Welcome tired parents! I’m assuming that the majority of you reading this are exhausted moms and dads looking for answers on how to get your child to sleep better. And if you’re not a parent and you’re reading anyway, thanks for being here! I’m really excited about today’s blog post because I’m hoping it helps desperate parents out there get the sleep they neeeeeed! Or at least give you the information you might be looking for to decide whether or not you want to start sleep training.
I want to begin this blog by saying we didn’t sleep train Riley by ourselves. We didn’t even do it with over the phone or online coaching like we previously did with Molly. This time around we hired Kimberly from Sweet Dreams LA to come to our house and do the first two days of sleep training for us. And that’s because the first two days are by far the hardest. And in many cases, only the first 24 hours are really hard and it’s pretty smooth sailing after that. The reason we decided to hire someone this time around is because sleep training is emotionally hard on parents. I mean, it’s devastating to listen to your child cry. And when you’re in a state of complete exhaustion, it’s certainly easier in the moment to just to go in and feed your baby rather than listen to them cry for 30 minutes. But here’s what our sleep trainer Kimberly told us that I find to be so true, the amount of crying your child is going to do in the first two days of sleep training is nothing compared to how much they would cry over a year with poor sleep habits. Because let’s face it, a tired baby is a fussy baby. So in my mind, the bit of crying Riley did at the beginning of his sleep training is nothing compared to how upset he would’ve been if he continued sleeping poorly during this super important and developmental first year of his life. And let’s be real, this mama needed her sleep to feel like a human again!
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Why We started at 4 Months
We decided to start sleep training at four months for a few reasons. The first and most obvious reason is that we were just exhausted when Riley turned four months old. Kevin was sleeping in the guest room because he has to wake up for work at 4 AM every morning and then when he got home from work he would have to be super dad and take over parenting both kids because I was so exhausted after being up all night with Riley.
The second reason we decided to start sleep training at four months is because we felt like we did a disservice to our daughter Molly by waiting to sleep train her until she was 9 months. I remember when Molly was a baby I used to just think she was a really fussy baby. I thought that we were those parents that got stuck with a high maintenance baby. And looking back I feel so bad that I even thought that about my sweet girl. Because the truth was Molly was completely capable of being a happy and content baby, but we as parents honestly failed to give her the tools she needed to know how to put herself back to sleep. And when a baby is not sleeping, they’re not developing as quickly as they would if they got all their sleep. Molly was crying all the time because she was exhausted but didn’t know how to sleep! I know I’m fussy when I don’t get a good nights sleep. So looking back, my biggest regret with Molly and sleep training is that we didn’t do it 5 months sooner. Once we sleep trained, she became a completely different little girl. She was happy all the time and her development skyrocketed. Because here’s the thing, babies just like adults, have sleep cycles where they wake up multiple times throughout the night. Adults know how to put themselves back to sleep whereas babies don’t. You might not even realize it, but I assure you that you are waking up multiple times throughout the night. So basically the training is teaching your baby that when they wake up throughout the night, that they can put themselves back to sleep. It’s a tool that once you give it to them, they will have it and use it throughout their entire life. In my opinion it’s the greatest gift other than love (and food) you can give them.
The third reason it was super important for us to sleep train Riley is Molly. Our daughter Molly just turned 2 a few months ago and she needs us. She’s at a critical stage in her life where having us present is super important for her. And before sleep training we were rocking Riley to sleep anywhere from 2 to 4 hours a day depending on how hard it was to get him to fall asleep. Can you believe that?! 2 to 4 hours a day! That’s 2 to 4 hours we could’ve been spending with Molly. When you only have one child, it’s easier to rock your baby to sleep every afternoon or even let them nap on you while you’re laying on the couch. When you have two children, that’s impossible! In fact, I was talking to Jade (you guys know her from Bachelor in Paradise) the other day and she was telling me that her daughter Emi would take all her naps on Jade’s chest. I thought that was the sweetest thing ever! But at the same time, I felt bad for Jade because she must’ve not had any time for herself in the first year of her daughter’s life! And then I started thinking that there’s no way someone could do that when they have two kids. You can’t lay on the couch and let your baby nap on you because your two or three or four year old needs you! So really sleep training was a necessity for us with our two kids.
Ok let’s backtrack now. Riley was just approaching 4 months and I remember sitting at my kitchen counter on my computer feeling desperate. I started googling “how to get your baby to sleep?” I downloaded forms from people‘s websites that I paid a bunch of money for. I remember looking at all the information I had and just feeling totally overwhelmed. Look, sleep training is pretty simple when you break it down. You let your baby learn how to sleep by letting them cry until they figure it out (that’s actually exactly why our sleep coach Kimberly calls her method “figure it out” – I’ll get to that in a minute). So why is it that so many people fail if it’s actually really simple to do? Well, it’s because we love our kids and hearing them cry absolutely breaks us. To us crying means fear, hunger or pain – but that’s really not true, which I’ll also explain in a minute. So basically, I was looking at all this information I had in my hands, knowing that we had done sleep training before so we knew how to do it, but I couldn’t help but feel like there was NO WAY we could do it again. Just because it’s emotional. It’s extremely emotionally exhausting and hard on a parent to hear their child cry for one night. That’s when I started googling sleep trainers that come to your house and do the first few nights of sleep training for you. And that’s when I stumbled upon Kimberly’s website – Sweet Dreams LA. It’s really just coincidence that she was local to Los Angeles because really I just wanted someone that could do it right and that we could trust to be in our home. I wanted the best of the best! I was going to be inviting a stranger into my home and I wanted that person to be highly recommended and the best at what they do. And that’s Kimberly! And FYI, Kimberly does travel so if you’re reading this and not local to LA, you can fly her out to change your life and give you your sleep back too! Anyway, I read the reviews on Kimberly’s Yelp page and I knew she was the person we wanted to hire. Every single revie was absolutely stellar! And all of them said she had their baby sleeping through the night after one or two nights! Even though I’ve done sleep training before, I couldn’t help but read the reviews and think “is this really possible? There’s no way she can get my four month old to sleep through the night after only two nights.” (And FYI, she didn’t get Riley sleeping through the night after two nights. She got Riley sleeping through the night after ONE night!) So even with all these doubts filling my head, we still decided to hire Kimberly because we knew sleep training works and we could tell she was the best!
And I know some of you are wondering if your baby wakes up at night because they are hungry. That’s just NOT true! Obviously talk to your doctor to decide when your baby is ready, but Riley was definitely ready to drop his night feeds at 4 months. Not only is he in the 97th percentile for weight (and off the charts for height! He’s HUGE!), so we knew he was getting enough nutrition, but he also drank so much milk throughout the day! Some days when we would give him all pumped breastmilk in bottles, we found that he was drinking over 35 ounces plus what he was getting at night! Babies his age are recommended to drink between 19 and 32 ounces total a day. He was drinking more than that during the day before we even factored in the night feeds! And at night when I was nursing him, he would only nurse for a few minutes before falling back asleep. It was quite obvious to me he was nursing for comfort. So please don’t assume your baby is hungry when they wake up in the middle of the night crying if your doctor tells you they are ready to drop night feed.
You Have to Commit!
Before you sleep train there is a tendency to feel the need to prepare your baby. But the truth is, you can’t prepare your baby. It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid. You have to start and commit and never look back. If you try to prepare your baby and don’t stick to a solid plan you’ll just confuse your little one. And that would do more harm than good. So during our first call with Kimberly before she came to our home to sleep train, she assured us just to keep going about our days as we had been and that she would give us the gift of sleep in no time! And what absolutely blew me away after talking with her is that she guarantees it! She’s so good and confident in what she does that she guarantees that your child will sleep through the night after she sleep trains them. She’s literally never not been successful with her program. Isn’t that insane?! Even though she was telling me this, I kept thinking there’s no way Riley’s going to sleep through the night after two nights! But Kimberly had such a great energy about her that she made me hopeful! My mother-in-law was actually on this first call we had with her because it was on speaker phone so Kevin and I could both talk to her, and after we hung up the phone my mother-in-law said, “Goodness, I wish we could bottle up her energy! She’s wonderful!” What she meant by that is that Kimberly just has such a loving and positive vibe. It radiated over the phone and even more so when we met her a few days later.
The day Kimberly got to our house I remember feeling a little nervous. It’s weird to have someone you don’t know come into your home and sleep there for two nights. I didn’t know what to expect. But literally the second she walked in the door I fell in love with her. She got right on the floor and started playing with Molly and instantly felt like she had been a friend of ours forever. It was the weirdest thing and something I can’t possibly explain in words. Actually, one of our friends hired Kimberly to sleep train her daughter after we did and she said the exact same thing about her! That she’s one of the coolest people ever and she was so glad that she got to know her! By the way, my friends daughter was also sleeping through the night after ONE night of sleep training. So crazy! Kimberly is MAGIC!
Why Hire Someone?
I’m going to give you as much information as I can about how to sleep train but here’s the thing, sleep training will never work if you don’t stick to the program! And the reason I’m such an advocate of hiring a sleep trainer is because sometimes when your child is crying in the middle of the night you feel like something might be wrong. You feel like a terrible parent for not going in there and helping them. But the truth is they don’t need your help the vast majority of the time! By going in and “helping them” you’re actually not helping them at all.
When we did sleep training with Molly and Riley, I found that it was so helpful having a professional to talk to and tell you that everything was OK. For instance, when Molly was screaming in the middle of the night I could certainly look to Kevin to tell me it’s OK, but Kevin was as new at this as I was so I needed our sleep trainer to tell me that what was going on was OK, and more importantly safe. And that’s what Kimberly did with Riley. The first night of sleep training, we put him down in his crib after zero rocking and he cried for 15 to 20 minutes. Kimberly sat there with us looking at the baby monitor and told us how great he was doing. I remember panicking at first and feeling the urge to go get him. But she put me at ease right away. She explained that babies communicate through crying. It’s really the only way they know how to communicate at this age. It’s either smiles and giggles or crying. So while Riley was crying she explained the different types of cries. There’s a talking cry, a protest cry and a distress cry. I never knew that! She was explaining this to us while Riley was crying and it made so much sense! And the thing about Kimberly is that she would tell us what was about to happen with Riley before it even happened. She legit is a baby whisperer! It’s like she speaks baby or something. That’s what Kevin and I kept saying that she knows “baby talk” and speaks their language. And I know the question a lot of you were going to ask, is her method “cry it out?” Well, I guess it is. But Kimberly calls it “figure it out”. We are teaching our babies how to figure out how to fall back asleep on their own. And they always figure it out.
Here’s the thing, there’s a reason it works for all of her clients after two nights, ONE night in our case. That’s because babies want to learn how to sleep! If we were doing harm to our babies, they wouldn’t learn after one night. They would cry over and over, night after night because we are, as some would say, abandoning them. But that’s just not the case! It honestly makes me so upset when some people refer to it as that. Every parent I have ever met that has stuck with a sleep training program for at least 3 nights SWEARS by it! Because it works! And everyone is happier – you, your significant other and your baby! And in our case, Molly too because she gets more time with us! Trust me when I say sleep training is the best gift you can give your child!
Quick side note, as I’m writing this Riley is napping and I have his monitor in front of me. I just saw him wake up at the 40 minute mark of his nap. Which he always does because most sleep cycles are 30 to 40 minutes. And then I saw him put himself right back to sleep with no fussing. I have a huge smile on my face right now because sleep training gave him that ability! So it was cool to see it on the monitor as I write this.
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So How do you do it?
OK, so I’m sure a lot of you are wondering how you sleep train? What exactly do you do? It’s almost impossible to explain in a general blog post because every baby is different and I believe it depends on your babies age. That’s why so many parents end up buying online manuals or reading blog posts like this and feeling frustrated. Like I mentioned above, I really believe that most need the guidance of someone who has done this 100 times before telling you what comes next. Or telling you that your baby is OK and SAFE.
The first night Kevin and I put Molly down for bed first, and then put Riley down for bed with Kimberly‘s guidance. This is his bedtime routine (it’s so important that you stick to the same routine every night! And for naps!)
- Diaper change.
- PJ’s. Make sure they are wearing similar PJ’s to what you wear to bed so the temperature is right for everyone. Slightly cool is best! We keep our temp at 73 degrees.
- Into sleep suit. We are using two different ones with him right now. At first we used this one because it has a light weight on the chest that feels like a hand on their chest and provides comfort. But once he started rolling over we switched and have been using this brand more often. Although we still use the weighted one sometimes too!) It’s important that you put the sleep suit on your baby on the changing table and not in the crib. Before we were laying him in the crib to put the sleep suit on, but Kimberly let us know that the crib is only for sleeping and not for putting on any sort of clothes or anything else. Definitely no playing in the crib!
- Story. Then we will read him a quick story. Another signal that it’s time to go to sleep.
- White Noise and Song. Next we turn the white noise on (we use this white noise machine it’s by far the best and loudest one we’ve found. Some are sooo quiet) and I sing “You are my sunshine” to him. So I’m only holding him with the white noise on for the amount of time it takes me to sing the song. Sometimes I’ll sing it twice if he’s fussy in my arms just to calm him down. But the only time he’s ever fussy at this point is if he’s overtired and I try to avoid that by reading his sleep cues.
