish she would have someone to play with now, as opposed to like a year from now.
My kiddos are 28 months apart. My son is almost 3 & 1/2 and my baby just turned 1 a few weeks ago. For us it’s been great. There was a rocky period when I had a 2 month old and was potty training a 2 and a half year old. Other than that, they are great friends. We are thinking about #3 and I’m thinking 3 years apart.
I think whatever happens for you will be the norm, and you will love it. Two kids are a true joy. It may get hard sometimes but it’s double the love.
Everybody is different, but it’s no coincidence that our bodies have a memory of being pregnant in the second time around it happens really really quickly, like one time and done ( this is what happened to us with baby number 2, took us nine months with baby number one)! You could be pregnant right now and not even know it LOL! My babies are 21 months apart. I remember thinking it was too close together, but I look at it like a Band-Aid, just rip it off and it’s less painful! I’ve also heard the older your first child is the more aware they are of a new baby and can be very jealous. Merriam enough which is what my number one did and it’s been great!
Was I right?! (Preg & didn’t know yet?) Congrats!
I so hear you in that struggle – our littles are 25 months apart (first born May 2015, second born June 2017). We were shooting to have them slightly farther apart but the universe had other plans. Right now – life is crazy beautiful. Our toddler is changing so much and turning into a little person before our eyes and the challenge is keeping up to him while trying to soak in the quiet cuddly moments with our 4 months old daughter. There are moments of jealousy and toddler meltdowns but there are more moments between the two of them where they giggle at one another and interact really well. We were tired from our first when we had our second and we are still tired – my opinion is do it sooner than later before life gets too comfortable because the craziness starts all over again once you have another. I don’t think anytime is a perfect time but if in your heart you want another, I say go for it
Hi, I have 4 children, 9, 7, 4 and 14 months. With all the different gaps I have I think the easiest was the first 2 which are 23 months apart. My son was old enough to understand and get excited about a baby sister but not to old where he was really pushed out of shape about having to share. My 4 year old and 14 month old are 3.5 years apart and I definitely noticed my 3.5 year old getting very pushed out of shape when the baby arrived. He was so used to being the baby for so long that it was an adjustment. They are all very close and happy now so I think it’s whatever suits your life. I didn’t mind 2 in diapers, it was actually harder to get out of them and then have to start all over. Good luck!
I have two little girls pretty much exactly two years apart. One is 2.5 and the other is 8 months and their birthdays are six days apart. I mean it is completely crazy at times but awesome. I have heard that two year olds are more accepting of new babies than older kids 3+ (experience less jealousy). I know all kids are different but my older daughter LOVES her sister even when she doesn’t always want to share lol. We chose 2 years (and luck was in our favor) bc if we wanted to have a third I would not be too too old bi am currently 35. Also we wanted them to be interested in similar things at similar times. My husband has a sister that is 6 years older and she always felt like she was the built in babysitter and he lived to annoy her lol. It’s always c any when you are thinking about it but it will be great when the time comes. I hope this helps!
My girls are just over four years apart and I LOVE their age difference for many reasons. When I had my first daughter and she reached 18 months it was such a fun age! I didn’t want to miss anything she did because I was tired, not feeling well, etc being pregnant.
I also didn’t want to have to send one off to college and then another one too close. That’s totally selfish on my part but my oldest daughter is a junior and she’ll be leaving soon and I do get some comfort in knowing my other daughter is several years away from leaving. I could cry now thinking about dropping my older off at school so it will help some (not totally!) knowing I have one left at home for a few years.
It doesn’t hurt that we hopefully won’t have to pay for two weddings back to back!!!
These are just my two cents and it’s obviously different for everyone! Every age is so much fun but I think the age you’re about to enter is the most fun!! I just wanted to enjoy it!!!
I got pregnant with my second when my first daughter turned 1. I felt SO ready at the time because my first daughter was such an easy baby. Then my second came… I won’t lie, it was HARD! I really think it depends though because my second was such a difficult baby! She cried ALL the time. I always make a joke and say she cried from the second she popped out until the day she turned 4 months (it’s really not a joke thought because she really did cry that much😂) so that being said, my first daughter wasn’t even 2 years old yet when my second was born and she pretty much just pretended like nothing changed. She had absolutely NO interest in her newest sibling!! So overall, of course I don’t regret having them that close together because it was such a blessing but if I could go back, I think I would definitely wait a little longer.
But at the same time I think I will love having them thay close together when they are a little older. I guess there’s good and bad things no matter when you decide to do it!
My little girl is 13mo and we’re expecting Baby #2 in March! They’ll be right at 18mo apart which is close, but we went back and forth about whether to start trying and decided to go for it:)
I will say, being pregnant while chasing a 1 yr old is hard, but honestly, I think it only gets busier as they get older. AND she naps consistently morning and evening, and will still need at least one long nap for a while after the baby is born. It gives me a chance to rest and catch my breath each day which has been a lifesaver!
My thought is, life goes from 0-Crazy when you have a little one and it never really slows down again…so you might as well add another one to the mix and enjoy the ride!:) transitioning from 1 to 2 will be an adventure no matter what, I don’t think a few more months in between the kiddos will make much of a difference in the long run. Also, we want to have 3-4 children, so I’d rather have them close together and not spend my whole life pregnant!
I definitely wish we would have waited another year, mine are 26 months apart, and looking back, I don’t know what we were thinking. Sure, we survived, but I wish I would’ve enjoyed my firstborn just a little bit more before adding another. This is my own opinion and a lot of people will feel different 🙂
My sister and I are 4 years apart and we hated the age gap as kids. My mom loved it bc I was such a big help for her. Now we are great friends and the age gap doesn’t matter. My niece and son are 20 months apart and if we were having another that would be what we aimed for.
My sister and I were 3 yrs apart and I always wished we were a little closer. I have a 17 mo and am pregnant now 🙂 they will be 24 mo apart and I’m so excited! I have pcos so we’ve always said we hope our kids are close together! It’ll work out the way it’s supposed to 🙂
I’m in the exact same position right now! My son is actually two days younger than Molly and I don’t completely feel ready for #2… One thing to consider is how long it could actually take to get pregnant. I had always heard of second child infertility and lo and behold, six months of actively trying later, I’m still not pregnant (I’m talking charting, ovulation kits, knowing the exact day I ovulate… and we got pregnant almost immediately the first time without any of that!) Honestly, I’m just at the point where if it happens, I will be thankful to be done with that part of the process and will deal with feeling ready at that time.
Hey Ali,
My name is Megan Rodgerson I am from Canada and have two boys Emerson (just turned three last week) and Fletcher who is 5 months my boys are 2 years and 7 months apart. Although most of my friends would say we had it pretty good due to Emerson sleeping through the night still on a great nap routine, fully potty trained (he did it himself), very well spoken I have to say I wish we had of waited a few more months. I absolutely love the age gap now that we are 5 months in but I found so much change in Emerson from 2.5-3 months with many things and I just wish there was a little bit more of a gap. Our third I will aim for 3 years apart. I know sounds so silly… what’s 4-5 months but when I think back to trying to handle a newborn as well as enjoy my toddler it was a struggle. There was so much growth, maternity and development with Emerson from 2.5 – 3 I just wish I could have been mentally there more to enjoy it 🤷♀️
Sometimes, you just don’t get a choice. I wanted my kids to be about two years apart, but suffered a couple of miscarriages in between (and before the first). They ended up being 3.5 years apart and that had its own blessings. My first was potty trained and somewhat independent which was great especially in the newborn days. Best thing you can do is be accepting of the closest you’d want them in age and also be open to the fact that it may not happen right away.
My little guy is 3.5 yrs old. I wish we had done it sooner. He has such a personality now and he knows he is mama’s boy so I am so scared that his relationship with me will change because he is older and can sense changes and such. It really does make we wish I had done it sooner. With that being said…I told my husband that we needed to be pregnant before he turns 4 or I will not do it. So we’ll see what the next 5 months bring and if it is meant to be it will be. Good luck, go with your gut…I’m sure Molly will be an amazing big sister <3
My two girls are exactly 24 months apart. My husband was ready for baby 2 much sooner than I was, but I figured by the time we got pregnant and 9 months later I would be ready. We got pregnant right away and our sweet Claire was here just as my oldest turned two. I’m not going to lie, the first year and a half has been REALLY REALLY HARD! I still don’t think it’s gotten any easier and I’m 18 months in. If I’m being honest, we always wanted three kids, but with two being as hard as it has been we are doubting we want more. I really think it’s been so tough because both of them need me all the time. Having my oldest only be 2 when the baby arrived, she was just as needy as my newborn so it was non-stop. If I was to do it again I would have waited a bit longer, maybe so my oldest was 2.5-3 when the baby was born. I mean, even now it would be tough but at least my oldest is potty trained and in preschool so I have gotten a little break. I truly think Gods plan is better than my own and I know there was a reason for His timing. I’m know He has a perfect plan for your family, maybe even a better than you could ever plan for yourself!
Girl don’t wait any longer!! My oldest was 6 months old when I on purpose got pregnant with #2. I absolutely loved them being so close. Yes I had 2 in diapers and my kids took their time till they were 4 but there were so many advantages that is was worth it!!! My oldest acted as a translator for the baby. He would start to fuss in baby talk and she would know what he wanted and tell me. And even though she wasn’t even two yet she was still an amazing helper to fetch diapers or whatever I needed. My oldest also blessed me by sleeping through the night at 4 weeks old and has been doing it ever since (she turns 14 tomorrow) so that certainly made the process easier. If my first was still waking up as a 1 yr old that would have been a problem. But you guys did so great with training Molly I don’t see it being a problem. Child 2 and 3 were 3 yrs and 10 days apart. It was great in the early years through maybe the youngest being 3 but she is now 9 and her 12 yr old brother is always fighting against her and calling her a little kid or a baby. She really gets pushed aside from her older siblings. So with us 3 was way too far apart. I love the older two only being 1 grade apart cause they are around the same kids and it’s almost like I have little spies on the other one lol. You will be amazed at what an awesome big sister Molly will be!
My son and daughter were born 14 months apart to the day so I am the wrong person to ask! 😭😭 although it was nice not having to prolong the diaper phase and they really are so close!
My kids are 17 months apart and I love it! We weren’t quite planning for them to be this close in age but it just worked out that way. I will say I love the sibling love between the two. My oldest isn’t 100% independent so he gets to spend a lot of time with his little sister. The bond between them is the sweetest thing to watch. Too old and I personally just feel like they’re in much different stages and wouldn’t be able to relate to each other. Adding #2 isn’t easy but worth every minute. Enjoy!!
I’m not coming from a parent point of view because I don’t have kids but I have 2 sisters and each of us are 2 years apart. I think it’s a perfect age! I loved going to the same school and we all loved being close enough in age that we knew a lot of each other’s friends too 🙂
I’m in your same boat. My girl is 10 months and we are trying to figure out when we should “stop preventing” for baby #2. I’m 35 so time is a little bit tight. My sister and I are 3 years and 3 months apart and, though we had fun and were close in elementary school for a few years, we hated each other beyond that. I think it was too big of a gap. We had nothing in common once I got out of elementary and onto middle and high school. So I think personally having them closer to 2-2.5 years apart is probably better and what I am going to aim for.
The right time is when it happens- you will cope and enjoy that baby and Molly however many months apart they are
What’s right for you may not be right for anyone else
My boys are 17months apart -we had IVF so timing was a little out of our control – now 13 and 11 Year’s old – sure it was hard sometimes but now it is so easy and they are the best of friends most days
Good luck I hope it happens soon – you are a gorgeous person inside and out and the best mom ever
Kevin is a incredibly supportive Dad and husband – Go for it
By the way I live in Australia and you are my favourite person to follow – fans everywhere- even down under x
Hi Ali
Commenting from Scotland. I have a 3 year old and work full time in a secondary school and are currently doing a masters degree outside of work as I thought I was not ready for a second. I am now starting to think that I will wait another year before trying as that means my daughter will be in primary school so I can get time with baby 2. I don’t think there is an ideal gap I believe it is linked with your personal situation. Love seeing your pictures and posts – wish more of the clothing I could buy in Scotland.
Gemma
My kids are 22 months apart. I was always told it’s best to have them close in age but never really given an explanation on why haha. Now that I have a 24 month old and a 2 month old I can say the plus’ I’ve experienced are 1. Breastfeeding was much easier the 2nd time around with the whole sore nipples part. I had only went 1 year without breastfeeding so it’s like my body adjusted more quickly. 2. The lack of sleep with a newborn was much easier to get used to as well as again I had only had normal sleep patterns again for around 1 year. 3. A 2nd child is so much different then the 1st… you are much less worried that every little thing that happens is going to severely hurt the child and You be been around the block once already so you know what to expect and 4. The younger your 1st child is the easier it is for them to adjust to the new baby as they don’t really ever know what it was like to be an only child….. I think around 3 years old the older child can remember what life was like without the new arrival and the adjustment period for them is longer.
I am pregnant with my first so I can’t offer a perspective on what might be best from experience as a mom. BUT I can offer my experience from the perspective of a preschool teacher…I have found that although the first few years might be hard having children so close together, the children I have taught who have siblings that are closer together in age tend to be much closer to their siblings and get along better with them. I have also taught many siblings in the few years I have been teaching and it is always nice to have a family the second time around.
On a more personal note, I am a firm believer that you will get pregnant when the time is right.
Hey Ali– whenever it happens it happens I just had my third baby –oldest 5, 3 then baby!! I loved having our kids just shy of two years apart.. however it was exhausting and two in diapers wasn’t all great and me thinking I would magically potty train on maternity leave was crazy and needless to say didn’t work !! Our third baby is three years apart from my middle one which I almost feel is a long time but it’s been nice not having two in diapers and the two older ones are very helpful with baby .. sometimes too helpful the 3 year old is ..don’t think too hard about it you just adjust and becomes part of your new daily routine of life !! I’ve already forgot what it looked like with only two !!
Ali, I just love you! You are so real. Here is my two cents. I have five siblings. My three older brothers were very close in age then there is a 3.5 year gap between me and my older brother and the same gap between me and my younger sisters. Growing up I didn’t love it. I always felt like my little Sister was more of a Tagalong than a friend. Now that we are older she is my best friend. The age gap doesn’t matter now but it did when we were kids. Now I have 4 kids of my own. 5,4,2 and 4 months. They are close! These are tough years. They are all so busy but I have always known I have wanted at least 4 kids so we have had the rip the band-aid off mentality. Small kids take work. Once they become about 3 they are a little more independent. We just figured why not do all the work at once and that way our kids can enjoy all the stages of life together and we enjoy it too. I don’t want to get out of the potty training and stroller stage just to jump right back into it. Get it over with. I shouldn’t say get it over with because there is so much to cherish with the little ones. It is really fun to see them all playing together. Good luck! It’ll happen the way it’s supposed to for your family. 😊
We have a 17 month old girl and I’ve always wanted my kids to be at least 2 years apart. I feel that at 2 they communicate better and potty training either has or is getting ready to start. Plus I don’t want their birthdays to be super close so they can both enjoy their bdays separately. We’ve decided to start trying for another one at different time of year before we did last time to help with that.