- In the crib where I give him a lovey (Always check with your pediatrician if it’s safe to give your little one a lovey for the crib. Riley is super strong so ours said it was totally fine. Plus we use this one because it is breathable which is so important for safety). Babies want comfort at night and Riley loves be able to snuggle his lovey. And chew on it when teething! Btw, Riley has gotten TWO teeth since we sleep trained two week ago and he STILL slept through the night. So teething really isn’t a reason to go in at night!
- Lights out and leave the room.
Keep the lights on during this routine and don’t dim them way low. Lights out should only be for sleeping. So that way the baby knows that when the lights are out and the white noise is on, that means they should sleep and not be held by their mama or daddy. And no rocking to sleep!!! Your baby should be put in their crib awake! I know some people say drowsy but awake. But honestly your baby is going to be tired, so they are drowsy even if they don’t look it. In my mind (before sleep training), drowsy always meant their eyes opening and closing and ready to fall asleep. But really drowsy just means they’re ready to go to bed. And you’ll know that based on when they get fussy. Try to distinguish between on the verge of falling asleep and drowsiness. Because on the verge of falling asleep is too late to put your baby down. They should be awake!
And by not rocking your baby to sleep you’re going to get so much of your life back! Not only are you teaching them and giving them valuable tools for sleep, but you get time! I’m not kidding you, before sleep training we would spend a total of 2 to 4 hours a day rocking Riley to sleep. Now I have all that time back to actually get things done around the house or spend time with my sweet little girl
In regards to what happens the first night with Kimberly’s program, I can’t really say! She did it all, Riley was a champ, and we got to sleep!!!! It was lovely! But when we sleep trained Molly this is what we did. Once we began sleep training with her we pretty much will never went back in the room in the middle the night. Of course unless she was sick. Or if our gut told us something was wrong. You need to use your intuition as a parent if you think something is really wrong when your child wakes in the middle the night. Some sleep trainers recommend going in the room and quietly putting a hand on your baby and telling them everything‘s OK and then leaving the room again. We didn’t do this with Molly because we found when we did, it just made her more upset. Our rule when we sleep trained Molly was that if she cried for 10 minutes straight with no pauses whatsoever (and even a one second pause counts as a pause), then you can go in and check on them. But do not pick them up from the crib unless it’s an emergency obviously. Just put your hand on their tummy and tell them it’s OK and then walk back out. But here’s the thing, Molly always took breaths and pauses. So when they do take a pause it’s their way of trying to self soothe. They are learning. If they take a breath you start the clock over for another 10 minutes. This could mean that they’re crying for an hour and a half straight in the middle of the night. Even two hours! But those pauses let you know that they’re learning to self soothe. You may have a few long stretches the first night but that’s it. But here is why Kimberly method is BETTER than this 10 minute method. She knows how to respond to babies and it’s amazing! Each program she creates is customized for the baby in order to minimize tears. Minimal tears is so much better than what I did with Molly! Like I’ve mentioned multiple times in this post, by the second night Riley slept 12 hours straight! That’s right, 12 hours straight with no wake ups!
Oh, I’ve also gone in to check for dirty diapers if he ever wakes in the middle of the night. Most nights since sleep training he has slept 11-12 hours straight. But sometimes he will wake once in the night and fuss a little. I like to sneak in sometimes (army crawl style) and smell the side of his crib to see if he pooped. He never has, but it eases my mind, so I do it 😉 But Kimberly advised me not to make this routine since babies become more aware as they get older. But if you think your baby has a dirty diaper, definitely go change them! Just try not to make it routine every time they wake up. Because they will wake up, they just learn how to go back to sleep on their own!
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During the Day
At four months old we pretty much had Riley on a 3 hour wake, eat, play, sleep schedule. So if he got up at 6:30 AM, he will eat and then play for anywhere from an hour and 15 minutes to an hour and 30 minutes. This first awake time of the day is usually the shortest. I didn’t realize this and before Kimberly came and we were doing the wake, eat, play, sleep schedule and I was trying to keep Riley awake the same amount of time between every nap. And that’s just not how babies work. Kimberly explained that the first wake time of the day will be the shortest and the last wake time of the day before bedtime will be the longest. I didn’t know that before. So even though I say we’re on a three hour schedule, really it’s a 2:45 schedule at the beginning of the day and then a 3 1/2 hour schedule at the end of the day. If that makes sense. And Kimberly might even cringe at me using the words 3 hour schedule because for her, she lets the baby lead the way! It’s funny because I kept telling her that I didn’t really know how to read Riley’s sleep cues. To me he kind of seems tired all the time – let’s face it, he was because he wasn’t sleeping well. But when she was here and we were doing sleep training I would say to her “Riley just rubbed his face and is arching his back I think he’s tired.” And then she would tell me that I actually DID know my baby’s sleep cues! It’s funny how having a professional around to run things by makes you more confident in what you already know about your baby. I didn’t even know that I could read Riley like that! And I feel like I’m not even explaining this well because rubbing their face is an obvious sleep cue. But I feel like I would just question myself before Kimberly was around to tell me I was reading him right. I guess I should trust my mother’s intuition more often.
And to be 100% honest with you guys, we’re still working on naps. It took about two weeks after sleep training for Riley to get to a good place with his naps. He was originally taking 4 naps a day that were anywhere from 30 to 40 minutes. I know so many of you parents out there can relate to having a catnapper! But after about a week of sleep training, and sleeping 11-12 hours every night, he slowly adjusted to 3 naps a day. The first one is always the longest and the last one is always the shortest. But he’s doing so much better! It’s really normal after sleep training for a babies naps to take a little bit longer to adjust. But I’m so happy that Riley is getting there!
Good Luck!
I hope this gives you guys some good information if you’re considering sleep training. But my guess is you’re probably reading all this and feeling overwhelmed. I know that’s how I felt every time I read something about sleep training! There are so many one-offs and what ifs. I know by reading this you guys are going to get good information but at the same time you’re gonna have 100 more questions! And that’s because no two babies are the same. And there are so many little things that can come up that result in questions. And we all know that babies are unpredictable. They’re not machines. What if your baby wakes up at 5 AM – what do you do? What about a 5:30am wake up? A 4:30am wake-up? What if their naps are 40 minutes all day long – how do you adjust from that? How long do you let them cry after waking early from a nap? Is 40 mins considered early? What about an hour? There are sooooo many questions that a sleep trainer can help you with. Like I mentioned above, Kimberly will travel to help sleep deprived parents all over the country, heck all over the world! And she has traveled all over the world! And look, having someone come live with you for two days isn’t exactly inexpensive. But put it this way, what would you pay if someone told you that in two nights you would get to sleep through the night again? What would that be worth to you? For me, Kimberly’s rate was something I was absolutely willing to pay if it 100% meant I would get to sleep again! And that’s the thing, she guarantees it! If you hire her to come to your house to sleep train your baby, she guarantees he will be sleep trained by the time she leaves—which means he will be putting himself to sleep and back to sleep on his own. And that is worth every single penny! In fact, that’s priceless! I know I sound like a commercial for her, but she truly changed our lives and became a dear friend in the process so I can’t help but sing her praises!And I do know she’s starting to offer remote sleep training! So definitely reach out to her about that!
If you guys have any questions let me know in the comments below! Like I mentioned, I know that every baby is different and there are 1 million what if’s but I’ll do my best to answer what I can. But I’m going to end this by saying, CALL Kimberly! She will change your life! I know I talked about her a lot in this blog but the truth is I don’t think that anything I could’ve read or done could replace what she did for us! She’s the absolute best at what she does and after spending two short days with us, she felt like family and I know she’s going to be in our lives for years to come! Sweet Dreams!
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Ali, I am so happy for you that you guys and Riley are getting sleep and I could not agree more with everything you wrote in this post! I also have an older girl, younger boy, 2 years apart and I sleep trained my son the minute he hit 4 months. Zero regrets. He was the happiest, best baby and I was a better Mom once I wasn’t exhausted. Sleep is so important for everyone in the family. Thank you for being an advocate for this!
Sleep training to LIFE changing and helped me be a better mama. I couldn’t recommend it more!
Is 4 months the age you can start? Can you start earlier or is 4 months it? I have a 4 year old and 2 year old and I sleep trained both of them. They are still awesome sleepers to this day!!! I truly believe in sleep training! However, I think I waited too long with both of them. I did it around 8-9 months. I now have my third baby and am wondering if I can start sooner this time. Thoughts?
Hi Ali!! Love this blog post we began sleep training my little on at 5 Months Old and made the rookie mistake of waiting until 9 months with our first! Total game changer!!
I’m curious what your breastfeeding/pumped bottle schedule is based on your sleep training schedule for Riley?
You seem to be doing great, Ali! I’m no mother myself but I really like how comprehensive this blog post was. Hope it’ll help lots of people out! 🙂
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Me too!!!!!
Baby sleeping through the night sounds AMAZING! My daughter is 15 months and does not sleep through the night. We tried the CIO method and she throws up EVERY TIME. So – that’s out the door. The struggle is real and I’m glad you found something that works for you. Maybe a sleep trainer is the way to go. Thanks for the info.
Vomiting is a clear sign that your baby is in distress. I’m glad that you did not continue to let her cry it out.
After the 2nd time we decided that it was definitely not worth her stress or ours.
Look into the sleep lady shuffle! 😉
I definitely will. Thanks for the suggestion.
I never did sleep training with my babies. I had 3 and now all 11 and up. They all sleep through the night. It wasn’t at 4 months but at around 18months. I could never let my babies cry it out and always loved cuddling and rocking them to sleep. It’s exhausting but I miss it. So your tired for the first couple years of your life. Your babies spend more of their life without you than with you.
Hello I love your blog and your personality I was wating for this post. We had an almost 5 month old little girl and I’m also working with sone one for sleep I just have no commit to sleep train is hard as a parent but I know is worthy . I have a question when I put my baby at night I nurse but is hard to kerp her awake she doesn’t take a bottle so is hard what you fo when you feed him begore bef you didn’t post anyting about it? Thank you very much I’m a big fan of yours!!
I was so curious about how your sleep training program worked, thank you for writing this! I think I will try some of the things you’ve talked about, but my issue is a little different. My daughter goes to daycare and is definitely capable of putting herself to sleep and self soothing. I’ve seen her do it and she pretty much has to be able to do it at daycare. She will fall asleep almost at the same time every night, around 8 p.m. She never would wake much at night, once or twice, sometimes not at all, until the morning. When she hit 4, 4 1/2 months though, something changed. She will still fall asleep at the same time, but now it’s totally random how she sleeps. She might wake up once, twice, or every two hours. She’s 5 1/2 months old now. I can’t figure it out. I know she can sleep through the night because she used to do it all the time. She nurses every time, and usually for 10-15 minutes. Sometimes I think it’s just soothing for her, other times I think she’s hungry. I try to soothe her before resorting to nursing, but admittedly I don’t try for very long because I’m tired and I hate to hear her cry. I wish I could afford Kimberly! So glad it worked for you!
So we had this problem too with my baby. The dreaded “4 month sleep regression”. If you’re committed to having your child sleep again then you have to do what Ali speaks about in her blog and let her cry or “figure it out!” Don’t go in and nurse her – at that age she isn’t hungry (unless of course you’ve spoken with your doctor and she’s not gaining weight, etc.) she is just doing it our of habit/for comfort. I think this post is awesome and I think if you can afford it (and let’s be honest, most families can’t) a sleep trainer at your home would be ideal but you don’t NEED one. If you’re willing to have one or two bad nights and let your baby cry then she will go back to sleeping through the night!
What about naps and them waking up after 45 mins? I know my kiddo doesn’t need more milk since I fed him before, but I’m thinking I’ll let him cry/play and not run to him the minute he wakes up. He will learn to self soothe which will help all of us!
For naps I used the “crib hour” and if she woke before an hour I left her in there until the hour was complete. Only took two days and she went from two 30 minute naps to a 2 hr
Nap in the morning and a 1 hour nap in the afternoon.
Would she cry during this “crib hour”?
My daughter is almost 5 months and we also went through a 4 month sleep regression. Babies go from having two sleep cycles to having all the same sleep cycles that we have as adults. Basically they have to relearn how to put themselves back to sleep. It’s tough, but I agree with everything Ali said! Try not to feed your baby every time they wake up. This will become a sleep crutch. Hearing them cry can be so hard but trust me, your baby will figure it out and be much happier! Good luck mama, you are doing great!!
This is my issue right now! I’m writing this as I feed her at 2am. My daughter just turned 5 mos. It’s so inconsistent. She slept 11–12 hours 2 nights in a row & now the last 2
nights is waking up again. We don’t come right in & I send my husband in although I do think he rocks her back, but it doesn’t always work. I gave her a good 15 minutes but she was still screaming. I have a 2 yo & I’m nervous she is going to wake him. I may try turning both sound machines way up for tomorrow night & just leaving her if she wakes up. It’s so frustrating!
I love this because I was googling at 2am this morning “How to survive the 4 month sleep regression” after my little one waking up SO many times last night! Do you feed Riley in that bedtime routine? And do you bottle feed him pumped milk all day or nurse him all day? I know that probably changes when you have to work. Thank you for always being a great resource for moms!!!
I also have the same question! Where do you do the night bottle and/or nurse in the bedtime routine?
Same question would love to know about the nighttime feed when your doing the bedtime routine
I love reading your posts Ali! I have an 8.5 month old and my husband and I were going to start sleep training this week. When g came down to doing it, he was not on board and I can’t do it without his support. I would love to hire a company but with him not “believing” in sleep training (he thinks babies will eventually learn on their own and U til then we should just do what is easiest for us), I wouldn’t even dare ask to hire someone to come in. Any suggestions? I am pretty desperate for sleep and to give her the tools so she can do this on her own!
I just read your comment and can relate! My husband was not ok with letting our first baby cry it out. But I was so desperate for him to start sleeping more at night that I had to do something. I actually waited until my husband was out of town for work and did the sleep training without him in the house. It was rough for a few nights, especially on my own, but once my baby figured it out, he’s slept through the night ever since…and my husband came back to a happier and healthier family environment. If you need support while he’s not there, you could ask your mom or sister or a good friend to stay with you, especially someone who has been down this sleep training road before. Good luck!
Well ladies, your husbands are wiser than you in this case. Remember when you’re pregnant and everyone says, “Sleep now because those days are over when the baby comes!” Yeah, it’s a little annoying and maybe not completely true, but yes, you will be sleep deprived – for a few months, maybe even a few years. This is called parenting. This is having a baby. This is why they say “it’s hard”. Plain and simple. Your baby needs you, even when you’re tired, even when you’re exhausted, even when you’re inconvenienced. That is just the way it is. Your baby doesn’t need “tools” for sleep, your baby needs YOU, its mother. Your baby doesn’t only need a clean diaper and a full tummy, they need love in the form of touch, holding, comfort, caresses and their mother’s soothing voice. And you know when moms talk about how painful it is to listen to their baby “cry it out”? Well, that’s because it goes against all of our maternal biological instincts. Why are we ignoring those? PLEASE, hold and love and comfort your baby when they call out for you. This is the first relationship they will have which will set the stage for their entire life, they need a secure attachment which will give them the confidence to be independent when they are ready. Your baby needs you, it is that hard and that simple.
So glad someone said this!! Completely agree!
I agree with a lot of this, but unfortunately not every mother has the luxury these days to be up multiple times a night. It is almost impossible to not get a good nights sleep for an extended period of time while working full time and keep yourself mentally and emotionally healthy. The deprivation with catch up to you at some point and our mental health as moms is so important in order to be there for our kids. I also agree with many things in Ali’s post about teaching your baby how to soothe themself back to sleep and give them the tools they need for healthy sleep habits in the future. Unfortunately most families can not afford an in-home sleep trainer though. To each their own. We all need to do what works best for us and our babies without fear of judgement from others.
So, 2 nights of sleep training in infancy — 2 nights of crying — “sets the stage for their entire life,” and their hopes for a “secure attachment” and “confidence to be independent” later on is compromised? Because of 2 nights of some crying? If that’s what you really think, we will just have to strongly disagree and raise our babies the way we see fit.
Every mom has to do what they feel is best for them. I sleep trained all my kids. During the day they had all the love and hugs and cuddles they wanted and needed. I can honestly say as teens there are no ill effects from my letting them figure it out. They aren’t going to be damaged for life…..
Kaitlyn – It sounds like you had your mind already made up and read what I wrote with a very opinionated mind. You are not quite grasping the circumstances. It is not “2 nights of crying” that is the issue. The crying is the symptom. Let’s break it down – you leave your baby in their crib alone. They cry, communicating that they need you. You do not respond. Your baby then learns that their bid for connection is ignored. Your baby then communicates their needs by crying the next night and so on, or maybe not at all after being ignored for one or 2 nights. However, their need is STILL there. Their stress cortisol levels STILL remain high even though they are no longer crying. Studies have been conducted on exactly this with monitors depicting exactly these results. Elevated cortisol levels on a developing infant’s brain can be damaging. This is the trauma that I reference. If you are going to “strongly disagree” please look at various objective studies with an open mind at least before dismissing valid points.
No Margot, just no. Check out the studies that show the level of elevated cortisol in chronically sleep deprived babies. Sleeping babies do not have elevated cortisol- that is a myth. In fact, my son was miserable for the first 6 months of his life before we sleep trained (for TWO nights). The third night he slept through and it was a night and day difference in his mood. Not to mention, I was a better mother because of how better sleep affected MY mental health. My son is 2 now and an absolute dream. He adores my husband and me, and he is the BEST sleeper. He can literally sleep anywhere because of the skills he learned during sleep training. Please take your fearmongering elsewhere.
I believe babies cry sometimes because they “need” something, and others because the “want” something. My son certainly doesn’t “need” me to rock him and hold him. He is 15 months and we get lots of cuddles and snuggles, but night time and naps, he self soothes. I think it’s silly to think every cry is a “need”. My son now cries when I don’t let him play with the Lysol bottle…pretty sure he doesn’t “need” that.
Studies have been proven over and over the brightest children can self soothe and get 10-12 hours of sleep . School age children who lack sleep learn at a slower rate and have problems retaining what they learn. Why would you want that for your child? When both parents and baby get well rested sleeping in their own bed they are more productive and attentive that’s when you give them cuddles and hugs and kisses !
Sandi,
Why would you possibly think that tending to your child at night would correlate with them not getting enough sleep as infants or as school age children? Mine sleep like rocks during the night, excel in school, and woke numerous times overnight for their first few years, at which times I awoke and tended to them. The point is, kids learn to sleep, either with their parents providing the care and nurture they need, or without their parents doing so. If they aren’t getting enough sleep at the point they are school age, something else is going on.
That’s interesting you say all this. Sleep training is not for everyone but when my son would not sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time during the evening he was suffering. We were all suffering. I eventually sleep trained him and now he is one of the most loving 8 year olds with very secure relationships. The bond between us is extremely close and I can assure you he is not damaged from the sleep training I did when he was a baby. He also has some of the best sleep habits of any child I know still to this day.
I 100% agree
Only North Americans sleep train and make their babies sleep alone, in a separate room and cry it out.
This is the first time I have ever commented on a blog anywhere at any time. But this is so blatantly NOT TRUE. Sleep training happens in other countries, too. I was raised in Germany and still have many friends in European countries and my parents sleep trained and so did I.
I completely disagree with you. Yes babies need us and yes it is our job and yes we will be tired as parents. But not sleeping isn’t healthy for babies either. Frequent wake ups affect their growth and development. Do your research. I can attest also
To the fact that I saw a huge change when my son started sleeping better. He also started eating better and gaining more Weight. My son is now 7 still sleeps amazingly well is thriving, is kind and gentle and we have the most amazing bond. I didn’t “damage” him by sleep training.
We are each allowed to have our own opinion and the way we do things. For you to come on here and negatively express your opinion is offensive and exactly what we as women are trying not to do- put each other down. I’m trying sonhara tombe polite and kind right as A good example to you. Spread some love and kindness and keep your negative comments to yourself.
Hi Ali, my 5 month old is a catnapper. We are on 4 naps a day, that last no more than 40 minutes each. How did you get Riley to extend the length of his naps? Did you allow any time to cry after each nap?
I can relate here too! She wakes up after 45 minutes and cries. Do I leave or do I pick her up and call nap time “complete”?
30 minutes here! ugh!
I also have a 4 month old and cannot get her to nap longer than 45 mins. Also, she wakes up multiple times during the night. Need help.
Google the baby whisperer and 45 min nap intruder! Apparently REM cycles are 45 min, so she suggests you go in at 30 min and rub their tummy lightly to gently rouse them and move them into the next sleep cycle. It worked for my oldest!
Ali, sounds like you have a wonderful sleeper now, and Kimberly sounds amazing!
Did she happen to give any suggestions on situations where your little one might wake in the middle of the night and stay awake for a while? My little guy is 5 months old, and sleeps great, no middle of the night feedings, naps fantastic. But usually 3-4 nights a week he wakes around 3/3:30 and is awake fidgeting and babbling to himself in his crib, for 45-50 minutes, before he falls back asleep. I love that he puts himself back to sleep, but hate that he has such a large interruption in his sleep.
Thanks!
Help! My 8.5 month old is up every 2 hours at night and my husband is not on board tocsleep train. He believes that every child will eventually learn to sleep through the night on their own and until then we should just do what is easiest for us to get the most sleep. I would love to hire someone but I wouldn’t even begin to ask him since he doesn’t believe in sleep training to begin with!
Let him read this post. It’s all true. He’s not doing your baby any favors by letting them wake up every 2 hours at night!
Tara : your comment broke my heart. I am also a sleep consultant and it can be so difficult when your partner isn’t onboard. The thing is that some kids don’t just learn to sleep through the night, I have clients that have 5 yr olds that are still getting up all night long.
You could try to explain to him that you are exhausted and being exhausted doesn’t allow to be the best Mom you can be. There are other gentler methods you can use that maybe he would be comfortable with. I really hope it works out for you ❤️
Thanks for your sweet comment, Jan. Any recommendations of what to do when she is standing up in the crib crying? Leave her or repeatedly go in and lay her back down so she doesn’t fall backward and hit her head on the crib. TIA
We are in the exact same boat at the moment, our daughter is 5 months old and struggling to self soothe when she wakes up at night. Before she started rolling over she was sleeping through the night, and now she suddenly isn’t which almost makes it harder that we had a taste of it and now that’s gone! My question is, when does feeding fit into the night schedule, before the diaper change and pjs? Since she was born, ours has fallen asleep during her last feeding and then just stays asleep from there.
Thank you so much for all this helpful information!!
I also feed my daughter right before bed? I’d be curious to know the answer to this one as well!!
I had this same issue and after some baby sleep research moved the last feeding to the first step in my baby’s night time routine. So we nurse (or bottle feed), bath, pjs, book, bed. That is supposed to help baby disassociate feeding=sleep. You might try that for a week or so and see if it helps you put him down awake and reduce his night wakings.
Hi! I’m wondering the same-when do you feed? I have a 4 month old and this post has been so helpful-thank you!
How long does Riley nap for usually?
My daughter and Riley share the same birthday. Your Ig posts a few weeks back convinced me to sleep train as well. Last night was night #2 and both nights she has slept 12-13 hours! We sort of had an idea how to do this, so we just did a phone consult with a sleep consultant. Game changer! If anyone reads this, it doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg to hire help! It didn’t for us! Thanks for the post!
My little girl is coming up to 4 months. She is an OK night sleeper but will only nap for 30 minutes unless she is on me. And you’re right, a tired baby is a fussy baby so most of the time I just let her sleep on me to make us both happy 🙈 I was planning on sleep training around 4 months if the doctor oks it. This really helped me realize I am/will be doing the right thing! Quick question in regards to napping, do you do the same routine for naps as you do for bedtime? Thanks!
Yes we do the same routine for both! Sometimes a bath before bedtime but we can’t do it every night because it’s hard with the two kids and two different baths. I can’t wait until they bathe together!
Hi there, I learned about sleep training because of your post with Molly and saw you used WeeSleep, was wondering the difference between programs if any? Also, why the switch?
Loved this blog post!! I felt the exact same way about giving my baby the gift of learning how to sleep and she is still an amazing sleeper because it. We sleep trained her ourselves and it was really hard, we probably worked on it for months before she was consistently sleeping through the night. After that, people would tell me that I just got an easy baby, but she only seemed “easy” because she was well rested and it was not easy at all to get her to that place! Everything you said resonated with me and gave me even more confidence to sleep train baby #2! Thanks for sharing Ali!
Such a helpful post, I’m so glad you got Riley to sleep so well! We just sleep trained our 6 month old and she’s doing g so we’ll overnight (9-10 hours, hopefully she can get to 12!) but we’re still struggling with naps. She’s a catnapper and it takes awhile for her to get to sleep. Just have to be stronger and let her fuss before falling asleep! Thanks for the tips!
I was waiting for this post! Thank you for sharing your advice. I read this as I rocked my 5 month old to sleep 🤦♀️ Seeing this gives me confidence that sleep training works!
Hi Ali! For his bedtime routine, when do you feed him last? Before the diaper change? Do you feed him in his room or elsewhere? We’re right in the middle of the sleep regression and this mama is tired.
Yes, I was also curious where the last feeding time happens in the bedtime routine as well.
I’m no expert but I’ve read ALOT! Lol you should put the feeding at the very beginning atleast 20-30 mins before bed! Hope this helps!
I have been waiting for this!! You sleep training Riley gave me the push to sleep train my 6 month old baby girl. She cried for 20 mins the first night, 7 the second and 4 the third. We’ve had one bad night since (when she had a cold and a fever) but otherwise it’s been awesome! So thank you for the push!!
We’re still struggling some days with naps… do you still do the figure it out method during the day??
Thanks so much for sharing. Sleep training can be such a vulnerable subject.
Ali-
This is such a great success story! Any idea if you can sleep train at 21 months?!
You poor mama! You need sleep! I am sure you can! Reach out to Kimberly!