Mine are 20 months apart – one grade in school. Both boys. It was very hard when they were young but they play together, hang out with eachother’s friends and are so close! I wish I had a “buddy” like that growing up!! Such a personal choice, but I’m glad we grit our teeth and did it 🙂
Hey!!
I feel like I was in your shoes a couple years ago! My daughters are 21 months apart. So they are now 20 months and almost 3.5 years old. It was perfect! My first daughter wasn’t even two yet so after a couple days a baby sister was just her new reality. She wasn’t old enough to get jealous etc. Now that my youngest is almost 2 they play together all the time and it is so sweet! It’s also nice because I can rid my house of “baby gear” now that we are done! It’s also been nice getting back in shape and not worrying “oh I’ll just be pregnant again soon” hanging over my head.
Best of luck and whatever happens for your family I’m sure you’ll feel is the perfect fit for you all just like everyone else does!
You have just summed up exactly how I feel! My son just turned 2 in September. My husband and I know we want more kids but we are content right now how things are (but we also know we want more kids but do not quite know the “appropriate age gap”. In some way, I feel bad for feeling like that. I don’t know if its because all my friends are pregnant with their second child and I almost feel like I should to. LOL. Sounds totally ridiculous, I know but for some reason, I have some guilt for feeling that way. But after some thought, you just have to do what feels right and I think that feeling will come to you (& hopefully me at some point). Good luck and wish you all the best!!!
My sister and I are 4 years apart and we’ve pretty much always been close. The thing that’s been hard is being in different phases of life. We never got to do HS together I was away at college and now that I’m back closer to home, she’s off at college…. We graduated the same years so she probably always got the short end of the stick there. It’s nice being an older sister and giving all the advice and whatnot but I do wish that maybe we’d only been 2 years apart instead of 4 1/4.
My boys are 23 months apart. I love how close they are now that they’re 4 and 6. They really are best friends. People always ask if we would have a third but honestly, I don’t want my oldest and youngest to be 6 years apart. To me, they’d have nothing in common and wouldn’t be as close as they would be if they were closer in age. Just my opinion. Whatever happens for you, you’ll figure it out and everything will work out 🙂
My Sweet little Harper is 15 months, she was born July 16, 2016. I am currently pregnant with our 2nd due April 28, 2018. It happened really fast for us so much that I felt/still sometimes do feel the questions your having! I have noticed a lot of people who say that their kids are similar in age difference and so many people have said how exciting it will be for Harper to have a close best friend. We are excited they will be 21 months apart and grow up experiencing everything together. I have also been reassured that I will get it and 2 Little’s will just become the new normal routine. Best of luck to you and your family and I’m sure it will happen when the time is right!
My kids are 2.5 and I love it. They are close enough to play together but far enough to have different interests. Also, by doing it at the half year mark it makes their birthdays in different times of year – one February and one July. I wouldn’t want both birthdays in the same month.
My advice is do what you think is best. I used to over think about it too but now it’s been a year and I am still trying to conceive my first child. Now I just pray that I can have at least one healthy child! If we could plan things to be perfect, life would be boring. Everything happens for a reason. Go with what you and Kevin feel is what is right for your family. Everyone is different. I hope you will be able to conceive a healthy child easily and have fun with it 💗
Ali, Just because you are trying doesn’t mean it will happen right away. Just relax and don’t sweat. It will happen when it happens, maybe it will take longer then you might expect and you will have a bit longer with Molly then you might think then again it could be the 2 years you were thinking in the beginning. Two children under 2 isn’t all that bad if you prepare the older child for the new baby for the new one. They grow up together and there are lots of benefits to that, especially if you are teaching the older child about sharing and other children as they grow along the way Molly will be fine. Molly seems to be a very loving child and will be a great big sister for your next child and I am sure you will not have any trouble when you and Kevin introduce her to them. Wishing you all the best as you prepare for baby #2.
I have 3 kids (aged 12, 10, 9)
My first two are 2 years and 4 months appart.
Between my second and third, they are 11 monthis appart.
I like having them close together. 2-2.5 years I think it is perfect because they will be close enough to play a lot together. 11 months was extreme. I love it now but the first years were ROUGH! I would not recommend having them that close even if now it is great.
Just go for it!
I have three kids. My stepson is 13, my daughter is 5 and my son will be 2 next month. I love the relationship my stepson has with his younger siblings. They look up to him so much. The 3 year age difference between my daughter and youngest son is a little rough but I think that may be more of a personality clash between those two?! Lol my own sister and I are 16 months apart and I would not have changed that for the world growing up. We are best friends and were always able to share clothes, and sometimes even friends. Of course we had our share of fights but there is nothing else in the world that compares to having a sister that is your best friend. Having two kids super close in age can be rough for the first couple years but I think it is totally awesome and worth it in the long run 😊
I have a 15 month old ( 1 week younger than Molly) and currently 7 weeks pregnant. It is overwhelming especially because I have been so sick. But we only want 2 and my thought process was I didn’t want to carry a diaper back for the next 6 years so lets do it now. Also, I think we made our decision more based on our son’s future than our next couple of years. I am exactly 2 years older than my sister and for me it was perfect. Also, I hate to admit it but my age was a factor. I am 33 and didn’t want to run the risk of it getting harder to get pregnant as time goes on. SO MUCH PRESSURE from everywhere and everything!! For us it happened the first month of trying which was NOT the case with our first so I was overall shocked. But I think once I see them together it will feel perfect. Whatever happens it will be what is perfect for your family.
I’m 46 years old so based on my experience and what I have seen with friends I really think 2-3 years apart is really good. Unfortunately mine ended up being 5 years apart and is not the best at all. The closer they are the more chance they will play together and you get some things in life done pretty close to all at the same time instead of way spread out. Good luck! I hope whatever you decide you want to happen will work out.
I’m two years apart from my sister and we are the closest siblings you can imagine! I love going to the same school as her so she can show me the ropes and she makes me feel more comfortable when starting a new school. I wouldn’t want to be any farther away because then we wouldn’t be as close because we wouldn’t be experiencing the same things at the same time! I’m not a mom but I hope this helps!
I have an almost 4 year old and an 18 month old, so basically 2 1/2 years apart, and i’ll be honest… I TOTALLY wish we had waited. Especially right now! All of a sudden both have turned into terrible sleepers, including screaming, crying, tantrums, etc… and this mama is TIRED. People keep telling me that it won’t last forever, but right now, I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
My first was a terrible sleeper so I waited until that was taken care of and then I needed a year of good sleep ha ! We started trying when he was 2, we had two miscarriages and finally got our rainbow baby girl this past August. It took a year to achieve a successful pregnancy so they are 3.5 years apart. If you want them closer it may be good to start sooner rather than later!! Our first was conceived rather quickly with no issues so the miscarriages were tough and hard to go through. I was also 26 so still young. Sometimes you can plan all you want but the man upstairs is in charge.
Shelby- sorry for your losses. We also had a miscarriage after baby number 1, trying for our second child now, but it is hard to plan these things!
It will happen when the time is right, so don’t worry about it and go with the flow!!
We had our kids 2.5 years apart and I love it! My son is so helpful, even at such a young age. I feel like it’s all crazy for the first few years but I am so glad they will grow up so close in age:)
We wanted our kids close in age too. 2-2.5 years apart max,and I’m currently pregnant and our two littles will be just under 2.5 years apart.
Hey, I am not a mom yet but there are three of us.
My brother and I are 5 years apart and my sister and I are 12 years apart.
I may be young but we are all in completely different stages of our lIves and we have never been the best of friends that I would one day hope to have with my kids. My brother is in high school, I’m in second year of varsity and my sister is in junior primary and in some ways we don’t have much of a relationship between the three of us, don’t get me wrong I love them to bits but we have a cocky teen and one still learning to read.
My mom battled to have us so it wasn’t by choice that we were far apart but I know if she could have, she would have had us all closer together.
I crave the close sister and brother bond and as we get older I’m sure it will come but as for now, we have never experienced the same things because we are at completely different times in our lives.
I hope that helps from perspective of a sibling.
Hi Ali!
I am not a mother, yet. We actually just found out that we are expecting #1 in July, so it’s super early, but even telling cyber space feels good to be able to tell SOMEONE 🙂
My brother and I were 2.5 years apart and I loved it! It was enough space, but as we got older we hung out with the same group of friends, and it was nice being in school together for two years. When we have our second, I would love it if we had them 2.5 years apart.
Good luck!
We thought we wanted them to be 2.5 years apart. So, we planned to get pregnant in the summer of 2017 to make that happen. Unfortunately, you can only plan so much– we got pregnant in May (ahead of schedule by a couple months), but ended up having a miscarriage in July. It took a couple months to get back on cycle, so now we are looking at closer to 3 years apart. Its kind of crazy that something can throw it off that much. Now we go back and forth constantly– are we ready to try again? the clock is ticking.. etc… Best of luck with your child spacing, its really such an anguishing process!
Looking back I wish I hadn’t thought about the perfect timing. My daughter was 2.5 and we started to try for #2. Well #1 came fast! No issues. #2 not was not the same. 2 years of trying and then we called it quits. We were 1 and done. My daughter is now 11 but I do look back…could have should have wound have thoughts crossed my mind. Luckily she has lots of cousins! But I do feel bad that we couldn’t give her a sibling. But truly we are all happy and she’s lucky she has the opportunities to do the many things she does. So don’t think about it too much.
I think God provides when the timing is right for your family. Some people it happens quick and some people it takes time- it’s not really in our hands. I mean, my story isn’t what I wanted, but rather what happened based on circumstances. Right now I have one three year old- promise that wasn’t my plan but life is not in our hands really.
Hi Ali – thanks for sharing with us all! I’m going to be the typical Mom you’ve been hearing from. My kids are 3 years (almost to the day) apart and for us that worked perfectly. It wasn’t the original plan as I thought we would have them closer together but truthfully I’m glad it worked out the way it did. My son was more independent, wanting to help and being able to, he was already toilet trained, he was verbal so I could explain things to him and he could to me as well. It also wasn’t so far apart that they can’t relate, they are now almost 5 and almost 2 and they have such a bond, I love it!
Whatever you decide, or whatever happens for you guys, each scenario has it’s pros (and cons).
My oldest is 26 months, I’m currently 9 months pregnant with my second boy who is due at the beginning of November. So my kids will be 27 months apart (not even 2.5 years) I think 2-2.5years is a good gap between siblings. I want my kids to be close enough in age where they are in school together and really grow up together. My brother and I are 15 years apart. So I’ve always wanted my kids close in age. I never got to grow up with my sibling.
This is so me, I got the baby fever back right after my son’s first birthday. I really wanted my kids to be 2-2.5 years apart. But, unexpectedly (since our first happened right away) it just hasn’t happened yet and so we’re looking at a 3 year age gap now. My husband’s brothers are 10 and 8 years older than him and all close as can be. I’m actually closer with my brother of a larger age gap. I think it really just comes down to your family dynamics and personality and God’s perfect timing <3
I dont have children but my sister and I are 18 months apart and we’re best friends. When I decide to have kids I’ll definitely want them close to 2 years apart (that’s my ‘pre first child’ opinion so could be subject to change. Ha!) . I don’t know if that’s just a common age gap but we also had friends whose siblings are 2 school years apart so we had friends who were siblings which worked out well for play dates when we were younger!
Nice that you have discussed this together! You’ve done that work now leave it up to fate/biology! :).
As for me I wasn’t ready until our daughter was 7 and then it just seemed too big a gap.
My girls are 2 years, 6 months and 6 days apart. In my experience, I would say it was a good age gap. Either way, your oldest will go from being your baby to being your big girl. And with that also comes the guilt that we forced our babies to grow up too fast by adding a sibling. I’d say just keep having fun trying. People have kids 9 months apart to 9 years apart and beyond. It always ends up working out for the best. 🙂
My kids are three years and I love it. My son was great with my daughter. Super helpful. Now that they are 9 and 12 they are in different schools and won’t be back in school together built my sons a senior. Since I have s boy and a girl I like this. If they are the same sex I’d like them closer but we can’t count on that. My sister and I are only a year, and grade, apart. There is more I like about it than don’t. Especially now that I’m almost 40. So really…there really isn’t a great answer. Further apart means that you may only have one in diapers. Or one in college. But they’re also for their parts they may not be as close. Closer together they may have better friendships or can do more things together at the same time. My sister and I rode bikes about the same time. We learned how to drive around the same time. At the same time you may have two in diapers and you may be stressed the first few years. You got to do what’s right for you when it feels right. People always make it work out for them.
So I don’t have kids of my own, but based on my experience of being a big sister, and what my mom has said about the age differences in my family (I’m a little over 2 years older than my brother, and 6 years older than my little sister) I would say that around 2 years of an age gap is great! My brother and I were two grades apart in school so we were in the same school for most of our school years, but there was enough age difference between us that we were able to have two totally separate friend groups in our very tiny town. So I was always grateful for the age gap between my brother and I, and my mom said that we were pretty easy to handle even though we were both pretty little at the same time and she was a working mom. She also said that a 2 year old is pretty easy to have with a new born because a 2 year old tends to start being able to play on their own a little bit and you don’t have to be on top of them all the time to make sure they’re being safe and those types of things! Either way, good luck with baby number 2, and I’m sure Molly will be a GREAT big sister because she just seems so sweet!
I have two girls and they are two and a half years apart. They’re older now so some days they get along great and some days they fight like sisters!
I think that the space between the two is perfect for us. They don’t really remember life without the other so there wasn’t any jealousy and the oldest is very protective of the “baby”.
We moved into a bigger house this past year and my seven year old decided she would remain in her upper bunk with her sister and move in to her own room when she got a little older. I think she needs the comfort of having her younger sister because she’s never known any different. My younger daughter is thrilled because she adores her older sister and loves spending time with her.
They both go to the same school now, can pretty much participate in the same activities and it’s a really fun time for us all as a family!
I love your little family and I know Molly will be a great big sister! Don’t stress, it will happen when the time is right!
We wanted a third for a while but no time felt like the RIGHT time. We went back and forth on it for at least a year. Then something just clicked and we agreed that if it was something we wanted, we should just go for it. We did, I got pregnant immediately (hah) and we were blessed with the sweetest, most amazing baby boy (we have 3 boys!).
You can always wonder about age gaps or finances or whatever it is that makes you feel “not ready” for more but I think it’s one of those things that’s best to just jump into if you KNOW it’s something you want!