Kristen! I’m in the same boat. My daughter is almost 22 months and doesn’t sleep through the night. She’s up every couple of hours…sometimes more often. On a good night, I sleep 3-4 hours total because I’m nursing and rocking her back to sleep. And she takes her naps on me or won’t sleep. I know. Nuts.
Ali, I could totally relate when you talked about Jade’s little one sleeping on her for naps. Do you know how she broke this cycle? I’m desperate! Thank you!
Will the child every not have the white noise? Does Molly still have it? Just wondering if they get addicted to that and then have trouble sleeping if they don’t have it. So glad you are getting your sleep now! LOVE your family!!
My two year old grew out of hers all by herself, a couple times I would forget to turn it on and she would still sleep. But what most sleep experts recommend is once they turn two to slowly lower it down every other night until you get to a point where it’s completely silent and they’ve been able to adjust. Kind of like weaning them from it. Hope this helps!
Molly still has it! She loves it. Heck Kevin and I sleep with white noise!
Yeah, we sleep with white noise too. I don’t see the harm in keeping the white noise going…
Ali! We are in the middle of sleep training our 4 month old too! I “knew” all these things you talked about too but it made me feel so much better for you to verify it because I think as parents were always wondering if we’re really ever doing the right thing! Did Kimberly happen to mention anything about a pacifier? Our daughter uses one and it’s kind of been frustrating because I’ve been doing the ten minute rule of going back in to replace. I know they are seen as a sleep aid but how do you avoid that? Cold turkey I guess? Also, was Riley swaddled ever? I guess we should also just go cold turkey and transition to a regular sleep sack while sleep training… just thought if you had any tips you may have learned about either! I hope next week I can report that she’s sleeping ALL the way through the night 🙂
Ok. You’ve inspired me. My baby girl is 8 months. I also have a 4 year, 6 year and 8 year old. I’ve tried the sleep training once but I couldn’t do it. Her crying got me every time. But after reading this I’m determined to do it and stick to it. I need sleep!! Thank you! I’ve been anxiously waiting for this blog❤
When the baby breathes that’s considered a pause?
I write this as I’m standing here, rocking my almost 4 month old baby girl to sleep. Like every blog you post, this was super informative and real! Thank you! I inquired to Kimberly about her rates, and it’s just honestly not something we can afford right now. Do you have a recommendation on any of the online programs you looked into? While we’d love to hire an in-home trainer, it’s just not in the cards for us. Thank you!
I recommend looking into takingcarababies, her Instagram page alone has so many tips and her website so many blogs that can help, but she also offers a newborn course(no crying method), a 3 & 4 month sleep regression PDF and the ABC’s of sleep class which is for 5-24 month olds and that is sleep training. Very much more cost friendly and so many happy customers! This is not an ad, but I’ve taken newborn class and it helped us so much and I see what others have said about her courses. They offer phone consults, and you can email any questions if you’re having trouble. Also, if you purchase the ABC’s of sleep class you’ll receive access to the Facebook group so you’ll be able to connect with all the other parents who have purchased the class and bounce tips off of each other. Wishing you happy sleep soon! Just remember even though it doesn’t seem like it, it does get better!!
I just read your comment and wanted to share a good resource I’ve used before. It’s called the Sleep Sense Program and it sounds pretty similar to the approach Ali used. I used it with my 10 month old and it worked great. The creator, Dana Oberman, offers an ebook and various levels of assistance at what I think are great prices. Good luck!
I did sleep training with all 3 of mine using the book Good Night Sleep Tight. You can do it yourself!
I have a two year old daughter and a four month old son who is waking up every 1.5 hours at night starting at 1am! It’s slowly killing me!! I am scared letting him CIO is going to wake our daughter up. I emailed Kimberly a few days ago for a consult but never heard back! We live in Orange County and are hoping to find someone soon to help us.
I have SO been looking forward to this blogpost! I have a 2 month old baby girl and I am so excited to start sleep training when she’s old enough! Thank you for writing your experience and detailing everything for other mamas!
Hey Ali! What time do you put Riley down for bed? I’m having such a hard time telling when my daughters bedtime should be! She is 2 months and usually falls asleep at 7 but wakes up quickly after, and then is asleep around 10, but she will sleep in pretty late (but is up a lot during the night) so I wonder if she needs it to be earlier and just needs to learn to put herself to sleep as she gets older or if that is still typical for this age. Didn’t know the first awake time is the shortest, that makes me feel so relieved bc I always thought my daughter was waking up too early when she would only be up for a short time in the morning!
I think at 2 months old, late bedtimes are still the norm, babies are still getting their circadian rhythm in place. My girl was going to bed around 10 or even later then too (after a final catnap around 7 or 8). Also, totally normal to not have a consistent bedtime at that age – it’s still the fourth trimester and you just have to muddle through 🙂 Routines fall more into place around 4 months, at least in my experience.
Thanks for covering another great parenting topic, Ali! My daughter is 2.5 and son just turned 6 months. We just finished night #4 of sleep training and you are spot on with how emotionally exhausting it is. And YES to the constant questions and doubts – I was just going back and forth this morning on whether I should go in at 5:30 to nurse when he cried. Definitely have to just follow your gut through so much of the process!
Hi Ali, so glad you’re sleeping well!! You might already know this, but with the nested bean sleep sack you can turn it backwards for babies that roll over so that the weighted part is on their back, just an FYI. Also, I remember Riley was using a pacifier before, did you wean him off of it prior to sleep training or does he still use it? Please advise and thank you so much for this blog post!!! I read back to the one on Molly’s sleep training so many times and it helped me with my now two year old, her name is Riley. 😘
Hi Ali! Was Riley sleep trained without a soother?
This chick has a holier than thou attitude that is starting to really turn me off. You people… she is just a chick who went on the Bachelor. She isn’t a professional about this sort of shit. She acts like she knows the best ways to parent. Saying oh my daughter is so happy and smart and didn’t cry at all when starting preschool blah blah blah. Honestly Ali you are fat and ugly and have gnarly wrinkles on your face. Go get some botox bc I know you already do. Ha! No I don’t feel bad for this comment. Karma is a bitch. Peace out.
Why is this even necessary? If you don’t like her stop following her. The fact that you wrote this says more about you than the cruel words you are saying about Ali. Maybe social media is not a place for you if it causes you so much anger to feel necessary to comment hurtful things. Show a little kindness, it will go much farther :).
The only bitch here is you, Emily.
I don’t agree with Ali’s approach to infant sleep, but your ugly heart and attitude is not necessary. Name calling and being hateful and negative says much more about you than it does her.
Grow up.
Your hateful comments are unnecessary and show the ugliness of your character. I can’t believe you would write something this awful to a complete stranger. Ali, I love your blog ❤️ I hope you don’t let this one person’s negativity get to you because there are so many people out there who are sending you positive vibes!
This comment should be deleted. It is not useful, does not serve anyone well or provide anything but negativity, which no one needs.
Wow! I have never commented on a post before this, but this is absolutely disgusting. She has never claimed to be a professional, she is merely sharing what worked for her, in hopes to help people like myself, that desperately want some sleep.
To take it farther and make those hurtful comments, you should be ashamed with yourself. It seems to me that you are an unhappy individual, and I’m sorry for that. Instead of bashing nice people from the privacy of your computer no less, you should be trying to figure out why you are so angry.
Wow!! Emily, I am shocked by how awful your comment was. What makes you think its okay to say something like that!? You should feel so ashamed for spreading such hate words. You’re a bully and the kind of person I’m trying to raise my kids NOT to be. And you’re right, karma is a bitch, so good luck.
You are the reason we have issues in today’s socienty was that even necessary to call her names? NOn jealous much it doesn’t suit you makes you an ugly person! If you have nothing nice to say take it someplace else! She’s just giving her personal experience on her blog and you know this. Ali block this chick you don’t need this negativity in Your life. Keep being you your a beautiful woman with beautiful children just trying to make a difference and helping others. God bless. Maybe this girl wasn’t sleep trained and that’s why she’s so cranky nowadays 😜
Emily , you got this all wrong ! Your radar is off with Ali! Everything she says in her blog is only to help, encourage and inspire people and she dies it al with such humility! I don’t know what you think you can gain out of being so cruel to say such cruel things about anybody. Please rethink what you have said . Is it helpful ? Is it positive ? No it’s not ! So please choose to not hurt people by saying such mean things. Ali, your such a beautiful person ….your sincerity and humility is so clear . Please keep up with what you are doing . Blessings to you !
Long-time follower here and enjoy your blog so much. I read through this post and while not everyone will be on board with all of your parenting decisions, especially when it comes to sleep-training, I do think a certain level of responsibility comes with purporting “sleep training” of this kind. Responsibility in the form of also discussing possible negative effects of using this “method” on your baby. If you really don’t think there are possible negative consequences, then I would urge you to do some unbiased research and even look at scholarly journal articles on this subject. I could write a blog post as long as what I have just read on all of the cons of “sleep training”. Maybe some moms will roll their eyes and say, “look, my baby is sleeping better than ever, they seem perfectly happy and we are all sleeping better and thus a happier family and that’s all that matters.” But maybe some moms will say, “hmm, I want to look into this further. What is really happening to my baby psychologically during this time and what long-term affects could that possibly have?”
Lastly, I’d just like to say that as we all know, numerous synapses are formed in our baby’s brain at this age and the relationship/connection between mother & baby heavily affects how our infant is wired for life. You may not physically see this in your baby or any tangible negatives for that matter, but maybe your child will not grow to have the confidence they may have had without “sleep training”, maybe they will struggle with insecurity or a deeply rooted sense of uncertainty or trust in their adult relationships. We can not know for sure what long-term affects sleep-training can have, but there are definitely possible connections studied today. I believe we are all just trying our best and I don’t think there is any wrong or right way, who can really say so? I just ask that you and other moms look past their immediate need for sleep and the exhaustion that is having a newborn and really make an informed decision, looking deeper at the real “how” and “why” and thinking long-term about the human you are raising.
I couldn’t agree more. While I think it’s your right, Ali, to share whatever topics you feel passionate about and parenting tips that work for you, in this case, it’s also important to acknowledge that there is another side to this topic. A very important and valid one.
Please do your research into biologically normal infant sleep and read other sleep experts work, such as Sarah Ockwell Smith and Dr. Sears. Blogs like this make it seem like babies are abnormal if they wake up. When I had my first this stressed me to no end… but when I read that it was actually normal it just made me feel like I was doing the right thing. Gentle methods do exist.
To all those sleep deprived parents, you do not have to sleep train. Babies aren’t biologically designed to sleep through the night for 12 hours alone. However, if it’s your choice and you feel strongly about it, then go for it! I just have a problem with a celebrity pushing this so hard without presenting any other sides.
Thank.you. Waking up during the night is biologically normal and ensures that your milk production stays good. There are still a few growth spurts coming and yes, baby will need to feed during those times, and be comforted. Waking up is also nature’s way to protect baby from SIDS.
There is a lot of research out there indicating that letting your baby cry increases their stress levels and other adverse effects. My method for survival: co-sleeping 😀
HOWEVER, I will say this: I’m lucky as I live in Canada. Who knows how desperate I’d feel if I had to go back to work after a few weeks and my baby was all waking up multiple times a night. So while I don’t agree with sleep training, I can understand where Ali is coming from. However, I doubt that most parents can afford a “kimberly” of their own.
I honestly just don’t get this perspective on sleep training. If Riley began sleeping through the night after just ONE night of crying for only 15-20 minutes – how is it even logical to be concerned about negative consequences from this psychologically? I know people coming from this line of thought mean well – and every mom wants what’s best for their child – but, come on now.
A 4 month old is hardly a newborn and those at a healthy weight are usually more than capable of sleeping through the night. So I don’t think this is a matter of moms needing to look past “the exhaustion that is having a newborn” – this is a 4 month old who is physically capable of longer stretches of sleep than he was giving previously. Any doctor will say the same. And clearly he was ready because he accomplished this after one night of figuring it out. Not sure why we need to bring long term effects into something that was really so simple for her. She didn’t say that Riley was screaming in distress for a week and then finally started sleeping, hooray, nothing to worry about here! He cried for 20 minutes max ONE night and then immediately began to sleep through the night. How on earth is that an experience that requires more investigation to potential negative long-term effects?
Because it’s not as easy as that for all people. It was for Riley and that’s great. Some moms do it again and again and it becomes stressful for everyone.
Again, to each their own, do whatever works for you. BUT when pushing something with so much impact on a new mom’s feelings about herself and her child’s health, it’s important to acknowledge that both sides have valid pros and cons.
Ali shared this blog post because so many people asked her too! Financially we all can’t afford to hire someone like she did so for some of us this is a huge help. I don’t feel it’s Ali’s responsibility to explain both sides, she’s sharing what worked for her and sharing what people asked her too. If a parent chooses to begin sleep training then it’s their responsibility to research both sides. You have every right to have an opinion and disagree with her, but don’t make her feel bad for trying to help other mamas out. There is scientific research that shows the brain of a sleep deprived parent is equivalent to someone who is drunk which is scary to think about. But you’re completely right, there are two sides to everything.
Maria – 4 months is hardly a newborn? Who made this decision? Also, what makes a 4 month old “more than capable” of sleeping unattended through the night?