And now that Leif is here, I can’t believe we debated for so long whether or not to have a third. Can’t imagine it any other way now. I know that all sounds pretty cliche but that’s been our experience! And our three are all pretty far apart in age and it’s fine; it has positives and negatives just like with anything.
Mine are 28 months apart and I actually wish they were CLOSER in age. Mostly because it would have been easier if they were, say 18 months apart. My oldest had a very hard time adjusting to not receiving 100% of the attention all of the time (still does a year later); not to mention we potty-trained her when the babe was just 2 months old (be prepared, potty-training is a WHOLE new ballgame :)) In my mind it would have been easier if she was a bit smaller and not as communicative, BUT they are my babies and absolutely perfect in my mind. I think that you are totally right though, it is meant to be the way God intends and everything else just falls into place.
My kids are 2 years and 3 weeks apart. Crazy times for sure and looking back I probably would have waited till my daughter was 2 or 2 1/2 to start trying for another. But now they are 4 and 2 they get along great (mostly lol) everyone always told me 2 yrs apart was the best, really difficult at first but when they are older the age gap was perfect.
We knew we were ready, when we got pregnant with #2! HA! We weren’t preventing, but we also weren’t actively trying. It was a surprise to us, and a great one at that! They will be 20 months apart in February.
My advice is that you’ll overthink it, even once you’re pregnant with #2. For example, my 16 month old was TERRIBLE today, and I was like “I’m not ready for two!” Also, plan all you want, and it could still take you several months to get pregnant again.
In my opinion, I say GO FOR IT! You make cute babies, and the world needs cute babies.
Beleive me you never be prepared. After I my first I got pregnant with my second daughter when my first was 7 months old. My husband and I were definitely not ready and did not plan it that way. When we brought her me first daughter was 15 months old. I was not ready physically or mentally. I felt like they were twins because I had them in diapers and then potty training became a little challenging. My second daughter and third daughter are 3 years apart. Now that my third daughter is 3 we want to try for a 4th and God willing have a boy! But when my doctor tells me I’m premenopausal, it scars and worries me. It makes me think that I’m racing against time but then pray that will happen and i will be pregnant. After having them back to back I’ve never been so tired in my life ha!
I think there are advantages and disadvantages to whatever age difference you have. My girls are 6 1/2 and 4, and we are finally at a point where I feel like it’s good. They don’t always get along, but they have stretches where they play nicely together, and they love each other dearly. When they were younger I thought the closeness in age was really hard. They were both in diapers, and I just felt overwhelmed and sleep deprived. But I really love that they are truly growing up together, and learning from each other. Parenthood is hard and wonderful, and I’m not sure there’s a perfect gap in ages between kids. Good luck! 😊
My two are 21 months apart. I feel it would’ve been better if they were 3 years apart, not because they don’t get along but I would’ve liked to give more time to the first born. It’s great now that they are 9 and 7 and do a lot of things together. They are in the same school and have a lot of things in common. But I feel like my daughter didn’t get to be the baby for very long.
I have an almost 15 month old and am currently 6 weeks pregnant. I had the same fears and questions, but more of in a meltdown fashion this week. The beat advice I got was closer is better or, since I’d like to have a lot of kids, to have them in “groups”😂
That way, one of you isn’t home with a newborn while the other spouse is off at classes/sports/etc with an older child. The closer they are, the more likely they are to have similar interests and be able to play together. At least that’s what I’m choosing to hear!
I’m sure there are pros and cons to each age gap. No matter what, there will be long hard days that still seem to pass too quickly. Enjoy it!
I have a 10 month old and am 8 weeks pregnant! My husband and I were in the same boat. We didn’t know what was the right time but knew we wanted them close. They will be 18 months apart and I know plenty of others who have kids with that age gap that said it’s great. I totally feel crazy right now being pregnant again but I am fortunate to be able to have kids and will embrace all the soon to be chaos!
Oh my goodness, all of this! My husband and I are debating this very topic. Our daughter will be 2 in December and this is our recurring conversation. I feel like a lot more planning and debating goes into baby #2 than baby #1. I feel like we’ve made spreadsheets, and debated pros and cons of timing and age gap. But no matter what happens with you, Kevin, and Molly it will be the perfect situation for you.
Hey Ali!
I’ve been following you for awhile and you’ve help me out alot with my first daughter as with sleep training and what not 😊 we decided when she was 9months to start trying because we knew we wanted our kids close and didn’t know how long it would take…welp didn’t take long! Ha I’m currently pregnant and baby #2 is due in April! We are having another little girl and they will be 18 months apart. It’s tough chasing a 1 year old and being Prego but I know it will be worth it in the end. Whenever you guys feel you’re ready just go for it. Don’t over think, enjoy your time with Molly and be excited to give her a sibling 😊
I’m currently pregnant with our second and he and his older brother will be 23 months apart. I know there will be moments its super tough but I’m choosing to look at the positives. Just like having your first there really is no “perfect time”, any age gap would have it’s own unique challenges and benefits. What I think the positives will be: 1) now that I know the second is also a boy and due in the same season as my first then I have a whole ton of hand me down clothes haha 2) growing up they’ll always have a buddy they can relate to and hang out with 3) I don’t have to hang onto all the baby stuff for years 3) we’re already in the thick of it so we haven’t established a new “easier” routine to get used to and 4) my first will probably be jealous but he’ll also be young enough to adapt faster than an older kid who can remember what it was like when he had mum and dad all to himself.
I think the “perfect time” is just when it happens and like all mums you’ll just adapt and your family will establish their new normal. and most importantly ENJOY the trying process and stop stressing out 😉
I have 4 kids and while I would say 2 years apart is perfect that isn’t what was planned.
I had the first and found out year later pregnant and lost that one. Ended up getting pregnant again super quick and had my 2nd then whoops again pregnant and had 3rd girl 11 months later. While I didn’t exactly plan it that way and was on birth control for all it happened anywhat because that is what was suppose to be for me.
2 more years later and I welcomed my final baby boy this time.
Looking back was it tough so close in age yes but would I have wanted the gaps any larger now? No they are growing up together and the bonds they have are great.
I have older brother 3 years and younger brother 3 years and we were just so far apart we didn’t have that close connection growing up.
Love your raw posts
Holly from Indiana ❤️
I have so much respect for you! 4 kiddos! I can’t even image how much work that is. Thanks for the advice!
Hi Ali!
So I don’t have much to add about adding a second baby and when since I’m only on my first pregnancy but with twin boys!
But I wanted to add that my brother and sister are 17 months apart and are great friends and then I came 9 years after my sister and am great friends with both of them and have the best relationship.
Whatever you decide is the best decision for you, Kevin, and Molly. There is no perfect age gap
Good luck with all
I’d say go for it, now! I think 2- 2 1/2 yrs. apart is perfect for all of the reasons many have already shared! Our sons are 4 3/4 yrs. apart and the age gap was too big. They were almost psychological only kids. They were almost never on the same page and the oldest had been an only for so long that he resented the time his little brother took from our time together. Our younger son just annoyed the heck out of the older one and the older one bullied the younger one! The younger one worshiped the older and always wanted to play with him. I was on ref duty full-time! They finally enjoyed each other when one was in late middle school and the other in high school. I am the youngest of four, and we are 26 mos., 18 1/2 mos. and 4 3/4 yrs. apart. The two 18 1/2 mos. apart, both boys, we’re best friends from birth on and the 26 mos. apart, a boy and then me, were best friends/ worst enemies until we were both in high school, and then besties. The oldest was resentful of the sib born when he was 4 3/4 and was really not close to any of us until we were all out of college.
Thank you for your honest opinion! It seems like a lot of people think 2 years is pretty perfect.
Hey Ali! My husband and I always knew we wanted to have our kids close in age, and when I had two ectopic pregnancies before having my first we definitely knew that we wouldn’t wait very long because you just never know about
Miscarriage etc. So we tried when my daughter was 8 months and of course I got pregnant right away lol! We were in shock, and I honestly wasn’t very ready and was overwhelmed! They are now 4 and 3 years old and looking back I’m SO glad we had them 17 months apart! I must admit of course having two kids that close in age definitely had it’s challenges, but seeing how close they are to eachother is the best thing ever! And the fact that they are always playing with each other and enjoy each other’s company is the greatest thing ever! My brothers kids are 3-4 years apart and their kids wouldn’t really have much in common, the older one would get annoyed of the younger, so on.
This year my daughter started kindergarten and my son started preschool, which gives me 3 hours/two days a week to myself! It’s great!
Good luck in whatever you choose:)
So funny you wrote this blog. Our babies (Molly and Aria) are a couple weeks apart in age and we just found out we were expect a few weeks ago! I was anxiously waiting to see if maybe you were expecting too in your upcoming blogs! 🙂 I don’t have the right answer for you and I’m so nervous that my two babies will be 22 months apart! I have to be honest in the fact I cried when we found out. I was very happy and know we’re extremely blessed but at the same time was having major guilt that I’m taking away from Aria’s milestones. The advice I have been given is you adjust no matter the age difference and your heart grows fuller with your growing family. I don’t think there is no magical number. Whenever it happens it’ll work out! Molly will be the best big sister around! 🙂
My first 2 are 21 mos apart and this was such a struggle for me! I cried to my doctor about how I couldn’t stand the thought of rushing one baby out to make room for another one. But I can assure you that as soon as your baby comes, all of those feelings will go away and you will feel as if he/she was there all along. And you will love watching your oldest become a big sister! Mine are turning 5 and 7 and I miss those first days so much.
I can speak to both sides- my first 2 are 21mos apart. First of all, they are BEST friends(girl then boy). They have always been inseparable and I think a lot of it is bc they don’t remember life without each other. Another thing I loved, is that we were in baby mode for a few years so it wasn’t a huge change when we brought baby home. We were able to keep the same nap and bedtime schedules without worrying about shuffling an older child around.
Then, we had our “caboose” in January. He is 6 years younger than my oldest and just over 4 years younger than my middle child. While I will say having my oldest available to help with him is a dream(she feeds him if I’m busy, bathes him often…she’s amazing!!!) I really miss being able to have my babies at home playing all day together, taking naps together, etc. Now I have to wake my little one to get big sister to school, etc. I hate that part 🙁 We have to drag the big kids home early so baby can go to bed early, etc.
Basically, either way has its benefits and challenges…but if I did it over again, I think I would have all 3 close to each other like the first time! Either way, Molly will be a phenomenal big sister and all those feelings of hesitation you feel will be gone by the time you see the new little ones precious face. It will feel as though he/she was there all along.
I agree with this as well!!! I have 5 kids ranging from 14-1. It is annoying that the older ones have to go to bed early cuz the babies and the babies have to get woke up because of school time. Its hard!!
But my body couldnt handle them too close together. Pick your battles I guess!!
I have 3 boys (28,27&19). The 2 older ones were suppose to be right at a year apart but the 2nd one decided to come 6 weeks early. They are 10 months apart. I don’t regret at all having them close. I look at it this way, the younger you have them the more you’re able to with them. You’ll still be able to enjoy your grandkids too.
Do what feels right for you and Kevin!
Hi Ali, I am a new mama, my baby boy Leo is 5 months old.. I am nowhere near ready to even think about baby #2 🙈 so, while I can’t give you my personal experience as a mom, I can share my family’s telling you about my sister and I. We are 2 years (27 months) apart and there is no one I am closer to. I’ll admit, it wasn’t always like that, as kids we used to fight and do all those sisterly competitive things kids do, but as we became teenagers we grew closer and closer. I know she’s someone I can always rely on and relate too and while we are apart enough so that each of us got to enjoy the “spotlight” for their own special moments (18th birthday, graduation and so on) we are close enough to know what the other was going through, in order to be there and support one other.
In the end, Ali, I don’t think there’s a perfect time. As long as you and Kevin feel that you are ready, your kids will learn how to love each other and relate to one another from their parents and I am sure you guys will do an amazing job! 🙂 best of luck xoxo
I think the biggest question to the age gap is how many total kids do you want? If you only want 2 then have them close in age!!! If you want 4 then you could have 2…wait 4-5 years…then have 2 more.
I have 5 kids. There are pros and cons. My first 2 kids are 21 months apart. Then my next one is 3 yrs apart. Then 4 years. Then 3 years. I LOVE my first 2 close but i couldnt handle more than 2 kids that close in age. The gaps are a necessity for my mommy sanity and the only reason i was able to handle 5 kids.
I think you gotta decide how many you want, then it will be easier to decide their gap range!!! GOOD LUCK!!!
Oh man. Good point. We only want two!
My kids are 6 years apart. There are many pros to that. The one major con was that I felt like a new mother after having my second. The only other issue was that I couldn’t keep my little one home and in that bubble because I had to go take my big guy out to places.
So my advice it don’t overthink it. And let it happen when it’s meant to!!!!
Good luck and want you to know how much I love seeing Molly!!! She’s gorgeous!
Hi Ali!
I have 2 boys, they are 21.5 months apart. They are currently 11 months and 2.5 years old. I’m not going to lie, it’s been a busy busy year, but I am so happy with the nearly 2 year age gap. They will be 2 grades apart. Now that my baby is close to 1, I’ve thought about baby #3, and I want a 3-4 year age gap for the next one just because I’m so busy right now. BUT, for the first 2 kids, I like the close are gap, I think around 2 years is a great gap! Looking forward to baby #2 news soon from you!
Hi Ali; from the UK!
I have a four year age gap between mine….BUUUUT I would say, do try not to overthink it too much. If you convince yourself 2 years is right, you may find it takes longer than you think to get preggers and you’ll stress yourself out!!!! Just be realistic about the fact that if it happens now, you will be fine! Why? Because you will know no different! You’ll just get on with it! Every age gap will have its good and bad points, let’s face it. You’ll be fab whatever happens! Xx
I don’t think you will regret any decision you make. I wanted 2 years apart, my husband wanted 4 years (paying for college reasons); as it turned out we couldn’t have another child. We adopted but it took awhile. So they are 6 years apart. It is challenging and rewarding in different ways. We have the family we were meant to have.
Don’t have them 11 months apart!!! You’re already in the clear on that though. Seriously, I’m not sure there’s an exact spacing that’s best. Like all things kid related, you figure it out one way or another.
I’ve been feeling the exact same way but for our first. We just got married in September however we have been together 6 years this November. We have a house together and sort of have of our ducks in a row lol. It’s such a mix of feelings half of me wants nothing more than to start a family and the other half thinks did we save enough? Travel enough? Can we take care of a little human without sleep haha all of those questions you think of. Anyhoo wonder if you felt this way or any other couples went through this? Would love some feedback 🙂
There is not right answer for that question cause everyone gives their opinions based in their lives, your lífe its quite different… but I can tell you this… You cant control everything, but you can choose whatever it feels right for you and your family… think in pros and cons about getting pregnant this specific time of your lífe, it feels right for you? Or not? …and if you think about Molly the closest the age is between the babies the better, cause Molly can have a brother or sister to play with and to be together and have fun and be confident in the future… Just follow your heart
My little girl is 2 & somedays I think I want another because I want them close but I realize very quickly that I’m just not ready and that’s okay. I had postpartum and a hard recovery so I’m not rushing things! I think I will know when the time is right. Sometimes society makes me feel like I SHOULD be ready but that’s obviously not what I should listen to! Good Luck!
My kids are exactly 18 months apart and it has honestly worked out great, and I say that still as my youngest is a very spirited child and has challenged us at times. I guess I should say this too…our oldest just turned 3 a couple weeks ago and she is a VERY wonderful big sister who is always making sure her sissy is ok and happy. She has always been an easy child. My second born is 18 months now and has a very sassy, independent personality who likes things her way. With that being said my eldest has made it an easy thing having them so close in age. If I had two kids like my youngest then it might have been more of a challenge. So maybe it depends on the kids? My kids are classic birth order personalities. They are now at a point where they have dance parties, hold hands when they are walking, snuggle…it is literally the best thing that they are so close and will have such a close bond. They won’t remember life without one another!
I keep going back and forth on my thoughts on this topic. I can share from experience that it is SO MUCH EASIER logistically if you wait a little while… my son is 4.5 and my daughter is 15 mos. He can get himself in and out of the carseat, stands right by the car when I’m getting my daughter out of her car seat, can go wait on the sidewalk for me, helps me carry bags in the house, listens really well when we go places like the museum, amusement park, etc. I don’t have to worry about holding 2 kids’ hands because he’s old enough now. Think of outings like grocery shopping, doctors appts, birthday parties, etc. with 2 kids who aren’t at that point yet. You’d have to get one kid in the car while the other is strapped in the stroller… get one kid out and strap them somewhere else while you tend to the baby, always be holding both hands or not go anywhere alone. Sounds really hard. However, after you get through those first few years, how fun would it be to have 2 kids in high school, 2 kids in college, and ideally best friends for life? I think it also depends on the gender. I think sisters who are super close in age tend to fight more growing up… although my sister was 4 years younger than me and we fought all the time. Maybe sisters just fight no matter what. LOL. I agree though — everyone thinks whatever they have is the best, probably because everything happens for a reason! Good luck!
Hi there! My son turned 1 on 7/19 so a few weeks younger than Molly and I’m starting to ask myself the same question and totally over think it. We are not trying yet and I’m thinking 2.5 years apart is pretty good? My brother and are were 2 years 9 months apart with two grades in between us and we were best friends and still are.
My girls are 25 months apart and now 2 and 4 years old. Honestly the first year and a half is very hard. The older child is still so little and needs their mom, but a newborn needs all he attention too! The trade off is that now they are best friends and play together and love each other and fight like siblings! Good luck and whatever you decide you are being a great mom!
I think everyone has a different answer for this and I think it has to be your own opinion. My child just turned a year and I’m due at the beginning of April with Baby #2. They will be 18months apart. I wanted to wanted to wait a bit longer but it kinda just happened. Lol. We are so excited though. Also I’m hoping they will be good friends because they will be close in age. I’m also going to be 32 and I want my children before I reach a certain age. Just my opinion.
Mine are exactly 2 1/2 yrs apart, they are now grown but I wouldn’t change it for anything. They grew up close but still were able to be their own person during those school age years, they are actually still really close at 22 & 20. Honestly, for us it wasn’t that hard when they were little because once #2 was big enough to crawl around they kept each occupied all the time. Good luck on whatever you decide but for our family it worked perfect!!
Hi Ali,
I have two girls and they are three years apart. When my first daughter turned one I figured we should start trying again so when she was about 15 months we started to try bc I wanted my kids to be about 2 to 2 1/2 years apart. Thinking it was gonna be as easy to get pregnant again as it was the first time I figured a couple cycles and we would be good and the kids would be in the 2 2 1/2 mark. Well God had another plan finally after 9 months of trying I got pregnant only to have a miscarriage a little while later. After one cycle I feel pregnant again and had a beautiful baby girl 3 weeks after my older daughter turned 3. I thought 3 years apart was gonna way too much space but it was actually such a blessing. My oldest was able to help with her little sister and didn’t have one bit of jealousy toward her new baby. My 2nd baby is gonna be 1 this Sunday. We might have a plan but God has an even greater plan and it will all work out the way it is suppose to do don’t stress about if it’s the right time. When it happens it will be the right time!!!
You might not get to my comment after having gone through 230 already, ha! But, I like you, have one baby (a son :)) and we are in the SAME boat. I think we are leaning towards waiting until he is two to GET pregnant and then they’d be almost 3 years apart…we’ll see though. To help you with what you HOPED people would say, I will tell you that my siblings and I are very far apart and I wished we were closer! I truly do. My parents love our gap, I did not. It was too hard to relate as we were all in different stages of life (6 yrs apart, 7yrs apart, and 13yrs apart!! Yikes right?!) So from a sibling perspective, I would have liked to have been closer to my brother and sister which is why I think 2-3 years (because you never know how long it will take to get pregnant – a least that’s what I have in my head) would be a happy medium! Again, you might not get to this but hope his helps a little! Really enjoy your blog; you’re my age and we have our first babes very close in age (like two weeks ;)) so you are so relatable! Thanks Ali! 🙂
I’m 34 and have a 7 month old. We want a big family (at least 4). If it was up to me I would have started trying a couple months ago. But, since I had a c-section I have to wait 9 months to a year or my uterus can rupture. With me being a bit older, I think we will try for 2 years apart so my last I’ll be 39. My brother and I were 4 years apart so hope 2 is a good gap. 4 years was too much. I always felt like an only child once he was a teenager and never home.
My kids are 23 months apart and personally I think it is too soon! I question myself all the time saying WHY did I think I was ready for another when he was only 18 months old! The truth, as SOON as I got pregnant my oldest started with terrible twos! 😔 I wanted more than anything drink a glass or two of wine lol. My patience were extremely low with him. I felt like I was moody bc of being pregnant AND moody bc of him.
Looking back my son was barely even talking, not potty trained, not sleeping the best, and not that well behaved. (He liked to run off)
I felt very flustered talking two kids out and about especially when the second became mobile. I wish my eldest would have listened better before I had another. I also feel like my oldest had to grow up faster than I would have liked… he couldn’t be carried as I couldn’t hold two kiddos.
Now fast forward almost two years I am starting to enjoy how close they are as they play mostly well together. But it hasn’t been easy.
I don’t have another age gap to say which is better bc after this I’m waiting atleast 3 years to start trying 😂
Our little girl is 15 months old and I’m 7 weeks pregnant with our second!! We wanted them close together and figured why not just stay crazy for a few years and then they will grow up together!! I agree with what you said…whatever age difference you end up having will be the perfect one for your little family! Oh and I just LOVE your daughters name 😀
At first I wanted mine 2- 21/2 years apart and it didn’t work out that way for us. Ours are 4 years apart and I am actually totally relieved that this is what happened for us. I had no idea that having a 2nd would be so much more work to the load and that my patience would be less. I feel like the adjustment from 1-2 is huge and it can be very overwhelming and I find myself on the go no stop even with the age difference I have. I’m sure there’s no “right” timing and life with more then one will just be busier- but, what I really do like is that my 5 year old is so independent in doing stuff and also is very helpful with her sister. It helps make my life a little easier. It’s kinda like having an extra pair of hands around to help when my husband isn’t home. I hope whatever you guys decide will work for you best!
I say don’t wait- there’s no time like the present, and there’s never the “right” time to have another child. If you and your husband are feeling that you want to, then go for it. Personally I want to have mine close together. My first baby girl is 10 weeks now, and we are going to try when she turns one year old, if it feels right for us at that time. I grew up with one sibling, and we were 3 years apart. My mom always said it’s easier to handle because if the large gap, but I wish I would’ve had a sibling closer in age. To each is own! But….life is meant to be lived, and it’s an adventure. Go for it!
Hi Ali,
My sister and I are two years and four months apart. I don’t have kids yet but my sister and I are close and we can tell each other everything. Of course you have no idea what the sex of your baby is going to be ( all you want is for a healthy baby.) I know it’s been hard on my friend because she has a six year old and now a one year old. She said in the beginning that she wanted them far apart in age… But now she says she wishes she would have had them closer in age so that they were able to be in school together and watch and experience the same things together. It’s also hard for her because one wants to go somewhere and then the other has to take a nap. Sorry for the rambling!
I also have been a nanny for multiple families and have taken many childhood development classes. I have seen different families with age groups and sometimes you can’t help it. So really it’s just up to you. When I have a family I want my children to be close in age just like my sister and I was ( wheather it’s a boy or girl.) They will always be there for each other.
Ali, I know you love all of these feedbacks and I am sorry again for the rambling but please feel what is best for you and your BEAUTIFUL family! 💗
We have 3 kids. My son is 8 and my girls are 4 and 2. The girls are 2 years and 4 months apart. Our 3rd baby was a big surprise and I was terrified that it was going to be soooooo much work. When my youngest was born my middle daughter was young but still wanted to be a helper. We bought her her own baby so she could be just like mommy. It actually was way easier than I ever imagined it to be. And now they have the best relationship. They play school, house, outside, etc together. They are growing up to be the best of friends and I absolutely love it!! The age difference between my son and oldest daughter is 4 years and it’s almost too much. They all 3 play together but as he gets older and matures more they aren’t on the same level so having them closer in age is better in that respect.
My daughters are three years apart (currently 3 and 3 months) and I tell you, terrible twos are NOTHING compared to terrible threes. My 3 year old is smarter, louder, and stronger than she was at 2 and now I wish I had #2 earlier. I also thought I wasn’t ready for another which is why we waited for a three year difference in age, but in hindsight I think 2 is the perfect age difference. Good luck!!!
This is such a hard question to answer! And also bc you don’t know how long it will take to get pregnant with #2. My first was an Ivf pregnancy then #2 was such a happy blessing/surprise! They are exactly 2 years apart. Within a few days. BUT- If I could have planned it I would have waited a little longer. I felt like my first was still such a baby when #2 got here!! Even 6 more months would have been nice! My first also had some speech/language delays and it made my second pregnancy really stressful/not enjoyable. and if you’re moving soon, why not wait?? Ha. Just my opinion. I think 2.5-3 years would be ideal. 😁 But whenever it happens will obviously be a blessing. Enjoy your time with Molly!
So, mine are a little over three and half years apart – my son was 3 years and 8 months exactly when his baby sister was born. I LOVE the age gap. Like you said, though, I don’t know any different. We was pregnant just before my son turned 2, but we lost the baby. They would have been right at two and half years apart. Knowing how it is NOW with two and how my son was from that age until about 4, I’m scared to think what it would have been like with that age gap. For me, the age gap works because my son is young enough to adore his sister and they can still be close, but he was old enough to help from day one and to understand what all was happening. He completely got the concept of baby sister, so I feel there was less acting out and animosity. They truly ADORE each other – even almost a year and a half later. There really is no right answer. You have to trust and believe that the timing will be right for you, no matter what. And even when you get pregnant, you will worry if it’s right and if you can handle it and if your first child can handle it and if you will love them the same. It will all happen. It might not be easy every minute of every day, but that’s life.
Hi Ali!
Looks like you have a lot of comments already but I just had my second on September 22, and my son turned 3 in July. It has been so insane going from 1 to 2, I had no clue! I thought it would be easy since I’ve done this before, so wrong 🙂 You don’t worry as much about the baby crying, etc., but it’s sucy a juggling act. The saving grace right now is that my son is in preschool 3 mornings a week, thank GOD! I will say that any age difference is going to be hard but guess what, having a newborn is freakin hard!! Haha, I forgot how much they eat, need you, can’t put them down, which is really hard on your toddler, and I think for me that’s the hardest part is I’m constantly telling my 3 year old he needs to wait. That’s why I’m so thankful he’s in school.
But it’s like anything else whether they’re a year apart, 2 or 3 years apart the first couple months of having a newborn is just difficult, but we all know it gets easier and am so blessed to have 2 beautiful boys, like everyone says, this too shall pass!
I had my first daughter about a month after you have Molly and I am currently 13 weeks pregnant with my second daughter! I still freak out all the time, but I feel like this is the right time because I love how close I’m age they will be. I think it’s exactly what you say, when it happens, it will be when it was meant to happy for you and your family. Good luck with trying! You’ll be as great of a mom to a new baby as you are to Molly!
I always say that if you try and plan it for the absolute right time…it never seems like the right time. Sometimes I think it is best when it “just happens”.
All I can say is I knew 100% that I did not want my children close in age b/c I did not want the stress that went along with that…especially 2 kids in diapers. I know so many that say, it was difficult when they were younger, but the kids have such a great relationship. Ugh….I just do not think it would be worth my sanity to live life in such chaos just to have my children close in age. My boys are 7 years apart and I would not have changed it for the world (and yes, I planned that). When you raise them to love and respect each other, age does not matter, and they will have a close relationship. My older son always watched over his younger brother and it was quite heartwarming to watch. I can tell you that you get to a certain point where (believe it or not) you will miss the times when they are in diapers and miss the baby stage and then when you do it all over again, it is so much better than the first time b/c you REALLY appreciate everything and instead of wanting to rush every stage (oh, I cannot wait until she says mama or dada, I cannot wait until she crawls, etc.) you are actually enjoying each and every moment and wanting everything to slow down b/c you want to keep them at that stage as long as you can. And, I can tell you that as we get older, we get so much more patient. I LOVE my boys more than I can even explain, but I can tell you that I enjoyed raising my second boy more than my first simply b/c I had so much more patience and b/c I know how fast they grow and I really just took in every single moment and cherished it instead of feeling stressed a lot of the time b/c I did not know what to expect at each stage and sometimes not sure how to handle certain situations. And, not to mention, my older son was a HUGE help. He made my life so much easier.
At the end of the day, it is a personal choice but be careful if you are “waiting for the right time”. Good luck, Ali. And thanks for making us all feel like we are your friend – you are a very special person!
Holy moly I loved reading all these comments!! I have an 8 month old daughter (our first), and I’m already overthinking when should we have our next one?! My sister and I are 14 months apart (my poor mother!!) which is so crazy now that I see a glimpse of that haha. I hear the two year gap is most common/the best, but then you do have to consider the 10 month cooking period 😂 yikes. Anyways, I love your blog and love this community you’ve built! I can’t wait to hear the announcement 😉
My husband and I are thinking of trying soon as well which would make our kids 25months apart as well. For me, 2 years was always the right amount of time between kids. Growing up, I was the middle child between two other sisters, exactly 2 years apart from each. I LOVED IT! I learned so much from my older sister since we were close in age so I knew what I was getting into when going into school and now I learn motherhood and marriage lessons from her as well. My little sister always looked up to me to give her the advice my older sister gave me. We’re all super close now that we’re older (and yes, there were times where we would fight and have little falling outs at different points in our life – high school mostly)… but wouldn’t change a thing. I hope my kids get to experience the same closeness as I did with my sisters regardless of if we end up having a boy next. My husband is almost 3 years apart from his brother and they were never super close… don’t know if that’s the gap or just overall. I think 2 years is perfect. Enough space for them to be on their own in school but close enough that they’ll have a sibling with them at some point.