Whether a baby is left to cry one night or a week, what makes you qualified to say whether that baby has suffered the trauma of separation or not? Clearly, a baby who cries out is communicating their need for parental input. Whether it is because they are hungry, cold, teething, or simply just want closeness and human touch, they are all valid needs. YOU may decide that you do not want to respond to some of those needs, but that doesn’t mean your baby stops having them, it simply means that you have “trained” your baby that you will not respond. So your baby will not waste their energy on crying night after night, knowing that their cries will not be answered. They will simply go into shut-down mode. What are the consequences of that? It is hard to say. Perhaps, low self-esteem, lack of trust or a secure bond? Or maybe your child grows into an adult who is “just fine”. You can take that chance, but moms should be well aware that it is a chance you are taking. One that you cannot “do-over”.
Most classifications refer to newborns as under 1 month. I’ve seen a few classifying newborns as up to 2 months – but never 4 months old. And a 4 month old, who is at a healthy weight like I noted above, is usually more than capable of sleeping through the night. Generally once babies reach 12-14lbs in weight they are capable about this according to most medical professionals (including my daughter’s pediatrician). Doesn’t mean they WILL sleep through the night at that weight/age – just that they’re capable of it. Hence, it being a good time to start sleep training if that is the route you choose.
And my point is simply that I’m not sure how Ali’s experience with her healthy 4 month old crying for 15-20 minutes could possibly have somebody concerned with the long term risks of a child potentially developing low self-esteem, lacking in trust and developing a secure bond. He cried 20 minutes. He did not suffer a trauma – I don’t need to be an expert to tell you that. It’s just that simple. We’re not talking about a baby who is rejecting sleep training and the parents are allowing him to cry for hours upon hours every night all for the sake of getting extra sleep themselves. The fear mongering (and mom-shaming) I’ve seen on this topic (not specifically here, but on other sites) is just baffling.
Thank you for writing this. I never really understood why people had kids and then complained about not having their life back and not sleeping. That’s actually what you signed up for. It always seemed selfish to me to be like oh I need sleep so I’m going to “train” my baby to sleep which is actually not what it does. It tells their brain to shut down bc no one is coming. My twins are almost 2 and sometimes they still wake up. They were never sleep trained. They are happy, healthy and way ahead in their development. I wish moms were educated on what normal infant sleep is instead of being sold garbage information so “experts” can sell a book to teach your kid to sleep.
Thank you so much for sharing. My daughter is turning 4 months this week and I’ve been wondering about your experience. Do you put him down to sleep at the same time every night?
I’m so nervous about sleep training but also excited about he possibilities.
I am so glad this worked for you! Sleep is so important for babies AND parents.
I think we need to be careful, however, about characterizing a parent’s inability to get a child to sleep on their own/through the night as a “failure.” My children’s inability to sleep through the night has been the most stressful part of my 4+ years of parenting…as I constantly think it’s something we are doing wrong (despite trying literally every method suggested on the interwebs, reading every book, having countless conversations with our pediatrician, AND hiring a sleep consultant). I have been doing cry-it-out for 3.5 years…and my kids still wake up crying/upset, EVERY NIGHT!!! At this point we are used to it (sleep? who needs sleep?!) and I’ve worked through my own guilt and feelings of failure, but I always feel awful for parents who are struggling with the sleeping issue and thinking they are doing something “wrong” because cry-it-out/figure-it-out is not an instant fix for them. To anyone else reading this, you’re not alone! 🙂
Yes! I think it is so important to encourage parents regardless of what sleep-training choices they make. Some kids are absolutely not great sleepers (and do continue to need night feedings past 4 months) for various reasons (medical, emotional, etc) and I think blogs like Ali’s, however SO well-intended and heartfelt, can be super discouraging. “This has worked for our family and our babies, BUT I am not a doctor or sleep expert…” would be great tag-lines to add.
Ali: I’m disappointed that this post has such a condescending and discouraging tone. I left feeling like if I don’t agree and don’t follow the method that worked for you, then I’m doing it wrong and my child will suffer. That is not true. Parents following their instincts and consulting their child’s doctor should be the number ONE message.
Yes!! Sleep training is not magic for every baby. For our family, it has definitely been a game changer (my girl was waking every 2 or fewer hours and only napped in my arms for 7 months), but it is by no means perfect. I also hired a sleep consultant, and stuck to the program consistently. But we have never gotten 11 or more hours overnight and who knows if we ever will (gosh I hope so!). So for now we are awake super early, and it is what it is. It’s so hard to not feel like a failure! The reality though is that babies aren’t robots and each one will have their own patterns.
Yes! I love Keira Knightley’s recent comments about her daughter not sleeping through the night!
Thank you for the info! I was wondering if Kimberly did let you know if she let Riley cry for an extended period of time or did a few checks throughout the night? Since you said her way was better, I wasn’t sure if you just meant let them cry / figure it out? My little boy was born right around yours and I feel like we are on the same page a lot and our boys even wear the same clothes at times too! Even my sister has commented how similar our sitauations are lol!! I appreciate you writing out this blog for all the struggling parents!!
I know he did cry for a long stretch at one point but she saw signs that he was self soothing! I trusted her completely!
Oh my God that’s heartbreaking.
We did the same with our little guy and within 2 night he was sleeping 12 hrs through the night! Sleep training is seriously amazing, and he does so much better because of it.
Still having trouble with naps tho- will only sleep 30-40 mins each nap. Been going on 2 months of this…. but I’d say a good trade off if he’s getting 12 hrs a night! 😜
Night time sleep is established before day time sleep and that’s normal! Naps become more normal and longer at 5 months. Takingcarababies is on Instagram and she has wonderful tips, but also has a blog on the main website on short naps, you should read it and see if it benefits you at all. 🙂 happy sleeping!
Hi Ali! Thank you so much for writing about this. My son is almost 10 months old and we still co-sleep because he just doesn’t sleep well on his own. I give him a bottle at night and he falls asleep in my arms. He doesn’t cry at night, but moves a lot (I’m assuming he’s looking for his soft spot) and lets out these little cries. Sometimes I give him a bottle in the middle of night because more often than not, he sleeps better afterwards. Our doctor says he no longer needs night feeds but I just feel he sleeps so much better after having that bottle. I was hoping you can share your experience with sleep training Molly, since you waited until she was 9 months.
She has an entire blog on this already, just an FYI!
I’m so thankful that you wrote this blog! We have been sleep training our son and it’s been really hard because any visitors we have will look at us like we are terrible parents for letting him cry. It breaks our hearts that they would think we don’t want to take care of him, but our little man is doing SO much better with good sleep! Thank you for sharing and helping me feel less alone! You had some amazing tips that I’ll be adding in. You are the best.
When did you stop swaddling? I have 4 month old twins – who are sleeping fairly well but I am still swaddling them at night.
I would love to sleep train for 4 month old. The thing is she is great at night! She will go to sleep on her own, maybe wake up once, but then eat and go back to sleep on her own and I’m ok with that. It’s the naps that are killer. She does not know how to go to sleep on her own. People say you have to do night training first but she doesn’t need night training so not sure how to do her naps. She won’t even fall asleep in car or stroller. Only rocking! Would love advise. FTM here!
Hello! Lots of great info here. My daughter is 19 months old and still isn’t sleeping through the night consistently- she went 8 weeks sleeping all night and that’s the longest stretch. Yes, I know, small animals could live in the bags under my eyes. We’ve started and had to stop training 3 times. I’m wondering if you or anyone on here has ever heard good advice on dealing with sleep training when your older child is sleeping in the next room and gets woken up?? 😩
She is 7, she’ll sleep through it for awhile but this kid will scream for an hour. There was a point last year (when the baby was 9 months and we decided we were going to sleep train her for real this time) and my older child’s teacher called me concerned she was falling asleep in school. Talk about feeling like a parental failure!! My older child never fought sleep. She slept through the night at 4 months with no training and never had a regression so this is new territory for us.
Someone help!!!!!!!!
Is there somewhere your older child can sleep for a few nights while you sleep train? Maybe a grandparent, relative or friend?
Unfortunately we moved across the country for my husband’s job so we don’t have family nearby. I’m thinking she’ll sleep eventually 🤷🏼♀️ so we will just keep on keeping on
Hey Ali!
I know every baby is different but I was curious to hear your thoughts… my 4.5 month old baby girl can put herself to sleep when I put her down awake but struggles to do that if she wakes up around 5am. I give her the pacifier and back she goes but i would love to eliminate that. Do you think it’s worth bringing a sleep trainer in?
Ali-I love this post and it helps me feel better about sleep training our daughter.
The truth is we have been letting her figure it out for the past 5 weeks and I couldn’t feel more horrible – if she is still waking on and off for 1-3 hours – is she just not ready? We have been given the go ahead by our doctor and she is gaining just fine. But every single night, even though we do not go in there, she is awake for at least 1-3 hours on and off. She is never hysterical for long. It she does fuss and let out cries. We have yet to have an 8 hour stretch let alone an 11-12 hour stretch. Any thoughts?
Basically everyday that has passed we have felt that much more we cannot go in because it’ll only confuse her more – at this point I am so torn because I feel like I have hurt her in some way as she is still waking every single night.
Thank you for sharing your sleep training experiences. Your blog post about sleep training Molly stuck with me, and when all 3 of our boys were waking up at night last winter, I finally hired Lisa from WeeSleep. It was LIFE CHANGING. All 3 of them (9 months, 1.5 years and 4.5 years) were sleeping through the night when we finished. I hadn’t heard of a professional sleep trainer before your blog, so THANK YOU again for sharing.
Do you have to pump in the middle of the night to keep up your supply?
Such a great post Ali! We started sleep training our babe at 3 weeks and he just turned 4months last week. So great! I’m curious how Riley sleeps through his teething? Do you give him medicine before bed and just let him soothe himself back to sleep if he wakes up in pain? Would love to know any tricks because teething is painful during the day and I don’t want to keep going in and giving him medicine during the night!
There wasn’t such a thing as ‘sleep training’ when my kids were little and they all learned to sleep on their own when they were ready. I think this is great for some. I never like to criticize anyone’s methods, we (and babies) are all different, but obviously this is not for everyone and like one reader said, there is no right or wrong way. Some kids are just not ready to give up the night feedings or night cuddles this young. I do have one question though and I am just curious. Can you still rock and cuddle your child to sleep at night if you choose to, even after you have done this sleep training? I worked full-time and was a single parent of three for a long time and I loved those evenings rocking my babies to sleep. It was a very close time for us and I would hate to think that once you have done ‘sleep training’, there is no more rocking to sleep. Again I’m just curious, I’m not criticizing, I’m just wondering how it works.
Hi Ali,
Such a great post! It appears my first comment didn’t post so I’m writing again. How does Riley sleep through teething? Do you give him medicine before he goes to bed and just let him soothe himself during the night? Our babe is sleep trained but just having a hard time with wake ups due to pain.
I have an 8 month old son and a 2.5 year old daughter. My 8 month old wakes up almost every night, often a couple of times. I feel like he could put himself back to sleep, since he does this pretty well during naps! My only concern is that he shares a wall with my 2.5 year old and I’m worried that he will wake her up at night…so we always run in and settle him back down to avoid this. I would love to find away to avoid this and keep both kids sleeping! 🙂
Hi Ali, thank you for this inspiring post! I have a 7 week baby boy and am excited for sleep training in a few months. I am tired! What baby monitor do you use? Thanks!
So great!! Thanks for sharing all these details! What was her take on a Paci? Our daughters Paci always falls out and it wakes her up!
Thank you so very much for posting. I love your blog and your insta stories!
My son will be 4 months at the end of this month, and I’m desperate to sleep (& have a 2 year old that needs me). I was curious what time you put Riley to bed at night? Will that time change when he turns say 6 months? I only ask because I know early on babies tend to go to sleep later and I thought that changes like more towards 6:30pm as they get a bit older. Hope that makes sense.
Thanks again!!
Thank you so much for posting this. I have read so, so many blogs and websites on how to get my baby to sleep. He was the same as Molly as a little baby. In my head I always though newborns would just sleep all the time. He was always fussy, but looking back he just was not getting enough sleep. Fast forward to ten months and I am a zombie. We have gotten our baby to sleep for 2 1/2 hours at a time instead of 1 1/2. We have attempted sleep training but I literally feel sick to my stomach when we let him just cry. It is my fault for giving in, but I do. Owen needs to learn this for himself and it will only be beneficial. I just need to keep reminding myself of that and stick to the plan. Thank you for making me feel like I am not alone.
My three month old has been sleeping 9pm-730am routine for a couple weeks now. However, the last two nights she’s woken up at 3 or 4am. I’m unsure if I should let her cry, feed her, or cuddle her.
Most doctors and experts would say 3 months is too early for sleep training. There is a big growth spurt at 3 months, she is likely hungry. Sounds like she is naturally a great sleeper, but if it were me I’d definitely feed her during that night wake.
I know you said you use a lovie – but do you use a paci? We have a 7 month old who never loved the paci and I regret “forcing” it on him .. now he uses it to sleep. Do I have to break that?
Wow! I am not a Mom but I read all through because I wanted to know what Sleep Training is all about. Maybe I will be able to share what I read and direct someone to this blog for more detailed information.