When my daughter reached a year, I had baby fever bad but just wasn’t ready to have kids that close in age. She loves other babies and I can’t wait to see her be a big sister in the near future. Ultimately, it’ll happen when it happens and it’ll be the perfect age regardless if it was exactly as planned!
Wishing you both the best of luck and can’t wait to see Molly be a big sis!
Hi Ali! Love your blog! I have a two year old (in a week- I can’t believe it!) and an almost 4 month old, both boys. They’re exactly 20 months apart. Our second son happened a bit sooner than we were planning 😝 and I was quite terrified of having two so close together, but it’s been great so far. Tiring, of course, but my toddler loves his little bro and they’re so sweet to watch. My baby is super mellow and go with the flow, so the days have not been as difficult as I’d thought. I also found the transition from 0 to 1 to be far more overwhelming and challenging than from 1 to 2. The exhaustion hasn’t gotten to me as much- fatigue is just a state of permanence for us Moms, ha! – and I’ve already “been around the block,” so all the things I was so worried about the first time don’t worry me as much now, since I know what to do. The adjustment to having 2 came much easier than I thought it would and I know it will for you too. I think you will adjust to whatever age gap you wind up with, and you will do great. 😊 Wishing you all the best!
I don’t think there will ever be a feeling of a “right time”, for most people. At the end of the day there are no guarantees getting pregnant will just happen so if you know you want another child then just go with it now….when it’s meant to happen it will. After 3 years of trying for #2, unfortunately still hasn’t happened. Wishing you the best of luck xo
Hi Ali,
I don’t have kids of my own but my brother and I are 21 months apart. I had a lot of friends growing up who seemed to also have siblings that were also 21 months apart and I don’t think that this gap is too little at all! My parents always wanted kids close together as well and loved how much my brother wanted to be involved when I was born (they said with him being young still he wanted to be a big help to mom). Also, the way our birthday’s fell, we were only 1 year difference in school and I loved having a sibling where I was able to go to always go to school with growing up. I found that being close we shared similar views on life (growing up), interests and hobbies. I always had someone who seemed to be going through the same stages as life and for that I was grateful. I think whenever you choose to have another baby will be the right time for you and Kevin, but I definitely don’t think that it’s too “close” if you were to get pregnant right away.
BTW I LOVE your blog 🙂
I have a 15 month old (jul 15th!), and am currently 10 weeks (tomorrow) with #2. I had the same hesitations you mention. I really wanted a summer maternity leave though(live in Maine), and so wanted to start trying in September. Welp! It happened on the first try.. so they’ll be 22 months apart! I’m terrified but it should be an interesting experience. So excited!
Hi Ali! My daughter was born almost the same time as Molly, on 7-3-16. For most schools in California they will enter Kindergarten in fall of 2021. Any baby born after September 2018 will enter Kindergarten fall of 2024, making them just over two years apart but three grades apart. I think I’m aiming for 2.5 years apart, but because of their birth dates they’ll be 3 grades apart. So if you want two grades apart you need to have the baby before September. Just sharing in case you haven’t thought about that 🙂 not that you need anything to stress about, timing conception is not easy!
Mom of four daughters here. Two & a half years between the first two, two years between my second and third, 3 three years between three and four. My best transition has been between the first two, but I honestly think thats mostly because my oldest has always been an independent and helpful child. I do worry that theres a bit too much a gap between my third and fourth. I imagine they’ll always treat her as the baby rather than an equal playmate. I think if you want siblings to have a “playmate” relationship in childhood, the closer in age the better. But once the kids are all grown I don’t think it matters much, they can still be close!
As you already said there is no right answer! In my opinion/experience how hard it is depends a lot of the personality of your first child. The more independent and social they are the easier it is. I have two daughters, almost 3 years apart. It is pretty easy now, they are almost 5 and just turned 2. They can play together and are great friends. But my first is very shy and anxious socially, so in the beginning it was very hard to go anywhere because both wanted to be held the whole time! Also, the terrible 2’s is a myth?? (In my opinion!) The 2’s are wonderful and the 3’s are a nightmare ! LOL
You can’t time anything perfectly, but you will be able to handle it, no matter when it happens!
When I was pregnant with my son I said when he is 10 months old we will try for #2. Well when that time came I said I wasn’t ready so maybe 12 months, nope was still having too much fun with him. When he turned 18 months I was ready and we have been trying for 2 years last month for baby #2. Talk about heartbreak each month (my first we weren’t trying but we were pregnant) so why would baby #2 be so hard to conceive. I’ve found myself stressing about the age gap and like you asking people. Feeling like my kids won’t have anything in common. This is something I simply had to get over because I can’t change the age gap. My son will be 4 in February so I will most likely have a age gap of 5 years if not more. I must admit it’s not the age gap I envisioned for our family but I have loved having one on one time with my son, and feel God knows what’s best for our family. Plus now when my first goes to school I can have one on one time with my next child, do the mommy and me and everything I did with my first. Do what feels right for your family, trust me I’ve spend the last two years stressing over an age gap and when my son hit 3 I was Thankful I didn’t have a newborn bc it is true what they say about “terrible 3’s.” If you don’t feel ready there is nothing wrong with that (enjoy what you have) and know that everything happens for a reason. Best of luck!
Only you know when it’s right, you seem to have a very busy life. Closer is better then too far apart, you seem to get stressed from your instagram stories. Just enjoy these years they go very fast and the older you Get, it can get harder to conceive. Good luck with your family and enjoy, your Daughter is Beautiful.
My daughter needs Molly’s outfit, especially the pants. Way too cute! My kids are one month shy of being four years apart. I wish they would have been three years apart, but unfortunately, that is just the way it all shook out. We were trying sooner, but it took us longer to get pregnant with our second than with our first (1st baby on the 1st try, 2nd baby it took 4 months, we had a loss so had to wait a few months, and then it took another 4 months). I feel lucky to have two, healthy babes and I know everything in the end will be fine. The two love each other and still find ways to play together with the gap and I think they will get closer as they get older. I think stressing will just lead to frustration. Have fun trying 😉
My daughter is about a month younger than Molly, and I am pregnant again expecting in February! #2 (a boy) will be 18 months younger. Although I always thought an 18 month gap sounded perfect (my brother and I are 19 months apart), I didn’t think it would actually happen and now I am a little scared! However, I have had many friends with fertility issues and realize that I am lucky that it happened so fast. I figure the 1st six months will be rough but my family will be complete and I am that much closer to being out of the baby stage all together…which means fun vacations again sooner rather than later, haha!
Hey Ali! We just welcomed our second little girl on Sept 1st. Big sister will be 3 on November 19th. We wanted to wait til our oldest was potty trained before welcoming a second. She potty trained at 27 months, and I was 8 weeks pregnant at the time. Having the older sibling a little more independent and not as needy has helped during these early weeks with a newborn that is very needy. Trust me, you forget the newborn stage quickly. Whatever y’all decide will be perfect for your family! Don’t stress to much and have fun!
I didn’t get to read all the comments, but wanted to share my story with you. When my son was 14 months we decided to try for another hoping they’d be about 2 years apart. I lost the baby in my 2nd trimester sadly, and after we started trying again I couldn’t get pregnant. After 6 months I was referred to a fertility specialist and have had a couple more early losses, and it looks that our only option is ivf. My son is now 3 years old. It’s very devastating to me that our kids will not be closer in age. However, I know that if we are blessed with another child that age gap will have pros and cons. I don’t think anyone can tell you what the right choice is for your family, I think you just have to take the good with the bad-and if it’s something you want you should go for it.
Wow!! There are so many comments it took me a while to scroll all the way down! I’m 6 weeks pregnant now with my third, and my second is just shy of 17 months- so they’ll be exactly two years apart. I specifically wanted it this way because my first two were just over three years apart, and it was a so so difficult!! My 3 year old daughter, having been the center of our attention for three years was not very happy about the adjustment to say the least, and she went from being the sweetest, most content little girl to an emotional wreck. She tantrummed day and night- it was so heart breaking for me to see her change like that overnight, and it took a long time for me to adjust! I decided to have my next close to my second so I didn’t have to experience that again. I know this time around I’ll be more physically exhausted with my daughter being only 2 years old, but I’ll take that any day over the emotional exhaustion from having them far apart! Hopefully this time around will be a smoother transition for everyone 🙂 good luck making your decision! ITs a big one!
I like you have a 14 month old and am ready for baby two. My thoughts are my sister and I are 2 years apart and are very close, I would love that for my child. I have an older brother (4 years older) and I remember how we never were to close growing up because of the large gap. We did get close as adults though. I am so nervous that the first 2 years with 2 kids would be a lot but i want nothing more then for my baby to have a sibling close in age to her. Good luck 🍀
I think obviously it’s all a matter of preference and everyone feels differently. I think really a big part of it is age of the mom too. It’s easier to space your kids further apart if you start having kids when a person is in their early go mid 20’s. I didn’t get married til I was 33 and we started trying right away and ended up having problems and ended up finding out we weren’t going to be able to have a biological child. We now have a beautiful 22 month old daughter that we adopted in March 2016 when she was 3 months old.
I don’t think if a child is older necessarily means they’ll have an easier time adjusting. The longer they are an only child the harder it could be when the child has to share attention.
Again though you have to do what’s best for you and your family. Molly is beautiful and I’m sure she’ll make a great big sister. 😀
Hi Ali!
We have a 15 month old and the I’m 20 weeks along now. They will be apprx 18 months apart. Idk if I’m ready or what it will be like but we knew we wanted them close in age. I feel like there’s pluses and minuses for waiting or having the sibling close. Up to you!!
My husband and I both had siblings that there was about 2-21/2 years age gap(both brothers). We both have some big issues with our brothers and I think a lot stems from the jealousy. With both of us having one sibling we are both always super aware of things being fair and split down the middle. We wanted a bigger age difference for our kids but we have had ZERO luck in having a second child. Our daughter is 5 now and dying for a sibling. Though being an only child she is so well adjusted and independent. It’s has been a joy to watch her develop as an only child. It even has is questioning another child at all but I guess Mother Nature is deciding that for us.
So I guess what I’m saying is whatever you’re blessed wring will be the right thing for you!
My first two were 2 years a part. The 3rd one was only 14 months younger than the 2nd and the 4 th one came along 5 years after. I thought the two that were 14 months a part was most ideal! Ha! The 4th almost felt like a whole new family. Yes, the 3 older ones adored the new baby but as they grew he was definitely not as close to the others.
I think you get what you get to be honest! I had a grand plan in my mind and bam miscarriage between baby #1 and baby #2. That wasn’t in my plans but it was part of a plan far bigger than I am. That then made my oldest and second baby (when we got pregnant again) 3 weeks shy of 4 years apart. I worried about that age gap but man oh man my boys love each other and they play so well together. I also think it has to do with your kids personalities. Our first is loving, kind, gentle and a great leader of his siblings. Baby #3 will be six weeks tomorrow and she and my now middle are 3 years and 3 1/2 months apart. I love the spacing of my kids. It scares me when I think my oldest will be 12 when she is 5 but I have to say having kids old enough to help out and understand what having a baby is or that they have to wait a few minutes while I attend to her has been a blessing. Is my story what I planned long ago when thinking about my family – no not at all but it is what I was meant to have and I am eternally grateful I was given the chance to be a mama this many times. Don’t overthink it, it will be what it will be 😊.
I’m a little unique in that my first daughter turned 16 on Monday and my second daughter turned two in August. I am currently going back and forth about a third, but really, it will be like have a second again, as the oldest will be out to school in two years or so and then 2 year old will hopefully be home with another sibling. I wanted three years apart as my brother and I were three years a part and it was a great gap. We got along for most of our lives and then in high school I was a senior and he was a freshman and he thought that was pretty fabulous. We’ll see what the universe decides for us, but I really just wanted to eat up my little one a give her all the love and attention I could.
My girls are 2yrs apart and at the beginning it was difficult, because my first daughter was super jealous and was used to getting all the attention. She was also going through a difficult stage. Saying that, it is awesome now that my oldest is 4 and my youngest is 2. They play well together and I’m glad they are close in age.
On the opposite side of things. I have a friend who had her second when her first child was almost 4. She seemed to have an easier time than me. At that age the older child was very careful around the baby etc. Also the older child went to school that year, so she had time to bond with her second born one on one and get those much needed naps in when she could. You can’t do that with a 4 year old home haha.. I was very sleep deprived. My first born stopped napping at 18 months, so there were no naps for me.. She dropped it like a hot potato. One day she was napping 2 hrs and the next she wasn’t napping. The same thing happened with my second.
My kiddos are 15 months apart. It was crazy at first, to say the least. 🙂 But looking back I wouldn’t change a thing. The girls are now 5&6. They are best friends, attend the same school and love being with each other.
I felt like once my daughter was potty trained then we would start trying. My daughter was potty trained at 23 months ( using the naked method) and we got pregnant 4 months later. My girls are almost three years apart and I have loved it. She is independent and could help which was a huge help bc my husband was deployed during the birth of our second daughter. She could go potty and wash her hands without my help!! So huge and only one in diapers. I am now pregnant with my third and my second daughter is just 22 months old and potty trained!!!! She will not be quite as independent but no diapers and she can understand and help!
Oh my you just read my mind. I was so confused about wheather I just loved babies or if I actually was ready after my 14 month old. And then I was excited to take a pregnancy test and it was positive and now I’m driving myself nuts. I’m thinking am I crazy or is it going to be okay and am I ready. Maybe it will kick in and I will be more ready and excited haha. I hope!