Moms have the most important jobs in the world. You are all amazing!
Thank you so much for sharing!! I have a baby girl who is almost 4 months and also in the 97%for weight! She used to be a great sleeper… having a long stretch, wake and feed once and then back to sleep again. She recently been waking multiple times to feed at night. I believe it is comfort burning but has been so dependent on the boob at night and it’s the only way she will settle! My husband and I are exhausted after a few nights of this!
Reading your post and hearing your story has given me the confidence to tart sleep training very soon. We live in Canada, otherwise I would have called Kimberly already! Haha
Thank you!!
Was Riley sleeping in his crib before the sleep training or was he in your bedroom? When did you transition him from a bassinet to his crib?
Hi! I currently am sleep training my 5 month old and a friend sent your blog my way, I love It! Thank you so much for sharing! Our little guy falls asleep on his own but is still waking on average 1 to 2 times to eat. Sometimes he will stop if we don’t go in but sometimes he won’t! I feel Like I need More help in the “middle of the night” wake ups. Any thoughts on that? How long would you let them cry for. Last night it was 40 minutes before he stopped and that doesn’t help with sleep either! Help! Thank you!
Thanks for the great info! What do they say about pacifiers and sleep training?!
This gives me so much hope! My son is 10 months and recently sleep has become an issue and it’s really getting to me. I started sleep training- first night he slept through the night. Next night he got up at 330am and my husband was upset that I kept leaving the room and letting him cry which led to a fight and me getting into the crib with a bottle and thinking about how horrible of a mom I was for wanting a full night sleep. Hearing someone else say that just because they are crying doesn’t mean they are in distress was so assuring! Thanks for always being so open and honest! Now if I can just get my husband on board 😉
My almost 5 month old just sleep trained himself randomly… now he sleeps from 6:30p – 4:30am… I have a hard time not feeding him at 4:30 because I know he has to be hungry by then and his diaper is SOAKED, but he won’t go back to sleep after. What are your recommendations for the 4:30 wake up?
That’s great ALI! My daughter Sofia is the same age as Molly and we went through the same thing with her that you did with Molly at 9 months old with Wee sleep but this time around we are gonna get Kimberly to come to us when our son Max is nearly four months old! Riley seems to be such a happy baby!
Hey Ali! Your family is so cute and beautiful! Congrats.
I just read your long post (thanks for sharing your story!) and couldn’t read all the comments (sorry!), so I don’t know if somebody asked you already, how did you manage to keep Molly asleep during the “cry it out” phases of Riley? I’m having two girls (25.5 month and 5.5 month, so super similar to yours) and my first born has such a light sleep. So I’m getting my baby before she is crying to load, which is totally the wrong way.
Since I guess Molly’s room and Riley’s nursery are close to each other, I wonder how you did the first two days (or better one night) of sleep training.
Thank you in advance for any feedback you can give me!
All the best, Chrissi
Hey Ali!
Can you give a sample day of wake times and nap times as an example?
I have a 5 month old cat napper!! Would love to see where I may be going wrong.
Thanks!!
Thanks for the info. Do you mind sharing the cost for her to come? I have a son a week older than Molly and due with my second next week. We need Kimberley!!!
I’m going to cut and paste this to save for my daughters when they have babies someday. I did a version of this over 20 years ago with my oldest, but gave in too quickly. Thank you for the information. You can really tell Riley is a super happy, rested baby. It’s so fun to follow your life with your sweet family. xo
To all the new moms; you don’t have to sleep train. Listen to your instincts and your baby. You and your baby are meant to have a symbiotic relationship, wherein you need to care for your baby and your baby needs your care. That includes during the night. Cuddling your babies is the best. Trusting a stranger to care for your baby in their most vulnerable time is unfathomable for me. Children develop absolutely perfectly on schedule without making them cry themselves to sleep. Studies show crying themselves to sleep raises their stress hormones. Attending to your child over a 24 hour period is absolutely normal and pertinent for the developing bond. Babies may wake a lot. And then they grow older, and they don’t wake a lot. Even with more than one child you can lay with your child to sleep, be the last one they snuggle up to on their way to dreamland, assist them throughout the night, and be the one (or ones if both parents are involved), that they trust to care for their needs, be them physical, emotional, mental, etc., day and night. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
The post I have been waiting for! In tears reading this (probably because I am so tired) because it gives me hope. My little guy is not quite 4 months old yet and his sleep is getting worse by the day. Hopeful for sleep training when he turns 4 months old. Our whole family needs the sleep (I have two girls, too). I am so happy for you guys that you had such great success.. seriously life changing. One question… does Riley take a paci? My guy does. Thank you so much for taking the time to write about this!!
Hi Ali!
I’m curious when do you nurse Riley before bedtime (that wasn’t included in your how to bedtime routine)? Do you do this before the diaper change and pjs portion? What time roughly do you have him “in the crib” for bedtime?
Also, I know you mentioned you have a routine you follow for the daytime with wake, eat, play, nap. I do this as well but what I’m wondering is…do you feed roughly around every 3 hours during the day? And if so, do you wake him from his nap in order to nurse him if it’s around that 3 hour mark? I’ve always wondered what to do and recommended from a sleep trainer.
Thank you for sharing!
Love this post. Sleep training is a must in my opinion. Our kiddos are 2 and 4 now but when my 2 year old was 7 or 8 months, we finally taught her to figure it out. She was getting up between 2 and 4 times a night and I was a zombie. I couldn’t take anymore. My husband read and spear headed our sleep training. We decided if we have another baby, we’ll be doing that again for sure.
Also, how do you ladies add a picture to your comments?
I definitely want one.
I just wanted to say thanks for sharing this, it’s encouraging!
Hi Ali!
I have a 4 month little boy as well. I’m gearing up for sleep training soon! Question for you since I know you are a nursing mama… where is feeding in the bedtime routine? Or I see that it’s not in thenroutine, so how far before bed do you feed him? Do you nurse him or give a bottle? Thanks for all the helpful info!
Xo
Great post! Quick question, how much is this investment?!? I didn’t see anyone ask so I figured I’d initiate. Need some help with this my one year old used to sleep through the night and self sooth, but now when he wakes up in the middle of the night he starts standing up and wanting to get out of his crib. Yikes!
I’ve read a MILLION blog posts, articles, books etc about sleep training and couldn’t believe the new info I got from yours! Cringing to myself about some of the bad habits we’ve created without meaning to, hopefully it isn’t too late to fix those mistakes! Happy to hear the 10 minute crying without a pause rule. We have our little one sleeping through the night but she does still wake up sometimes and I struggle trying to decide if I should go in or not!
Your honesty and willingness to share is so appreciated (as always) 💗
I have an almost 4 month old, who is also a little chunk!… What time do you start Riley’s bedtime routine? And what time do you feed him his last feeding? Also, how many times was he typically waking up at night prior to sleep training? You are so right.. sleep training is a constant google search and every time it just overwhelms me and makes my head spin at the thought.
Thanks for sharing your experiences and knowledge with us!
Hi Ali! I love the wreath above your bed! Do you have the link for that? Thanks!
Thanks for posting! My son will be 2yrs old in Dec and I’m due with our 2nd in April. I swear I’m going to do things differently with the next as my son has never been a good sleeper! We need CIO at 9month (your sleep training post with Molly really helped me) but then he got sick and was teething. Interesting what you said about Riley being fine through teething. Do you give him medicine? My son sleeps 95% of the time through the night and puts himself down but when we are out of town or if he’s sick…he may wake up and I always go right in 😳 it’s so true that it’s just easier….I feel like it’s harder now that he’s almost 2 he knows I’ll come in. If my husband goes in he’ll go right back to sleep or even ask to be put in crib but if I go in he wants milk or to be rocked until he’s entirely asleep. I told my husband next baby I’m totally considering hiring someone if we can’t do it ourself!
Kim is my sorority sister from college and she seriously projects positivity and makes everyone around her happy! I’m so glad her business is doing so well! I’m seriously considering hiring her when my baby turns 4 months! Thanks Ali for the blog post about sleeping training. I sleep trained my now 2.5 year old at 11 months and agree with you that I could’ve done it sooner but I was being selfish and wanted those night feedings because I worked full time and barely saw her!
Hi Ali!
Just wondering if you have Riley use a pacifier for sleeping/napping? My daughter Emerson wants it to sleeping, I’m sure she’s connected a sleep association to it, but I didn’t know if Kimberly said anything about a pacifier. Because hers will fall out middle of the night and she doesn’t know how to put it back in. Thanks for your post it was so helpful!
Thanks for this post! My little guy is almost 4 months and I forwarded this to my husband saying it’s time! 2 questions: do you always have home stay in his bed a certain amount of time for naps (ex: an hour) even is he wakes after 30 min? What do you do if he falls asleep nursing before bed or nap? Do you wake him up before putting him in bed? Thanks!
Lots of excuses for ignoring your upset child and assuring him that, nope, mama’s never coming 🙁
They need their parents. Four months is also WAY below the recommended age even for controlled crying.
I just find this sad.
Thank you for this blog post, Ali. Being a sleep deprived parent is such a hard struggle. I sleep trained my now 3 year old when he was 11 months because like you, I lost hours of my day trying to rock him to sleep. It took NINE days of him crying it out (he cried for 4 hours the first day) I felt like a TERRIBLE mother but I kept a close eye via monitor to make sure he was okay. Everyday the time he would spend crying would go down but it was seriously the longest 9 days of my life. After that, he was the BEST sleeper (still is) and even though I had tried the “figure it out” method previously, I would give up after 3 or 4 days because it didn’t seem to be working and as a first time mom it broke my heart to hear him cry. I only wish I pushed through because in the end, as you know, it’s worth it. Now I have an 8 month old that goes to sleep on his own no problem. I feel very grateful because with a 3 year old I don’t have the time to bounce or rock him to sleep. However, even though he can put himself to sleep for naps and bed, he still wakes 3 times during the night and that’s the only time he can’t figure out how to self soothe. I guess I need to try letting him cry it out. But it’s SO HARD to hear your baby cry and cry. Your post has given me encouragement and I thank you. Wow this is long. Sorry. You’re awesome, Ali. Thanks for being so real and relatable.
After I posted I realized I should clarify something. When I let him cry it out and it lasted 4 hours, it was nap time, he had been fed, diaper changed and I would check on him about every 20 minutes and pat his little bum to assure him I’m here and everything’s okay. Don’t want people thinking I ignored my crying baby for 4 hours. 🙂
Plus, I knew he wanted to be sleep trained because once he started being able to sleep longer than 20 minutes at a time or need to be bounced for an hour for every nap, we ALL were happier. Especially him.
The term figure it out vs cry it out totally represents sleep training much better-love it! We just sleep trained our 4 month old as well and these 12 hours of sleep she’s getting has changed our life. She was still sleeping in our room and waking to nurse once a night until our Pediatrician informed us at her 4 month appt. that she doesn’t need to be waking to nurse anymore. Basically we were doing it all wrong. lol We were doing play, eat, sleep vs. eat, play, sleep. Eating always put her to sleep so I thought that’s how we had to do it-wrong! Once we switched this up it only took her 1 night as well to sleep through the night. Luckily she only fussed/cried for 10 minutes before falling asleep so it wasn’t too hard on us first time parents. And now she’s been sleeping close to 12 hours every night since we did this. I also love watching her put herself to sleep on the monitor-she plays with her ears and sometimes it sounds like she’s singing herself to sleep-so sweet!
Our girl’s naps are still a work in progress as well so glad to hear we aren’t alone there, but they are getting better than before we sleep trained. She used to only get 1 long nap and then a few cat naps while someone was holding her. Now she’s getting 3 naps a day in her crib, but they can be as little as 20 minutes. We have noticed the first nap is definitely the longest as well, which always seemed odd to me since she had just woken up. Anyways-thanks for the blog-love getting tips and reassurance from other mommas!
Hi Ali. I am definitely a believer of sleep training. Did it with my 2 year old around 4 months as well and he is still the best sleeper ever. I have baby #2 on the way and am anxious about going through the process again. Totally curious on what Kimberly’s rates were for coming to your house?? Any info on pricing would be great 🙂
Can I ask in what way naps are still a work in progress for you? We are on our third week of sleep training our almost 6 month old and are using a similar method. She usually goes down at night well. She is still getting up 1-2x a night….But naps are better during the day but harder to get her down. She likes to talk a lot of the time for 20-40 mins before she goes down. She is taking much longer naps which is amazing though!
Hi Ali! Thanks so much for sharing!! Quick question – is Molly’s room far enough away from Riley’s that she wouldn’t wake up? Our three year old’s room and our 4 month old’s rooms are right next to each other and even though we use white noise in both, I’m worried if I let the baby “figure it out” (LOVE this term by the way!), it will wake up our three year old! Also curious if you give Riley his last feeding in his room or somewhere else in the house? Again, thanks so much for sharing, really giving us tired mamas some hope!
Great post! After Molly was trained I reached out to several consultants (in Ontario) to find out about programs and actually went with an overnight option for my first child. The overnight cost more but I needed it at the time. Now with my second I have hired the same sleep consultant for a plan & support but am confident enough in her program that I won’t need her for an overnight. Sleep is life!