When my son was 9 months we were pregnant with our daughter. We had planned it and made the decision when he was just 6 months old that we were ready to have another baby. Needless to say our kids are 17 months apart. Some days it’s VERY challenging with a now 3 year old and 2 year old (terrible 2’s and trying 3’s), however I love that they are so close because they are best friends and inseparable. The bond they have is just amazing and I love watching them together. Yes they drive each other nuts some days, but what siblings don’t? Honestly it was just an adjustment from going to 1 to 2 children & learning how to juggle it, which I think most people would probably agree it is a huge adjustment. (And totally worth it!) I think when it’s meant to happen for you it will happen and that the age difference will be your perfect gap. 🙂
As a mom who struggled with infertility for years and also sadly pregnancy loss, (yet I joyfully, gratefully ultimately adopted one beautiful baby!), it surprised me still how strongly I reacted to what seems like a frivolous, unbelievable “dilemma.”–But I get it, and I don’t really begrudge anyone enjoying planning their family–of course it would have been exciting and fun to do had I been lucky enough to think of such things. I just wanted to comment to make sure all the beautiful women on here know that their friends and colleagues may be struggling with infertility and wishing they had the luxury of having more children and planning more children …that’s all. It’s important to remember that, and I know how sensitive you are Ali, and I just needed to point that out. And btw, i’m the youngest of four and my sister is 10 years older than me and there couldn’t be anyone that’s a better friend than her! Molly and her future sibling will be perfect no matter what their ages!❤️
My daughter is about 14.5 months and I KNOW that right now I would not be ready for my second. I always felt like once my child is potty trained, I’ll start considering the next. But, if I feel as overwhelmed as I do now, I don’t find I’d be ready. I have conflicting feelings about this myself. Sometimes I feel I’m one and done, but I would hate for my daughter to be an only child. I just hope for that moment to think, “ok, I’m ready. “
My daughters are almost 4 years apart…. this is a tough difference. When the baby comes, there is no “ napping when the baby naps”, because the older one doesn’t nap! This was the most exhausting time of my life, the first year. Figuring out how to bring my newborn to my older daughters dance class, soccer, swimming, you name it! Figuring out the dynamic is hard. I almost wish they were closer together so I had 2 “ babies “ at once! Good luck to you !!!
I have four kids, girl 9.5, girl 7, boy almost 4, girl almost 1. My first two are 2.4 years apart and the closest to each other. They share everything, and do everything together. Yes it’s s lil tougher in the beginning but overall it’s great! Around 2.5 years apart is real nice (of course you can’t predict it to the month lol)
My sister and I are 4.5 years apart and that was way too far apart, growing up we weren’t close, and even now still aren’t that close. So I knew that I didn’t want to go over 3 years apart, if I could help it.
You guys do what feels right for your family! God Bless!
Hi Ali! My kids are exactly 23 months apart. My son was not planned but he’s such a blessing. He completes our family. It isn’t easy having kids close in age but worth it. Seeing them play together puts the biggest smile on my face. Sounds corny lol but true.
I can’t speak from personal experience (I’m currently pregnant with no other children), but I have been a full-time nanny for ten years.
I personally want an age gap for my children (there are 3.5 years between my sister and I, and we have always been close).
From the experience I’ve had, any age gap under or around 2 years is TOUGH. Simple things like getting out of a car is difficult because the 2 year old still doesn’t understand the concept of not running off, etc. At 2.5 – 3 years they are generally able to follow simple instructions which makes a world of difference. Being mostly toilet trained is also a bonus because two in nappies is exhausting!
At the end of the day, some people like chaotic / noisy environments whereas I prefer more of a calm (well, as calm as you can get) environment!
Hi Ali! First off, I love your blog and love that you are so open and honest about these personal thoughts and decisions. I have 2 kids right now who are 2.5 years apart (almost 4 and 16 months). We’ve always wanted 3 kids and are starting to try for our third (and likely last) right now. I am going through all the same thoughts! I don’t feel “ready”, but honestly are you ever!? One to two kids was a big transition for us. I think the age gap was great, but I will say that 3 was a TOUGH age so for the majority of my 2nd’s first year, the baby was the “easy” part and dealing with my 3 year old was the more challenging part. It probably has a lot to do with the 3 year old challenges being new to us and feeling much more comfortable and confident with the baby stuff. However, it surely feels like chaos ALL THE TIME 🙂 Now that we’re trying for a 3rd I second guess it and kind of think we are crazy and not sure I’ll be able to keep my sanity. However, I also feel like I’ve embraced the chaos a bit more and maybe adding a third won’t be as big of a transition. Long story short, I think that if you wait until you are “ready” you will never be. If this is something you and Kevin have been wanting, just go for it and trust that whatever the age gap is, you will survive and embrace it. It will also be all you know and will become your new normal. Will you lose your minds the first year, like you said? Yes, occasionally! But just like when you brought Molly home, all of the hard times are worth it when you look at that precious smile and the bond between siblings is so heartwarming to see. Best of luck to you and Kevin – it will all work out! Hopefully we’ll be pregnant with our 2nd and 3rd’s at the same time so I can read and relate to your posts about pregnancy with a toddler 😉
My two are 5 years apart. I had super hard pregnancies, and our first came at 26 weeks. His first year was such an intense emotional fight that we knew we needed some time before we ventured into pregnancy again. I wanted him to be able to dress himself, eat, potty on his own in case we had difficulty the second time around..and we did. My second I was on bedrest from 17wks to my delivery at 32 weeks. When our baby girl arrived, he was as such a great helper! We felt like he could understand so much more about why baby was so time consuming, he had big boy things he could do that made him feel special, etc. Plus, having said all that, we really got to engage in every baby moment with each of them, without feeling pulled by missing something out other little one was doing because we were distracted with baby. Having said all that, fast forward to now, ours are 13, 8. There are times now we wish they were closer in age because they really don’t play together much. A lot of that could be due to boy/girl differences and pre-teen stuff, but when we look back there are times we wonder what it would have been like to have them closer to 3 yrs than 5…
I love your honesty, Ali! It’s clear that a lot of us have had the same dilemma. I didn’t feel ready for my second either, but we knew we wanted two so at some point we just had to go for it! In the same way that you can never fully feel ready for your first child, the same is true for your second. I freaked out about how it would work, how I could give as much love to my second as my first, and somehow, it all works out! I know the same will happen for you and Kevin. ❤️ Thanks for sharing your journey with us!
I think no matter what it will be perfect and you’ll enjoy your kids. Sometimes in life we can’t control what will happen! My kids are 21 months apart and that was not planned and I was so worked up and worried about it. A couple months before my daughter was born we lost our best friend to leukemia. She was 30 and left behind a son and husband. The experience made me realize to enjoy life and let go of control a little.
I thought two under two was going to be insane. Luickly our daughter likes to sleep and is a good baby (total opposite of our experience with our son!)
Your family will be perfect whenever the next baby Manno arrives ❤️ Best of luck!
I had a 23 month old when I had twin girls and believe it or not she was so helpful and such a mother hen to her twin sisters. Twins was definitely a surprise but we managed. They are 4 and 2 now are all great buddies.
That’s so wonderful! I think girls tend to be more into babies than boys. At least that’s what I find when Molly meets other kids. The girls can’t get enough of her!
I’m a mom of three, Cecilia age 10, Josephine age 9 (they are 15 months apart!!!) and Elliott age 6. All summer babes, the girls were born in June, September & then Elliott in August. I’m a July bday & my husband is also Sept so we have a FUN & busy summer celebrating!!! Our Ceci was/is a really mature little babe. She’s an old soul in a tiny body. Lol! When she was 6 months old we found out we were expecting and we were SO excited. She immediately seemed older to us, but when I look back at photos I cannot believe how little she was. When Josie arrived, and was home, I had a few days of…what did we do?!?!?…we have TWO babies! Pretty much Irish twins. But Josie was such a good baby she made it easy. The toddler years were busy but I honestly loved every min of it. We had a tandem double stiller and we took looooong walks everyday in the spring through the fall. We lived outside & played all day! But I also had a super strict schedule. I needed this nap times for mommy time. Btw-nap time eventually became quiet time, and we still have it as part of our routine now. On the weekends, when we are home, we all take a break and revert to our own rooms or quiet activity solo from 1p to 3p. We live in NY so it’s cold here 3/4 of the year. Anyway…Once Ceci was 3 she started nursery school & shortly after we were expecting Elliott. He was born one month shy of Josie’s 3rd bday. That spacing was totally perfect. I was really happy to have my girls potty trained & to love up my sweet boy while they were in nursery school & pre-school. I can’t believe how fast time is flying. Good luck w/everything!:)
I have 2 girls. They are almost 4 yrs. apart an I wish they were closer but due to being very sick with my first pregnancy an going through a very painful 12 hrs of labor to end up having a C-section that was very painful with my first baby girl I was NOT ready any sooner to go through it again. My 2nd pregnancy was much better an I had a scheduled C-section that was pain free. My youngest will be 3 in January an my oldest will be 7 in February. An hopefully someday soon we will have another one!
I had 3 kids,,,to let you know,,,my oldest and youngest are 5 years apart and got along wonderfully and still do as adults,,,,,the middle child does not get along with either sibling.
I have 4 kids, with each child between 19 and 20 months apart from the previous one. We chose to have them close together because we knew we wanted a big family, and we wanted them to grow up together. With that being said, as I’be found that when I’ve had a 3 year old and a new baby, that has been my favorite age gap. The 3 yo seems to be old enough to understand about the new baby, love it, and actually be helpful (like getting diapers, etc.). They always seem to be the most loving and attentive (in a good way) to the new baby. Plus they are potty trained, and more independent. So as much as I’ve like having mine close together, the 3 year gap is my favorite… I’ve just always had another baby in between. 😜💕
We have four kids. My oldest is 5, his brother came 14 months later, and our twins are 18 months. There was a point where we didn’t think we could have kids, but with a fantastic doctor and fertility meds/procedures we were able to which is why we have them so close together. The baby stage is always busy, but whenever you have #2 it’ll become your new normal. You will all adjust and sooner than later you won’t remember what life was like before the new baby. The best part is they are all best friends and have a buddy. Good luck to you! It’ll be great whenever it happens!
I’m trying to convince my husband right now to have have second baby. I really don’t want more than a 2 year gap between my kids. I have a sister who is 6 years younger than me and we are not close at all. My step sister was a year older than me and we grew up together as best friends. Of course we would fight from time to time but mostly we got along. I just remember how much fun it was. My husband would be happy with just the one daughter we have right now. But my dream has been to always have 2 kids. Ideally I would love to pregnant by the end of the year. I just tell him “it’s fine, we just won’t sleep for like 4 years and then it’ll all be over and then we don’t have to do it anymore.” Get all the craziness out of the way quickly and then just enjoy them growing up and going to school together. I think now is a great time to be trying!! Good luck!!
I absolutely think whatever happens is what is meant to be. My kids are 6 years apart, and I didn’t plan for that, wouldn’t have chosen that, and wish they were closer together, however fate had other ideas for us. My daughter was just over 2 when I got pregnant for the second time, but then later miscarried. She was 3 when I became pregnant again, but then we lost her brother late in pregnancy. So, when miraculously her next brother made it through a risky pregnancy just before her 6 birthday, we felt blessed regardless of the age difference.
I think all age differences have pros and cons, and I also learned it is not just age difference, but what the gender dynamics are as well. You work with what you get, because it doesn’t always work out how you plan it, and then you deal with the challenges that any age difference and additional children will bring.
Good luck and best wishes to you and your family!
My sister and I are 2.5 years apart. We fought every day until she moved out of the house at 18. Now we are best friends. We are 36 and 39 now. I could not live without her. I wouldn’t want it any different. My 2 boys are 6 years apart and can’t really play together. I wonder if they can be friends at 32 and 38… it seems like too big of a gap right now. I think 3 years or less between siblings…but I’ve never had 2 in diapers…?? I do wish my boys were closer in age. I wonder if it makes a difference with gender though….
Ali, I really feel like you’ll know when the time is right…if you’re feeling like you’re not quite ready maybe pump the breaks a little? I just don’t feel like there is a magic number…I’ve known sibs that are 2-3 years apart and aren’t close at all, some are best friends, you never really know how their relationship will be being that they are each their own person, ya know? What’s meant to be will be, just follow that mama intuition. 🙂 My son is almost 4 months old and I’m always surprised when people already ask if/when I’m having another child…and when I tell them I’m not sure yet if we’ll have another, I’m met with automatic judgement, which is crazy to me. Anyway, each family is different and there is no right or wrong…as long as your child/children are happy, loved and secure – that’s what REALLY matters. xxoo
Ok so I am not a parent… I am a cousin to 27 others and an aunt as well as having been a nanny and worked in child care in my early twenties. I now have a Masters in Social Work. By experience with a sibling 4 years and 10 months younger than me ugh!! Here is my collective opinion based on the fore mentioned things. You would be fine getting pregnant anytime with them 25-26 months apart. Ideally I think 2 1/2- 3 years is ideal because of the developmental stages. At this point potty training is nearly if not complete for the older child. They are out of the “baby” stage. They are less dependent and gaining increasing independence and can be more “helpful” and much less needy… if you do get pregnant right away then it will just be a little more hectic but she will at least be past two…after 3 years there is so much different developmentally through the younger years it can be a challenge… much love to you and hope for a second beautiful pregnancy.
We were enjoying our daughter so much, but we knew we wanted another baby (I’m an only child and always wished for siblings!) and a couple of months before she turned 2, I asked my husband what he thought about trying for #2 and he agreed right away! It just felt like the right time. Our girls are a little over 2.5 years apart and sometimes it’s perfect because they play together often and love each other so much, and sometimes it’s so hard bc they’re close enough in age to fight over all the same things. I love it, though! Now that our oldest is almost 7 and our little one is 4, we are trying for #3 to complete our family!
Honestly, I don’t think you’ll ever feel a definite ‘this is the right time’ feeling. I think it comes down to the big picture– what kind of relationship do you want your kids to have with one another? How will it affect the dynamic of your family? Where do you see your family in 25 years?
I know for us, we wanted our daughter to have siblings and we wanted them close in age with the idea that they’d be best friends someday. We also still wanted to be able to be young enough to travel the world once all is said and done and our babies are having babies. 🙂 So, here we are now with three girls– a 4 year old, 2 year old, and 1 year old. They’re 22 and 21 months apart. It’s not always easy. In fact, it’s super hard some days, but I think that would be the case regardless of the age difference. That’s parenthood, right?! Haha! However, as much as my older two girls bicker, they are the VERY best of friends. The baby is still learning, but I just know that while the teenage years are going to be rough, their adulthood having one another so close in age is going to be absolutely amazing. It’s hard and I don’t know that this age difference is “the best,” but for what we wanted for our family, it was the best and I wouldn’t change it for the world. 🙂
So exciting!
I’m not a momma, but I am a nanny so I have a little experience in the child care world..
the family I’ve been with for 5 years just had their third baby. Their first two are 4.5 years apart and the little ones are exactly 17 months apart. I think every mom thinks they waited the perfect amount of time because every kid is different so the amount of time between kids would vary. Their first is such a handful that it took them almost 4 years to think that maybe they should do this again. Their second is the happiest easiest little girl, so they decided to just go for it and try for a third cause they knew she would be fine. It’s definitely hectic (he’s a little over a month now and it’s calmed down/everyone has fallen into their routines – the first 3 weeks were crazy) but they were right, their little lady has adjusted amazingly. She loves the baby, understands to be gentle and loves kissing him.
I’m 16 and 13 years apart from my older siblings and I’ve always loved that too.. so at the end of the day if you guys want one and think you’re ready, stop overthinking it.. you’ll adjust and so will little Molly! 🙂
I’ve got a 4yo, 3yo & 5.5 month old. Now, we found out about number two when my first was 6 months old (surprise!). While those first few months were difficult, my kiddos are the best of friends! They will be one grade apart and I love that they will always have each other. We thought we were done having kids, and then when my second turned 2….we got baby fever! So my second and third are 35 months apart. Much easier the first few months with the age gap, but I definitely wish they were closer in age. I really think you’re right in that sweet spot for babes #2! 😘
I think you should ask the kids and not the parents. I am 3 years apart from my sister and it wasn’t great growing up as she didn’t want nothing to do with me and kept taking my clothes instead of wearing her own clothes. My mom had a blast taking care of us and it was great for her to have kids with 3 year gap.
Don’t over think it. Go with your gut. What is right for one, may not be right for another. My daughters are 3 years apart. I needed time for my body to recover and a 3 year age difference was also good for my emotional health. There is no right answer. It will all work out if they are 2, 3, 4 or more years apart. As long as there is lots of love in your home, it will be more than ok. My daughters are good friends and good people. Enjoy this time in your life.
My daughter delivered our 2nd granddaughter a month ago. The girls are 31 months apart. Olivia is so sweet with the baby. Loves to hold her, give her the pacifier, help with her bath and sing to her. My daughter potty trained her, transitioned her into her big girl room before her sister arrived and started her in part time pre-school. She is also doing a wonderful job of including Olivia in everything, having one on one mother daughter dates, daddy outings with just Olivia and family walks. I am so blessed and proud of the family they have created. Those little girls bring so much joy to all of us.
As a footnote…they have 2 supportive grandmas and great grandmas who are local and more then happy to pitch in whenever needed.
My boys are exactly 3 years apart and I can say it wasn’t the exact timing I personally picked. I initially got pregnant when my first was 18 months old and thought that would be great but sadly that pregnancy did not work out. However I actually really do enjoy them being three years apart because it gave us more time with our first to knock out potty training, transitioning to a big boy bed and moving away from terrible twos and tantrums. He is able to go get me a diaper or wipes or a blanket if I ask him for help which is great. He also understands when we tell him to be gentle and why he needs to be. That being said I want another baby and I decided in my perfect world I would love to try and get pregnant when this little guy is around 21 months so he’ll be about 2.5 and my oldest will be 5.5 when we would portentously welcome baby number three! In the end I don’t think there’s a perfect answer… however my friend who got pregnant when her first was three months old… oops… can say hands down don’t do that and I see her constant stress and can’t help but agree having them that close is rough!!! Good luck!!!
My two kids are just shy of 23 months apart. I wanted it that way though. My older brother and me are 18 month apart and we were best of friends when we were young so I wanted that for my kids. My oldest is a boy and will be 3 and he loves his little sister. There is no jealousy. He helps me out (Well as much as a 3 year old can.) My youngest loves her big brother and she just turned one. We want to a 3rd and we are at that point is when is a good time to throw another one in the mix. I don’t know if there is ever a good time since each of our kids are different, the same age gap may not work with baby #3 like it did before.
I say 2 years is a perfect age difference. I have 3 kids and they are all 4 years apart. I have a 11 year old, 7 year old and a 3 year old. That’s a big age gap from my oldest to my youngest. Don’t wait too long to have another one. If I can do it all over again, I would have all 3 of my kiddos back to back. Seriously! I wish someone would of told me what I am telling you now. Yes it’ll be a headache when they are little BUT at least they get to grow up together and be close, and you can raise them all at once when they are little. Like me, my husband and I thought it was a good idea to wait and do a 4 year age difference because college was expensive so we thought if we waited four years, we can afford to send one kid to college at a time LOL. Sounds like a great idea at the time, but there are also consequences. I feel like I have been raising babies for the past 11 1/2 years. Raising one to get out of bottle and diapers and then barely entering preschool and then having a brand new baby to starting all over again and repeating it again with baby #3. Not so fun! Plus my kids have nothing in common, my oldest is a boy, my middle is a girl and my baby is a boy, so my oldest doesn’t want nothing to do with his sister because she’s a girl and nothing to do with his brother because he’s still a toddler (baby). My daughter doesn’t want nothing to do with her baby brother because he’s still a baby as well. My baby on the other hand loves his two older siblings so much that he always wants to get into all their belongings, which they do not like. So therefore they fight constantly as well. So my advice is, kids are going to fight regardless of age differences, there is going to be headaches and sweats and tears regardless. I guess all of the above comes with being a parent lol. So I think trying for baby #2 now is a great idea. Good luck and best wishes to you!
Hey Ali,
I completely understand how you feel. I have a 17 month old right now and I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with our 2nd. They will be 23 months apart! Which terrifies me. Haha. But, my husband and I are like you and Kevin. We wanted them close. We figure if we’re going to go without sleep we’d rather do it all in one time span rather than have one sleeping 12-13 hours a night and having to go back to being up every 2-3 hours. Plus, I keep telling myself that in two years it’s going to be amazing because they will be best buds. Doesn’t change that i’m nervous. But, we decided when our first turned 15 months we would stop preventing the next one and then a month later I was pregnant. Guess like you said life made the decision for us. So, we’re excited and nervous all at the same time. Definitely more exhausted this pregnancy than my first and the first trimester of this pregnancy was brutal with nausea. But, now that i’m into my 2nd trimester i’m feeling better other than extra tired. You guys will make it work no matter what you decide. And who knows? Maybe life will make the decision for you like it did for me! Haha. 😉😘
As a woman who has had trouble conceiving a second (and no trouble conceiving with the first!) I would say, just keep on keeping on and what will be will be. Definitely don’t wait. Life is too short, and those kiddos too special. Wishing you all the best.
Ali,
My son is almost 15 months old and I am almost 26 weeks pregnant with our second. When my son was born I immediately felt like I wanted another as soon as possible. We decided to “stop preventing” it when my son was 9 months, and literally that month I was pregnant. I think I was a little naive thinking it might take longer since I had just had him and I was still exclusively breastfeeding. But I will say that as soon as I found out I was pregnant, things instantly got harder, and I started to feel a little regret. My son suddenly reached an age where things just got so difficult, and between the first trimester and running after him (he started walking at 10 months) I was definitely a mombie! I also started to feel guilty that my son wouldn’t get the attention or time he deserved being our only baby. BUT what I have learned being a mother, is kids change SO FAST, and also you are never ready – FOR ANYTHING. You just learn and grow with them, and one way or another you get through and look back and think “it wasn’t that bad” all you remember are the good, precious moments. Now that I am further along, have my energy back and my son has become more independent, I am really excited to have a baby again. I literally cry looking at my son, observing how big he is and how fast he has grown. Bringing life into this world is the most amazing gift, and I really think we are made for this. So is there an ideal age difference? I don’t think so. Whats meant to be, will be and you & Kevin will rock it either way! My son will be about 18 months when my second comes, and yes I am terrified, but I have confidence in myself and my husband that we got this! and we will love every minute of it.
I have 4 kids all 2 years apart. Don’t think about it too much or you will never “be ready.” Also, you never know if you will have secondary infertility. We wanted our kids quite close together…guess what — I was not getting pregnant and end up on fertility meds for #s 2, 3, and 4. It is quite common. My kids are older now, but they are so close and truly are best friends (even the oldest and youngest) — just like we were hoping for. You and Kevin will be great parents to both of the kids!
My brother and I are exactly 11 months and two weeks apart- I’m not saying have children that close in age. However, we have always had a very close relationship. He has always been there for me through everything and I loved having him around in school for as long as I could. Now that we are adults it’s even better. We never ran in the same friend circles we always had different friends and different activities but just a buddy to have around when you need is awesome.
My husband on the other hand has two younger brothers his mother got pregnant on the first birthday of the two older boys (there are 3). Their age gap is awesome. They are like the 3 best friends. They enjoy doing the same sports and it’s like they always have a friend. Now as adults they are even closer which is what I want for our baby (we are expecting!)
Rather than pondering what age gap is best for you, think about what would be best for Molly. The difficult time frame of having 2 young ones is temporary, but the lasting relationship of 2 close in age is a lifetime. My sister and I are 13-months apart…obviously not planned. LOL! She was always just one grade ahead of me and I loved it. We shared school, we shared friends, we shared clothes, and yes we shared many fights but no matter the age, that will happen. It was just so nice having someone close in age. Molly may like that too!
Our kids are 22 months apart and it has been wonderful. They are now 10 and 12. The great thing about two years is that you aren’t too far from when you did it the first time. Stuff is fresh and once the first child finishes a stage you haven’t gotten too far past it before the next one gets to that stage. Two years is just right for kids to still want to play with the same things. There is nothing better than having a built in playmate. Our kids are each other’s support system and best friends. No one knows them better than their sibling other than us. I can’t say the same for me and my closest sibling and we are 5 years apart. Once school begins its also easier to navigate the school system. They are currently in two different schools but all the teachers still remember us and they have even had the opportunity to share some of the same teachers which has been lovely for everyone. Sharing is big with having a two year age difference. Our kids shared a room up until middle school and it was the best thing we did. They now each have their own room but they didn’t want to be too far apart so they have an adjoining bathroom. We just knew once our first got to a certain point that we were ready for another. I remember we had one month of trying. My husband said “maybe we should wait a bit longer” and I told him it might be too late and it was, we were pregnant. I am so glad we were too. I didn’t know that 22 months apart was just right for us until we did it. Those first few years are a total exhausting blur but it was worth all of it. I love where we are at now and I’m glad we made the choices we did. Good Luck!!!
My husband and I had the same question, we wanted our kids not too close but not too far apart? Our kids are 2 years and 5 months and I think it’s perfect. My body was recovered from baby #1 when we started trying, I that is really important bc being pregnant with baby #2 is harder on your body and you are busy chasing a toddler. When my son was born my daughter was potty trained and more independent. Now they are 4 and almost 2 and play together well. I know friends that had them closer in age and it seemed very difficult/busy! Hope that helps. Now the question for us is do we have baby #3, that decision has been even harder than deciding when to try for baby #2!!!
Hi Ali! I have 2 boys 18 months apart (22 months and 4 months). My husband and I also wanted them close in age but not this close as baby #2 came after a week away drinking too much wine in Napa. I felt every emotion from happinesss to tears when I found out thinking it was too soon, my oldest wouldn’t understand what was going on, etc…..with that being said I do recommend waiting a little longer if I’m asked. Two under two is a TON of work, both need you equally (just different needs) and I often feel guilty as if I can’t give both the attention they deserve. With all that said, I wouldn’t change it….they are so cute together and as time goes on your new life with 2 becomes your new normal and you adjust so whatever you decide to do it will all work out in the end. They are only little for so long, that’s what I tell myself! Best of luck to you!
My daughters are a little more than three years apart. I definitely think it made it easier when they were very young, but I kind of wish they had been closer in school together. Two years apart instead would have helped them be closer, I think. But, who knows? My brother and I are 17 months apart and only one year in school and he drove me crazy! 😉 You will love having two no matter how far apart they are. <3
I had my first baby at 37 and would have loved to have another, but honestly (for me), I did not feel at the time I had the energy to have another and I was blessed to have a very easy pregnancy after one miscarriage. Hindsight, I wish I would have just gone for it so that my son would have a sibling. My advice is have your children while you are young and as close as the good Lord wants to send them to you. The whole process is such a miracle unto itself, whatever happens will be right for your family! Hoping miracles will come your way very soon.
me and my husband are trying know however my sister had her kids 3 grades apart I don’t know if there is a good time to start trying for baby number 2 for me but it’s alwsys in the back of my mind I always dreamed of haveing kids 2 years apart like me and my brother we were inseparable went to school together and walked home together
I don’t have kids, but I can tell you about myself and my siblings. My sister and I are less than a year apart. For many reasons, this is a horrible idea. But there are a lot of great things which coming from having us so close. We did everything together – potty training, learning to ride a bike, first communion. We were, basically, twins if age wasn’t a factor (like driving). We had all the same friends and she is my best friend. (We did go through some angsty years in college…) We have a brother who is seven years younger than me. Now, in my early 40s, I’m just getting to know him as a person. He was 11 when I went to college. As I was finding myself and establishing my career, he was a moody, trouble-making high schooler. Would it have been different if he were a girl? Maybe but who knows. So – 1 year = psycho. 7 years = strangers.
I have followed so, so many mommy and lifestyle blogs since I gave up teaching and became a stay at home mommy 5 years ago and I’ve NEVER commented. I just like to soak up everyone’s ideas and knowledge but this post tugged at my heart strings so much. I used to cry thinking about adding a sibling to my daughter’s life bc I couldn’t imagine loving anyone as much and I was so scared to muck up such a wonderful little routine we had carved out AND I was so scared to be in the “done” stages of being pregnant and having little babes… We spaced the first 2 out 2.5 years so our first daughter was fully able to communicate emotions and difficulties and peoblem solve with us. Discipline strategies were set, expections and reward programs were in place to help her adjust to new baby at home. I am the queen of over thinking. After our 2nd daughter was born, (after the hormones and sleep deprivation eased up and I stopped calling our pediatrician to ask if we made a huge mistake in sibling spacing! Haha), I saw the love and bond and RIDICULOUSLY SWEET sister connection and I beggggged My husband for a 3rd child anytime after my postpartum checkup. Anytime. Anytime is such a gift to Molly and your family. We had a miscarriage last spring and I’m pregnant with our 3rd who will end up being 2.5 years apart once again. I think research says 3 years is technically the “best” spacing but it is truly not up to us sometimes and it is never, ever bad timing. If you have 3, you can experience the pregnancy and newborn with Molly as a more mature little helper and your middle child could still be close in age… just saying! Hahha sending the best of luck and baby vibes your way. What an exciting time.
Pretty sure I could of wrote this! My son is 3.5 and it’s been the hardest desicion EVER to figure out if & when we should have a 2nd. So many pros and cons to every option and I pretty much drive myself CRAZY weighing every scenario (and by every scenario, I mean EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.) 😂 I use to be constantly plugging in different dates in a due date calculator to figure out if I was to get pregnant X-date when I would be due, and figuring out if it would be a boy or girl based on the Chinese calendar (I really want a girl this time around), and looking up names! Basically I’m no help at all, but just want you to know you’re not alone in being clueless on when to have another, and I’m happy to know I’m not the only one too! 💜
Also, we decided to start trying in January & if I get pregnant the first try like last time they would be 4.5 years apart! Large age gap but I feel with my personality, having them further apart would be better for my sanity.