I’ve done sleep training with all my girls and I think it’s a must!
My only comment is…I sure hope Kimberly only takes a few home appointments a week! She must be exhausted from waking up every night 😂
I didn’t see anywhere in the routine where you nurse? At the beginning or at the end?
Also if baby is on a sleep feed play schedule, then after the last nap, you nurse when he wakes up, then nurse again before bedtime? So that’s 2 nursing sessions within the same wake period?
This whole post honestly made me nauseous. On your blog about why you chose to sleep train, you literally had a mental health expert tell you that sleep training can cause trust issues years down the road. It’s just irresponsible to continue talking about it like it’s something we should all do without giving both sides of the issue.
I hope you don’t have issues down the road, but won’t be surprised to see a blog post a few years from now about how you are struggling with your relationship with your kids. When you got pregnant the first time, I thought “here come the posts about how she is soooo tired and how she lost herself as a person” and they came. When you got pregnant the second time (against tons of advice about the timing, BTW), I thought “here come the posts about how hard 2 under 2 is” and they came. So I feel like this is just the next big topic of you ignoring advice and then whining about the consequences later.
The other thing that bothered me is that you totally bought into all of the positive ways your PAID sleep consultant convinced you this was sleep training was good. OF COURSE she is going to tell you those things… it’s her job. The whole time I was reading you post, my mind kept changing phrases like “figure it out themselves” to “give up that someone is ever going to come help them.” Maybe try to have some skepticism and don’t buy everything the “experts” are telling you.
I know this is Ali blog, but I couldn’t help reply. If you have nothing nice to say take it someplace else. She is trying to help others. I lost my entire career as a nurse because I was exhausted from not sleeping I worked 7p-7a and got kicked by a patient and fx my back if we had done sleep training I would have been well rested…
Ugh you are literally the worst kind of person, Karen. If you are so put off by Ali and her lifestyle and parenting techniques, then why do you even follow her and read her blog?? Just move on.
Sleep training my now 17 month old, was the best thing I’ve ever done! She is still an amazing sleeper, and when/if she wakes at night for whatever reason even now knows exactly how to put herself back to sleep! It’s such an amazing thing and makes for a happy baby and parents as well! The two rough nights in the beginning are so worth it in the end….having a well rested toddler is everything! I sleep trained her around 6 months old, but with a-future second baby I will definitely start sooner, knowing what I know now. Enjoy that sleep mama! 😊
Both of your babies are little QTs. I used to watch you on the Bachelor, so it’s fun to see how your life has evolved. You and your hubby are so very blessed with those angel babies. Good tips all around. 🙂
I’ve been going back and forth on when to sleep train our 5 month old. This blog convinced me to go for it! I followed the routine you outlined tonight. She cried for 10 minutes, pretty loudly at times, and I worried she wouldn’t figure it out. After 10 minutes, I went in and patted her and said good night again, and she’s been sleeping since! We’re going on 2 hours asleep at this point. I’m heading to bed now myself!!
Thank you so much for writing this post! We sleep trained both our babies with CIO and like you said, it was life changing. Like you, we waited too long with our first baby but did not make that same mistake with our second.
I also get so upset when people talk about the CIO method like it’s some sort of baby torture or abuse when it’s not at all. Babies cry ALL the time. It’s a very important tools for babies to have to develop healthy sleeping habits. It’s also so quick when done correctly.
Glad you are finally sleeping again!
I was reading this post of your sleep training with Riley and saw your Instagram story today of him sleeping on your baby monitor and was wondering what baby monitor you use- is it also available on your phone if you want to watch him sleep from there or just on the actual monitor screen? Thanks!!
Love reading your blog. I have a 4 month old that has been sleeping through the night since about 2 mos old. It’s amazing. We used the cry it out “figure it out” method right when I started putting her in her own room. She learned to self soothe right away. I don’t understand why the sleep trainer has you using a sleep suit or white noise? I would say your baby doesn’t need those things and will get dependent on them. Our baby can nap almost anywhere now because we didn’t use those & she just knows how to sleep on her own. Just a suggestion. Glad you are getting rest and your baby is on their way to good sleep habits! ❤️
Hi Ali!
I’m trying to sleep train my 7 month old, I’ve tried the cry it out method, but she’s a tough girl and will cry for an hour straight. I didn’t know about the pauses so I’ll remember that. How long though is too long to let her cry it out?! Thank you!
I didn’t realize that when babies take a pause when they’re CIO, that they are trying to self soothe. Good to know! Ugh, sleep training is well worth it but it’s so hard to hear them cry. I’m reading this, crying and bouncing my 4 month old to sleep. She too, wakes up from her naps after one sleep cycle so 30-40 min. It’s exhausting. I know it will pass, as it did with my first but it doesn’t ever seem like it will when it’s happening.
Love your blog 🙂 I have a 6 year old and a 7 week old! 🙂 I will be trying sleep training too- I’m kind of the opposite with you though my daughter the 6 year old hardly ever cried and my son cries a ton but he naps maybe in 20-30 mins and if he’s not on me! What time is a good bed time for babies to start sleep training? Also, I have huge anxiety with sids I stare at my son until I fall asleep while he’s sleeping I’m so terrified. My dr said just back to sleep but right now he’s still sleeping in a rock n play. Any advice?
Ali I cannot thank you enough for writing this post. My son is 6 months old and the past week bedtime has been horrible. I have been rocking him to sleep for hours and trying sleep training a little but I didn’t have the strength to follow through. I would start but then feel guilty and sad and pick him up after a few minutes. After reading your post today I knew I had to do it. Tonight I put him to sleep and within 5 minutes he was sleeping and has been sleeping for a few hours now. I can’t believe it! I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I was able to spend some time with my older son and even have a little time for myself. Thank you!
I waited until 13 months to sleep train my first born and had wished I had done it way sooner. I have a 3 1/2 month old and am definitely looking forward to sleep training. I feel like he’s going through a growth spurt or regression right now. I was wondering what you did at night as far as your milk supply since he was no longer nursing at night. Did you/do you have to pump? How long did it take to adjust?
I’ve got a 5 1/2 week old that’s become super needy and fussy. This is new as of a week and a half ago. He is always wanting to be held and fed. Nights are really tough! Thoughts on what you might’ve done differently with your little guy if you could do it all over again? I keep getting told that he’s in a phase and it’ll pass, but I don’t want to be creating bad habits. I’ve also heard that sleep training can’t happen before 4-6 months. Thoughts? Hugs to fellow mamas trying to regain a life and some rest!
Totally normal for a newborn to be like that! Look up the period of purple crying – a developmental phase all babies go through. Honestly the first 6 months are just survival mode and you need to get through it however you can. Remember that you can’t spoil a newborn, just provide whatever comfort you can while they’re still new to the world.
During the day naps. Do you let the light come in thru or do you use black out curtains?
Does Riley use a pacifier? Just curious if the sleep trainer would give that to him when he fussed or just leave him be? We give our little guy his paci, but I’m thinking maybe we need to stop because he’ll start using it as a crutch???
Thanks as always for sharing with us!
How do you do your night routine alone with two kids? I try and get them both ready at the same time then put my 2 year old down first, then my 3 month old cause she needs more attention BUT with that comes a night routine that isn’t very night routineish.
Did she mention what to do if a baby sleeps 12 hours at night but continues to catnap? I have a 4 month son and he wakes up after 30 minutes on the dot. Sigh** Do you let them “figure it out” then too?
Hi thanks so much for writing this post! You are an inspiration to all mom’s out there!! I have a 7yr…and twin boys that just turned 2yrs…I believe our babies were born right around the same month 7-11-16. Anyways just curious on how much does sleep training cost? I nevered sleeped trained my boys and I wished I did…since reading your successful story. Because the twins kept me up all night when they were babies. I don’t miss those sleepless nights. My boys sleep through the night on their own now.I just lay them in their crib…lights out!! Bless you! Can’t wait to read about another blog. ❤😊
Ali, just watched your Instagram stories and LOVE your realness. I have a 3 weeks old and a two year old and it is SO HARD. Reassuring to hear it’s not just me.
I am very happy for Ali that everyone is sleeping better and that sleep training was the right decision for her family. However, while Ali seemed to support both nursing and formula feeding moms, she doesn’t seem to have any admiration for anyone who chooses attachment parenting or those who don’t practice the cry it out method. And I find that very disappointing and disheartening. Because those parents may be sleep deprived and working very hard and giving up time for themselves, and deserve a pat on the back for choosing such a tough road. My children were not cranky all the time like Molly. They were happy babies who always knew their mom was right there for them. And they are still the biggest cuddlers. Most of my friends who did the cry it out method complain that they can only cuddle their kids if they are suck. I have kids who want to cuddle every day. Even Ali’s comment about Jade and her decision on how to take care of her baby is unsupportive. Jade didn’t want extra time watching Netflix…she wanted to cuddle and hold her baby because she will never get those moments back. I don’t love Ali’s “this is what we do and we are right and you should do it too” attitude about certain subjects. Most of her readers can’t afford a sleep trainer. She makes it seem like it’s the easiest thing…the same way she decorated her house with thousands and thousands of dollars worth of furniture. Did she pay for it all herself or was it given to her? Do most of her readers live the same lifestyle as her? This is a budget friendly blog. It just seems inconsistent to me.
While I don’t necessarily agree with sleep training a 4 month old, I also don’t understand where people feel the need to call Ali judgemental. If you don’t agree with sleep training don’t read the blog. Super simple. If I don’t like an outfit Ali posts I skip it lol.
Also I did sleep training to some degree with all 3 of my kids (at older ages)- 2 are huge cuddlers 1 couldn’t care less about giving his moma love. It’s totally personality. Parented all 3 the same and they are all completely different kiddos.
while some of Alis home items are expensive, MANY are reasonably priced. Have you read other celebrity blogs- now some of those are EXPENSIVE! I appreciate Ali posting items at different price points!
Ali I think you are great have followed you since you were in the bachelor. I hate to say this it seems to me you complain all the time about how much your kids don’t sleep. A 5month old sleeping 8 hrs a night let alone 10 to 12 hrs a night is great. It wld be nice to hear positive things about the kids they learned this or that or how great the children are. You sound so negative. I know you don’t mean to I really don’t think your a negative person
What is the point of this post, except t make someone feel bad? Very confused why someone would write this. I don’t get this vibe from Ali at all. I find that she just shares the normal frustrations that moms go through.
Ahhh this all sounds amazing I have a 5 month old and we are really struggling too. So you don’t feed him before that bedtime routine or when do you feed him around that time?
Hey Ali- right before you start your bedtime routine( I believe you start with diaper change)- you would feed him I assume? Where would that be? In the bedroom with lights on? Or would it be in the common area like in the family room or something?
My little guy is an awesome sleeper and we have a routine set up as well but I always feed him at the end of the routine in his room with just small amount of light. When he’s done nursing then he goes to his crib swaddled.
Does she not recommend this to be done last?
Thanks for all your posts!
Ali I think you need to be cautious about putting your perspective onto other moms and vocalizing them. Saying you felt sorry for Jade for having Emmy nap on her was your opinion. Jade has been very clear that she loved those moments with her daughter and because of them and her choices as a mother she feels she has a very close connection with her. Jade made her her choices when it comes to Emmys sleeping arrangements and always precedes any conversation with “this is what worked for us”. She is not looking for anyone to feel sorry for her in the slightest.
You never get the time your children are babies back and many mothers choose to sit and snuggle, cuddle and sleep with them or close to them as long as it works for them. There are so many different ways of raising our children and every mother should do what’s right for them and their children without judgment or pity from others.
Hi Ali!
I hope your day is going better today. Sorry to hear Molly had such a high fever yesterday, I hope she is ok! Anyways, I just love how real you are. You were my favorite bachelorette and I’m so glad to follow along with you in this motherhood journey. It’s not easy!! I have one son, who is 11 weeks old and his name is Walter. I love him to death!! It’s amazing the feeling I get when I see him, I feel like it’s Christmas morning every time he wakes up from a nap and smiles at me. I just wanted to say I feel ya mama, it’s hard but you’re doing SO AMAZING. I too struggle with feeling like myself or having time to myself. It’s hard. I sometimes just cry because I’m so worn out. Anyways, your babes are beyond blessed to have you as their mother. I love how real you keep it in your insta stories with no make up, pj’s and messy bed head!! Too cute. Thank you for being you. I feel less alone when I watch your stories. You help remind me to stop comparing myself to all the “perfection” I see on Insta. You rock! Much love from Rochester, NY.
Erin
I just read through every single comment. With the exception of one comment from someone who was so, so mean, I want to say, I agree with you all. Even the different sides, I agree with you. You’re a good mom and I am a good mom. All of our kids are different…even my two boys are different! We as moms know our kids better than anyone else and there is no one way to do anything as a mom. I wish! Everyone has different life circumstances that will lead to them making different decisions. I never did sleep training. But oh how jealous I have felt of parents who have amazing sleepers! I have also always been super jealous of any parent who tells me they make their child a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch everyday (my son is allergic to peanut butter). But I have found in my almost 8 years as a parent that it is just hard. Period. Ali just posted on Instagram about how being a mom of two is a struggle! Yes! Even with Riley sleeping better it is still hard. It’s always hard for a million different reasons. Our kids are constantly growing and changing and there are new issues and hardships. We all just want to feel like we are doing the best thing for our kids. YOU ARE. No matter what you choose or decide to do in terms of sleep training or not, you will make the best decision for your situation and child. We all just try to do the best we can each day. The struggle is real.
Yes, thank you!! At the end of the day it is each parent’s choice on how we raise our children. We are all just trying to make the best decisions for our children and our families. After reading some of the comments as well, I love this post!
My son is almost 5 months old and went through an early sleep regression at 12 weeks. He also rolled over at 9 weeks in his swaddle and we had to lose that right away. Needless to say, sleep for all of us from 9-12 weeks was brutal!
When he hit that regression and was waking every 45 mins, I thought 12 weeks was way too early to sleep train but one of my friends turned me onto “The Baby Sleep Solution”, which me and my husband read in an afternoon, implemented that night, and he’s slept 12 hours a night ever since. It also walks you through sleep training naps.
SUPER quick and easy read, very digestible information. It’s a “gentle sleep training method”, meaning going in to help soothe every 3-5 mins, which is ideal for younger babies. (But prepare for a long first night). I HIGHY recommend this book/method for anyone looking for an affordable way to go about training and have been shouting it from the rooftops to all my mom friends and family! Ebook and paperback available on Amazon! Truly life changing. Good luck to all!
https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B002GOP9LI&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_qlmYBbVMV1VMN
That’s is awesome that sleep training worked so well for you. My daughter just turned 4 month that and I want to try this on my own. My question is when do you do your last feeding before you put them to bed? Thanks.
I’m assuming the bedtime routine you listed starts right after the night time feeding/nursing session? Is he still drinking 35 oz during the day? And how much milk for the pre-bedtime feeding?
Thank you for sharing this!! Currently struggling with weather we need to sleep train! I son is 5 months old, he puts himself to sleep for most naps (does 3 naps a day), and has no problem falling asleep at night. He even falls asleep himself sometimes. But, he still wakes up to eat (or I guess I should say I’ve been assuming he’s hungry) twice a night. Once he eats he’ll go back to sleep. But I feel like compared to the stories I hear waking up twice and doing great with naps is pretty good! But it’s still not sleeping through the night! Just don’t know if he’s doing well or if we need to do more!
I am definitely one of those people who has a million questions but I will just ask some of them. It seems like my son (5.5 months) is having his shortest nap in the morning and longest nap in the late afternoon. I am a first time mom and am overwhelmed. I struggle when it comes to bedtime! I am rocking him so much that my back is hurting a lot. He wakes up almost every time I put him down which restarts the rocking process and wakes up a couple times before 12am. Then he sleeps until 5-6am which I give him a bottle and struggle to get him back to sleep again. I’ve tried letting him cry for 30minutes and it killed me. I know he needs to sleep more and learn to put himself back to sleep. I just don’t know how to help him succeed.
Ahhhh, thank you for this! My daughter is Molly’s age. We sleep trained her at 4.5 months and she took to it really well (sleeping through after 3 days) even though I fell back on bad habits like nursing to sleep. She still sleeps great. My son is Riley’s age and I’ve been trying the same approach with him and he’s resisting which has made it harder on everyone. I think I needed to read this to re-jig our approach and recommit. Tonight we incorporated some of your tips and our little guy went down without nursing after 10 minutes of off and on fussing/playing in his crib. I have hope! Thanks for taking the time to share your journey. Your babies are lucky to have you.
I think this is great! One of the best/hardest things to do as a mom is know your limits and for me it’s my sleep!!! I have 4 kids our oldest just turned 7 down to 3 months and have trained them all! It was so nice to read this post as I prepare mentally to do it again! Even though it’ll be the 4th time it still helps to know we aren’t alone and the reminder of why we do it is so comforting!! Thanks so much for this post!
Hi Ali!
I love following your blog and think you’re an amazing mother to your sweet babies. We somewhat sleep trained our almost 4 month old a couple weeks ago (we’ve been following babywise since our son was born). It has worked great and he has slept 11-12 hours a night since he was 3 months old. My question is, do you have to change his diaper at all throughout the night? He usually wakes up around 6-7am needing a diaper change (he sleeps 9-9). Just wondering what you do! Thanks so much… loved reading your blog post on sleep training … very similar to what I’ve learned!
I’m curious if anyone has any advice for me. I whole heartily believe in sleep training, did it with my son (3) and daughter (2). I now have another daughter, (turning 1 in two weeks). She shares a room with my 2yo, and rarely sleeps through the night. The reason is, when she wakes, it’s not just a soft, quiet cry, it’s an ear piercing, wake the neighborhood cry. I let it go on for a few minutes, but I don’t want her to wake my 2yo, so I feed her, and she goes back to sleep no problem. But I want that to stop, so do I just let her cry and hope no one else wakes up?
Ali, you are freakin rocking it mama! First off we also sleep trained our son at 4 months and had amazing results. He had colic basically until we did the training. He nursed to sleep until he didn’t..he wasn’t a cuddler and it would take hours to rock him to sleep..we have zero pictures of him sleeping peacefully because he never did. We literally had zero choice. I have friends who post pictures of their babies dozing off to sleep in…high chairs…during diaper changes…on the play rug. Guess what?! These mamas got a sleeper and they most likely won’t need to sleep train! 🙌🏻 If you don’t, you have to teach the skill like the many other skills, limits and acts of love that you will also teach. I am a teacher …it is the first limit of many that you will set, done with love in your child’s best interest. Parenting is a tough gig..not all children are born good sleepers and until you walk in the shoes of another mother you cannot judge. Children are all unique and as they get older doing the right thing in their best interest doesn’t always feel good. I have three degrees and two careers behind me…but nothing prepared me for the sacrifice that is motherhood. It brings you to your knees. Let’s support one another’s decisions and encourage education, especially when people are finding success. Having to sleep train broke my heart…but not as much as the hurtful words of the mother who told me, “babies don’t cry like that” the first time I left the house with my precious colic infant that I had spent two years of infertility praying for. Not to mention my husband and I got an hour back to love each other every night..something that our son needs for his future. We are expecting baby number two, and I love your honest posts. You have a beautiful voice. Keep up the amazing work on all ends 💗
Not to mention I teach middle school..not one concern in a student has ever stemmed rom “that time I sleep trained my kid 12 years ago.” The issues with kids are deep and real..nothing replaces a loving parent. The end ✌️
Do you get up and pump in the middle of the night then to relieve pressure and maintain your supply?
Ali, what do you do about pumping while sleep training? Did you just go without feeding and let your breasts fill up or did you pump at night?
So there’s no real step by step information other than how wonderful iKimberly is..not everyone can get things free by promoting it..wasted my time reading this..
Is it too late to start this with a 1 year old? 😞
Hi Ali,
Love this post! I have a four month old and have been sleep training with my hubby. It’s going well and our little girl is almost sleeping through the night (12hrs). Main issue is that my breasts are so engorged and full, that I wake up and have to express for a few minutes to relieve the pressure. I keep waiting for them to adjust to my baby’s longer sleeps but they don’t seem to be. Any tips on managing your abundant milk supply as your baby sleeps more at night? Hope you do 🙂
I sleep trained my middle child at 9 months and she’s seriously the best sleeper ever! I have a baby boy born 5/19(ironically had the SAME exact birth stars as Riley) and I’m ready to do it with him. Was Riley sleeping in your room prior to sleep training? My May baby is in a mini crib in our room and I’m wondering if it would be better to switch him to his room and let him get used to it for a week or two before sleep training.
Any advice on what you did with Molly while Riley was crying it out? We’ve got a 2 year old and the baby…sleep training with the first saved us! But I am worried or unsure of what we can do to help keep my two year old asleep through it all- always been an awesome sleeper. Any advice on what y’all did would be awesome?! Maybe a night or two at the grandparents would help haha
Finally had a chance to read your blog.
Quick question, when (in relation to bed time) and where do you do your last feed?
Currently I am doing it in the nursery, lights dim, diaper changed, sleep sack on. My 6 month old falls asleep and I put him in the crib. He will then sleep for anywhere between 6 to 11 hours but it’s not consistent (mostly not consistent).
That final feed is throwing me off after reading your post because he is not awake when I put him down.
Thanks for your time Ali ❤️
I’m so happy to hear that sleep training has been so successful for you and so many tired parents out there! I have an (almost) 5 month old who I have been attempting to sleep train for 22 nights. She still cries anywhere from 10 mins to 60 mins every night before falling asleep. The pitch of her cries has changed, but it’s still heartbreaking to listen to night after night. We have the same routine and have been so disciplined. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I have wanted to give up so many times but keep holding onto hope that eventually this is going to work like everyone tells me!
So although sleep would be awesome, I keep reminding myself that i am so fortunate to have a beautiful healthy baby. I’ll sleep eventually 🙂
On a separate note, I want to say I enjoy reading your posts. You are real… raw… and vulnerable. It’s exactly what so many women need! xo
When do you feed Riley his last bottle/nursing session? Our bedtime routine right now includes a bottle and our 5.5 month old will fall asleep after drinking it. Because of this, she is not awake when we put her in her crib.
Hey! My son is 4.5 months and still wakes between 2-3 times a night. Puts himself to sleep though but hasn’t gotten to the long slee stretches yet. He’s also a chunk and weighs 18 pounds and is 28 inches long. He’s big. Wears 12 month clothes already! We’re going to his 4 month appointment tomorrow and I’m hoping to get the ok to cut out some night time feedings too and crossing my fingers to start solids! (I’m making my own baby food this time around and I love it!)
Anyway. Quick question. What nighttime diapers do you use? We tried cloth and he leaked through, pampers baby dry (we go through 2/3 a night), and Costco brand and honest company night time diapers. All have failed us. Tonight is our first night of Huggies so hoping for positive results! Just hoping for some advice from an also high 90 percentile babies. Thanks!
Ali, you may have answered this already but how did you handle Molly when sleep training Riley- I.e when he cried? Did it wake her? Does she sleep away from his room, etc? Wanting to sleep train my 2nd but so worried about disrupting my first!
Thanks 🙏🏻
Thank you so much for this blog post. I am literally reading it right now as comfort in night one of sleep training. We’re about 45 minutes again and he’s still crying but the short pauses are getting more frequent so I think he’s getting there. It’s so hard but I know it works. Like you, I waited too long to sleep train my 2 year old. We did it around 7 months and it changed our world. I can hardly wait to get my son sleeping and get our life back. My husband and I need some time together. Haha. Thanks so much again for this post. It is keeping me from a break down tonight.
How many weeks old was Riley when you started sleep training?
Did you guys use a paci with Riley?? I have a 3 1/2 mo old who will use me as a human paci if I don’t give him one 😬
I didn’t want to… but I wasn’t sleeping at all. But I want to break him of it because he wakes the moment it falls out.
I didn’t know if she said anything about paci use. Thanks!!
Your babies are precious and I love your honesty with all you write. Makes us mommas feel sane 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing this. My kids ages are very close to the same ages as yours. I started sleep training my son right after you blogged about sleep training with Molly. I have a 4 month old daughter now and will start sleep training her soon. This blog helped me to remember all the sleep training tips and techniques. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this post! I really relate to your parenting style and struggles! You paint a REALISTIC picture of life with children and it really helps me get through my day as a stay at home mom. I’m still working on sleep training my 1 year old. Night sleep is going great but day sleep is hit or miss. What are some tips for naps? My son wakes up at the 30 min mark alot and won’t go back down!
Holy cow you have a lot of comments haha! That’s amazing!
I have a 4.5 month old son and just started sleep training. Can you tell me about your sons schedule for naps feeding etc? I’m still trying things out but would love any tips to make it go more smoothly!
Thank you for sharing Ali. We have a 2 month old and this will be very helpful for when we sleep train. Did Kimberly say anything about babies that like to have a pacifier to sooth to sleep and getting over that? Thank you!
How long did Riley cry when you sleep trained him? Currently trying to sleep train my 4 month old and i feel so terrible letting him cry 😩.. so hard!!
I need sleep. My baby is 3 months old and i think it’s time to start sleep training. It’s just so hard to listen to your baby cry. Ugh! I feel so lost and never really sure what to do bc i definitely think with my emotions.
Hi Ali! I have shared your first sleeping training post with Molly with multiple friends and it has changed their lives!
I slept trained my first kiddo at four months. It was one night and then he was great (he’s three now).
My baby (6 months) is insane! The happiest baby but the worst sleeper!!! We tried sleep training at four months and he cried for over an hour and still woke up two hours later. It has been very challenging and we have not slept in six months. I feel so dumb saying that because I never thought I’d be this mom. I never thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep train my baby. But your post spoke to me. I cherish every moment with both kids but hate missing time with my older son and also just be so tired all the time!
Thank you I’m committing to try sleep training again.
Lauren
I just want to say that your post gave me the needed confidence to go ahead and sleep train our 4.5 month old. I kept questioning if it was too early even though I knew my sweet boy and I both were not getting the sleep we deserved. By night number two he got the most sleep he’s ever had and was already in a much better mood. Thank you for sharing your experience!!