4 years is great because the older one can be a big help with the new baby and you can treat them very differently which helps with any jealousy. Also, looking down the line, you won’t have two in college at the same time! Since I had two girls, I am glad that they won’t be in high school together so they can each have their own experience.
I have a 18 month old and am currently 25 weeks pregnant so they will be 21 months apart. When I found out I was expecting I was extremely worried. Thought maybe it was too soon but now that it is getting closer, I am so excited. I am sure it is going to be a rough year or so but I just hope they grow up to be the best of friends and sisters! Good luck to you and your family on trying for baby #2. Molly is super cute and will be such a great big sister!
I have two boys now 20 & 16! We were having so much fun with my 1st that we lost track of time But I will tell you, if I could have a do over I would of definitely had them closer. Enjoy…Good luck!!
Hi Ali, I want to have two kids. I have a 15-month old boy right now and I still think of him as a baby, so I can’t even imagine having another baby right now! I want to have my second child in 4-5 years from now and here’s why I want that age gap:
-don’t want two kids in diapers at the same time and want my first fully potty trained
-want my first child to be old enough to be my little helper
-can’t afford two kids in full-time daycare (SO expensive)
-once my first goes to kindergarten, I feel like I will be truly “ready!”
-don’t want two kids in college at the same time
My boys are 4.5 years apart. Most of the time I wish they were closer together. Just for playing and relating to each other. But other days it’s nice to have one in elementary school where I can focus on certain things with him in school and sports. And the other can still be the fun baby. But we have found ourselves where we go places with us a 6 year old and a toddler-which is not easy to handle! My sis and I were 18 mos a part and while there was a lot of competition, we had a lot of fun making the same kind of memories. Her boys are 14 mos a part and they are able to do more as a family (like go on certain vacations, movies etc). However, one thing I wasn’t prepared for was the second baby taking that much of your time! I became much busier! Good luck!
Hey Allie! I am actually not a mom, but my sister is 2 years older than me and it is so nice having a sister to share things with and be able to understand what each other are going through because she has already been through it! And even if its a boy, 2 years is a perfect gap I feel like! My brother is 5 years older than me (3 years older than my sis) though, but im fairly close with him as well! Whatever you choose Im sure will be perfect! Thought maybe it would help from a siblings point of view!
Are you trying already? My daughter is going to be one in 10 days and we plan to start trying next month. I’m terrified but I always wanted them around 2 years apart…give or take.
Hi Ali! Our two are 13 months apart and you’re right, our age gap is the best because it’s all we know. It was a shock and we weren’t planning it (AT all) but I wouldn’t change it for anything. Getting pregnant is hard enough anyway (kind of a miracle right) so I’d say if you’re already trying you’re ready and whatever age gap it is, you’ll see your children have a bond you could never imagine. It is always rough transitioning but 1,2, 4 months doesn’t help or hurt. It just means your have different experiences. Best wishes!!! Hugs!
I have 3 boys; 16 month old, 5 y.o. (Kindergarten), and an almost 7 y.o.(1st grade).
My two oldest are 17 months apart and though the first year was hard, I loved it once the little guy learned to play. They are best friends and play so well together and independently!
Now my little guy is 4 years younger than my middle guy and that gap is not my favorite. Theo is so much younger than Jack and Charlie and can’t do any of the same things as them. Makes it hard to do family activities together. One parent usually ends up chasing the 16 month old while the other hangs with the two bigs.
I have 3 boys. The first two are 2 1/2 years apart, and our third is almost 5 years younger than our middle boy. 2 1/2 years apart was tough – I’m not going to lie. Having a toddler who is used to having you all to himself, then having a demanding baby is hard. When they got older is was easier. Now they are teenagers and it’s nice. My youngest felt a lot like an only child at first, since the older ones were in school. The game gap was hard when we wanted to do things as a family. The youngest was too young for so many activities, we would end up taking them separately sometimes.
Whatever you choose, it will be ok. If you’re ready, don’t second guess. go for it! 🙂
Hey Ali. I have two children four years apart. I absolutely love their age difference. I liked that my oldest was completely potty trained and a little more independent. He’s the best big brother. From the beginning, he was ready to play and never jealous of her. They are 10 and 6 now. It’s so sweet to see him walk her to class. For us the timing just felt right. I wasn’t ready any sooner than that. I feel like yall will know when it’s time.
Best wishes from Louisiana
I have 2 girls exactly 25months apart. They are 3 and 1… and I honestly felt so overwhelmed (sometimes still do) by how close in age they are. Id often find myself saying… I have two babies! They both need me all of the time! But once I found my groove and figured out I could make it work even though someone was going to have to wait, I was fine! In a perfect world, I wish they were just a little farther apart, but watching them play and love eachother is literally the best. There really isnt a ‘right’ answer. Pro’s and con’s for every age gap for sure!
To play devil’s advocate, I think after your first baby it’s fun to give them a bit of extra time. You’re never going to have only one kid again. Things are manageable, she gets 1:1 time. So I would want to give her 2.5-3 years of that.
I’m not in the phase of life where I’m planning my own family yet, but this is such an interesting discussion. I totally agree that whatever situation you currently have with your kids, feels like the best one in your own family; I don’t think it’s possible to make a wrong decision in this case, but I get wanting it to be perfect.
Speaking as the youngest girl of three- I absolutely love the 4 and 6 year age gap between me and my older sisters. Yes, it meant we didn’t play together all the time growing up, or even attend school at the same time, but as soon as were all in our twenties it was like an instant relationship re-frame. I’m fortunate to still have protective big sisters, but they have also become my best friends. Every sibling dynamic is different, but I fear that if I had only a one or two year age difference, competition and resentment could be present much easier than a longer age gap. I’m totally making an assumption though, and every family and person is different!
As women, we take on so much pressure to make the right decisions and how they will affect others around us. Be easy on yourself and know that whatever inevitably ends up happening will be the right move. Lots of luck!
We had our son two weeks after Molly was born; I think we even wore the same dress to our baby showers. Fun coincidence! We knew we wanted to get pregnant right away (I think I left the hospital ready for another birth!) and did so successfully at 9 months, shortly after I weaned nursing. I think the perfect amount of space for your kids is however much space it happens to be!!!
Our first two were 2 1/2 years apart. The space between our second and third is 4 years, and now we’re pregnant again and third and fourth will be 20 months apart! So I’m going to have some spacing experience. Closer is better in my opinion. My first two are the best of friends. They play, they fight, they always have each other and are super close. The second and the third mostly get on each others nerves. No kidding, my 15 month old tells my 5 year old to ‘go away’ frequently. Which is why we’re adding number 4 nice and close to him. Plus when they’re little they nap at the same time! Bonus!
Mine are 10 and almost 8-years old. My oldest was almost 2.5 when my daughter was born. I love that they are close in age. The first two years are chaos, but I find that it’s chaos at any age. I was happy to be done with having babies so we wanted to get to it right away.
We just had our 2nd 6 weeks ago. Ours are 27 months apart. It’s a little crazy at times, but I’m loving every minute. You will also have a way better idea of what to do the second time around so the newborn stage so far doesn’t seem as overwhelming as the first time. I’m sure you will figure it out no matter when it happens!
My girls are 2.5 years apart, my youngest will be 1 tomorrow and my oldest is 3.5. It has been a good age gap for us. My older one was basically totally potty trained before I had my little one which was nice. There was a little bit of regression but nothing terrible. My older one is very hands on and very helpful which is nice as well. My brother and I are 5 year apart and we never had a close relationship until later in life which looking back is sad. Now we have a great relationship but we are 35 and 40. I am a huge believer in whatever God wants you to have you will have and I was told I would never have a second baby and then I went 21 weeks before I even knew I was pregnant with my 2nd so I really had no control over what the age difference was but it has definitely been perfect for us! Good luck!
Don’t have a mother’s perspective for you but I am a sibling who is both close and far apart in age from my siblings. My older sister and I are 2 years apart and our younger sister is 9 years younger than me (11 years younger than my older sister) and my relationship with both is so different and has changed overtime as we’ve gotten older. My older sister and I have always been super close and then when my younger sister was born we just adored her. While she was growing up we were more like guidance for her and had fun with her, but obviously didn’t always talk to her about the more grown up things my older sister and I would talk about so the bond/relationship was different but both so great. And now all 3 of us are best friends and all talk/hang out as a threesome so really, siblings raised to love/support each other will do so regardless of their age difference imo!
My kids are 15 months apart. Now 11,and 10, and Although the early months were a bit challenging both in diapers etc I wouldn’t change it for anything they are incredibly close brother and sister.
In the end do what’s right for you and your husband Ali there is no right or wrong. No matter what you will be happy. What a blessing babies are ❤️❤️
When I had my kids – who are now 17 and 14 – folks kept saying that 3 years was the perfect number. We went with it … almost EXACTLY. Both born in February with birthdays 5 days apart. But as they got older, my husband and I both agree that 2 years apart would have been better. They are both girls so they are super tight. But one is a senior in high school and the other is a freshman. They would have loved more time in high school together. The younger one is dreading being “the only child” for 3 years while her sister is in college.
Hi Ali…planning is definitely my way of doing things but in my case, life threw me some curveballs. My ex-husband was not the greatest supporter, so before I continue, I just have to say that Kevin is seriously the greatest guy you could possibly ask for! Anyway, I wasn’t living my ideal life but I had all the happiness I needed with my little boy who was just my everything! I so badly wanted another child but my gut instinct was telling me it wouldn’t be a good idea. Finally when I had a glimpse of hope that things would be ok between us, I just went for it! Long story short, I have 2 beautiful babies who are 8 years apart. Today they are 7 and 15 and they are very close but I won’t sugar coat it – my 15 year old is a typical teenager. No, they will never experience many things that siblings closer in age do, but I made it my mission that they would have an un breakable bond and mutual respect for each other. I’m just telling you my story and I’m probably leaning more towards telling you not to wait that long, but just know that if you’re determined, you can make your kids love and care for each other no matter how many years apart. I have 2 sisters and I must admit I get along much better with my sister who is 8 years apart than I do with the one who is 27 months apart. Best of luck to you and thank you for letting us be a part of your “adventure” ☺️ Take care! ❤️
*Trigger post: preg/infant loss*
You never know when you are ready; you will always question or have doubt at some point. Right? I even did with our planned first pregnancy. There is no “ready” in being a parent. There is no perfect or golden time when it comes to having kids. Your children come to you when they are ready. Planned or unplanned.
This is what I’ve learned.
You can’t control when or how it happens. The age gap of you kids doesn’t matter in the long run. You are the wonderful parent that can teach your children to be good to each other and others. To be friends and to protect each other. Sibling bond is so important in life. Sure some age gaps have perks. Others have some sticky points. All in all, age gap and kids is tricky and overwhelming.
Everyday in parenting you learn something NEW. About your little. You. The world.
We wanted our kids super close. We were blessed with our son in May 2015 and found out we were pregnant w baby 2 when he was 11 months old. 20 month age gap. We lost that little boy when I was 6 months pregnant. He was due in January. We lost him in September. It was the worst day of my life.
There’s a rainbow after that storm. I’m writing this holding our newborn daughter. Our baby 2 came Earthside this Sept. We found out we were pregnant w her 3 months after our loss — on our little boys due date. Age gap is 2 years and 4 months now.
We wanted 20 month age gap, we were meant to have 28 months.
So…Relax. Enjoy. Don’t overthink. Your life is beautiful and meant to be the way it is. You’re an AMAZING mother!! The story of baby 2 will unfold – and it’ll be just the way it’s suppose to be. Whether it be in a month or a year. It’ll be perfect! For you and your husband and your sweet baby girl. Xxoo big mama hugs
Ali! What a fun topic because me and my husband are also getting on board with baby #2. We currently have an 11 month old boy. I’m not sure if this was brought up in any of the comments, but any chance you’re still breastfeeding and hoping to get pregnant while breastfeeding? Or, have you weaned and going to start fresh with the next one? I ask because I’m having a hard time weaning my guy, especially since he’s a horrible sleeper at night – up 4 or 5 times screaming. Only the boob brings comfort, so hard! I’m worried this will make me infertile and just curious about your sleep/weaning experience and approach to getting pregnant with baby #2. Xox, Colleen
Nevermind! you stopped breastfeeding Molly – just such a post lol. Ok good luck with #2!
Hi Ali! I’m a little late to this party but..life. I have 4 kids and some are over 3 years apart while others are about 2. The larger age gaps are for sure easier when they are little but I love them being close in age when they get older. Also I don’t think there is a “right” answer. It is just whatever you feel is best for your family. Molly is adorable and I’m sure Baby 2 will be as well!
My first two are 6 years apart. It has been nice for the simple fact that the oldest has been super helpful, and while she was at school, baby got her one on one time – so they both had mommy to themselves for a period of time.
My youngest is almost 2 and I was hoping for a 2 year age gap. We had a loss and are now trying again so they’ll be about 2 & 1/2 years apart if we get pregnant soon. As much as I like the helpful aspect of the 6 year gap, I think having them closer will be nice long term for their relationship. Also, I am getting older and I can’t imagine waiting much longer. It will most likely be our last.
There’s pros and cons to every age gap. I’m sure you’ll adjust well. Best wishes on baby #2.
Personally, I think that there is no ideal answer or response to your question. Some people are able to plan strategically and have things go just as they would like them to. Other people cannot — and things either happen sooner, or take longer, than they may have wished. I have a 5 (almost 6) year old son who was only 20 months when my boy/girl TWINS were born. (The twin factor was a huge shocker.) It felt like a LOT at the time.. 3 under 3, all in diapers. It still feels super heavy. I’m hopeful that it’ll get easier as they get a bit older. All 3 of my children experienced significant medical challenges at birth and spent lots of time in the NICU. I guess my point is that things happen differently for everyone and I’m just grateful to have 3 angels who have blessed my life more than I ever dreamed. Today, I’m divorced and parent solo. So incredibly challenging.
Best of luck to you and lots of positive vibes coming your family’s way!
Hehehhee you little stinker!! You must have known when you wrote this post 😉 hehehe Congrats Ali!!
Can you tell the brand of your olive jacket? It looks different from the one that is linked to Nordstrom….
Congratulations! Considering what’s done is done at this point 😉, I’d like to let you know that coming from a mom of three who planned none of them, 2yr age gaps worked wonderfully for me! Haha! Allow me to explain a bit. I had my daughter and then one year later gained full custody of my step son. Soon after that, we became pregnant with our third child. (Obviously the only “steps” I acknowledge here at our home are the ones leading to the front door 😊) So by the time he arrived, I had a four year old, two year old, and a newborn. The transition phases seemed to flow easier for me having them being 2 yes apart. Ya know, handing down to the next the one before has “outgrown”, such as toys, beds, etc. Congratulations again and may you and your family be continually blessed!
Waitaminute… If you’re due in May you were already pregnant when you wrote this post! 😉